Tag Archives: good morning america

  Juneau about this fight? No but Alaska!

Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette

Klassy as fuck
Important updates are flying in left and right regarding the big Anchorage birthday party dust-up involving America’s favorite hillbilly family that doesn’t count a child named Honey Boo Boo among its ranks. (Which, when we think about it, is kind of surprising.) We are speaking, of course, of grifter queen Sarah Palin, husband Todd, and their brood of geographically named children. Let’s brawlsplore! Read more on Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette…
  dumbfuck dynasty

Cultural Icon Phil The Duck Is A Homophobe Just Like Jesus

So glad we stayed for the credits to Guardians of the Galaxy
Last year’s Free Speach* martyr Phil “All Merchandise 50% Off” Robertson has him a book-shaped object out and is dutifully making the rounds of the morning news programs to try to gin up some interest in his thoughts. While promoting his collections of pages, titled unPHILtered: The Way I See It, Mr. Duck went on Good Morning America to share the simple homespun philosophy of a wealthy has-been reality teevee star, and revealed that Jesus is pretty OK with telling the gays they’re bound for the everlasting lake of hell firrrrrrre. Robertson reiterated that he doesn’t hate anybody at all, and when asked about his charming thoughts on gay people in GQ magazine last year, explained that there’s only one reliable compendium of bronze-age wisdom that can be trusted: Read more on Cultural Icon Phil The Duck Is A Homophobe Just Like Jesus…
  media circus

What Is Nancy Grace Being A Douche About Today?

Perhaps when you first saw the terrible evidence piling up against Oscar Pistorius in the murder of his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, you were saddened by the emotional abuse. Or maybe it was because she seemed wonderful: strong and nice and feministy and awesome. Of course, if you’re Nancy Grace, the important thing was Pistorius liked porn. Read more on What Is Nancy Grace Being A Douche About Today?…
  everyone's just gone gay all of a sudden

Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts Comes Out, Enlists in War On Marriage

Man, have we mentioned what a fanfuckingtastic year it was to be gay in ‘Merica? It was! It still is! Hell, we even gayed up Utah. And now we’ve managed to force another high-profile celebrity to enlist on the front lines of the war on marriage. Step on up, Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts! Read more on Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts Comes Out, Enlists in War On Marriage…
  the egg and i

Ann Romney To Simper And Smirk And Make Love To Us All As Guest Host Of Good Morning America

Set the recorders on your infernal machines, America! Egg Romney is trying to seduce you! On Oct. 10, which is next Wednesday, she will show us all the charm and grace she has heretofore mislaid somehow (it was terribly careless of her, we’re sure) and we will all finally realize that a Lady such as she could not but be married to a very fine fellow! Read more on Ann Romney To Simper And Smirk And Make Love To Us All As Guest Host Of Good Morning America…
  stunt casting

Sarah Palin Sure She Will Totally Pwn Katie Couric By Co-Hosting Morning Yap Show

So, Katie Couric is hosting Good Morning America (zzzzzz) and NBC got all hilarious and tapped former halfterm governor and eighth-wit reptiloid Sarah Palin for some clever/stupid counterprogramming. It’s the Thrilla in Wasilla! (A gig cohosting Today is what passes for INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT NEWS in the New York Media Elite Corridor ever since Manhattan kicked out all its most interesting junkies.) Relive Palin’s glorious lack of interest and curiosity in the world with her original Katie Couric GOTCHA! interview, after the jump. Read more on Sarah Palin Sure She Will Totally Pwn Katie Couric By Co-Hosting Morning Yap Show…
  infamous pubic-hair havers

Christine O’Donnell Planning On Switching Parties In 2012

Hey you guys, Christine O’Donnell is still willing to set fire to some media oxygen! Good Morning America had her and failed CNN newsman D.L. Hughley on today, because what America loves is listening to two people who know little about current events telling us their PERSPECTIVE. So here is what Christine thinks about Hillary Clinton: “I would love to see her take out Obama in the primary. You know, I would even be tempted to change my registration so that I could vote for her in the Democratic primary.” Sounds like a plan. Christine O’Donnell is now your problem, Democratic Party. Enjoy her trying to latch onto Hillary Clinton to create the most frightening presidential ticket since Teddy Roosevelt and an estrous rhinoceros won the Progressive Party nomination in 1912. Read more on Christine O’Donnell Planning On Switching Parties In 2012…
  great political thinkers of our time

Rand Paul Is An Endless Internet Comedy Machine

You know, OCCASIONALLY your Wednesday-Friday morning editor feels kind of bad about piling onto a particular politician, no matter how odious/loopy his or her views. I mean, they’ve gotten pretty far in life, so probably they’re smarter than the out-of-context quotes in the “gotcha media” would imply, right? Plus, isn’t it just laziness on our parts? Shouldn’t your Wonkette be seeking out brave new frontiers instead of putting up yet another “holy shit, Rand Paul is crazy” post? But then Rand Paul does things like defending BP and pooping all over dead coal miners live on national TV, so, uh, here’s another “holy shit, Rand Paul is crazy” post. Read more on Rand Paul Is An Endless Internet Comedy Machine…
  hot blondes

George Stephanopoulos Is Your New Diane Sawyer

Former Clintonite insider George Stephanopoulos will replace former Nixonite insider Diane Sawyer on ABC’s important hard-hitting American morning newsmagazine Good Morning America. Stephanopoulos is notorious for the most groundbreaking journalistic coup of the 21st century: “twitterviewing” John McCain and getting him to admit that “if the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.” Read more on George Stephanopoulos Is Your New Diane Sawyer…
  a new era in tv you don't watch

WORLD NEWS ANCHOR CHARLIE GIBSON IS QUITTING. Someone at ABC will now go to the Good Morning America studio, find Diane Sawyer, and shuffle her down the hall to replace him. Sawyer can probably just stay seated in whatever chair she uses over there during this exciting transition process, provided it’s one of those rolly ones. [ABC News] Read more on …
  important political events

Cindy McCain Fondly Recalls Her Baby-Poaching Days On ‘Good Morning America’

Michelle Obama did The View yesterday, so today sasspants Cindy McCain visited Good Morning America. We were too busy sleeping or something to actually watch this wee interview, but here is a recording of it! After the jump, an exclusive Wonkette Record-O-Blog, which is like a liveblog, except recorded. Read more on Cindy McCain Fondly Recalls Her Baby-Poaching Days On ‘Good Morning America’…
 

Micheeeeeelle!

Michelle Obama is some kinda lady, waltzing around here (the royal “here”) thinking she can have an independent opinion outside party lines. On Good Morning America today, she said she’d have “to think about” supporting Hillary Clinton if The Clintons won the nomination. The Clintons may have used all sorts of tribal slurs about Michelle’s… race… recently. But they’ve always said that if a Luo tribesman gets the Democratic nomination, they’d gladly support that Luo tribesman. Why can’t Barack’s American bride say the same about some Arkansas crackers? SHOCKING video footage, after the jump. Read more on Micheeeeeelle!…
 

Barry Engages President’s Wife’s Husband

Bill Clinton’s a dick, nothing new here. He thinks Barry’s Iraq support is a “fairy tale,” and that’s only the tip of the iceberg insofar as Bill’s virulent racism is concerned. He also brought out “my wife should be president over this guy,” a pejorative that dates to those muggy summers in the indigo fields of South Carolina’s Sea Islands. Well, he’s done it now, and Barry’s had enough. He will attack the very mean former President when attacked now, and a veritable slap party shall ensue. Read more on Barry Engages President’s Wife’s Husband…
 

Gossip Roundup: Making a Splash

* Heard on the Hill: Michael Scanlon, of the Jack Abramoff scandal, presented his graduate thesis, an “evaluative history of the House ethics process,” at John Hopkins University. . . Sen. Kennedy and his dog, Splash, will appear on “Good Morning America” this Friday. [Roll Call] * Inside Politics: “The Star Spangled Banner” was sung in both English and Spanish during Bush‘s first inauguration. . . Cheney: “My image might be better out there… if I spent more time as a public figure trying to improve my image, but that’s not why I’m here.” [WT] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Making a Splash…
 

Gossip Roundup: ‘Cozying Ever Closer’

* Reliable Source: Rep. Cynthia McKinney reportedly “stabbed” Capitol Hill officer with her cellphone; her new haircut may have caused the confusion. . . Final Four lawmakers put hometown bets on the NCAA game. [WP] * Under the Dome: DSCC jumps on Sen. George Allen for saying the Senate is “too slow for me.” [The Hill] * Inside the Beltway: Twenty-two House Republicans seek a review of federally funded sex-ed programs. [WT] * Page Six: Rush Limbaugh gives “private pointers” to Monica Crowley. . . “Good Morning America” producer who knocked Bush in a leaked email also wrote of Madeleine Albright‘s “Jew shame.” [NYP] * Ben Widdicombe’s Gatecrasher: Rupert Murdoch and his New York Post are “cozying ever closer” to Hillary. [NYDN] Read more on Gossip Roundup: ‘Cozying Ever Closer’…