Here’s a preview of former Illinois Gov. “Rod” Blagojevich on tonight’s episode of the David Letterman show. This may have been a step too far for Blago — in case you forgot, he has a real trial coming up, for “criminal” charges — because Letterman at 89 years old is still rather deft at asking certain folks, in the most awkward of ways, why they would appear on his show with 2-ton bindles of bullshit slung over their shoulders. [YouTube]

Hey look it’s wacky Terry McAuliffe’s first ad for governor of Virginia, the first of the 2009 season! It aired during the Super Bowl in select Virginia markets (”Hell”). Basically he tells Virginia that if he wins, then Hillary Clinton will stage a big primary comeback in Puerto Rico and we’ll all get wasted. [Terry McAuliffe, Washington Post]

Well this is surreal! What a waste of time and taxpayer money this Illinois Senate impeachment trial is, just rehashing comical two-month old quotes from the teevee news. Apparently they played the actual recordings of Blago’s famously profane Senate seat auction, though, and you can listen to them here. He has the voice of an angel. [Chicago Tribune]

RACISTS IMPEACH BLAGO: “SPRINGFIELD—In a historic vote, the Illinois House has impeached Gov. Rod Blagojevich, directing the Senate to put the state’s 40th chief executive on trial with the goal of removing him from office. The vote by the House was 114-1 and marks the first time in the state’s 190-year history that a governor has been impeached…” Well this is just terrible news, isn’t it. But what’s this now? “A spokesman for the governor said he won’t resign.” Hooray! [Chicago Breaking News]

Can Virginia’s favorite horse-torture fetishist and wacky hair goblin, Gov. Tim Kaine, heal America’s Democrats after the long Clinton-Obama primary battle? No, no one can. That is known. But he can do other stuff, like expand the Democrats’ electoral map (FAP FAP FAP) as the new head of the DNC, which he now is. Hooray for this new DNC head, “Tim.” For more on the important political implications of this selection, be sure to read Chris Cillizza’s latest “Fix” — obtaining access to large e-mail lists is truly the only thing that matters in politics anymore! [WP/The Fix]

Blago, he’s good today. He set up this press conference to announce his surprise Senate pick, and here he is, dressed to the nines, punctual, grinning, even rattling off a few well-turned sentences in Mexican. He knows he’s politically outmaneuvered Harry Reid, which is perhaps the easiest achievement known to man, but still: “Blagojevich’s news conference came less than an hour after U.S. Senate Democratic leadership issued a statement saying the Senate will not seat anyone the governor chooses to fill Illinois’ vacant Senate post.” O RLY, Democratic leadership? You’re going to REFUSE this nice, experienced, elderly black gentleman a legally valid seat in the Senate? Ha ha, no you won’t! MORE »

Rod Blagojevich, the fifth Beatle, was arrested just three days ago for being a comical idiot who got caught on tape swearing his face off while plotting to sell Barack Obama’s vacated Illinois Senate seat. But he’s not letting anything like an arrest and national humiliation get him down, oh no! He is upbeat and positive about, uh, ignoring all the polls that say he should resign, because a terribly disgraced and effectively powerless governor has many important things to attend to — things he cannot possibly hope to affect in the slightest! MORE »

Well, we had to do this post at some point (not really!). Thank you to The Smoking Gun for providing this juicy excerpt from the FBI’s affadavit re: the various stupid crimes of Illinois Governor Rod “Blaggy” Blagojevich in his attempt to sell a United States Senate seat for a cushy job, a cushy job for his wife, or just some cold motherfuckin’ cash, preferably from Warren Buffett, who has lots of it. MORE »

It seems DADDY over there in the Senate wants to give “the people” the right to fill Obama’s Senate seat, which would be a vulgar trashing of the Constitution, taking the choice away from the potty-mouth arrested governor who is on tape trying to sell it, for money, and what not. MORE »

Ha, we all had a general idea about the atmospherics of “Chicago politics” — various scenarios involving sludge and trades and wires and smoke and $$$ come to mind, all smelling like dry air and farts — but when it invades Real America’s national news, all we want to do is cry! It’s like they all have old scores to settle with the old bosses back in Sicily. The point is: Rahm Emanuel possibly ratted out ol’ Blaggy to the Feds shortly after Blaggy asked him if he’d like to partake in any harmless high-level political corruption. That Rahm, always with the knives! Jesus, Chicago. What Chicago needs more of is Michael Jordan. [ThinkProgress]

Loveable Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has opened his fat trap yet again, this time on a hot mic, to celebrate the selection of Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. He tells a friend that she’ll do well because she’s a fucking unmarried childless loser: “Janet’s perfect for that job. Because for that job, you have to have no life. Janet has no family. Perfect. She can devote, literally, 19, 20 hours a day to it.” Because what the hell else does she have to do, cry all day like a baby, which, again, she’s never had? Does she even have one friend, anywhere?? Also: what is this “thing” that Campbell Brown is doing now, “Cutting Through The Bull.” CNN has no business Dobbsifying this nice lady. [YouTube, Philly Inquirer]

Barack Obama and his nutball friend Joe Biden attended a meeting of the National Governors Association today, which is very similar to the recent Republican Governors Association meeting except for the part in which every speaker calls the Democrats a bunch of fags multiple times. Joe Biden delivered some prepared remarks, and included in these was a nice shoutout to the third-grader from an Alaskan elementary school sitting in the back row: “And Governor Palin, your being here today sends a powerful message that when campaigns end, we are all partners in progress. Thank you.” Ha ha, as if wacky Joe Biden would actually say something so lame. He went so off-script here. MORE »

Handjobs. Handjobs for everyone. [New York Times]