Important Changes Regarding Your Wonkette: Bye And Thanks But Mostly Thanks!
Thursday, February 11th, 2010
Well hello!
A brief note from your Tuesday and Thursday morning editor: Today is my final day at Wonkette, as starting on Monday I will be blogging for Vanity Fair’s VF Daily blog, so please come hang out there, too. It’ll be just like old times! Thank you times a million to Ken, Jim, Sara, Riley and Arielle, the best people in the entire Internet, even factoring in all the robots and whoever writes the “Twitter” Website. And thank you, readers and commenters, for reading and commenting, and for tipping and for being far, far better at grammar than I than me. I will miss everyone.
First-person singular,
Juli
Ted Stevens is 85 years old and has served in the United States Senate since Reconstruction. He now has to leave, because he lost his latest re-election bid to some warm-blooded mammal from Anchorage. Join us as he delivers a stirring rendition of “Non, je ne regrette rien” before committing seppuku with a whale tusk. 
Oh, America, what will we do without our Long National Election Nightmare? We’ll do what we always do: Gossip, “scoops,” Joe Biden gaffes, etc. Joe Lieberman! That will be funny, whatever happens to old anus-face. And we’ve already lost so many seemingly irreplaceable human jokes, and it turned out that they were all immediately forgettable, too: Drunken Jenna & Barbara, Krazy Katherine Harris, folksy moron “Hollywood Fred” Thompson, rat-faced fascist Rudy Giuliani in his ladies’ clothes, gay instant-message masturbator Mark Foley, all the hilarious racists such as Jesse Helms and Zell Miller and Trent Lott, etc. So we’ll soon forget all the dumb-ass attention whores who amused us this year, too. Let’s start saying good-bye, together. 
3:09: He finally comes out, no football in sight.
John “Bushy” Bolton is supposedly the next Bush Administration creature to say goodbye, but he may not even get the fancy luxury of a White House press conference hosted by George “Fabulous Job” Bush. 