U.K. Has Its Own Elizabeth Warren, But She Yells At Google Instead Of Ben Bernanke (Video)
We here at Wonkette have a big melty spot (OUR HEART, PERVS) for ladies what yell at people. We are absolutely sure this has nothing to do with our upbringing, which as we recall was filled with gentle murmurings, hair ribbons, and warm pots of choc-o-late by the fire. There is Elizabeth Warren, first and [...]
Finally, A Way We Can Just Pay Our Taxes Directly to the Job Creators and Cut Out the Middle Man
Greetings, Incorporated Americans, how may we best serve you today? Oh, just by paying a tithe for the privilege of enriching corporate coffers, that’s all, no big deal. According to investigative journalist and author David Cay Johnston, you might already be doing so without even knowing it, which he seems to think is bad, but [...]
Women Don’t Need 3,054 Languages To Call Men Hypocrites
Can women have it all? Not yet! At least, not until I get an Iron Man suit — sorry, Iron Woman. [The Atlantic] Are liberals hypocrites about national security?! How dare you, Salon! That’s so mean! Anyway, probably. I mean, liberal Hollywood’s movie Iron Man is about an arms dealer who forgoes making weapons — [...]
Google Thinks We’re Dumb And Lets Glenn Beck Take Over the Internet
Happy day after a long weekend! Here’s a list of news items that’ll likely bring upon a series of existential questions upon you – do you care what Google thinks of you? Would you sell your soul for coal? Are you going to watch Glenn Beck’s series for the laughs? Think hard on that one. It costs [...]
Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum
Former Pennsylvania (?) Senator Rick Santorum initially rose to prominence when it was discovered that his last name is — go figure! — a perfect homonym with “santorum,” the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. So what a stroke of luck for his presidential campaign, that [...]
Mitt Romney’s Google Results Sabotaged With Dog Poop
Your Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “SpreadingRomney.com,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow [...]
Internet Seeks ‘Off Switch’ For Joe Lieberman
Fearmongering terror toad Joe Lieberman is the worst person in the Senate — not because he’s the dumbest, or the most personally repulsive, but because he has spent the past decade using his supposed “credibility” as a Democrat senator to wage domestic war against the American People. His latest attempt is an Internet Gulag for [...]
Newt Gingrich Is President of Internet Chat Rooms
And now it is time to check in with marshmallow human Newt Gingrich for the latest in high tech interactive multimedia. Oh hey look, Newt has discovered hip new social networking thing Google “plus,” which is just Facebook without Farmville or Sarah Palin and all her turd followers on it, which means it is still [...]
California Gov. Jerry Brown’s ‘First Dog’ Euthanized Due To Budget Cuts
Here’s a stupid Los Angeles Times video of Governor Jerry Brown’s legless tribble-sausage dog running around the state capitol while most dogs in California are being “put to sleep” (along with education and infrastructure and state parks) because corporations won’t pay their fair share of taxes in California. Yayyy, animal videos!
Beck Didn’t Like It When Abraham Lincoln Supported Google Either
WE KNEW IT! That Google thought it could win over our trust by keeping secret about our favorite porn and about our weird health fears, but now it’s gone too far: It’s single-handedly taken down Glenn Beck’s best bro, Hosni Mubarak. Look, this isn’t a political thing. Glenn Beck didn’t like it when Bing gave [...]
Rick Santorum Wants the Google To Be Civil, Stop Calling Him Gay Sex Names
Yes, Rick Santorum is aware that, according to the Internet, his name means “that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex,” thanks to the Internet’s love advice guy, Dan Savage. But Rick Santorum also heard President Obama say something about “civility” when that woman who actually has [...]
The Google Desecrates Beloved U.S. Flag With Muslin Crescent Moon
That’s odd. I clicked on the Google button on the AOL and it came up with a new picture. Why would they stick an American flag… OH NO. THEY DID IT SO THEY COULD STICK A CRESCENT MOON IN THERE. The Google has been taken over by Sharia law! AND ON VETERANS DAY! This is [...]
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