Tag Archives: great big depression

  our flourishing economy

Recession Makes Americans Kill Pets, Quit Having Kids

Not that you’d notice from the 40 million unemployed “workers” in this country, or the way all the houses in your neighborhood are being abandoned by night, or the miles of empty strip malls on the edge of every doomed American town, but experts in New York and Washington (the only two thriving cities in America, hah!) now say we may be “returning” to the Great Recession because the “recovery” has stalled. Oh noes. We have another theory that’s not very controversial, when you consider the almost daily “downgrades” of previously reported economic figures from the past several quarters: We never got out of recession, and we never will. Also, record numbers of cute puppies are being euthanized at American animal shelters! Read more on Recession Makes Americans Kill Pets, Quit Having Kids…
  our flourishing economy

Depression Continues, Stocks Back To 1997

Yes, sure, a stock index is not an exact reflection of the economy — the market is usually about six months ahead of what’s actually happening, which is why unemployment can take so long to catch up with a sell-off, which is why the continued plunge of ALL major stock indices (worldwide!) is, um, terrifying? Read more on Depression Continues, Stocks Back To 1997…
  handouts

Hire Me Obi-Wan Obama, You Are My Only Hope

It was only a matter of time before liberal blog The Daily Kos switched from documenting Obama’s campaign and election to begging him for jobs. Kos blogger “mjgl” (“liberal” in Klingon) wants the new President to know that “mjgl” has always loved those picture books about the Great Depression, so maybe, uhm, a little sumthin’ sumthin’ for “mjgl” would be good, from Obama, so that “mjgl” could also take pictures of the Great Depression we’re having right now! Read more on Hire Me Obi-Wan Obama, You Are My Only Hope…
  okay okay we capitulate

Plunging Stock Markets Now Officially Terrifying

Did you hear about the stock market? It’s now at a 10-year low, again, hooray! And the news just keeps getting worse, every fucking day. And maybe it just continues to get worse, every fucking day, until … who knows, 2015? And then another terrible recession-within-the-depression recession in, say, 2017? And then we are finally pulled out by the war against the Space Monsters, which kills off most of Earth’s population but does, at least, revive manufacturing. (Which is done by robots.) Read more on Plunging Stock Markets Now Officially Terrifying…
  our tacky heritage

Depression-Era Blingee Discovered

To illustrate some op-ed about Ferdinand Pecora — the brave New York prosecutor of financial fraudsters who did some congressional hearing at the end of Hoover’s presidency — the New York Times dug up this ancient Blingee. There is no explanation for this bizarre old-timey example of a blinged-out spliff-smokin’ Hero of the Depression, and the bland Associated Press photo credit only adds to the Mystery. UPDATE: Oh, this is intended to be art, by an artist. So a blingee that doesn’t move is now considered Art, the end. [NYT via Wonkette tipster Daisy Chain] Read more on Depression-Era Blingee Discovered…
  our flourishing economy

America Will Become Quaint Haggling Marketplace

Ever go to a quaint marketplace in Mexico or Morocco or maybe some flea market in a sports arena parking lot on Sunday morning and haggle over the myriad gewgaws? That is what shopping in America will be like, next year! Or maybe right now. With 148,000 retail store closures in 2008 and another 73,000 predicted for the first few months of 2009, some 20% of all American shops will be gone. And the ones that remain will basically give you whatever you want for whatever coins in your purse. Read more on America Will Become Quaint Haggling Marketplace…
  war on christmas past

A Children’s Treasury of Dumb Quotes About Dismal Holiday Sales

Congratulations, the War on Xmas is over. And guess who lost? Christmas! And the economy. Especially the economy. Looks like all the 70%-off sales in the world can’t squeeze money out of people with no money and no credit. It’s almost as if Santa left a lump of shit coal for U.S. Retailers! How many other variations of Seasonal Cliche can we squeeze out of American journalists and economists? Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Dumb Quotes About Dismal Holiday Sales…
  oh this should work out well

Fed Slashes U.S. Interest Rate To Basically Zero

Wasn’t the Fed supposed to cut rates in half today, from 1 percent to 0.5 percent? Well, that wasn’t good enough, for this failed economy and economic system. So now it’s “near zero,” which means “zero.” Just like Japan tried for years and years, to no effect! The Federal Reserve Bank is now out of “traditional ammunition,” according to almost-president Barack Obama, and your government is now printing money at an insane pace, and then banks are taking this money and immediately buying U.S. Treasury bonds, because nothing else is safe, and that is pretty much the end of this particular feedback loop. Read more on Fed Slashes U.S. Interest Rate To Basically Zero…
  hooray!

A Festivus Miracle: No Fannie/Freddie Foreclosures! (Until January 9)

So, uh, the economy doesn’t seem to be doing much, uh, better. The S&P 500 is back down to 1997 levels. 1997! Everybody’s losing their jobs, if they still have jobs. Some are suggesting it will not even be a Merry Christmas, and that the real (Muslim) Jesus is sort of getting a kick out of all this. But do not worry, because some of you will evade foreclosure until January 9. Christmas is back! Read more on A Festivus Miracle: No Fannie/Freddie Foreclosures! (Until January 9)…
  the hajj

4 Million Obama Nuts To Be Slaughtered in DC

The January 20 four-million Obamatard march, otherwise known as “Inauguration Day,” will combine the fun of being stranded outside during an ice storm with the excitement of being killed by the homeless or maybe the Army as Barack Obama is safely sworn in at a secure, warm location with plenty of fancy food and cocktails. And because it’s all happening in Washington, D.C., you can bet the public services and coordination will be top-notch! Read more on 4 Million Obama Nuts To Be Slaughtered in DC…
  crying time

Happy Official U.S. Recession Day, Losers!

Not that you’d know it from the collapse of real estate, manufacturing, finance, retail and basic employment, but America is now officially in a Recession! In the third quarter of this wretched year of Our Lord — which doesn’t even include the 1929-style stock market collapse this month — the economy shrunk by .03%. Not outrageously terrible, as the never-ever-correct people known as economists predicted a half-percent contraction, but it’s still the worse since Our Terrorized Quarter of 9/11. Never forget! Read more on Happy Official U.S. Recession Day, Losers!…