GOP
Georgia GOP Chair Worried ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’ Will Be A Real Thing
Hey remember that one movie, with the dudes, but they are straight, but they gay marry each other? It looked like it was going to be 90 minutes of gay-panic jokes, but then it was surprisingly sweet, if we recall correctly since we probably watched it on cold medicine because there is no way we [...]
Shiftless Minorities and Sluts: What Will It Take For You To Love The GOP Again?
We’ve had a good post-election run of gleeful schadenfreude watching the Republican party tear each other limb from limb trying to figure out how they lost. It is Karl Rove’s fault for not being batshit conservative enough. It is the Tea Party’s fault for running batshit conservative enough candidates. These fights have been positively popcorn-worthy, [...]
Happy Fun Gingrich Offers To Be Human Sacrifice On Donald Trump’s Dumb Teevee Show
Here is a fun marketing fact: Yr. Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho, which is among the top locations for test-marketing new products in our great nation. Apparently, we have certain demographic characterisitics (doughy, gun-fondling, dog-owning) that are useful predictors of how a new product might sell. It’s sometimes pretty obvious, when for three weeks [...]
Republicans (Maybe) Stop Beating Their Wives
Hey-o! Looks like, once again, sexxxy dreamboat John “Whisky Dick” Boehner has failed to achieve “lift-off”! In this case, once again, he has tried to placate the even-most-batshit of his brethren and then failed to pass his own bill, in his own caucus. And it looks like (maybe!) we will finally be able to answer [...]
Pew Poll Demonstrates That Americans, Republicans, Not *That* Stupid
Hey-O, who has two thumbs and isn’t as stupid as you might have been led to believe? Oh, just 62% of Americans and 35% of Republicans, who think that the Republican party has become “too extreme.” For the record, we at Wonkette think that this is SILLY. Why on Earth would anyone find this “too [...]
North Carolina GOP, Saving Poors One Lotto Ticket at a Time
Look, we give people welfare so they can put food on their family, this is a stone cold fact. Also, we allow people to declare bankruptcy to give them a temporary respite from being crushed under the bootheel of late-stage capitalism in post-regulation, free market America, also a stone cold fact. So letting Poors and [...]
Funmeister Newt Gingrich Says GOP Needs To Be A ‘Happy Party’
Hey, GOP sad sacks! Fun-time Newt Gingrich has a nifty idea for you all to become way more popular! Instead of being a bunch of Grumpy Gusses, why not reach out to everyday Americans and “be a happy party”? And if anyone knows how to be happy, it’s the guy who is so averse to [...]
BREAKING: Florida Republicans Don’t Want To Steal The White House
In a major victory for democracy, Republican leaders in Florida have declared that they are against stealing a presidential election. Yes. Really. In the wake of a new legislative push by some Republicans in Virginia — who want to make it so Democrats can only get 4 of the state’s 11 Electoral Votes, after Barack [...]
GOP Schedules Plantation Fun-Times For Minority Outreach
Thank you Robert Costa, of the National Review Online, for making our morning. “Source shows me sched, shakes head: ’10:15 am, Friday, Burwell Plantation, Coalitions-Discussion on Successful Comms w/ Minorities & Women.’” So that makes TWO Republicans who realize there could be a problem with “optics” when the GOP holds a panel on “successful communications” [...]
Your Morning Nice-Time: Dems Wish Republickans A Verye Merrye And Bounteouss Daye
This is so nice, you guys! The D-Triple-C has made a lovely video for the GOPs wishing them joy, and happiness, and above all of this they wish them lo-o-o-ove.
Gracious House Of Representatives To NJ, CT And NY: Fine, Here’s Your Stupid Hurricane Money
Another guest post from your comrade Fakakta South. The House finally voted Tuesday to graciously give out approximately $50.5 billion to the states hit hardest by the freakishly strong Frankenstorm of the Century, Hurricane Sandy. The measure passed with a vote of 241-180, with 179 Republicans voting against giving any money to anyone ever again [...]
Story About Losing Orange County Republican Leaves Out That He Is Drunk And Creepy
Here, from our pal and colleague R. Scott Moxley, is a long and detailed article about a sad libertarian Orange County, California, Assemblyman who lost his seat — giving California Dems a supermajority — to some chick. Who’s a teacher. It features old and much-missed friends, like Marilyn Davenport, the nice old lady who was [...]
Everybody So Mean To John Boehner
Poor, poor, overextended John Boehner is catching hell from all sides lately, with even his friends saying “Of course you’ll still be speaker” while they give lusty glances to Paul Ryan. The latest band of haters to join the parade is the Republican Party of Virginia’s 6th congressional district, which sent a formal request to [...]
Who Will Be Elected As New House Speaker Once John Boehner Is Torn Apart And Boiled In Oil?
It seems clear that sad sot Speaker of the House John “Whiskeydick” Boehner has not had a firm grip on his “caucus” in the two years since Sarah Palin screeching about death panels sent a pack of wild tarded dogs to Congress. No matter how hard Boehner has tried to tack “crazy,” his barely leashed [...]
South Carolina Has Fun New Idea: Jail Officials Who Implement Obamacare
Anyone here from SOUTH CAROLINA? Yes? Maybe you can explain to us why your state is so crazy, possibly as crazy as Florida (or at least, coming at a close second): South Carolina state Rep. Bill Chumley last week pre-filed a bill for the upcoming legislative session that would criminalize implementation of President Barack Obama’s 2010 [...]
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