YOURS TRULY was enjoying a noontime visit to DC’s famous HOLOCAUST MUSEUM with a friend today, only to leave at 12:40 to quench the thirst with a smoothie from TANGYSWEET — just moments before a WHITE SUPREMACIST ANTI-SEMITE started a gun battle with museum security guards! And now a hero security guard has died, protecting museum-goers from a MARYLAND MONSTER. Why didn’t the NAZI die? Where’s the justice? MORE »

Meet our new Washington Society Gossip, Intern Riley! DC will sparkle like never before!

Nutty congresslady VIRGINIA FOXX (R-NC) says Matthew Shepard’s murder was a “hoax,” and then she said “tar baby” on the House floor, and now her staff is broadcasting its drunken office parties “on taxpayer time.” Thanks for the laughs, Virginia …. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Obama camp is a hotbed of illegal gaming… Rappers and politicos, sitting side by side… Rep. Paul Broun wants to make sure you pledge correctly. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Jenna’s got the dress all picked out… “Do I Hear a Blood Curdling Scream?”… Straight from the ass’s mouth. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Tax Day makes conservatives cry… Rep. Ted Poe reads from the family newsletter on the House floor. [Examiner]
• In the Know: Rep. Bono Mack isn’t a fan of Blow… The Pope’s not just coming to D.C. — he’s getting his hair cut, too!… Sen. Ken Salazar and his dog Sen. Mike Enzi are friends till the end. [The Hill]
• Shenanigans: Arena Stage’s production of Play On has got some Capitol talent. [Politico]
• And our beloved Intern Elise is leaving us, for New York City and the glamorous world of Daytime Teevee. Read her sad good-bye, after the jump!

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• Heard on the Hill: The Media Research Center leans left with its beverages… Spring cleaning at the Senate is just in time for Martha Stewart… Hipsters like Steve Novick. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Peggy Cafrittz doesn’t have money troubles, just accountant troubles. [WP]
• Shenanigans: David Vitter spared one more humiliation… The Newseum’s doors are finally open. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: How can Hillary answer that 3 AM call when she’s out by 11? [WP]
• Washington Whispers: Romney and Huckabee duke it out for VP… John Gibson makes presidents’ speeches memorable… Wolf Blitzer gives big support to the Nats… Good news for you, bad news for bees… Green fashion hits the campaign trail. [USN&WR]

• Yeas and Nays: Cafe Milano caters for the pope…Get some “tea and subprime sympathy” with Alan Greenspan. [Examiner]
• Shenanigans: The Media Research Center’s 20th Anniversary Gala featured a moment of kindness…Joe Lieberman’s job appears safe for now…Ariana Huffington explains her GOP defection. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: Trent Lott is still trying to figure this whole lobbyist thing out. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Ted Turner meant what he said about global warming leading to cannibalism. [NYDN]

• Heard on the Hill: David Vitter may finally catch a break…Spreading doubt about The Real McCain…So far, Stuff Hill People Like are business cards, interns, The West Wing, Gchat, recess, their parents’ money, and Blackberries. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Despite what the brochure says, Elizabeth Taylor never lived at the Watergate…Bob Weir of The Grateful Dead jams for democracy…The Pope is pretty booked up. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Not even Angelina Jolie can come up with an exit strategy…Library of Congress honors announced…Ladies, Ron Jeremy is in town…Karl Rove and Howell Raines commiserate over how much people hate them. [Examiner]
• Shenanigans: Chris Matthews speaks to NYT Mag. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: Grover Norquist wants Condi for Veep. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Beware of Roger Stone. [NYDN]
  

• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Joe Wilson gets grungy… Thursday’s Senate session to be scheduled around the Pope… Are you ready for the House’s greatest hits?… Barack Obama to prove himself through basketball. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Chelsea vs. Jenna. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Dan Marino is staying out of politics… Barack Obama has got it in the shopping bag. [Examiner]
• Shenanigans: David Vitter to testify in D.C. Madam trial. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: The draft Condi movement heats up. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: The Katharine Graham biopic brings out the stars, shuts out the relatives. [NYDN]
• Washington Whispers: Nixon, FDR, Johnson and JFK are all getting renovated… Dick Cheney only gets 180 days of safety… John Boehner wants Rep. Rob Portman to be McCain’s second in command. [USN&WR]

• Reliable Source: Henry Hager and Jenna Bush are (maybe) moving to Baltimore…Daoud Hari gets a peek at Bill Richardson’s goatee…Stephen Colbert is a Treasure of American History. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: President Bush gets bored and leaves his last NATO summit…Elizabeth Edwards is going to Harvard…Muammar Gaddafi helps John Boehner protect his baby blues. [Examiner]
• Shenanigans: Catch a game with John McCain’s staff for a fair $2,300…It must be awards season. [Politico]
  

• Heard on the Hill: Nancy Pelosi’s office has a prankster on the loose… Hillary Clinton has a history with philandering men… Every crazy in Idaho is trying to take Larry Craig’s seat… Everyone wants the Jayhawks in their district. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Barack Obama deemed the most poker friendly candidate by inspiration for 21. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Rep. Randy Neugebauer’s cuisine has reigned supreme… Perez Hilton joins Michael Bloomberg’s already confusing guest list… New reader task: find where Jenna’s registered. [Examiner]
• In the Know: Actress Kerry Washington gushes about her “date” with Rep. Arthur Davis… Rep. Brad Sherman is feeling a little more Desperate these days. [The Hill]
• Shenanigans: Randi Rhodes thinks Hillary’s a ho… Sen. Debbie Stabenow’s husband likes his girls optimistic… What D.C. needs is more tourists. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: David Obey is a blues man… Clinton asked to “talk sexy.” [WP]

• Heard on the Hill: New ethics laws aren’t always that ethical… John Legend is happy being a musician… Poor, gullible Rep. Rob Wittman. [Roll Call]

• Reliable Source: Montgomery Blair High School reporters get the best scoop in town… 50 Cent is a flip-flopper. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Proof that Karl Rove really does find this whole thing funny… Charlie Rose to set up shop in D.C. [Examiner]
• Shenanigans: April Fool’s day obits aren’t all that funny. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary weighs in on Hillary and Obama… Alphonso Jackson’s $100,000 portraits find homes in the HUD basement. [WP]

• Heard on the Hill: The Twin Cities are staying up past their bedtime for the Republican Convention…Chris Bell still doesn’t like Barack Obama…The Rolling Stones satisfy both sides of the aisle. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Hillary Clinton is heavily quoted in former classmate Steve Goodman’s bio…D.C. lose one Jack Quinn, keeps the other. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Green Party candidate Cynthia McKinney needs to watch her sound bites…If President Bush attended your dinner, he’s taking the credit…Every Senator wants to be the first. [Examiner]
• In the Know: Congressmen go to jail, but stay on the other side of the bars…It looks like the end of The 2nd Amendments…For the record, Nancy Pelosi did receive a birthday cake…The Capitol’s security beefs up to prevent falling tourists. [The Hill]
• Shenanigans: John Boehner punks us all for April Fool’s Day…Chris Shays would never leave Babs…Bill Press endorses Ralph Nader, turns around and laughs…More VP talk…Former press secretary to Rep. Rick Renzi Melissa Middleswoth doesn’t let a scandal stop her from moving on up. [Politico]