Some student at the Univeristy of Alaska-Fairbanks has built a Lego replica of one of the campus' buildings, and here he depicts Alaska's hot governor Sarah Palin attending the groundbreaking. She's even hotter as a freakish piece of plastic. [Ty Keltner, News-Miner]
Yoiks! Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, the woman who could be president someday if she weren't a secret Canadian, has undergone emergency surgery to remove "a bowel obstruction." We don't know much about bowel obstructions except that labrador retrievers get them when they eat pantyhose. The governor's problem seems to stem from a 1993 car accident. But what will this mean for Michigan's Democratic delegate mess?
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Ding ding ding, the bun's out of the oven! "America's Hottest Governor" and the one and only GILF of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has delivered her fifth child and second son! Here is the statement from the Governor's office about their new boy, which they have awkwardly named Trig Paxson Van Palin. "Trig is beautiful and already adored by us. We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives. We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed." Congrats to Sarah, her husband, and Trigger Von Bill Paxton Palin. Enjoy making No. 6, Mr. Palin! [Alaska Report]
WYOMING GOVERNOR CHOOSES OBAMA OVER RACE & GENDER: Wyoming Governor Dave Freudenthal, a former Clinton appointee, has endorsed Barack Obama. Barack Obama may or may not have promised to deliver the state's first escalator and potentially electricity. [AP/WP]
New York's ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer and current Governor David Paterson have brought the state two scandal-friendly governors in only the last few weeks. New Jersey, on the other hand, has not had any hilarious sex governors since James McGreevey, a homosexual, resigned at T.G.I. Friday's in 2004. They are jealous of New York's sudden lead and are considering recalling Governor Jon Corzine. Not that he has had any T.G.I. Friday's gay sex prostitution scandals. He just has that aura of need-to-leave, you see. [KYW]
Anibal Acevedo Vila, the "governor" of Puerto Rico (the island, not the New York City), has been indicted by U.S. authorities for "18 counts in a long-running campaign finance probe." Apparently this is one of those things that the United States runs in Puerto Rico, the home of the third-to-last Democratic primary/caucus on June 3. Another 12 officials — all members of the "Popular Democratic Party" — have been charged along with the governor and are "accused of running a conspiracy to illegally raise money to pay off Acevedo's campaign debts in 2000." Christ, if that's the case, we better put the whole FBI/CIA/DOJ/DOD/NBA on these sick motherfuckers, and then have a Surge. [AP/Google]
David Paterson got off to a hot start to his hours-long New York governorship tonight by telling the New York Daily News that he had an affair with a lady for years. But how could he even know what he was doing — maybe he thought he was meeting Eliot Spitzer at a T.G.I. Friday's, and couldn't tell the difference? Well, he confessed, so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he is not making up this affair. What points will you need for cocktail hour this morning at your job?
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According to a press release, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt has made the first big move in the Penthouse-Hustler bidding war for Ashley Alexandra Dupre's nudie shots — $1 million dollars. "We think this is an item that is going to stay in the news for some time," Flynt said. "We think it's not bad for a 22-year-old to make $1 million for a few hours work. It beats what she was making at the escort service." Ashley should take this. Take it! Takey takey takey take! Think of all the rent checks this could pay! But remember to save some for taxes, because you will have to pay those now.
From Marketing Magazine: "To promote its dedication to a more personalized approach to customer care, Virgin will run a full-page ad this week in Metro and 24 commuter dailies in Toronto featuring the now-former Governor Spitzer with a thought bubble above his head that reads: 'I'm tired of being treated like a number.'" Aww, daddy's had enough of the strap-on? [Marketing Mag via Dealbreaker]
See the sad wife's face. See her marriage, her family, crumble. Is this why she is mad? Maybe that is a small aspect of it, but maybe she just wanted to be the First New York Lady for a while longer. According to the New York Times, "In the two days since news of Mr. Spitzer's involvement in the prostitution ring surfaced, he has been engaged in an intense legal and family debate about whether to resign or, as aides said his wife was urging, to stay on." Think of all the fine minks and Scottish smoked salmons that a First New York Lady must have! Now it's back to TJ Maxx and Philadelphia "smoked salmon cream cheese" (a.k.a. Alcohol and Cougar McCain Pills). [NYT]
Busted Tees has already plugged these new words into what we assume to be a standard template of theirs. Buy one today, before people forget about this scandal in four days! And if you see people wearing these, maybe punch them. [Busted Tees]
Wonkette Muppet operative "Scott" writes: "Doesn't Gov. Spitzer resemble the "Ohhhhhh! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! YipYipYipYipYipYipYip" alien from Sesame Street?" Scott is 100% true, or at the very least, he is stoned. Spitzer is this stupid Phone Muppet, and you must play this mp3 with it. Only then will you understand why Hillary Clinton is so terrible.
Hey now, who's that in the picture? That's Governor of Prostitutes Eliot Spitzer with his wife, Silda Wall, on the cover of 02138, "the lifestyle magazine for Harvard influentials." They graced the "Power Couples" cover once in the past, in the dreaded Winter 2007 issue. They both graduated from Harvard, you see, making them "Harvard influentials," like Wonkette associate editor Sara K. Smith. But Sara K. Smith does not have sex with prostitutes. [02138; photo by Jake Chessum, Capsule Studio, New York]
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