The whole notion of a “British Commonwealth” was supposedly just a cutesy, historic relic to rake in tourism dollars for everyone, and to allow England to pretend it’s still important, right? Well that may have been the situation at, say, 7:30 a.m. on September 11, 2001, but only a couple hours later the world changed, and terrorism was invented. And now the Britons have learned that one of its commonwealth islands, Bermuda, got drunk last night and accepted four of the seventeen Uighurs from Guantanamo Bay, without asking the Queen’s permission, in an obvious Security Risk. Time to bring in the Lobsterbacks, to slaughter Bermuda into submission. MORE »

ANNNNND HE’S OUT: Michael Martin just became the first Speaker of the House of Commons since uh SIXTEEN HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIVE to be forced out of office. Now Parliamentarians will have to go back to paying for their own goddamned moat-cleaning or else Barack Obama will nominate them all for Commerce Secretary. [GlobalPost]

This is sort of shocking, honestly — who would have thought that a guy who’s so great at throwing fancy dinner parties and entertaining guests would be such a shitty gift-giver? President Obama gave British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a set of 25 great American films on his recent visit to the US, whereas Brown gave Obama a pen, for heaven’s sake, and a book. Millions of Britons are appalled at this asymmetry of gifts. Why must Barack Obama crap all over our “special relationship” with Britain, &c. &c? [Daily Mail]

George W. Bush, that guy who dances sometimes and gave up golf for the troops, is spending the waning days of his presidency touring the world and bumming out millions of foreigners every day. About a week and a half ago, it was Great Britain’s turn to be wildly inconvenienced by the American President. MORE »

John Derbyshire, known for his keen interest in adolescent girls and for mentioning, quite often, that he is English, has a few thoughts on this whole British sailor mess: MORE »

15 members of the British navy are still being held by Iran, who says they’d encroached (500 yards) into Iranian waters. Britain, meanwhile, has a series of very detailed charts that suggest otherwise. Accordingly, the UK will “freeze all bilateral business with Iran.” MORE »

• Foley’s replacement on the GOP ticket in Florida has never even heard of himself. [TPMMuckraker]

• It wasn’t just teenage boys. Mark Foley also liked to “cut open illegal Ecuadorian immigrants and fuck their still pumping aortas.” [Rude Pundit]
• Democrats send out email blast about Foley without even blog-level fact checking. [Washington Wire]
• Ben Stein calls Democrats pedophile-enablers. [Hit & Run]
• Supreme court upholds Texas ban on dildos; loophole exists if they’re used for, “legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose .” [Pandagon]
• Is Pennsylvania Congressional candidate Don Sherwood gonna have to choke a bitch? [YouTube]
• Ah, Britain — where paging a terrorist to remind him to board a plane is still considered funny, not a felony. [YouTube]
• How will Iraq, sex scandals, and the economy affect the midterm election? Just watch the share price — if anybody can see the future it’s coked-up Wall Street gambling addicts. [Tradesports]
• In Gonzales’ Justice Department, anything goes. Seriously, margaritas at lunch and Friday’s No-Pants day. [Above the Law]
• “Funny” Mark Foley t-shirts. [Spreadshirt, CafePress]

Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales on Monday ordered a side-by-side review of American and British counterterrorism laws as a first step toward determining whether further changes in American law are warranted.

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Michael Chertoff, pretending he had anything to do with work of British police: MORE »

We’re lucky when we hear vague tales of hookers behind closed doors around here. Across the pond, their neo-Fascists star in Marxist gay porn. MORE »