Wonkette

My friends, since the Main Stream Media will not say it, we must: Barack Obama supports the legality of something called “abortion,” a procedure in which Jeremiah Wright and his imam minions steal your babies and sacrifice them to Hollywood Liberals. Why has this not been covered? Surely it is the stuff of Scandal? Thankfully we have the Christian Defense Coalition, which is launching its “Abortion President” attack campaign on Obama. Exactly how many of God’s babies has Barry personally killed? MORE »

Remember that time former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum said John McCain was “very rough in the sandbox“? Remember that time he told Hugh Hewitt “there was a reason John McCain collapsed last year, and it’s because he was the frontrunner, and everybody in the Republican Party got a chance to look at him”? Well, you’ll never guess who Rick Santorum thinks the next President should be! In an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, he lists all the reasons that John McCain will make a wonderful President by keeping man-on-dog sex out of the White House. MORE »

Oh look, a whole church exploded in “downtown Oconomowoc, Wisconsin” on Wednesday. Why is God (or the Devil) so angry at America, and so pissed at Wisconsin, in particular? The answers may surprise you, as will a lot more spooky pictures of this terrible disaster, after the jump. MORE »

If you’re a Ron Paul supporter, there are many reasons not to like his congressional opponent, Chris Peden. He is young and handsome and well-regarded by the people in his district, for example. But there is one other reason not to like Chris Peden: he doesn’t have nearly the vast obstetrical experience as Texas Congressional District 14’s incumbent! MORE »

Just as his lord and savior Jesus Christ was able to feed 5,000 people by multiplying a few loaves and fishes, so will Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee be able to take votes from the 5,000 permanent residents of the wee state of Rhode Island and turn them into a massive electoral bonanza. Today Huckabee campaigns in the Ocean State, which holds many strange and puzzling parallels to several biblical locations and stories. MORE »

Here’s an underreported story about the Republican primary race: Why has God been such a lazy campaigner for his candidate, Mike Huckabee? Sure, God is busy making humans, and the weather, and American foreign policy. But God made a commitment to Mike Huckabee when He endorsed him, and He has been almost as lazy a campaigner as Fred Thompson ever since. Because of this, Huckabee’s supporters are making a last-ditch effort to drag God out onto the campaign trail this Sunday via mass worship. The Pray for Huckabee effort does not mince words: “Join us February 24, 2008 as we pray for God to make a way for Mike Huckabee to become president.” MORE »

Last night, a saddened Mike Huckabee gathered with reporters and shared the contents of some private conversations he has had recently with his ego. “My ego doesn’t enjoy getting these kind of evenings where we don’t win the primary elections,” he admitted. His ego has not enjoyed many evenings this month. MORE »

Just in time for Mike Huckabee to lose the Wisconsin primary and every other primary or caucus yet to come (except maybe Texas!), here is another “Obama girl” knockoff video featuring some gal twirling around and singing about her crush on a presidential candidate. It’s 80% dull liberal mockery of religious people and 20% awesome dinosaur riding. [YouTube]

Crazed baby-farming Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann has recruited a robot army to stand as a first line of defense between her and her increasingly disillusioned constituents. One voter writes of a chilling episode in which robots called him at home, promising to let him speak with the elusive President-groper, and then hung up on him before he got to ask his question. MORE »

You know that whole “He’s in heaven now” thing people say after somebody dies? It’s not true. Nobody’s in heaven. That’s the shocking conclusion of Bishop N.T. Wright, one of those people who actually believes in the Bible and Christianity. And you know who really pisses him off? Maria Shriver, the trophy Kennedy wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Shriver wrote some dumb childrens’ book claiming that “good people” go to Heaven after they die. It’s a lie! They’re all still dead. Unless they’re Jesus, apparently. MORE »