Hmm. So maybe there is one of those “God” things after all? When asked if he’d run for political office, unlicensed handyman and Constitutional originalist Joe Wurzelbacher said, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’” Joe will be in Austin on July 3 to celebrate the day our anti-Communist Founding Fathers signed the Book of Mormon, which explicitly forbids taxation. Everyone’s invited! [WND via Think Progress]

Hey if any of you far-away losers want to visit Washington D.C. on “vacation” soon, to teach your brat kids about America, now’s the grandest time of all! Because thanks to your $621 million in appropriated taxpayer funds — yes that’s right, 6, 2, and 1, glued together, a million of them, in dollars — a fancy new UNDERGROUND VISITOR CENTER at the U.S. Capitol finally opened on Tuesday. It is underground so you don’t get too cold or hot — depending on the season! — as your fat ass waits in line for a tour. One Senator, the very conservative Jim DeMint of South Carolina, despises this new visitor center — but not because of its completely inappropriate cost, of course! No, he’s just concerned that the center’s exhibits don’t praise God quite enough, and that the exhibits themselves are “left-leaning,” which is common D.C. slang for “gay.” MORE »

Wonkette operative hero “Dan the Man” sent us a powerful/artistic photo yesterday of a bunch of Christian nuts praying over a false bronze idol, the Wall Street Bull (or Bowling Green Bull for you dandies out there), asking God to nationalize the economy under the state of heaven so that they could pay for their porn subscriptions and fried NASCAR-themed dildos for a few more months. Well, “Dan” has come through again and sent us a video and a few more hilarious photos, such as the one above featuring, whoa, is that the Regina of Phoenician-Based Symbols Created To Represent Sounds, Madam Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journalshire? Scandal! MORE »

Here’s a very controversial ad from Liddy Dole in North Carolina, where she will probably lose her Senate seat for being annoying. Oh and look, the exact O.E.D. definition of “desperation” just happens to be this video’s YouTube description: “A new ad from U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Dole attacks Kay Hagan for attending a fundraiser hosted by people tied to an atheist group.” The end of this video asks, “She hid from cameras, took godless money. What did Hagan promise in return?” …to kill Jesus?? [YouTube]

Last week we discovered the website “Boycott McDonald’s,” an American Family Association initiative that criticizes McDonald’s for one time giving some gay thing $20,000 to make an ad or whatever BACKING THE FULL GAY AGENDA. We showed a litany of samples from the site’s comment section, and it was very popular, so now we are going to post more funny comments from it. At least 8 of the top 10 funniest things on the Internet are comments from this website. MORE »

One sad Oklahoma church won’t be giving away a very special semiautomatic assault rifle to one lucky boy or girl who loves the Lord. The Windsor Hills Baptist Church is holding a youth conference next week, which will feature “21 hours of preaching and teaching.” A shootin’ contest was also on the docket until the gentleman running the sacred event had to stay home because of “bone spurs on his foot” or somesuch (that is what they say in this video, here) so now the winner won’t get an AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle, and Jesus weeps. [KOCO Oklahoma City]

My friends, since the Main Stream Media will not say it, we must: Barack Obama supports the legality of something called “abortion,” a procedure in which Jeremiah Wright and his imam minions steal your babies and sacrifice them to Hollywood Liberals. Why has this not been covered? Surely it is the stuff of Scandal? Thankfully we have the Christian Defense Coalition, which is launching its “Abortion President” attack campaign on Obama. Exactly how many of God’s babies has Barry personally killed? MORE »

Remember that time former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum said John McCain was “very rough in the sandbox“? Remember that time he told Hugh Hewitt “there was a reason John McCain collapsed last year, and it’s because he was the frontrunner, and everybody in the Republican Party got a chance to look at him”? Well, you’ll never guess who Rick Santorum thinks the next President should be! In an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, he lists all the reasons that John McCain will make a wonderful President by keeping man-on-dog sex out of the White House. MORE »

Oh look, a whole church exploded in “downtown Oconomowoc, Wisconsin” on Wednesday. Why is God (or the Devil) so angry at America, and so pissed at Wisconsin, in particular? The answers may surprise you, as will a lot more spooky pictures of this terrible disaster, after the jump. MORE »

If you’re a Ron Paul supporter, there are many reasons not to like his congressional opponent, Chris Peden. He is young and handsome and well-regarded by the people in his district, for example. But there is one other reason not to like Chris Peden: he doesn’t have nearly the vast obstetrical experience as Texas Congressional District 14’s incumbent! MORE »

Just as his lord and savior Jesus Christ was able to feed 5,000 people by multiplying a few loaves and fishes, so will Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee be able to take votes from the 5,000 permanent residents of the wee state of Rhode Island and turn them into a massive electoral bonanza. Today Huckabee campaigns in the Ocean State, which holds many strange and puzzling parallels to several biblical locations and stories. MORE »