Alaska Senator Ted Stevens is as ancient and snowy white as the craggy glaciers his people farm in the Land of the Midnight Sun. And despite the fact that he is 1,000 years old and knows nothing about the Internet and is under investigation for graft, he has boldly decided to run for re-election, again. MORE »

This week we’ve learned that some NASA dork sabotaged a computer bound for the International Space Station, another NASA crook stole $150,000 from the space agency, and that the astronuts at NASA have repeatedly piloted the space shuttles while drunk — which may explain why 40% of the shuttles have crashed. And we learned all of this before today’s NASA press conference about all the whacked-out shit NASA has been doing instead of sending spaceships to other planets so we can escape this world before the aliens attack. MORE »