It’s been such a fun week for the South Carolina GOP, with all the comedy about gorillas and aspirins! But now it must come to an end because the humorless nancies of the Far Left have demanded a more sincere apology from Rusty DePass, the Republican operative who explained his crack about “Michelle Obama’s ancestor” by pointing out that she believed in evolution or something. MORE »

John McCain’s always had a hearty arsenal of “cocktail party jokes,” including several about killing Iranian civilians with either bombs or exported American cancer, and another about Chelsea Clinton being ugly because her father is Janet Reno’s penis. These jokes, however, can’t shake a stick at the latest gem someone has unearthed from a 1986 copy of the Tucson Citizen, one that got him in a tit-bit of trouble at the time. After the jump: McCain’s crack about the gorilla who rapes and murders some gal in the street. MORE »

The Senate’s own cat-mutilating gorilla surgeon can no longer call himself a doctor. Not legally, anyway.

Bill Frist lost his medical license after he was caught creating a hybrid cat-ape-human species from Terri Schiavo’s stem cells without the Continuing Education credits that doctors need to maintain their practice.

Also, Frist lied about it and got caught. Read about the dashed presidential hopes of Schiavo’s Hero, after the jump.

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The National Zoo has seen two sudden gorilla deaths in 3 short days. Mopie, 34, died Monday doing what he loved best — joylessly enduring his captivity and suffering through a forced introduction to another (dead) ape’s artificially-assembled “family group.” That other dead gorilla, Kuja, died last Saturday during heart surgery. MORE »

* This is how the world will end, not with a bang, but a clank, and the thump of a pneumatic hammer on an elevator. We’re relieved that no one was hurt, but it sure was exciting covering all the action. Er, whatever it is that passes for action. In the end, the biggest danger of the day was the risk of some soiled gabardine, but even that was averted. MORE »

Really, what is there to say, but WHAT THE FUCK.

Frist, at heart, is a doctor. At 5:45 a.m., before a recent Senate workday, he prepared for a quirky slice of surgery. During congressional breaks, Frist, 54, has been known to fly to Africa to operate. But in Washington, he has quietly cultivated another practice: gorillas at the National Zoo.

It is very difficult to refrain from quoting this entire column. This entire insane, hideous fever dream of a column. It is the story of BILL FRIST — GORILLA SURGEON!

Won’t you join us after the jump?

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