god
Pat Robertson Celebrates The Beautiful Miracle Of Not Knowing Stuff
You may have wondered, as did a caller to Pat Robertson’s 700 Club teevee show yesterday, why God just doesn’t seem to fling miracles at people in U.S. America the way He did in biblical times, or even the way He reputedly does in the Third World today. Robertson explained, with that smile of his [...]
Washington Post Does War On Easter Because It Hates Jesus, God
Why does the Washington Post #WAR on Easter every year? Why does it forget that Jesus Is the Reason for the Season? We bet they even call it “spring break,” like a bunch of fucking pagan Wiccan lesbian abortionists, instead of Jesus Died For Your Sins And On The Third Day He Rose Again Vacation. [...]
On Behalf Of Fellow Women Everywhere, John McCain Accepts Richard Mourdock’s Rapebortion ‘Apology’
Richard Mourdock has “apologized” (no he hasn’t) for saying rape is Jesus’s special way of giving you something productive to do for the next 18 years instead of whoring around on Saturday nights like common trollops, and on behalf of us all, John McCain has graciously accepted his “apology”! So it’s cool you guys, John [...]
God Due To ‘Stand His Ground’ Against Tampa’s Republican Convention, With Hurricane Maybe
Everybody panic! Some dude at Examiner.com looked at a bunch of funny gifs of a maybe-hurricane and decided it might hit Tampa (and your Editrix!) just in time for the RNC! Where will we shelter from the possible storm? Probably a titty bar. But far more important than whether or not we (by which we [...]
How Many Stupid, Stupid Lawmakers Do We Have in Congress, Imperiling Very Existence of Life on Earth?
Exactly how many stupid, stupid people do we have in Congress these days, toiling away in the world’s most deliberative lawmaking body, making decisions that will probably imperil the very survival of the human race? And of these stupid, stupid people, how many are willing to talk to reporters and make good and sure that [...]
Former FBI Lady Saw Angels At 9/11 Crash Site, Also Happens To Be Selling A Book
In what is either an inspring story of God’s love for us all or maybe evidence that first responders deserve far better treatment for PTSD, very serious news site WND brings us the account of one Lillie Leonardi, who was the community affairs coordinator for the FBI’s Pittsburgh office when she was sent to the [...]
Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Oh No Here Comes An Atheist
Since many of MSNBC’s afternoon shows have fallen flat and Dylan Ratigan left to find himself, the network had to act fast. So what do many of these boring shows with blah ratings have in common? Only one host! So MSNBC thought, our ratings will HAVE to go up if we have a show with [...]
God: Romney Is ‘Accursed,’ Santorum Will Save Economy With Christianity
According to some utterer named Steven Andrew, God has spoken through a man with two first names, and it is time for Christians to unite behind Rick Santorum, because his Christ-inanity will fix the economy, and Mitt Romney is “accursed.” Further, Romney is “against everything the USA was founded upon,” by which he means Jesus [...]
Texas High School Catches Al Jazeera Terrorist Asking People About 9/11
Texas is facing a few challenges right now — incredible plagues of drought and fire and horror that could make even a liberal yankee atheist wonder if an Old Testament God had been awakened from its watery grave deep beneath the Gulf of Mexico. But narratives don’t exactly change overnight, which is why some school [...]
National Cathedral Zapped By Quake Because of Koran Snuck Inside
One thing American God hates nearly as much as poor people and minorities is some liberalz sneaking a Koran inside His national cathedral, which is apparently what happened, and which is also the legal reason (according to the Patriot Act) why God struck the East Coast with a terrible, humiliating earthquake that also toppled His [...]
BREAKING: God Tries To Swallow Godless East Coast With Earthquake
Haha, Rick Perry’s prayers ALMOST WORKED THAT TIME. A magnitude 5.9 earthquake originating in Virginia tried to shake apart the East Coast, including godless gay liberal New York and just plain godless Washington. Your very own Wonkette felt this crazy-long quake but automatically assumed it was just the giant trucks passing by the ramshackle hovel [...]
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