Tag Archives: golf

  it was supposed to be a white wedding anyway

Tyrant Obama Makes War On Army Heroes’ Christmas Wedding

Looks terrible. Such a sad day for them.
Talk about a double bogie! Over the weekend, two Army captains who were scheduled to get married at the 16th tee of the Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course in Hawaii had to move the wedding at the last minute because President Golfing McTyrant wanted to play a round. INPEACH!!11!! etc. and so forth. Read more on Tyrant Obama Makes War On Army Heroes’ Christmas Wedding…
 

You’ll Prefer Reading About Ebola Nurses Over Reading Maureen Dowd In The Sunday NY Times

Look, Mommy! Daddy has an analog tablet!
We’re still getting used to bringing you this New York Times roundup on Sundays, so bear with us. It’s a nice break from “Sundays With the Christianists” (which will be back at some point — there’s no shortage of material), but we’re still adjusting to writing about reality, as brought to you mostly by “reporters” instead of the fanciful Goddiddit tropes of our previous Sunday reading. Happily, for the fantasy element, we still have the columnists. Read more on You’ll Prefer Reading About Ebola Nurses Over Reading Maureen Dowd In The Sunday NY Times…
  the horror ... the horror

Uncouth Barbarian President Inconveniences Golfers For Five Minutes, Probably Doesn’t Fill In Divots Either

They'll let anybody into the Vineyard Golf Club.
We don’t know about all of you, but we are getting sick and goddamned tired of living in a militarized police state where citizens can at any given moment and without prior warning be subjected to the whims of a tyrannical security regime, forced to submit to the degradations imposed by their heavily armed rulers or suffer injurious or even fatal consequences. It is a travesty, a mockery of the rights enumerated for us in the sacred Constitution. Read more on Uncouth Barbarian President Inconveniences Golfers For Five Minutes, Probably Doesn’t Fill In Divots Either…
  Fore More Years!

A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball

Golf is dumb
Barack Obama: golfing President, or golfing TYRANT!? That’s the hot question from the Top Conservatives on Twitter today, after Instagram user larrydoh found one of Obama’s errant shots in the woods at Congressional Country Club and then ‘grammed it for the world to see. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball…
  There's No Need to Fear

Man Time: Cheer for These Underdogs

There are two important underdog stories in sportsball right now, and you should be cheering for these guys before they leave us forever. They come to us from the world of bouncy hoops and golf, and if these stories don’t warm the cockles of your heart, then perhaps you’re an awful person. Read more on Man Time: Cheer for These Underdogs…
  sportsballers in the news

Obama Persecuting Hero Golf-Ball-Man Phil Mickelson For Standing Up For Poor Millionaires

Golfing-man Phil Mickelson has appeared in these pages before, not for his achievements in the sport of golf-balling, but rather for his excellence in the sport of being a mouthy, whiny Ayn Randian cock-nozzle about the terrible, terrible burden of subsisting on the measly $25 or $30 million a year he earns after taxes because successful millionaires are so badly punished by our nation’s regressive tax structure. Oops, excuse us, another roach just scuttled across the floor of the crappy studio that is the best our measly freelance writer salary can afford… Okay, cockroach has been killed and eaten for breakfast. Where were we? Oh right, Phil Mickelson, whiny multi-millionaire, who is now being investigated for possible insider trading. Couldn’t happen to a nicer schmuck. Read more on Obama Persecuting Hero Golf-Ball-Man Phil Mickelson For Standing Up For Poor Millionaires…
  inventing situations - putting them on t.v.

Supreme Emperor Barack Obama Demands Advance Copies Of ‘Game Of Thrones,’ ‘True Detective’

Oh, those high-living Obamas are up to their early-viewing tyranny again. In 2012 Michelle stoled all the Downton Abbeys, and now Barack Obama has muscled the CEO of HBO into giving him advance copies of the new season of Game of Thrones and the last three episodes of True Detective. Oh it is so very outrageous. So very, very outrageous. And, uh, arrogant, too, we guess. Frankly, we’re not even sure the Usual Wingnuts are even bothering to get upset over this. See, for instance, Taylor Bigler at Tucker Carlson’s House O’ Spleen, who seems to be parodying rightwing outrage more than actually trying to stir it up: Who exactly does President Barack HUSSEIN Obama think he is, anyway? The King of England? Obama tried to leverage his position as Commander in Chief to curry favor from HBO honcho Richard Plepler at the recent state dinner for the French president … If Obama did receive the episodes early — and he may have — he would have spent 16 hours in front of the television instead of focusing on governing our great nation. Yeah, that’s just trolling, isn’t it? She managed to get a “playing golf all day” in there, too. Beats us, but that all-caps HUSSEIN strikes us as the tip-off that we’re reading a parody here. (But Poe’s Law applies, as ever.) Well-played, Ms. Bigler! Read more on Supreme Emperor Barack Obama Demands Advance Copies Of ‘Game Of Thrones,’ ‘True Detective’…
  never forget to be offended

Wisconsin Golf Course Gets Lots Of Free Publicity, Death Threats, With Awesome 9/11 Special

A Verona, Wisconsin, golf course has apologized for its well-thought-out 9/11 commemoration, an ad that offered to remember the 12th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon with a golf discount: “9 holes with cart for only $9.11 per person or 18 holes with cart for only 19.11. 9/11/13 Only!” TOO SOON, Tumbledown Trails Golf Course, TOO SOON!!! Don’t you know that the only proper way to remember 9/11 is with bad art* or by condemning the terrible insensitivity of Barack Obama for visiting one of the three places where the planes crashed, but not the other two? Read more on Wisconsin Golf Course Gets Lots Of Free Publicity, Death Threats, With Awesome 9/11 Special…
  you're talking a lot but you're not saying anything

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Our Aggression Against Golf Will Not Stand, Man

Time for another trip to the ol’ comment queue! Today, we begin with a reader who has had just about enough of Yr. Wonkette’s socialist notion that a million dollars after taxes is adequate compensation for a week’s work of hitting a ball with a stick. Our unfair attack on Phil Mickelson drew this comment from reader “dirtydimples” (haha, we get that — it is a golf joke!): This site is filled with some mean socialists, full of envy, I guess. Phil Mickelson give more to charity in one year than you clowns can gather in a lifetime, collectively, so put a sock in it, you pathetic losers. Get a job! That is awfully nice of Mr. Mickelson! We bet he gets a handsome tax deduction for those donations, too! We would also point out that taxation and charity are two completely different things, and that Phil Mickelson should find another brand of golf ball than the Entitleist that he’s been playing. (See, even commies can make the golf jokes!) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Our Aggression Against Golf Will Not Stand, Man…
  now watch this drive

Millionaire Golfer Phil Mickelson Feels The Pain Of The Underclass: The Poor, Poor CEOs

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Let us begin our long, long week of snark and <headdesking> by crying a big ol’ bucket of crocodile tears for golfing sports-man Phil Mickelson, a person who has made a fortune hitting a little white ball, then walking after it, and then hitting it again and again until it drops into a little hole. Phil made headlines a few months ago when he mused that he might retire from playing a sport that earned him $67 million in 2012 because the gol’dang gubmint wanted its tithe, and a man like Phil can’t possibly be expected to subsist on the mere $25 million or so he cleared after taxes. That was in January, and Phil took some heat for his comments. You would think that in the ensuing months he might have used some of his wealth to hire a publicist to teach him to shut the hell up if this issue ever once again reared its head. And yet there was Phil on Friday, talking to Maria Bartiromo on CNBC and stepping on his dick once again. Read more on Millionaire Golfer Phil Mickelson Feels The Pain Of The Underclass: The Poor, Poor CEOs…
  wonkette world o' books

E-Book Review: Presidents Are Expensive. Why Won’t Obama Work For Free?

Conservatives have a hard time deciding what to find more shocking: the suspension of White House tours because of the sequester, or the insanely outrageous cost of having an Executive Mansion in the first place, especially if the hired help puts their unworthy feet up on the furniture. Today’s review looks at an e-book that falls in the latter camp, John F. Groom’s The 1.4 Billion Dollar Man: Costs of the Obama White House, which was actually published last September but continues to be fodder for whining by NRO and moronic speeches at CPAC, so we will call it “timely.” Make no mistake about it: this e-book is one terrible little waste of electrons. We mourn for the senseless slaughter of ones and zeroes that otherwise could have gone into a video of a cat jumping into a box. But since this thing exists, let’s give it the mockery it so richly deserves. Read more on E-Book Review: Presidents Are Expensive. Why Won’t Obama Work For Free?…
  shut the fuck up luke russert

JC Penney’s Boys Department Catalog Model Luke Russert: Why Is Obama Forcing Louie Gohmert To Put Him Under House Arrest?

Yesterday we learned that Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert was all yeehawin’, pew pew pew, about how if Barack Obama was gonna shut off the White House Tours as part of that bad ol’ sequester — something, unlike actual aid to olds and poors and whatnot, that people might actually notice — then he was gonna introduce an amendment to some budget stuff saying Barack Nobama couldn’t use taxpayer-funded transportation to go golfing. This seemed like a slight incursion into the executive branch like Hitler slightly incursed on Poland. Also, a little bit like a house arrest and a coup d’etat. But yesterday’s story left out a key detail: what does Luke Russert think of this? That it shows the president is “petty.” Tell us more, Great Nepotismo! Read more on JC Penney’s Boys Department Catalog Model Luke Russert: Why Is Obama Forcing Louie Gohmert To Put Him Under House Arrest?…
  coup d'etat coup d'etat!

Very Not-Dumb Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert Introduces Bill To Place Obama Under House Arrest

Howdy pardner! Don’t know if you done heard, but we got us a see-quester goin’ on, and that means we ain’t got no cashish for thangs like White House Tours. So Pres’dent Bama, he said, well we will stop this here tour from happenin’ until the see-quester is lifted, because a some reason, who knows. But if there is one thing our good ol’ boys will fight to the death for, remember the Alamo, it is that their constituents not get all p-o-ed bout goin’ all the way to Washinton and then not gettin’ to see Nancy Reagan’s chiner. So Texas Republican Louie Gohmert, who definitely ain’t no idiot, introduced an amendment to the continuing resolution (budget stuff) sayin’ that as long as there weren’t no White House tours, Ol’ Pres’dent Hippity-Hop couldn’t use no taxpayer money to play him no golf. This brings up some innerestin consti-tu-tional questions: Like, if the House can decide Pres’dent Blacky there cain’t use his plane to go play golf, does that mean they can also decide he cain’t use his plane to go give speeches ifn it’s a topic they don’t like? Ifn there’s a golf course near that ol White House, does that mean he cain’t use his car? Can good ol Louie Gohmert decide Pres’dent Hugo Chavez cain’t use no Secret Service protection ifn he wants to take a walk? Can we decide just to lock ol Pres’dent Stalin in the White House forever? Sure, why not, don’t see no harm in it. Read more on Very Not-Dumb Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert Introduces Bill To Place Obama Under House Arrest…
  funny dancing

Wonket Cedes Political Humor Crown To Michelle Malkin, World’s Most Hilarious Pundit

Credit where it is due, dudes: Your Wonket is now handing over the keys to the world’s only political humor website to one Miss Michelle Malkin, as she is officially now the most hilarious political pundit in the known universe and the rest of us all quit, bowing down to the greatness in the sexy Cleopatra wig. THE FINGER OF BLAME! OBAMA IS THE ONLY PRESIDENT IN HISTORY TO GO GOLFING! ALSO PRIUSES RUN OUT OF BATTERIES, HAHAHA BECAUSE MICHELLE MALKIN IS A VERY VERY SMART LADY WHO TOTALLY KNOWS HOW HYBRIDS WORK! Funny, funny stuff. Don’t ever change, Michelle Malkin. OH WAIT we mean change immediately because that is the worst thing we have ever seen. Read more on Wonket Cedes Political Humor Crown To Michelle Malkin, World’s Most Hilarious Pundit…
  like moses said in egyptland

Charles Krauthammer To Bill O’Reilly: Let Obama Golf

Perhaps you were on the Internet lately while the White House Correspondents Association worked itself into a frenzied moan of TRANZPARENCEEEEEEEEY about the truly important issue of the day: that dastardly Nobumer wouldn’t let them take pictures of his golf round with Tiger Woods. Perhaps this made you as tired as it did us, and you turned off the puter and went to bed instead, where you watched 54 movies and five 30 Rock reruns you’d already seen seven times before, caught up with Girls and Enlightened, and howled with laughter as you watched Matthew Crawley DIE. (Spoiler alert.) Then you went back to your computer, and they were STILL FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT. Well Charles Krauthammer is sick of this nonsense. If Nobumer wants to play golf with Tiger Woods, dammit, then LET HIS PEOPLE GO! Read more on Charles Krauthammer To Bill O’Reilly: Let Obama Golf…
  ow her balls

Condoleezza Rice Now Smacking People In The Face With Her Balls

World’s greatest living Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who absolutely could not have known anyone would ever use an airplane as a missile, and who could not have known Saddam was not seeking yellowcake in Niger, and who could never have been blamed for Manolo-shopping while a city drowned, has now taken her reign of terror to people personally. Standing on the steep hill for a blind approach shot on the sixth, Rice hit a hybrid that sent the ball into the left side of the gallery about 50 feet away — and nowhere near the green more than 150 feet to the right. The ball struck a spectator on her forehead, which gushed with blood and sent her to the ground to recover. The woman wept in pain while her daughter applied towels and medical personnel hustled over. Rice apologized to the woman and had an assistant get her phone number. Read more on Condoleezza Rice Now Smacking People In The Face With Her Balls…
  death and taxes

Phil ‘Not Tiger Woods’ Mickelson May Quit Golf To Teach Obama, Moochers A Lesson

You know how, whenever the Powerball payout gets really big, someone wanders around your office collecting for a lottery pool? And you know how there is always one guy who takes that moment to explain that winning the lottery isn’t so great because taxes? By the time lottery winners take the smaller lump-sum payment and all the taxes are paid, he loudly explains, that $100 million payout is suddenly only worth like $25-$30 million. And if other people also picked the same numbers, then the prize is split. And then you have to split that with everyone else in the pool. Probably, if you win, you’ll only end up with a a million or two and who can even live on that? Turns out professional golfer Phil Mickelson is basically that guy. The mullety Garfunkel to Tiger Woods’ Simon is really mad the gub’mint is taxing his golf earnings at a slightly higher marginal rate, so he might quit playing a game that paid him $67 million last year. Read more on Phil ‘Not Tiger Woods’ Mickelson May Quit Golf To Teach Obama, Moochers A Lesson…
  wonkette sports desk

Civil Rights: Warlord Condi Rice & Some Plutocrat Finance Lady Allowed To Join Fancy Golf Club

Ahh, so now we know why lying war monster Condolleezza Rice was going around giving wingnut speeches about socialism and such-like. It wasn’t about getting on the presidential ticket — who even wants that? — it was about becoming the first female member of August National golf club, a goal that she attained today. She, along with Darla Moore, an insanely rich finance lady, can now navigate the lush fairways of America’s finest golf course at their leisure without a male Fortune 500 CEO escorting them. Now it’s just the other 99.9% of us schmucks who will never be able to play this course once in our lifetimes. Hooray! Read more on Civil Rights: Warlord Condi Rice & Some Plutocrat Finance Lady Allowed To Join Fancy Golf Club…
  wonkette algebra hour

Moonie Times: Obama Plays Golf One Billion Hours Per Day

DC’s favorite Korean cult newspaper The Washington Times is celebrating President Obama’s 100th round of golf as president by putting this in fascinating mathematical context: “The next time President Obama hits the links, it will be his 100th round of golf since coming to the White House. That’s quite a milestone in just 3 1/2 years. As it takes him about six hours to drive to the greens and complete 18 holes, Mr. Obama has spent the equivalent of four months’ worth of work time golfing. Meanwhile, the U.S. economy has been stuck in a sand trap.” Care to show your work there, Moonies? We’ll show ours. Read more on Moonie Times: Obama Plays Golf One Billion Hours Per Day…
  barack & me

Joe The Plumber: What Could Obama Possibly Be Doing That Is More Important Than Joe The Plumber?

Joe the Plumber went to the White House, you guys, and he stood outside the gates and couldn’t get in. That is no way to treat some random schlub running for Congress from … let’s see … Ohio! Sad face! What is the newest Michael Moore doing in his hot new film “Barack & Me”? Just complaining, mostly. He is very sad and mad and other words that mean those words, because Barack Obama is too busy “golfing” to meet with the world’s most famous “plumber,” “Joe the.” So Joe goes and stands in line with the other common folk, including a large group in matching chartreuse, and then the large group in matching chartreuse is gone, but Joe is still there! It is almost as if it was his turn to go in but that would not have made good film of him getting turned away from the White House! Why does the White House hate Joe the Plumber, and America? “Dear Mister President,” says Joe’s blog post, “I stopped by your house the other day because I wanted to talk with you about what’s happened since we last met.” [Blah blah blah, et cetera, golf, fancy vacations, job creators, blah] Mister President, I think it’s time you and I continued our conversation. I tried early and late, but you weren’t home and I couldn’t find anyone to take a message. Perhaps you had a good score at the golf course today? Any luck getting more campaign donations? I’m sure that’s taking up a lot of your energy. Read more on Joe The Plumber: What Could Obama Possibly Be Doing That Is More Important Than Joe The Plumber?…
  game chang....zzzzzz

Campaign Reporters Officially Out Of Questions, Time For Everyone To Come Home

NEW: Romney just said that Augusta National should admit women as members, our @peterhambycnn reports. #GenderWars #tcot #tlot — Lisa Desjardins (@LisaDCNN) April 5, 2012 Romney says “of course” women should be admitted to Augusta National, per @GarrettNBCNews. — Mike O’Brien (@mpoindc) April 5, 2012 Romney just told reporters on the ropeline that women should be admitted to Augusta National — Peter Hamby (@PeterHambyCNN) April 5, 2012 Women at Augusta? Romney says “yes” – full report here:abcn.ws/HjiLGp — Emily Friedman (@EmilyABC) April 5, 2012 Well, here’s the big breaking news today: Mitt Romney answered the easiest question in history about the dumb issue of whether plutocratic female CEOs should be allowed to apply for membership at a golf course in Georgia. Read more on Campaign Reporters Officially Out Of Questions, Time For Everyone To Come Home…
  pretty cool people

Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports

Rick Santorum has chosen a new strategy in his quest to win the Republican presidential nomination that he cannot mathematically win: Talkin’ sports. You know, shootin’ the shit with his buddies, the voters, about golf, baseball, bowling. Shooting guns. Those sports. He’s very good at them all, just like Vladimir Putin is at fucking tigers or eating tigers or lying about fucking tigers or whatever it is the Russkies do to look kewl. Did you know Santorum hit a golf ball purty good recently? And then also, too, hit a baseball? Can we just make him permanent Emperor of America right now? Read more on Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports…