Wonkette

David Paterson got off to a hot start to his hours-long New York governorship tonight by telling the New York Daily News that he had an affair with a lady for years. But how could he even know what he was doing — maybe he thought he was meeting Eliot Spitzer at a T.G.I. Friday’s, and couldn’t tell the difference? Well, he confessed, so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he is not making up this affair. What points will you need for cocktail hour this morning at your job? MORE »

According to a press release, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt has made the first big move in the Penthouse-Hustler bidding war for Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s nudie shots — $1 million dollars. “We think this is an item that is going to stay in the news for some time,” Flynt said. “We think it’s not bad for a 22-year-old to make $1 million for a few hours work. It beats what she was making at the escort service.” Ashley should take this. Take it! Takey takey takey take! Think of all the rent checks this could pay! But remember to save some for taxes, because you will have to pay those now.

Four bucks says these two friends of “Kristen,” the “high-priced call girl” that made wondrous Love to Eliot Spitzer, will both get multi-billion dollar record contracts within a week. Will these two and “Kristen” become the new Black-Eyed Peas, since they are also a team of boys and girls that make by-the-numbers hip hop? Maybe if Barack Obama is president. [MSNBC]

From Marketing Magazine: “To promote its dedication to a more personalized approach to customer care, Virgin will run a full-page ad this week in Metro and 24 commuter dailies in Toronto featuring the now-former Governor Spitzer with a thought bubble above his head that reads: ‘I’m tired of being treated like a number.’” Aww, daddy’s had enough of the strap-on? [Marketing Mag via Dealbreaker]

Hey look, it’s past 5 o’clock, and it’s this editor’s birthday! To fête myself, here is more footage of Eliot Spitzer’s doppelganger, or his secret, face-sucking self. Thanks to commenter loquaciousmusic for digging this up. YipYipYipYipYip. [YouTube]

See the sad wife’s face. See her marriage, her family, crumble. Is this why she is mad? Maybe that is a small aspect of it, but maybe she just wanted to be the First New York Lady for a while longer. According to the New York Times, “In the two days since news of Mr. Spitzer’s involvement in the prostitution ring surfaced, he has been engaged in an intense legal and family debate about whether to resign or, as aides said his wife was urging, to stay on.” Think of all the fine minks and Scottish smoked salmons that a First New York Lady must have! Now it’s back to TJ Maxx and Philadelphia “smoked salmon cream cheese” (a.k.a. Alcohol and Cougar McCain Pills). [NYT]

Here’s our friendly New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigning, with his wife, who still really doesn’t want to be there. Uh, did she read Dina McGreevey’s NYT column this morning? She gave all victimized political wives the right to not stand next to their husbands. Maybe Silda just wanted to make him look like more of a wretch, and she did a good job of that.

But he just wanted to get laid! By a hooker! For $4,300 billion! And now he’s resigning, effective next Monday for some strange reason. What is this, Gay France? [NYP]

Busted Tees has already plugged these new words into what we assume to be a standard template of theirs. Buy one today, before people forget about this scandal in four days! And if you see people wearing these, maybe punch them. [Busted Tees]

Wonkette Muppet operative “Scott” writes: “Doesn’t Gov. Spitzer resemble the “Ohhhhhh! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! YipYipYipYipYipYipYip” alien from Sesame Street?” Scott is 100% true, or at the very least, he is stoned. Spitzer is this stupid Phone Muppet, and you must play this mp3 with it. Only then will you understand why Hillary Clinton is so terrible.

Hey now, who’s that in the picture? That’s Governor of Prostitutes Eliot Spitzer with his wife, Silda Wall, on the cover of 02138, “the lifestyle magazine for Harvard influentials.” They graced the “Power Couples” cover once in the past, in the dreaded Winter 2007 issue. They both graduated from Harvard, you see, making them “Harvard influentials,” like Wonkette associate editor Sara K. Smith. But Sara K. Smith does not have sex with prostitutes. [02138; photo by Jake Chessum, Capsule Studio, New York]

According to the latest NY Times piece of hero-journalism: “Top aides to Gov. Eliot Spitzer said Tuesday morning that they expect the governor to resign his office, although the timing of the resignation remains uncertain. Lt. Gov. David A. Paterson and his staff have begun laying the groundwork for him to take over as governor and are reaching out to members of the Legislature, the aides said.” But does this Paterson galoot have an account set up with Emperor’s Club VIP yet, and how many Whore Diamonds can he afford? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS that the “members of the Legislature” want to know. [NYT]

PECULIAR. Google “ny state” and it says that Lt. Gov. David Paterson is already Gov. David Paterson, although the New York State website still says otherwise. Has this schlemiel Spitzer already resigned, and only the Google knows? Actually, that would make a lot of sense, this crazy modern life and what not.