• RedState hacked Harry Reid’s “vBay” account! But will Harry press charges? [RedState]
• Barack Obama admits he is in an intense relationship with India but declines to say who is the “man” because he doesn’t believe in gender roles. [TPM]
• Sarah Palin’s book is full of terrible fibs about simple, honest Americans. And they’ve had enough. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Lazy black man Barack Obama has already played more rounds of golf than every hard-working white president and Jack Nicklaus combined. Also: Barack hates the troops. [Gateway Pundit]
• A homeless ponzi scheme rocks New York. [Daily Intel]

This is one of those Jake Tapper-esque “Just sayin’, it’s a fact, just sayin’…” style twats from CBS’ Mark Knoller, who probably doesn’t mean to imply anything, but is just sayin’, this is a statistic, just puttin’ it out there, interpret it how you will, just sayin’. [Twitter]

A GOLF COURSE. Those snooty elitist New England racists. Also, is this quite BIG enough of a demonstration? Aliens are going to see this from deep space and think all kinds of trouble. Excellent news texture, though, from CNN: apparently golfing patrons are finding this massive evil Nazi hatred carving about the President on their golf green to be rather unsettling.

It’s then that it hits me: Here I am playing an ancient Scottish game with metal sticks in Java while doodling giraffe penises on my Apple Blackberry Etch-a-Sketch function designed by brown-blacks in Eritrea and there are Mongolian goats in the background ordering garlic hummus at the Taco Bell/KFC where the hobbit employees are albino and French and robots and then the Kenyan-Hawaiian president of the Pan-American representative democracy is with me but he’s chasing Chinese rabbits across the New York Stock Exchange floor which is covered in Saharan turpentine — metaphorically, this is a metaphor — and I see God: it is called “the Yuan” or maybe “iPod.” Suck. On. This. [The Nation]

DC is the capital of many things, not just Virginia. For instance, it’s a major destination for senseless violence, and it’s also a “must-visit” for any tourist looking to snag a little “Capitol Hill Dome,” in exchange for a crack pebble. Yes, this is a miserable place. But sometimes — not often, but now and then — something magical happens. Like when three transvestites mug a woman, and then use her credit card to buy panties at Victoria’s Secret. Oh wait, this happened in Fredericksburg. Never mind. [Washington Examiner] MORE »

Last year Rudy Giuliani’s humble son Andrew, then a student at Duke, sued the university for kicking him off its varsity golf team, a move that “interferred with Giuliani’s efforts toward becoming a professional golfer,” the right to which is, what, Seventh Amendment? Eighth? (Second.) Yesterday a U.S. Magistrate Judge recommended dismissing the case in a SNARKY opinion that just eviscerates this brat, with “golf humor.” Ever seen a judge reject a plaintiff’s “promissory estoppel claim” by quoting a line from Caddyshack? [The Smoking Gun]

• CBS GOLF ASSHOLE HAS MURDER PLANS FOR, UH, NANCY PELOSI: “From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there’s a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.” [The Hill]

It has been over a year since some Republican finally made the obvious connection, in public, that Barack Obama and professional golf player Tiger Woods are the same person. Both are half-black, half-Muslin, and half-Asian but still manage to be polite human beings who speak eloquently and don’t go on welfare or murder children. In fact it is racist to even mention Barack Obama in a sentence that doesn’t also include Tiger Woods. And so on Monday (4/20!…?) Barack Obama invited Tiger Woods to the White House, and photos of this important historical race meeting have been released to the public today. MORE »

Condi Rice wrote an article for Tina Brown’s Internet Welfare Program For Lonely Republican Spinsters, and it is all about her new favorite game, golf. Somebody who knows something about golf might be able to “analyze” this article but we are not Deadspin over here so let’s just pick out some funny quotes. MORE »

Over the summer we mentioned that Andrew Giuliani, the son of 9/11, was suing Duke University because “he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team,” because talent should have had nothing to do with whether he made the cut on a sports team. But maybe this stuff does: “Duke said in a court filing Wednesday that the 22-year-old Giuliani was properly suspended after throwing an apple in the face of another player, breaking a golf club during a tournament, injuring a teammate and becoming verbally abusive with a coach.” Andrew denies all of this, which brings us back to the original argument: that he sucks at golf. [Charlotte Observer via Above The Law]

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, a similar situation to the attack ad on Harold Ford in 2006, where he is constantly talking to loose white women on the telephone. If John McCain were to *objectively* pick the two most famous people in the world, the liberals argue, at least one of them would have been TIGER WOODS, the GOLFER. The conservatives do not believe Tiger Woods counts, however, because he has accomplishments!

Prepare to rock and/or roll. MORE »