• Koreas North and South had their first actual battle in seven years. It lasted two minutes, which is understandable given it had been seven years. [New York Times]
• Nidal Hasan gave some PowerPoint presentation a year and a half ago about how Muslims in the US Army should not be fighting Muslims in other armies. At the time everyone thought this was weird. [Washington Post]
• Hasan also became pen pals with a Yemeni-based al Qaeda sympathizer, and this too people knew about a year ago but did not think was that weird because there was no indication within their correspondence that he was going to eventually murder anyone. [Reuters]
• The DC sniper will be executed today in Virginia. His lawyers say he is mentally ill and should just be given life in prison though. [WSJ]
• At the last minute, Hurricane Ida decided to go as Tropical Storm Ida during its visit to the Gulf Coast states. [AP]
• Google is installing free wireless in 47 American airports. They’re calling this a “holiday gift.” Orwell had a different word for it. [CNN]

So it seems like fewer people are performing Google searches with the term “economic depression.” Or maybe it’s the same amount of people, but they’re searching less frequently? Ha ha, no one’s sure! Anyway, what does this statistic mean for America? Everything, essentially. And this is not just because a majority of Americans have been forced to sell or mortgage their Googles. In fact, college-educated Larry Summers believes this means that things are looking up. You see, earlier this year there were four times as many searches for the term, and now there are less, and therefore causality. It’s science. Google it. MORE »

It’s December, 2007 all over again! Out of nowhere come the Paultards, today, wanting more War. MORE »

Even though we live in pretty amazing times, what with the technology and magic and all, we generally just complain about it. And by “we,” we mean “you,” because your Wonkette is very cognizant of the fact that there’s no way this particular operation could exist — across four time zones, simultaneously, with no offices — without the wizardry of Gmail and IMs and WordPress and, obviously, Blingee. So we fully support Barack Obama’s choice as Chief Information Officer of America, this dude Vivek Kundra, who was the tech guru for Washington D.C. until just now! MORE »

Goddammit are rich people still getting rich these days? Observe: Google’s top four executives received million-dollar-plus bonuses last year — a truly repulsive amount when everybody else in the country is starving. Wait, what’s that you say? They haven’t asked for a bailout yet? WELL BUT STILL. [AP]

Our world’s benevolent Hive-Mind Artificial Intelligence God, “the Google,” keeps giving us special technological treats which actually enslave us — to make it exceptionally simple for “the Google” to lead us all to “data centers” for slaughter once it realizes the consumption of animal protein is a proven evolutionary tactic to grow larger, more complex brains. (Oh shit, probably shouldn’t have typed that! Good thing Google categorizes your Wonkette as satire … for now.) MORE »

Last week, John McCain described his veep-vetting process, “jokingly,” as this: “You know, basically it’s a Google.” His omission of the word “search” — a Google “search” — was very shocking to every reporter and teevee personality; it showed that John McCain is OMFG so old while, in contrast, reporters and teevee personalities are so young. Anyway, this soul-crushing narrative about the proper usage of “Google” has taken another fake turn: Barack Obama mentioned “Google” three times in his speech yesterday. Correctly! And if you say “Google” three times correctly into a bathroom mirror, a magic troll appears and steals John McCain away to Narnia. [Jonathan Martin]

Wonkette Search Engine Optimization Operative Plato-to-Nato sends us a screen grab from this morning’s Washington Post. You’re welcome.

PECULIAR. Google “ny state” and it says that Lt. Gov. David Paterson is already Gov. David Paterson, although the New York State website still says otherwise. Has this schlemiel Spitzer already resigned, and only the Google knows? Actually, that would make a lot of sense, this crazy modern life and what not.

What better way to talk about your tech feelings than to get folksy with the people at Google? Sen. Barack Obama did just that, probably expecting some softballs from awestruck geeks. Nope. They were ready and waiting with questions. Good, tough questions like “What have you learned from Clinton that is going to make you win?” and “What have you learned from Gore and Kerry and all those guys that you’re going to avoid, so that history doesn’t recur?” MORE »

It turns out that the various terrible and offensive things we write about all the creeps and fascists running for president affect the way your average loser on the street thinks! At least if your average googler, as simulated by Google Suggest, is any indication. Slate’s Christopher Beam and Chadwick Matlin “investigated” (typed all the candidates names in and saw what funny things came up). Google Suggest suggests you might be asking about the following things: MORE »