god
According to some utterer named Steven Andrew, God has spoken through a man with two first names, and it is time for Christians to unite behind Rick Santorum, because his Christ-inanity will fix the economy, and Mitt Romney is “accursed.” Further, Romney is “against everything the USA was founded upon,” by which he means Jesus [...]
Texas is facing a few challenges right now — incredible plagues of drought and fire and horror that could make even a liberal yankee atheist wonder if an Old Testament God had been awakened from its watery grave deep beneath the Gulf of Mexico. But narratives don’t exactly change overnight, which is why some school [...]
One thing American God hates nearly as much as poor people and minorities is some liberalz sneaking a Koran inside His national cathedral, which is apparently what happened, and which is also the legal reason (according to the Patriot Act) why God struck the East Coast with a terrible, humiliating earthquake that also toppled His [...]
Haha, Rick Perry’s prayers ALMOST WORKED THAT TIME. A magnitude 5.9 earthquake originating in Virginia tried to shake apart the East Coast, including godless gay liberal New York and just plain godless Washington. Your very own Wonkette felt this crazy-long quake but automatically assumed it was just the giant trucks passing by the ramshackle hovel [...]
Almighty God is apparently supporting the presidential ambitions of three GOP candidates, which is going to be awkward because God’s Law, the U.S. Constitution, only allows for one president (and one vice president, who exists only so God can choose to take the real president to Heaven, for sexytime). Anyway, according to a New York [...]
As every other “serious GOP candidate” but Mitt Romney decides they don’t want to lose to Obama next year, Rick Perry has been sitting in his office in Texas wondering if maybe this is the way God is telling him to run for president. After all, Rick is a white Christian of the approved Tex-American [...]
Faith 2 Action was last seen attempting to get a fetus to testify before the Ohio legislature, but it refused to cooperate. It was an aborted attempt, you could say, har har har. They still haven’t had any creative ideas since then: Is God trying to get our attention? The worst tornado outbreak in American [...]
Hey, you lazy jerks, why haven’t you been pestering God in your daily prayers to hurry up and assemble Michele Bachmann’s campaign staff? Yes, He’s a busy Guy these days, dealing with the fallout over His decision to put Osama bin Laden on holy trial right in the middle of heaven rather than making it [...]
Storms this weekend raged through the mid-Atlantic, and the Act of God (like another Act of God, the U.S. Constitution) left dozens dead. Still, there was a reason the Lord did this: to rid the world of Georgetown once and for all. Laura Keivel, who passed along the images from the Harbour this morning, tells [...]
TIM PAWLENTY 2012! Sorry, NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER!
