Tag Archives: google

  Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Big Banks Won’t Stop Cramming Homosexuals Down Franklin Graham’s Throat

Jesus loves the little children, unless they're super-duper gay. SING ALONG!
Poor persecuted Franklin Graham, insane wingnut son of evangelist Billy Graham and president of his daddy’s association, saw a Wells Fargo ad on the teevee, and the ad had lesbians in it, and this shall not stand! So he took his mad right to the Facebook and announced what he was gonna do: close the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association’s Wells Fargo accounts (because he controls them now that his dad is 96) and move them to a better, more gay-hatey bank: Read more on Big Banks Won’t Stop Cramming Homosexuals Down Franklin Graham’s Throat…
  Wishful Thinking Is Totally Different From Denial

ALEC: Global Warming Is Real, And We Think It’s FABULOUS

Well THERE'S yer problem...
Good news, everyone! The American Legislative Exchange Council, everyone’s favorite corporate whore lobbying national legislative information-sharing group promoting free-market values, is officially not a nest of climate deniers. And if you say they are, they’ll send you a pissy cease-and-desist letter, so there. Read more on ALEC: Global Warming Is Real, And We Think It’s FABULOUS…
  There's an app for that

Gun-Humpers Using Sexy App To Track Gun Control Advocates, What Could Go Wrong?

Just a normal guy, on his way to the Taco Bell.
Here is a story that will warm the hearts of all patriotic Americans with guns firmly held by cold dead hands, out of which none can pry them! There are people out there who think it might be wise to fight for a little more gun control, a little more responsibility on the part of gun owners, so kids don’t get massacred at school or accidentally shot by their siblings. This is an un-American belief, so these people must be tracked, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s an app for that: Read more on Gun-Humpers Using Sexy App To Track Gun Control Advocates, What Could Go Wrong?…
  birth of a notion

Google Gaffes, Gets Dippy Dana Rohrabacher In High Dudgeon Over Dinesh D’Souza’s New Doc

It is strange goddamn times we live in when Dana Rohrabacher says something astoundingly, head-smackingly dumb and it’s still barely in the top fifty of dumb things we’ve heard this week. Nonetheless and also such as, this is pretty dumb. Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher, a frequent foe of Google, is demanding to know why the giant Internet company was fumbling the search results for Dinesh D’Souza’s movie America for nearly three weeks. “This doesn’t deserve to be ignored. We need to verify the statistics in some way, and I will be suggesting the appropriate committee or subcommittee have some kind of hearing on this,” Rohrbacher said. “We know there were significant incidences, and that would suggest there was intent behind Google’s nonperformance.” Read more on Google Gaffes, Gets Dippy Dana Rohrabacher In High Dudgeon Over Dinesh D’Souza’s New Doc…
 

New Tech Thingy Will Protect You From the #Tyranny of Google Glass

Google Glass is the super-obnoxious new wearable technology that privacy advocates claim will turn America into the kind of dystopian panopticon envisioned by George Orwell, or Judas Priest, take your pick. Google Glass is ugly, it is dumb, and now, thank sky-god, there’s a way for normies like us to fight back. Read more on New Tech Thingy Will Protect You From the #Tyranny of Google Glass…
  ddteed off

Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It

Google has really angered the Wingnuttospere this week. First off, on Monday, the search engine failed to put up a special doodle for Memorial Day, because Google Hates America — actually, the page did mark the day with an American flag and yellow ribbon icon, but they were too small and didn’t go up at midnight like they should have, but later in the day.* Then Tuesday, Google drew the wrath of all nine fulltime staffers of Twitchy by honoring Rachel Carson on what would have been her 107th birthday. This tribute to a known environmentalist sparked a Twitch-Fit, because of course by writing Silent Spring, a book that eventually led to the banning of DDT, Rachel Carson personally murdered millions: Read more on Google Honored A Known Environmentalist, And Twitchy Will Not Shut Up About It…
  what a wonderful world

Nazis, Google, And Jesus Walk Into A Bar

There are literally tens of reasons for you to clicky clicky these Happy Nice Time links this afternoon, all of which have to do with making sure people give us monies, so get going, please. Read more on Nazis, Google, And Jesus Walk Into A Bar…
  kids these days

Millennials, Your Boss Should Not Call Your Mommy To Talk About Your Job

When we were young people, we would have blanched at the thought of our potential boss calling our parents about our potential job, though it is tough to imagine the CEO of Starbuck would have called Mom about our barista gig. But this is now a thing bosses do, and thing millennials like. We are dismayed and confused and old. Read more on Millennials, Your Boss Should Not Call Your Mommy To Talk About Your Job…
  don't be evil

Google Would Like To Trademark The Word ‘Glass’ Because They Don’t Control Enough Of The World Yet

A few months back, King Ltd., maker of the creepily addictive Candy Crush, trademarked the word “candy” and we mocked them mercilessly. (They’ve since abandoned that attempt to trademark.) Apparently Google wasn’t paying attention to the power of Internet mockery and has decided to take a go at trademarking the word “glass.” It isn’t going well. Read more on Google Would Like To Trademark The Word ‘Glass’ Because They Don’t Control Enough Of The World Yet…
  breadboards and roses

Lady That Works For Google Pretty Sure Google Should Be President Instead Of Obama

We love Obama, but the White House petition is the worst. It gives a platform to people who previously would have been left muttering on message boards. Right now, the award for dumbest petition goes to Justine Tunney, who is calling on the President to step down so Google can run the country. Read more on Lady That Works For Google Pretty Sure Google Should Be President Instead Of Obama…
  don't wanna grow up

Working At Dropbox Probably All Techbro Bromance All The Time

Ohai, Dropbox techbros. Whatcha doin’? Being bros? Making your workplace impossible for women before they even start? Being manchildren about everything from interviews to conference rooms? Cool story, bro! [One woman explained] “When I interviewed for Dropbox, I was interviewed in a room called ‘The Break-up Room,’ by a male. It was right next to a room called the ‘Bromance Chamber.’ It felt weird I would be interviewed in such a strangely named conference room.” Let’s pretend for a second that there is no sexism to having a “Bromance Chamber” at your dude-heavy company and talk about instead how it is just distressingly childish to name your conference rooms in such a fashion. No one EXCEPT an emotionally stunted person who has been coddled his whole work life, encouraged to be “quirky” because that’s just how techbros roll, is going to think it is cool to be interviewed in “The Break-Up Room.” Grown-ass people do not want to interview or work in rooms that sound like they were named by a reality TV team. Read more on Working At Dropbox Probably All Techbro Bromance All The Time…
  try try again

No, Goldman Sachs, Ladies At A Tech Event Probably Did Not Want Nail File Swag

So let’s say you’re a group of undergraduate women running a conference designed to “promote female representation in technical fields and create a community among women in technology.” That is a good thing! Be proud, stand tall. But it is a dumb thing to ask one of your sponsors to provide lady-themed swag. Also, too, it is a dumb thing for the sponsor, Goldman Sachs, to acquiesce to this request and provide Things You Think Ladies Like. Read more on No, Goldman Sachs, Ladies At A Tech Event Probably Did Not Want Nail File Swag…
  never again

Michelle Malkin To One-Percenters: It Gets Better

Well thank god, someone has finally come to the defense of all the rich. Michelle Malkin has bravely come forward to call for an end to the “bullying epidemic” that plagues our nation: No, not the school bullying issues that get constant attention from Hollywood, the White House and the media. No, not the “fat-shaming” and “body-shaming” outbreaks on Facebook. The problem is wealth-shaming. Class-shaming. Success-shaming. The State of the Job Creator is under siege. You see, Malkin understands that when tech gazillionaire Tom Perkins wrote that letter to the Wall Street Journal warning that the rich are facing their very own Kristallnacht, he wasn’t being an obnoxious douche. He was presenting a “critical message in defense of our nation’s achievers” that she prays “will transcend, inspire, embolden and prevail.” Unless, of course, the Takers have their way and Holocaust the rich to death, putting them on the incremental tax increase trains and shoving them into the gas chambers of Keynesianism. Read more on Michelle Malkin To One-Percenters: It Gets Better…
  Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E Becomes Final Today

Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again

The terms of News Corp’s CEO, chairman, and destroyer of all things good in media Rupert Murdoch’s divorce from his pie-jacking, badass, third wife Wendi Deng Murdoch are set to be finalized in front of a New York judge today. And other than the little matter of poor Rupert handing over what some people have guessed is between 1.2 and 2 billion divorce dollars, and the 44 million dollar apartment in NYC which she is totally keeping, Emperor Palpatine’s doppelganger and his erstwhile bride of almost 15 years have all the prenuptial and postnuptial (which we were not even rich enough to know existed) agreements that one of the top 100 richest, and number one most evilest, media men in the world could possibly need. So this thing here today should all be pretty quick and painless, as far as billion dollar divorces go. But there was still some rather insidery stuff reported on the Murdoch split, thanks to Michael Wolff’s fairly overwrought article in the USA Today from a week and a half ago, that we did not see until now. Michael Wolff is a guy who wrote a Murdoch biography The Man Who Owns the News, and was also on Keith Olbermann’s old show all the time, talking about how Rupert’s news companies hacking the phones of the entirety of Great Britain and probably the USA might actually take Rupert, his terrible kids, and even more terrible empire down. But of course it did not take anything down and we were stupid to think that it might. And now Michael Wolff says that not going to jail or even getting into trouble really for the hacking thing, and now getting this divorce, have made Rupert Murdoch happier than ever. And isn’t that the most important thing? That Rupert Murdoch is happy? Read more on Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again…
  being evil is the new not being evil

Google Breaks Hearts Of Liberals By Eating Champion Climate Change Denier Jim Inhofe For Lunch Today

Oh, Google. Masters of our fate, keepers of our email, facilitators of our sexytime midday work chatting. We like you. We really really like you. We might gay marry you for, say, 1% of your stock. But we’re kinda not down with you helping climate deniers like treacherous windbag Jim Inhofe get cold hard cash money love: Read more on Google Breaks Hearts Of Liberals By Eating Champion Climate Change Denier Jim Inhofe For Lunch Today…
  post-9/11 world

Your Wonkette Surveillance Explainer: Why All Your Metadata Are Belong To The NSA

By now Wonketeers are probably aware that the NSA (which stands for No Such Agency) has not only been collecting “metadata” from Verizon for oh, about seven years now, but also that it has been directly accessing servers from Skype, Yahoo, Google, Microsoft, Apple, and Skype in a program called PRISM in a gigantic effort to “Keep America Safe™.” Here, let us explain at you about what the NSA is doing, why they say they are doing it, and why we should give a good goddamn. Read more on Your Wonkette Surveillance Explainer: Why All Your Metadata Are Belong To The NSA…
  well-behaved women can suck it

U.K. Has Its Own Elizabeth Warren, But She Yells At Google Instead Of Ben Bernanke (Video)

We here at Wonkette have a big melty spot (OUR HEART, PERVS) for ladies what yell at people. We are absolutely sure this has nothing to do with our upbringing, which as we recall was filled with gentle murmurings, hair ribbons, and warm pots of choc-o-late by the fire. There is Elizabeth Warren, first and always. There was Glenda Jackson thundering in the voice of God over the mouldering corpse of Margaret Thatcher. There was Aussie “sheila” prime minister Tilda Swinton LITERALLY KILLING SEXISTS DEAD WITH HER HARANGUE that was so fucking beautiful and great and like four hours long and captivating from start to finish, and you should probably give yourself some Nice Time and go watch it again. Oh, and now there is another lady, a British-Lande “MP,” and like Warren she pitches her voice low and ladylike so the icepick can go cleaner right into the ear. Let us watch as she murders Google for being “evil.” Read more on U.K. Has Its Own Elizabeth Warren, But She Yells At Google Instead Of Ben Bernanke (Video)…
  thank you sir may we have another

Finally, A Way We Can Just Pay Our Taxes Directly to the Job Creators and Cut Out the Middle Man

Greetings, Incorporated Americans, how may we best serve you today? Oh, just by paying a tithe for the privilege of enriching corporate coffers, that’s all, no big deal. According to investigative journalist and author David Cay Johnston, you might already be doing so without even knowing it, which he seems to think is bad, but REALLY aren’t we just cutting out the middle man here by paying our taxes directly to our corporate overlords, instead of waiting for them to get  multibillion dollar tax benefits or carryback provisions? Read more on Finally, A Way We Can Just Pay Our Taxes Directly to the Job Creators and Cut Out the Middle Man…
  rumors on the internets

Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites

Can women have it all? Not yet! At least, not until I get an Iron Man suit — sorry, Iron Woman. [The Atlantic] Are liberals hypocrites about national security?! How dare you, Salon! That’s so mean! Anyway, probably. I mean, liberal Hollywood’s movie Iron Man is about an arms dealer who forgoes making weapons — to turn himself into the ultimate weapon. [Salon] Read more on Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites… Read more on Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites…
  rumors on the internets

Google Thinks We’re Dumb And Lets Glenn Beck Take Over the Internet

Happy day after a long weekend! Here’s a list of news items that’ll likely bring upon a series of existential questions upon you — do you care what Google thinks of you? Would you sell your soul for coal? Are you going to watch Glenn Beck’s series for the laughs? Think hard on that one. It costs money now. Read more on Google Thinks We’re Dumb And Lets Glenn Beck Take Over the Internet…
  space the final frontier of socialism

Fox News Threatened By Liberals’ ‘Socialist’ Efforts In Outer Space

You would think that if The Liberals decided to go off to outer space to do their thing, maybe accidentally never come back, get sucked down a liberal wormhole, Fox News would be happy, but you would be wrong. Fox News reports, via Space.com, that there is a new company headed by people including Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, as well as Titantic inventor James Cameron, called Planetary Resources, which just sounds socialist, and the company intends to take its billions and go off to some asteroid and mine it for minerals, because it is over us asking China for things. The minerals will apparently add “trillions to the GDP.” One asteroid contains more minerals than this one mineral company on Earth, Platinum Group Metals, has mined in all of history. But that doesn’t matter, this all gets Fox News’s knickers in a twist, because, after all, “to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?” Oh, you. Read more on Fox News Threatened By Liberals’ ‘Socialist’ Efforts In Outer Space…
  topping from the bottom

Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum

Former Pennsylvania (?) Senator Rick Santorum initially rose to prominence when it was discovered that his last name is — go figure! — a perfect homonym with “santorum,” the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. So what a stroke of luck for his presidential campaign, that they could take advantage of this link between the candidate’s name and the act he spends 60% of his waking hours contemplating/working to outlaw (when it occurs between unordained homosexual men, at least). Buddy, you can’t buy name recognition like that! Read more on Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum…