governor
Jerry Brown Toilet-Talks Rick Perry: Your Anti-Cali Ad Is ‘Barely A Fart’
Rick Perry’s got a plan, y’all! An eeeevil plan, based on stealing all the businesses out of California and bringing them to Texas — because hell, you can do whatever you want in Texas! (Except have decent textbooks.) Rick is obviously aiming to be the Mexico-adjacent-Mexico inside the US for all of businesses everywhere — [...]
Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management
As Click & Clack will tell you, it’s the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it’s as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge when it came to building levees and other flood control for his state! Here is a [...]
Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!
Oh happy day! We awake to the joyous tidings that former governor Mark Sanford (R-Appalachian Trail) and his lady love, that chick he was flying off to South America to bang, have sealed their passions with an engagement! It’s like a fairy tale, you guys! The [Argentine] paper [Clarin] said Sanford arrived early at the [...]
Real Househusband Tareq Salahi’s Next ‘Journey’: The Virginia Governor’s Mansion
Hahaha, get it? Get it? Because douchey White House party crasher Tareq Salahi’s douchey wife disappeared for a while and instead of offering up a prayer of gratitude like a normal person would, he was all OH NOEZ MY WIFE IS BEEN KIDNAPPED, but she was just cold hidin’ out and banging some dude from [...]
Orange County Nazis Threaten To Kill Jerry Brown
Southern California Nazis or whatever have painted graffiti in the Orange County town of Santa Ana informing new (again) Governor Jerry Brown that they will kill him next month. One message says “We’re gonna kill Gov. Brown 2/14/11″ and the other says “26 more days 4 Brown” and has a swastika instead of, we guess, [...]
Carl Paladino’s Gay Nephew Quits Thriving Paladino Furry Campaign
Carl Paladino likes to point to his gay nephew, Jeff Hannon, as evidence that he’s no homophobe. That’s funny, because Jeff Hannon seems to think Carl Paladino is a homophobe, as the 23-year-old has stopped showing up to work at the Paladino campaign. This is according to the New York Post, which also wants you [...]
Racist Monster Carl Paladino Almost Punches New York Reporter in the Face
Carl Paladino is not getting along with the newspapermen and women who comprise America’s distinguished Press Corps. Why is this? Did these humorless reporters not enjoy the pictures of Barack Obama eating fried chicken-flavored watermelon, the ones Paladino forwarded to them, Subject: “LOL! I’m RACIST”? Apparently not, and to make matters worse, Paladino almost beat [...]
Bill Clinton Endorses Meg Whitman, Is Having Affair With Gennifer Flowers
Not all of Meg Whitman’s ads are about how much she loves Mexicans. Some of them are about how Bill Clinton hates Jerry Brown and thinks Gloria Estefan is a goddess of the stage. Elect Meg Whitman, California, and you will have four more years of Zubaz. [Weigel]
Basil Marceaux’s Exploiters Staged a Debate, and It Made Lincoln-Douglas Look Like a Conversation Between Two Retarded Baby Pandas
THERE HAVE BEEN GREAT MOMENTS IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN RHETORIC. Yet there has been only one occasion of pure, unadulterated genius. That’s what happened last night: a debate staged between the Internet’s favorite Tennessee gubernatorial candidate, Basil Marceaux, and two other crazies.
The Basil Marceaux Has Become SELF-AWARE, Is No Longer That Fun
Since we introduced you to your 2010 election boyfriend, Basil Marceaux, the man and his opposition to traffic-stop slavery have achieved virulence here on the Internets. Basil’s infamous local news broadcast introduction to voters has shown up and been laughed about on teevee shows as well. But the problem is that, despite his seeming avoidance [...]
Tom Tancredo Running To Be John Elway of Colorado Government
After threatening hilariously last week, former Republican presidential candidate and very current birther / Muslin-hater Tom Tancredo has finally announced that he is indeed running for governor of Colorado, home of mile-high testicle oysters and the Broncos foot ball équipe. Tancredo is not contesting the Republican nomination, however, as he seems afraid to lose. Instead [...]
One of Basil Marceaux’s Leading Opponents, Zach Wamp, Would Like To Secede Maybe
Congressman Zach Wamp is locked in a three-way battle for the Republican nomination for Tennessee governor (though it will ultimately go to a fourth candidate, Basil Marceaux), and so to give himself an edge he has resorted to the best talking point ever (after traffic-stop slavery emancipation), hinting that he maybe would like to secede [...]
‘Crazy Man James’ Is Heating Up Basil Marceaux’s Gubernatorial Race
Tips have been streaming in today to find “America’s Next Top Basil Marceaux,” and it appears the most worthy contestant just happens to be running against Basil Marceaux himself. “Crazy Man” James Reesor, as he calls himself, is an independent candidate for governor of Tennessee. And he actually has pretty good grammar and is sort [...]
Basil Marceaux Is Your New, Even Better Ernest J. Pagels, Jr.
When our friend Ernest J. Pagels, Jr., dropped out of his race for Senate earlier this week, we didn’t know if we could ever love again. But you know what? The universe works in mysterious ways. It started with a simple e-mail subject line in our tips inbox: “It’s okay to laugh at the mentally [...]
Dumb Minnesotans Want ‘Good Schools’ Instead of Bags of Money Apparently
Oooh, it’s her SECOND ad! This is a major event! Yes, Margaret Anderson Kelliher is the Democratic (“DFL” in Minnesota’s Canadian speak) endorsed candidate for governor of Minnesota, and as you can see from this ad, she is running against Tim Pawlenty, future president of us all. Except Tim Pawlenty is not running for governor, [...]
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