Tag: gop debate

Harriet Tubman To Grace New $20 Bill, Because Suck It Andrew Jackson

Remember that GOP debate yea however many moons ago, when all the millionteen candidates were asked what American lady they thought would be real sexy for the $10 bill? It was pathetic! They all copied each other and said...
Chopped liver, apparently.

Megyn Kelly Would Like To Wherever-Bleed All Over Donald Trump Some More, Please

You know that thing about how Megyn Kelly is sometimes a common Fox News shill, but other times she actually does journalism sorta kinda, therefore we don't quite hate her as much as we hate all the other Fox News...

Ted Cruz Takes Bold Stand Against Donald Trump Murdering People

Two or nine or five and a half Republican debates ago, all the little not-Trump GOP candidates pledged they would support whoever their party's nominee is, even if it is nasty, terrifying, tremendous, tic-tac-dick Donald Trump. Ted Cruz specifically...

Obamas And Trudeaus Still Slaying Internet With Hotness. Your Weekly Top Ten.

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY! It's time for your weekly top ten list, where we (SPOILER!) count down the top ten stories of the week. And you internets sure did like our post about how Canadian Prime Minister...

Donald Trump Politely Pats Competitors On Butts, Says ‘Good Game’

It's a new day in America, because Donald Trump said so, and it's time for the Republicans to act sweet and come together so Trump can Make America Great Again and bomb the shit out of ISIS and make...

Sad Republicans Forced To Choose Between Guy They Can’t Stand And Guy They Hate

It's real hard to be a "reasonable" Republican these days. Sad conservative columnist David Brooks has even taken to drinking on the job. That is how hard it is. On the one hand, the GOP looks pretty good and stuck with...

Donald Trump Punches Everyone In Their Little Marcos: GOP Debate Liveblog

Who is getting cold-cocked by Donald Trump tonight? Ted Cruz? (Probably.) Marco Rubio? (Definitely.) John Kasich? (Nah, no one cares about him.) Some poor protesting dude or dudette? A Breitbart reporter? ALL OF 'EM KATIE!? It is a day, and...

GOP Probably Won’t Have Marco Rubio Kidnapped After Tonight’s Debate. Probably.

Has it been a long time since you pulled your Underoos up over your nipples (that's how you get comfortable), popped open a can of Spam and watched a presidential debate? No, it hasn't! You watched one on Wednesday...

Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump: Your Weekly Top Ten. (Donald Trump!)

Whoa hey, what's shakin' my Wonkerinos? Yes, it is I, who is called "Evan," and I am here with your Weekly Top Ten reading list. Was your top ten so lonelypants while I was on vacation? You betcha. I'd...

Fox News Tries To Slay Donald Trump, Gets ‘A’ For Effort

Last night, Fox News surprised the hell out of us. Not by trying in valiant vain to slay the Beast Who Mocks, Donald Trump -- we knew they'd do that. What we didn't expect is that they would employ...

GOP Candidates Pledge To Bend Over For Donald Trump’s Beautiful Penis In November

If you're like many Republicans, you know that Donald J. Trump is NOT going to Make America Great Again, is NOT as tremendous as he thinks he is, and also probably has one of those little tiny penises that looks...
Neither a gentleman nor a scholar

You Are Probably A Huge Loser If You Went To Trump University

During the literal dick-measuring contest that was last night's GOP debate, poor little Marco Rubio tried his damndest to get Donald Trump to talk about Trump University, which was basically an overpriced Tony Robbins-style self-help dealio, except instead of overcoming...

Moderate John Kasich Calls For Kinder, Gentler Gay Bashing

During Thursday night's Republican debate, John Kasich wanted us to know something very, very important: "I knew Ronald Reagan." SOLD! He also wanted us to know that he was the only "adult" on the stage, the only one capable...

Donald Trump Guarantees His Big Dick Will Make America Great Again

Thursday night's Republican debate among four adult men who want to be leaders of the free world delivered all the seriousness and gravitas you'd expect from the GOP. And because we know said free world leader must, above all else,...

Who’s Begging To Get On His Knees For Donald Trump Now? GOP Debate Liveblog

Me-owwwwww hiss scratch, so many fight words coming at Donald Trump now! Even though he has been the frontrunner of the GOP race since he decided to stick his delicate tiny-penis fingers into it, Republicans are not the sharpest stars in the sky, so it's taken...

Republican Candidates Trying To Fill Ben Carson-Shaped Hole In Their Hearts

Uh oh, it's a day in 2016, which means it's time for the remaining GOP candidates to come together for spiteful purposes, infecting our television sets and Commodore 64 computers with bile and derp. Yes, we mean like in...