In what is being hailed as a miracle, at least in teevee news copy, God sent a special message to a restaurant employee in the form of His name, in English, spelled out in the seeds of an eggplant. Here’s the breathless news of the miraculous apparition at Gino’s Restaurant in Baton Rouge: Chef Jermarcus […]

CLAPTRAP  2:55 pm April 10, 2014

Take Ben Stein’s Money

by snipy

Why is Ben Stein still talking? Who is unironically listening to Ben Stein? Who hears anything but “Bueller? Bueller?” come out of the man’s facehole every time he talks? These are the questions we ask ourselves late at night. So, what is Big Ben on about today? The poors, of course! The poors who are […]

As a Bible-believing Christian, you’re no stranger to outrage. Only now you’re outraged at yourself. It started with that excellent Arizona bill to protect Godly businesses from gay sinners. You found out about that from the Huffington Post. The Huffington Post, for the admiration of Moses! (Why were you even looking at the Huffington Post? You will […]

It seems like a pretty sweet deal: Accept Jesus Christ as your savior and when you die, you’ll go to Heaven, which we’ve heard is just heavenly. But some people are canny, you know? They’re looking for that little extra sweetener before they sign away their souls. Well, the Kentucky Baptist Convention has got these […]

Did you hear about the latest outrage perpetrated by Barack Hussein Obama? It’s bad enough that he’s insulted the memory of the Noble Dead of Gettysburg by not attending the 150th anniversary of Lincoln’s dedication of the cemetery there. (Headline if he had attended: “Imperial Hubris: Barack Obama tries to resurrect image by upstaging Lincoln […]

Sure, Republicans, try to stop Hillary Clinton from landsliding straight into the White House in 2016 with your BENGHAZIIIII!1 investimagations if you think that’ll help (psst, it won’t), but Rep. Michele Bachmann, who is on the House Intelligence Committee because God enjoys irony, has studied the Bible, which is sort of like God’s FiveThirtyEight, and […]

We briefly mentioned, a little while back, a couple of Christianist radio guys in Colorado Springs who were convinced that the state was being plagued with wildfires not because of a drought and a heatwave, but because God Almighty was angry with the state, where women sometimes wear pants and the legislature passed a civil […]

There’s not much to say about this except HOLY SHIT! YES! WOW! WOOOO! THIS IS AMAZING! WE ARE CRYING A LITTLE! No, Joe Biden is not sexting us, it’s BETTER! Exodus International, an organization founded to “help” LGBT people not be gay anymore because Jesus, will now cease to exist. And it’s not because they […]

You may have wondered, as did a caller to Pat Robertson’s 700 Club teevee show yesterday, why God just doesn’t seem to fling miracles at people in U.S. America the way He did in biblical times, or even the way He reputedly does in the Third World today. Robertson explained, with that smile of his […]

Why does the Washington Post #WAR on Easter every year? Why does it forget that Jesus Is the Reason for the Season? We bet they even call it “spring break,” like a bunch of fucking pagan Wiccan lesbian abortionists, instead of Jesus Died For Your Sins And On The Third Day He Rose Again Vacation. […]

Richard Mourdock has “apologized” (no he hasn’t) for saying rape is Jesus’s special way of giving you something productive to do for the next 18 years instead of whoring around on Saturday nights like common trollops, and on behalf of us all, John McCain has graciously accepted his “apology”! So it’s cool you guys, John […]

Vapid publisher’s spouse and party-planning expert Sally Quinn has heaved up another of her insightful “On Faith” columns. This is a person who has in the past used her column to explore the spiritual dilemmas involved in choosing a Dancing With the Stars victor; explaining that 50 Shades of Grey actually reflects a “religious phenomenon” […]

Everybody panic! Some dude at Examiner.com looked at a bunch of funny gifs of a maybe-hurricane and decided it might hit Tampa (and your Editrix!) just in time for the RNC! Where will we shelter from the possible storm? Probably a titty bar. But far more important than whether or not we (by which we […]

Exactly how many stupid, stupid people do we have in Congress these days, toiling away in the world’s most deliberative lawmaking body, making decisions that will probably imperil the very survival of the human race? And of these stupid, stupid people, how many are willing to talk to reporters and make good and sure that […]

In what is either an inspring story of God’s love for us all or maybe evidence that first responders deserve far better treatment for PTSD, very serious news site WND brings us the account of one Lillie Leonardi, who was the community affairs coordinator for the FBI’s Pittsburgh office when she was sent to the […]