Tag: gordon klingenschmitt

Wonkagenda: Monday, October 24, 2016

The Democrats golden unicorn, Trump's federal worker problem, and trouble in Margaritaville! Here's your daily news brief!
Whatever. This is just a minor setback

Demons (Probably From Gay Animals) Drive Total Kook Gordon Klingenschmitt From Colorado Statehouse

Colorado god-botherer Gordon Klingenschmitt, one of our favorite rightwing loons, lost his primary bid for the state Senate. Whatever will he do now? Probably keep being a hateful douche.
Gordon KlingenWingen Schmitzennutt

Gordon Klingenschmitt Found Himself An Interracial Couple To Say Gay Marriage Is Yucky

Gordon Klingenschmitt, elected official, has some lunatics for you. Enjoy!
These guys'll do it.

Wonk Fave Gordon Klingenschmitt Wants The Gays To Stop Porking On Your Living Room Couch

Bigot folk, have the fruits and nuts been demanding that you hand over your plaid slipcovered couch, for them to pork on? Well you have a hero in Wonkette favorite Gordon Klingenschmitt, who used his "Pray In Jesus Name"...

Ted Cruz Sweeps Colorado With Help Of Fellow Nutjobs

Over the weekend, we remained only vaguely aware of the fact that Colorado held some sort of complicated presidential nominating activity over on the GOP side. In a year marked by maximum primary season insanity, Colorado was actually a...
Watch out. Jessica's got her 'tired of your bullshit' face on.

Jessica Williams Talks To Gordon Klingenschmitt About Trans People Using The Terlet

Jessica Williams, one of the Daily Show's most effective weaponized comedic assets, gets sent on a search, mock, and destroy mission to take on the idiocy of "bathroom bills" like those recently passed in North Carolina and Mississippi,...
Hooray, an actual witch hunt!

Hindu Witch Lady Terrorizes Innocent Christians At Air Force Dental Clinic

  As we all know, the United States military is an all-evangelical Christian fighting force that's been under attack as of late, mostly by the homosexuals and the transgenders being allowed to do their gay-gender diddles in foxholes next to...
She's happy to be his bitch

Rick Santorum Takes Victory Lap Now That Supreme Court Allows Man-Dog Marriages

Walking Google joke Rick Santorum took a weird victory lap in Colorado last month when the Supreme Court crammed marriage equality down America's throat, explaining that he had been totally right in 2003 when he predicted that striking down...
Next he will be governor, then president, and after that king of the universe!

Disgraced Colorado Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt Will Hunt Demons In State Senate

Colorado state Rep. Gordon "disgraced former Navy chaplain" Klingenschmitt, who is one of yr Wonkette's favorites, has been in the Colorado HouseĀ for a whole five minutes or so, and in that time he's made a mark! Most recently, he...

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won't you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn't all...
Gordon KlingenWingen Schmitzennutt

CO Rep. Klingenschmitt Booted By Fellow Republicans For Being A Jerk

In yet another example of the persecution of Bible-believing Christians in America, wingnut Internet preacher and actual member of the Colorado House of Representatives Gordon Klingenschmitt has been stripped of his membership on a House committee because even his...

Pregnant Stabbing Victim Invites CO Rep. Klingenschmitt To Shove Donation Up His Jesus Hole

You might remember the horrific story about Michelle Wilkins, the pregnant woman in Longmont, Colorado, who was attacked by a deranged woman with a knife, who stabbed her, removed her 7-month-old fetus in an amateur C-section, and then was...
This whole story is just...ick

Colorado Rep. Klingenschmitt: God Hates Bortions, So He Killed A Baby. That’ll Show Us!

You sort of have to admire the mind of Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt, the Colorado Internet preacher who somehow got elected to the state House. No matter what horrible thing happens, Klingenschmitt finds a way to attribute it to...
Retroactive Christians

Murder Of 3 Muslims Was Hate Crime Against Christians, Says Nutbag Christian

Never one to miss the chance to make a tragedy just a little more awful, Colorado wingnut preacher/state legislator Gordon "Disgraced former chaplain 'Dr. Chaps'" Klingenschmitt has decided that the terrible murder of three Muslim students in Chapel Hill,...

Anti-Gay Man Wants Gay Dudes All Over His Cake, But Not in a Gay Way

As a mommyblog dedicated to Strong Christian PrinciplesĀ® and Also Booze, your Wonkette feels it is our duty to inform you that it has not been easy being a Christian in America as of late. The Homosexual Intifada bears...
Next he will be governor, then president, and after that king of the universe!

Totally Sane Colorado State Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt To Do Something Very Sane, We Bet

Oh boy, Doctor Chaps is back! We've so missed his weekly declarations of demonic possession now that he got a big boy job in the Colorado legislature. You might remember the self-proclaimed Doctor Chaps (his words!) as the teevee preacher...