Tag Archives: gop debate

  It's on his hat

Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again

It’s not just a hat — it’s a plan! Everyone knows the Demoncrat Party is the party of Latino vote frauding and election rigging — usually with mind control. So here’s a neat twist! This time, it’s Republicans who want to rig the next election in a certain way, and that way is to keep the name DONALD J. TRUMP off their primary ballots: Read more on Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again…
  LISTEN UP ASSHOLES

Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob

Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS.
Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS. Attention, everyone, for Our Lady Of However Many Immaculate Conceptions, Bristol Palin, has taken to the blogotubes to discuss how the media is doing all the liberal censorship crimes to our prince and Palin family hero Donald Trump, just because he said Megyn Kelly did a bad job moderating that debate due to profuse bleeding from her “wherever.” It’s a bad situation because, for one thing, Bristol is way too busy to be commenting on such things, but WHEN HER NATION CALLS, she answers. Today, we will be discussing “decency,” or Bristol’s concept of it at least. Take it away, Mama Morals: Read more on Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Elizabeth Warren, Dumb Duggars And A Bunch Of Republican Jerkoffs. Your Weekly Top Ten.

The boss of you. Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and we hope this post finds you fat and brunched up! We had quite a week, what with the first official debates of Fuckshow 2016. SPOILER ALERT: This campaign is going to be a real fuckshow. Read more on Elizabeth Warren, Dumb Duggars And A Bunch Of Republican Jerkoffs. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Hillary be like ROTFLMAO

Hillary Clinton Can’t Stop Laughing At Dumbass Republicans

This election is going better than 2008, we think.
Donald Trump is under the impression he won Thursday’s debate, but that honor may actually go to America’s queen, Hillary “Hillz” Clinton, who seems to be having a gay old time, no homo, making fun of all the doofuses and dillweeds what are running against her on the Republican side. First we have the video above, which her campaign released just in case people missed the debate and want to see what happened. It’s got Jeb! Bush not knowing when the primaries are, Rand Paul and Chris Christie slap-fighting like schoolchildren, Donald Trump calling every lady in America a “fat pig,” and so on. Read more on Hillary Clinton Can’t Stop Laughing At Dumbass Republicans…
  losers

Spoiler: None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President

Today’s Republican Party So there is a presidential election thingy, and it is a mere 15 months away, which means we all get to spend the next year(ish) talking all the words about it, hooray! We get to squint at a trillion polls, and read 10 trillion pixelated Hot Takes, and listen to eleventeen trillion “thoughts” sharted from the derp holes of television fat heads, hooray even more! We even get to spend 31 hours a day debating who gave the Koch brothers the best head, who is maybe heading to prison, who wore it best, who’s up, who’s down, and who the fuck is that on the debate stage? (Oh, it’s Jim Gilmore. Wait, who? Some guy, don’t worry about it.) Read more on Spoiler: None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President…
  Total RINO

Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?

What a RINO
  So here was a weird moment in Thursday night’s Republican debate! John Kasich, who is, science fact, a person running for the GOP nomination, was asked that typical Fox News Republican question: “If we put a gay on this stage right now, will you please beat him up?” And he wouldn’t do it! Instead, he said a big sorta nice thing about how he doesn’t PERSONALLY believe in gay-scissor-based marriage (right, like he even cares), but he would love his gay child, if he had one, AND he went to a gay wedding recently and ate all the gay cake, and it was just great. And then the Republican audience maimed him with the knives they keep in the hollow portions of their Bibles. Read more on Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?…
  Every Word Is A Drinking Game

Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing First Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog

He’s ready. YOU ready? Didn’t we all have such a good time laughing at the second-tier candidates’ debate? We sure did! Now let’s watch Donald Trump and the other guys have their turn. And hey, if you missed the Kids’ Table debate from earlier today, like during “All My Children” or whenever it was on, go read Wonkette’s live-blog of that, and catch up on all the news about how Lindsey Graham is going to die alone, Carly Fiorina sexts with Bibi Netanyahu and Rick Santorum used “optimism” to put seven babies in his wife’s butt. // < ![CDATA[ (function() { var lb24 = document.createElement('script'); lb24.type = 'text/javascript'; lb24.id = '24lbScript'; lb24.async = true; lb24.charset="utf-8"; lb24.src = '//v.24liveblog.com/embed/24.js?id=1299000'; (document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0] || document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0]).appendChild(lb24);})(); // ]]> Read more on Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing First Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog…
  Point and laugh at the sads :(

Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing Second Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog

Well hello there! Are you ready to see the loser junior varsity Republican candidates lose some more while they debate each other during loser hour? US TOO! Who knows what’s going to happen? Will Rick Santorum get real stigmata? Will Rick Perry comb his mane the whole time? Will Jim Gilmore try to feel Carly Fiorina on the boobies? Who can say, nobody knows who he is, so we don’t know if he’s a booby-grabbing creeper or not! Join us as we live-blog the inaugural debate of Fuckshow 2016! Read more on Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing Second Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog…
  That's not very polite

Jeb Bush Thinks Donald Trump Is An ‘Asshole’

Go cry to your mom, Jeb Poor Jeb Bush, screwed over by his dumb drunk big brother, was finally supposed to get his turn in the White House, daddy said! And it was all going according to plan, with Poppy’s bestest buds and favorite son telling him which countries he should promise to bomb, and Dubya promising to not say words too much, lest he remind voters that Jeb will probably ass-bang the country the way Dubya did, because that’s what Bushes do. And even though Jeb doesn’t have the advantage of a brother who can steal a swing state for him, it was gonna be smooth self-entitled all the way to the White House. Read more on Jeb Bush Thinks Donald Trump Is An ‘Asshole’…
  oh god seriously again really?

Liveblogging the LAST GOP Debate (Until the Next One, Which Is Soon)

Welcome to the last GOP presidential debate of …eh, “tonight” is about all we can say for certain these days. UGH. Here’s a preview: Newt Gingrich will sneer at some minority and the audience will gnaw its fingers off with excitement, Mitt Romney will be asked to compare and contrast the feeling of wiping his ass with a fifty versus a hundred dollar bill, Rick Santorum will suckle his microphone, and oh yeah, probably Ron Paul will also be there as well to say, WARS ARE BAD, bless him. Here’s the video stream for those of you who are still sober enough to operate the keys on your computer, aren’t you the responsible ones. HERE WE GO! Read more on Liveblogging the LAST GOP Debate (Until the Next One, Which Is Soon)…
  hooooooraaaaaayyyy

Gingrich Threatens to Shut Mouth If Media Does Thing He Hates Again

Does Newt Gingrich understand how threats work? He has worked himself into a lather over the part during last night’s GOP debate when moderator Brian Williams went all Mother Superior and instructed the Republican audience to hush for once in its life and wait for a commercial break to applaud, which meant that all of Newt’s usual smirking laugh lines about poors and minorities were met with a giant room full of awkward silence, AS THEY SHOULD BE. He therefore officially threatens to no longer participate in any future Republican debates if the audience is asked to behave itself. Which, REALLY? In that case, we’d say the media basically has a moral obligation to America to take him up on his offer. Read more on Gingrich Threatens to Shut Mouth If Media Does Thing He Hates Again…
  and probably xmas too

Liveblogging The GOP Idiots Debating How To Ruin Christmas, Forever

We hear this is the “last” GOP debate of the year, but then again we also once believed Santa Claus was for real, so… who knows? What is for FACT is that we will be crawling into a closet to sob when this thing is over, because that is how we usually “come down” from these sorts of bad drug trips, and then maybe stay there for another four hundred years or however long it takes for anti-matter to finally win the universe-wide war on “existence.” Wouldn’t that be kind of cool, for once? Anyhow, that would require some “science” to happen, so… no luck tonight! Let’s gather round the ‘puter screens to watch Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich peck each other’s eyes out as Rick Perry forgets …what will be it this time? His last name, maybe? EXCITEMENT. Here we go! Read more on Liveblogging The GOP Idiots Debating How To Ruin Christmas, Forever…
  gifzette daily briefing

Science Suddenly Inconvenient For Obama; Higgs Boson Leads Iowa Polls

NEW YORK—Have you been watching “Up” with Chris Hayes? You should be! It’s really, really wonderful. Though honestly kind of creepy? Because that man is smart. Freakishly so. As in: he does this weird thing where whenever one of his guests brings up some random new topic he’ll just recap it for everyone watching. Like, just off the top of his head? Without a teleprompter? And it’s crazy! Who let this man with a perfectly healthy frontal cortex on television?! It just makes no sense to us at all. But in any event, Sunday’s show featured a depressing reminder of the President’s remarks in 2009 that “it’s about letting scientists, like those who are here today, do their jobs free from manipulation or coercion and listening to what they tell us, even when it’s inconvenient, especially when it’s inconvenient,” two years before deciding it was too inconvenient teenage girls to have access to emergency contraception. Read more on Science Suddenly Inconvenient For Obama; Higgs Boson Leads Iowa Polls…
  fun is cancelled for everybody

Abandoned Loser Donald Trump To (Probably) Cancel His GOP Debate

What’s this? Oh no, everyone grab hold of your weeping tissues this minute: Donald Trump is reportedly reconsidering his GOP debate comedy special after even Michele Bachmann suffered a rare fit of inspiration and declined the chance to be humiliated by one of her fellow cartoon characters. This leaves only Ol’ Frothy and Ol’ Flakey, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich, to join Trump for the debate, but mechanically speaking a three-person circle jerk is just sort of difficult. Read more on Abandoned Loser Donald Trump To (Probably) Cancel His GOP Debate…