Tag Archives: governor

  WSPR

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Aaron Schock will no longer be in Congress but is yes longer be in trouble with the Feds, Barack Obama thinks everyone should be required to vote for some reason, and Maine Gov. Paul LePage is pretty sure that Stephen King, who lives in Maine, doesn’t live in Maine. Missed last week’s Report? That’s because we didn’t do one and instead adopted a cat. Here’s the one we did the week before, though. Read more on The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool…
  All 'Guess He's Ore-GONE' Comments Will Be Deleted

Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber, Vowing To Never Give Up, Never Surrender, Resigns

What good is influence if you can't peddle it?
Well, this is completely unanticipated! Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber has resigned, just days after announcing that no way in the world was he going to resign, which of course was obvious code for “Yeah, call U-Haul and reserve a truck for this weekend.” He was sworn in for his fourth term as governor just a month and a day ago. Read more on Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber, Vowing To Never Give Up, Never Surrender, Resigns…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Oregon Governor Definitely Resigning Or Maybe Not, Who Knows?

Rachel's WTF? muscles really get a workout in this segment
Rachel Maddow takes on the increasingly strange story of Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber, who has reached a crisis point in the continuing scandal over the shady financial dealings of his fiancée, Cylvia Hayes, who is under investigation for alleged pay-to-play deals with companies doing business with the state. Virtually all the top elected officials in the state, Democrats like Kitzhaber, have called for him to resign. Tuesday saw a bizarre cross-country odyssey by Secretary of State Kate Brown, whom Kitzhaber called to come back from chairing a meeting in Washington DC, to meet with him. Very Urgent. And then he seemed surprised when she walked into his office. He told her he was definitely not resigning, and then said they should probably discuss the transition from his administration to her becoming governor if he does. Which he said he wouldn’t. Read more on Morning Maddow: Oregon Governor Definitely Resigning Or Maybe Not, Who Knows?…
  Texas To Women: Drop Dead

Wendy Davis Loses In Texas Despite Apparent Membership In Wu Tang Clan

It's still a great shirt
Wendy Davis attended an election-day event wearing a T-shirt based on the Wu-Tang Clan logo, but the power of the Killa Bees (plus, OK, a pretty lame campaign organization) was not enough to prevail for the newfound hero of Texas women. The next governor of Texas will be Greg Abbott, who will continue the state’s legacy of keeping women in line and not letting the wrong people vote. Read more on Wendy Davis Loses In Texas Despite Apparent Membership In Wu Tang Clan…
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by Todd and Sarah Palin at their lakeside property in Wasilla,” said Walker in a press release sent Wednesday. Bill Walker is not a Democrat; he’s a Palin pal who’s running as an independent. But Byron Mallott, Walker’s running mate since the two teamed up in a ballot reshuffle to screw over incumbent Republican Sean Parnell, totally nominally is a Democrat! Read more on Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now…
  Secrets and Thighs

Kansas Democrat Caught Getting Lap Dance!!! Less Than 20 Years Ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no... LAP dance. Lap. With a p. Never mind.
Big news! The Kansas governor’s race is OVER, people. Paul Davis, the Democratic candidate who has been narrowly leading incumbent Republican Sam Brownback in most polls, is actually a sex criminal who was caught with a topless lady on his lap during a police raid on a strip club as recently as 1998! And the strip club, the Daily Caller ominously notes, is named “SECRETS.” You have to wonder what other filthy sex secrets Paul Davis is hiding! Well, what’s your lame excuse, Mister I Was Caught In A Strip Club Drug Raid? Read more on Kansas Democrat Caught Getting Lap Dance!!! Less Than 20 Years Ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!…
  After The Election Rob Ford Can Live In It Down By The River

Zillionaire Bruce Rauner Has An Old Van, So Illinois Must Make Him Governor

He's just a regular super rich guy who's a total dick
Bejillionaire Republican Bruce Rauner would very much like to be the next governor of Illinois, and would like everyone to know what a regular, ordinary guy he is. Sure, maybe he occasionally indulges in a few nice things, like a membership in a wine club that costs $100,000 to join, but otherwise he’s just like any other regular Joe Six-Domaine Leflaive Montrachet Grand Cru, really. He puts his bespoke jeans on one leg at a time just like anyone else, in one of his nine homes. And by god, if he becomes governor, he’ll live in one that’s located in Springfield, instead of flying from Chicago to the capital like incumbent Pat Quinn does, and then he’ll sell the state-owned plane on ebay just like Sarah Palin did, at a loss if necessary, to show He Cares About The Taxpayers. And to prove it, he’s made an ad featuring a 20-year-old Volkswagen camper van that you better believe is his daily driver, because owning an old truck is how rich guys with multiple houses get elected in America. Read more on Zillionaire Bruce Rauner Has An Old Van, So Illinois Must Make Him Governor…
  the opitomy of a dumb ass

Idaho Had A Gubernatorial Primary Debate, And Magic Happened

The Great State of Idaho holds its primary election next week, to decide which Republican candidates will beat some token Democrats in November. We have a true two-party system in this fine state: Conservative Republicans, and Insanely Conservative Republicans. And every four years, we get treated to the Republican debate, an event usually featuring a mainstream Republican, sometimes two, and any number of other candidates who somehow got enough signatures to get on the ballot. This time around, for the boring student council contingent, we had incumbent Gov. C.L. “Butch” Otter, who’s running for his third term, and State Sen. Russ Fulcher, who’s challenging from the right (and has the endorsement of tea party congresscritter Raul Labrador). Both of them are rightwing enough that in a normal setting, we might find something either said a little astonishing. But they actually seem like a couple of bland Rotarians in comparison to the two guys from Delta House: Perennial candidates Walt Bayes who likes the Bible a whole bunch (and once campaigned on a platform of separate bathrooms for straights and gays), and Harley Brown, a biker, former Navy Seabee, and all-around loony who is proud of his hilarious “Harleyisms,” which include some hilarious ethnic jokes — he doesn’t believe in “political correctness,” or any other kind, for that matter. Read more on Idaho Had A Gubernatorial Primary Debate, And Magic Happened…
  wward: what would ann richards do?

Ted Nugent Will Poop On Wendy Davis Like She Is His Underwear In The Vietnam Draft

We don’t know much about Texas politics, and we don’t want to. But it strikes us as maybe a bit desperate of Republican gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott to be campaigning with Ted Nugent, the terminally conservative guitar man of “Obama is a sub-human mongrel” fame, and Hillary Clinton “should ride my machine gun” fame, and “I will either be dead or in jail” if Obama wins re-election fame, and “I will poop in my pants to avoid fighting in Vietnam” (paraphrased) fame, and other fames. He is quite famous, for being simply awful, and also playing guitar pretty good. This race hasn’t been polled in a while, but RCP had Abbott up by about 10% in November, and that was before Wendy Davis was a terrible liar because she was only a dirt poor single mother for a while before she wasn’t anymore, on account of getting married, like conservatives say poor ladies should do, then getting divorced, which conservatives do all the time, just like everyone else. We can’t find trouble for Abbott in the polls, except for this one: The Wonkette Poll Of Is There Any Reason To Campaign With Ted Nugent In A Statewide Race Unless You Are In Serious Trouble? A full 100% of respondents said “Hell no, you crazy?!” (Sample size: 1.) Read more on Ted Nugent Will Poop On Wendy Davis Like She Is His Underwear In The Vietnam Draft…
  don't stand so close to me

Illinois Governor Candidate Likes To Sexually Harass Entire Planet (Allegedly)

Illinois Treasurer Dan Rutherford would really like to be Governor, but he’s got a teensy little problem: persistent rumors that he’s gay (a possible electoral drawback for someone with an “R” after his name) and worse, rumors that he had sexually harassed male staffers. And then Monday, staffer Ed Michalowski, Rutherford’s director of community affairs and marketing, filed a federal lawsuit claiming that Rutherford had made unwanted advances toward him, and that Rutherford’s chief of staff ignored Michalowski’s complaints as well. Michalowski resigned last week, and told the Chicago Sun-Times that he’d quit because he feared retaliation. Are there salacious details? You bet there are! Go ahead and keep reading to satisfy your prurient curiosity — we won’t judge you. Sicko. Read more on Illinois Governor Candidate Likes To Sexually Harass Entire Planet (Allegedly)…
  governor moneybeam

Millionaire TARP-Bailout Bankster Would Like Chance To Lose To Jerry Brown

Only a former Goldman-Sachs executive who has never held elected office and supervised the bank bailout under George W. Bush would have the hubris to survey a landscape rife with inequality, a shrinking middle class, and a 21.5% high school drop-out rate and think, “gee, I am exactly what the state of California needs right now: a job-creator and a go-getter who has what it takes to fix education and help Poors!” Do you think we are joking? Wonkette does not tell “jokes.” From the L.A. Times:  Former U.S. Treasury official Neel Kashkari announced Tuesday that he is running for governor of California, staking his campaign on his ability to create jobs and improve public schools. […] Kashkari, who has never held elected office, ran the taxpayer-funded federal bank bailout under President George W. Bush and Obama and has worked as a fund manager, investment banker and engineer. He pointed to his work running the bailout, when politicians worked together to ward off financial disaster, as an example of what he hoped to accomplish in California. Read more on Millionaire TARP-Bailout Bankster Would Like Chance To Lose To Jerry Brown…
  he luvs LA

Nation Facing Critical Diaper-Pun Shortage As David Vitter Announces Run For Louisiana Luvs, Er, Guv

In a move immediately deemed “good for comedy,” Sen. David Vitter announced today that he will run for governor of Louisiana in 2015. Since Bobby Jindal is term-limited, Vitter will only have to run against less well-known Republicans in the primaries, and already has a pantsload of money to begin campaigning with — even before the announcement, a pro-Vitter super PAC had already raised $1.5 million. Vitter has the built-in advantages of name recognition and popularity, but it remains to be seen whether he will be able to lie as creatively about state issues as he has about Obamaphones and senate staffers’ “subsidies” for Obamacare. We bet he can! Read more on Nation Facing Critical Diaper-Pun Shortage As David Vitter Announces Run For Louisiana Luvs, Er, Guv…
  these pink shoes are made for governin

Wendy Davis Decides She Will Be Next Texas Governor, If That’s All Right With You All

Well, kids, it looks like you have been praying to the right librul gods and goddesses after all, because we have ourselves a Festivus miracle right here in September, per Politico: Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis and her advisers have begun informing influential Democrats that she intends to run for governor in 2014, according to multiple sources familiar with Davis’s conversations. Tie those laces on your pink running shoes, it looks like Abortion Barbie is gonna make some history in Texas, y’all!  Read more on Wendy Davis Decides She Will Be Next Texas Governor, If That’s All Right With You All…
  nice time!

Wendy Davis Announces She Will Announce Something, Possibly About Cute New Shoes

Texas state Senator Wendy Davis, the super filibuster lady who actually gave pro-choice voters hope for a few minutes earlier this year, announced Wednesday that she will make a formal announcement of her future plans on Oct. 3. We’re betting that the upcoming announcement has something to do with either shopping for cute shoes, making a sandwich, or running a kickass campaign for governor in 2014. Probably the shopping. Read more on Wendy Davis Announces She Will Announce Something, Possibly About Cute New Shoes…
  oh nikki!

Nikki Haley Locks Self Out Of Governor’s Mansion In Robe Like Classic Sitcom Housewife

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley posted this important communication to her Facebook page Wednesday: What not to do…getting locked out of the Governor’s mansion in your robe while sending the kids off to school. sigh…#adayinthelife Later in the day, Gov. Haley reportedly became flustered by the increasingly frantic pace of chocolates on an assembly line. Hijinks ensued. Read more on Nikki Haley Locks Self Out Of Governor’s Mansion In Robe Like Classic Sitcom Housewife…
  smelt it dealt it

Jerry Brown Toilet-Talks Rick Perry: Your Anti-Cali Ad Is ‘Barely A Fart’

Rick Perry’s got a plan, y’all! An eeeevil plan, based on stealing all the businesses out of California and bringing them to Texas — because hell, you can do whatever you want in Texas! (Except have decent textbooks.) Rick is obviously aiming to be the Mexico-adjacent-Mexico inside the US for all of businesses everywhere — ESPECIALLY California. You want pollution? Rick Perry’s Texas has the worst in the US! You want an impoverished population desperate to take any job even at starvation wages? Texas is your place! And sugar, no one in Texas expects medical benefits, Rick Perry’s state has the highest percentage of un-covered residents of any state in the country! So! How to get that message out and into the thoughts of all business owners in California? Make a commercial! And make a commercial Texas did. But California is not taking that — no sir, when asked what he thought of Rick’s ad about stealing all the companies in California, Governor Jerry Brown, who was moonbeaming around a presser for new electric vehicles at UPS headquarters, said, “It’s not a serious story, guys. It’s not a burp, it’s barely a fart.” Oh Governor Moonbeam we love you. And it is true that it was a tiny-little-ad-buy, only $24,000. But the media has kind of been going on about it because of the asshole-audacity factor, and now you called it “barely a fart,” so we must talk about it too, because, farts are funny and Rick Perry is awful and now google searches everywhere can link “fart and Rick Perry and Texas business” and that is just nice. Read more on Jerry Brown Toilet-Talks Rick Perry: Your Anti-Cali Ad Is ‘Barely A Fart’…
  failing up

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

As Click & Clack will tell you, it’s the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it’s as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge when it came to building levees and other flood control for his state! Here is a nice find from our friends at Slog: In the spring of 2004, Peabody, Mass., got drenched with rain, which flooded the downtown area. After the storm, then-Gov. Mitt Romney asked President George W. Bush to declare Essex, Middlesex and Suffolk Counties federal disaster areas, according to the Boston Globe. That fall, the state legislature proposed spending $5.7 million on a flood prevention project to protect against future floods. Those funds would be matched by $22 million in federal money. Romney vetoed it. Haha, you guys are never gonna guess what happened just two years later, in 1996 2006. Go ahead, try. You’ll never … oh. Yeah, that was it. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management…
  your saturday nice time post!

Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!

Oh happy day! We awake to the joyous tidings that former governor Mark Sanford (R-Appalachian Trail) and his lady love, that chick he was flying off to South America to bang, have sealed their passions with an engagement! It’s like a fairy tale, you guys! The [Argentine] paper [Clarin] said Sanford arrived early at the restaurant and gave “a bag with the (engagement) ring to one of the waiters,” asking him to “to invent a good story for his girlfriend.” Sanford then hid in a bathroom. So now Mark Sanford is a bathroom goblin as well? This is excellent news for Larry Craig! Read more on Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!…
  sociopath says what?

Real Househusband Tareq Salahi’s Next ‘Journey': The Virginia Governor’s Mansion

Hahaha, get it? Get it? Because douchey White House party crasher Tareq Salahi’s douchey wife disappeared for a while and instead of offering up a prayer of gratitude like a normal person would, he was all OH NOEZ MY WIFE IS BEEN KIDNAPPED, but she was just cold hidin’ out and banging some dude from Journey? Good times, good times. Anyhoo, nobody has paid attention to Tareq Salahi for months now, and that simply will not do! So he is doing what anybody would do when they have an insatiable need for daily hatred from the press and the American public: he is running for governor of Virginia! The news of Salahi’s bid for the governorship comes days after Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, who is also running for governor as a Republican, filed suit against Salahi for allegedly cheating customers who bought wine tours from his Northern Virginia company. Read more on Real Househusband Tareq Salahi’s Next ‘Journey': The Virginia Governor’s Mansion…
  socal nazis in the news

Orange County Nazis Threaten To Kill Jerry Brown

Southern California Nazis or whatever have painted graffiti in the Orange County town of Santa Ana informing new (again) Governor Jerry Brown that they will kill him next month. One message says “We’re gonna kill Gov. Brown 2/14/11″ and the other says “26 more days 4 Brown” and has a swastika instead of, we guess, a period. Santa Ana police Corporal Anthony Bertagna, who is apparently mentally challenged, told local media he did not know if the messages were related in any way. (The two threats were both found yesterday in the same Orange County town, when February 14 was 26 days away, so who knows, right? One is probably referring to sending Meg Whitman a Valentine’s Day snake or something, and the other probably doesn’t even exist in our universe.) Read more on Orange County Nazis Threaten To Kill Jerry Brown…
  see you at thanksgiving

Carl Paladino’s Gay Nephew Quits Thriving Paladino Furry Campaign

Carl Paladino likes to point to his gay nephew, Jeff Hannon, as evidence that he’s no homophobe. That’s funny, because Jeff Hannon seems to think Carl Paladino is a homophobe, as the 23-year-old has stopped showing up to work at the Paladino campaign. This is according to the New York Post, which also wants you to know Hannon is “hunky” and “6-foot-2,” based on what they’ve seen “on his MySpace” (HisSpace?), a primitive “social networking” website made for people who work at the Post and other Rupert Murdoch properties. So now who will run Paladino’s furry outreach operation? Read more on Carl Paladino’s Gay Nephew Quits Thriving Paladino Furry Campaign…