NICE TRY bored irony thrill-seekers in all major U.S. cities, Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue book tour is characteristically going rogue and will be avoiding the large urban areas of New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, Philadelphia, and others like them. According to this extremely patronizing CNN story—in which Jacksonville, FL. and Rochester, NY are essentially characterized as nothing more than some dirt paths strewn with human bones, maybe six trailer homes and a Starbucks—the GR Tour will instead be hitting mid-size cities in more traditionally conservative parts of the country. Oh but despair not, cosmopolites! Very decent chance that the Nation and Slate all-stars of Going Rouge will be incidentally touring Whole Foods or some party in Park Slope or whatever. [CNN]

So the question is, was she being sarcastic in that parenthetical aside about “variety”? MORE »

Ugh, okay, okay: $1.25 million dollars. Palin earned $1.25 million dollars of actual American currency from HarperCollins in exchange for giving her approval to some ghostwriter and an (ill-chosen!) dust jacket photo. And that’s just the advance! She will make more as soon as the thing comes out and people buy it. Everyone: Please keep in mind—especially as the holidays approach—that money does not know when it is being used ironically and will still “count.” [The Caucus]

Jesus Christ it’s multiplying! MORE »

Okay, for the future: you should know that your editor has an English degree, and the only way he will ever use this in life is by quoting semi-famous lines from novels to see if anyone “gets” them, like a douche. “Look at this tangle of thorns.” We received zero Lolita-themed Blingees which is too bad, because that person would have automatically won. But back to the horror show: Congratulations to winner Jennifer F., for this awesome mutant thing with its dancing penis banana trimming. You win an “iPhone,” Jennifer! It’s a telephone, but it can do other stuff too! Runners-up after the jump. MORE »

IMPORTANT GOING ROGUE CONTENT UPDATE LITERARY SPOILER: Newsweek has Meg Stapleton making hilariously ominous threat-y remarks about Steve Schmidt! “Meg Stapleton, Palin’s spokeswoman, responds via e-mail: ‘The Governor will write about all of this in her book. There will be plenty of time to talk about it then.’” HA HA MEG STAPLETON, will there also be time to talk about how Sarah Palin is no longer “The Governor?” UPDATE, SPOILER ALERT #2: No, there will not. [Newsweek/The Gaggle]

American Face of Evil, Sarah Palin, has “written her book.” It is a whole 400 pages of book! The first 399 pages are simply her smearing baby poop over blank pages. It smells to high heaven! The title is… wait a second, we’re just getting our cyanide pill ready here, for when the post is over, because that’s what we’re going to do, take a cyanide pill… Going Rogue: An American Life. MORE »

Could they just be competent for maybe one hour of a single day? First, we laughed as McCain called out in vain for his savior of the week, the utterly random showboating jackass “plumber” in Ohio, then we learned this Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher eventually showed up at a later rally and refused to endorse McCain, and now CNN is reporting that this bald-headed rat-eyed fame-crazed serial liar is publicly feuding with the McCain campaign, using the usual McCain campaign system of internal disputes: Blabbing to the press. MORE »