Tag: government shutdown

Sure it's poison. But think of the savings!

Paul Ryan Voice Of Reason On Shutting Down Government This One Time

Flint, Michigan's poisoned water system may be replaced before the heat death of the universe.

Can Either Of These Total Newbies Beat Loathsome Utah Teabagger Mike Lee? Your Senate Sunday

You know what would be cool? Utah -- for godssakes UTAH -- nominating the nation's first transgender major party candidate for Senate.
But...but...I need my paycheck!

Wingnut Tea Party Jerk Renee Ellmers Loses Primary, Calls Woman Fat, Like You Do

Rep. Renee Ellmers, a Tea Party darling who was a reliable voice of wingnuttery on cable TV news, lost her primary election Tuesday after her seat was redistricted. We wish her a fond farewell and a well-deserved obscurity.
We hear some Republicans are running, too

Maryland Has Two Awesome Democrats Running For Senate. Can We Have Both?

This week, our Senate preview will be a little different from the usual format: We're off to Maryland, where the two parties' candidates haven't yet been chosen. Barbara Mikulski, who served in the Senate for five terms, announced last...
He's thinking of ideas right now.

New House Speaker Paul Ryan Has Some Ideas, You Guys!

Fresh-faced dumb baby House Speaker Paul Ryan woked up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning! He did his P90X, said his affirmations into the mirror, and then tweeted out an idea he had been having, about how it would be...

How Paul Ryan Failed As House Speaker In Record Time: A Wonksplainer

Paul Ryan gained the Speaker’s Gavel after everyone and their mother determined that he was THE ONLY ONE who could save the GOP from disastrous dumbassery after Crybaby McDrunkerson decided to peace out. While Ryan demurred like a coy...

America About To Run Out Of Money Again But Speaker Ryan Says It’s Cool, Brah

While our fearless leaders in Congress have been busy surrendering to ISIS and repealing Obamacare (yes, again) and sleeping on it to decide whether Donald Trump does or does not represent the Grand Ol' Party, the little matter of how...
Don't tell Sarah Palin they weren't really made out of plastic.

Paris Attacks Making Brave Americans Soil Themselves, Quelle Surprise

People react to tragedy in so many different ways. Some rise to the occasion, bravely refusing to be cowed by circumstance, like the Parisians who opened their homes to strangers and the cab drivers who gave people free rides...
Should somebody call the cops?

North Carolina Teabagger Candidate Needs Your Help Murdering People, We Think

It's time to meet our new best friend, aren't you excited, Wonketariat? Her name is Kay Daly, and she is running for Congress in the North Carolina district currently served by Renee Ellmers, who is an obvious RINO. What's so...
thought i gave a shit, didn't ya?!

Why John Boehner Is A Drunken Numbnuts Coward: A Wonksplainer

John Boehner is the worst kind of weak-willed pansy-ass yellow-bellied coward in modern politics. His recent decision to resign reeks not of courage, but of the lowest, basest, cowardly lack of balls since Sir Robin ran away. The bullshit...

Sean Hannity Says Lying Liar Carly Fiorina Isn’t Lying, We Can All Go Home Now

Finally, some good news for Carly Fiorina! While just about every sentient human being on this here blue dot that is Planet America has said Carly is lying about a video she says she saw, which she could not have...
Hold on, hold on, still thinkin' ...

Suck It, Ted Cruz: Government And Planned Parenthood To Remain Open

In a bizarre attempt to earn their six-figure paychecks for a change, a sufficient number of congressional Republicans agreed with Democrats that Sen. Ted Cruz sure is a moron, and also, it would be a good idea to keep...

Ted Cruz Has No Friends And Everybody Hates Him, LOL

Awwww, are all the other Republicans being mean to Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) again and pulling his pigtails and telling him he cannot eat his PB&J at their table in the cafeteria, because what a loser, YOU SUCK, TED? Why...

Americans Already Mad As Hell Over Republican Government Shutdown

So, because Republicans are lazy as fuck and stupid as hell, they are always looking for ways to not do their jobs. See, for example, newly minted Republican Kim Davis, the moronic martyr of Rowan County, Kentucky, who is...
If her mouth is open...

Lying Liar Carly Fiorina Not Happy Everyone Noticed She’s A Lying Liar

FACT: Carly Fiorina is a liar-liar-pantsuit-on-fire LIAR. She's been lying for more than a week about watching a fetus snuff flick that does not exist, as everyone in the known universe has pointed out to her, from the liberal(ish)...
You need these right now

Another F*cking Government Shutdown? Seriously?

  Pope Frank was in town to basically tell Congress to get its shit together. In response, Congress is flinging poo in every direction but "together," because it is full of insolent assclowns and juvenile numbnuts. With government funding running...