Tag Archives: GM

  the place where his horses run free

Old Handsome Joe Biden Gets His Motor Running At Detroit Auto Show

Hey there, Old Handsome Joe Biden! How you liking the motorcars at the Detroit Auto Show? Too bad the Secret Service won’t let you take a literal victory lap, but the metaphorical kind isn’t bad, either: “What a difference five years makes,” Mr. Biden said to auto executives, noting that in 2009 car sales plunged and many questioned whether the auto industry could survive the recession. Auto sales have surged in recent months and climbed back to precrisis levels. “American cars and trucks are once again changing the game and I might add providing good, decent jobs,” he said. We would really like to be able to say that OHJB then burned donuts into the auto show carpet, sending journalists scattering, but sadly, that would be inaccurate. Canada’s National Journal does at least note that he gave it some thought: Sitting in some new models of the Jeep Cherokee and Chrysler 200, he joked to surrounding reporters that he might run them over. “I am driving it off,” said the flamboyant No. 2. Heh. “Flamboyant.” We believe that means that Mr. Vice President Old Handsome Biden is what you call a ho-mo-sechsul. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Gets His Motor Running At Detroit Auto Show…
  and osama bin laden is still dead

Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome

Good news, wonkeroos: Your U.S. American government no longer owns any stock in General Motors! So no more lame ‘government motors’ jokes by people who would have rather seen an entire industry and a million jobs move offshore! The headline in all the papers is all about how the government lost about $11 billion in the five-year-long program that brought GM back from bankruptcy, so that is not very good. But considering that the program was never intended to make money, not losing the entire $50 billion is not very bad. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome…
  as i remember it you're a moron

Steve Doocy Explains: Mitt Romney Saved The Auto Industry!

Don’t, by any means, click on the above video of Steve Doocy explainering that Mitt Romney saved the auto industry. We cannot be held responsible if you ignore our warnings and your eyeballs fall out of your head and roll back under your desk and get covered with all the dust bunnies collecting on your tangled mass of printer cords. (If we knew how to make a googly-eye emoticon, we would put it here.) Read more on Steve Doocy Explains: Mitt Romney Saved The Auto Industry!…
  republicans in the news

GOP Car Salesman/House Candidate Charged With Car-Lot Sex Attack

A grotesque 68-year-old car salesman, Republican “young gun” (?!) and failed Senate/House candidate from Ohio has been charged with “three felony charges of gross sexual imposition, and single counts of kidnapping, abduction, solicitation, and menacing by stalking.” Tea Party-endorsed Tom Ganley allegedly attacked a woman from Cleveland and stuck his hands down her pants after she refused his sexual advances, at a car dealership, where she was having her car serviced. During his campaign against Congresswoman Betty Sutton, Ganley redundantly described the sex-crime allegations against him as “lies, slander and false” and then helpfully explained that his victim was a Democrat, even though she’s a teabagger he met at a Tea Party rally. And then he threatened to sue his opponent when even more women came forward claiming that Ganley committed sex terribleness against them. Read more on GOP Car Salesman/House Candidate Charged With Car-Lot Sex Attack…
  traitors against america

GM Earns Big Profit, Pays $4,300 Checks To 45,000 Labor Union Workers

General Motors is sure sounding communist these days. Maybe Scott Walker and Pedobear can catch a limo ride from the Koch Brothers over to Detroit, and then they can kill all these union members for working so hard on better products so that GM has made a profit for the first time since 2004. Read more on GM Earns Big Profit, Pays $4,300 Checks To 45,000 Labor Union Workers…
  it's morning in america

Oh Basil, You Were Too Good For This World

Traffic stops will continue unabated in the not-so-great state of Tennessee, as Basil Marceaux incomprehensibly goes down in defeat in his race for the GOP gubernatorial nomination! The only consolation is that secessionist Zach Wamp and Lt. Gov. Ron “Islam is a cult” Ramsey lost as well. The winner was Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam, who is described as a “centrist” but this is Tennessee so honestly he is probably also awful. In exciting House primaries, one of Sarah Palin’s candidates lost, as did one of the Club for Growth’s candidates, and the Jewish guy backed by the Congressional Black Caucus beat the black guy in Memphis. Read more on Oh Basil, You Were Too Good For This World… Read more on Oh Basil, You Were Too Good For This World…
  undercoating will be mandated by law

Ohio Car Salesman Will Stop At Nothing To Get His Dealership Back

The most honest and beloved businessman in America is of course the noble auto dealer. Anyone who’s ever bought a new car can remember only good things about the experience! And dealerships have elaborate legal protections in every state that insulate them from competition and restrict the rights of manufacturers to control their own sales channel — GM had to pay $1 billion dollars to various dealers to shut down Oldsmobile, for instance — which makes them paragons of the capitalistic free market. But what happens when one of these heroes is shut down by Josef “Obama” Stalin? He gets even, that’s what! Read more on Ohio Car Salesman Will Stop At Nothing To Get His Dealership Back…
  daily briefing

Internet Star Barack Obama Talked About Twitter Like The Whole Time He Was Abroad

Obama told Chinese teenagers about the uncensored Internet, a mediocre collection of re-purposed AP articles and some videos that generally people only like when it’s not available.  [New York Times] Over at some United Nations summit, everyone bonded about how much they hate hunger but declined to throw any money at the problem. [AP] Read more on Internet Star Barack Obama Talked About Twitter Like The Whole Time He Was Abroad…
  comics curmudgeon

WRONG WRONG WRONG

By the Comics Curmudgeon Look, one of the things we namby-pamby liberals get critiqued for is our inability to just stand up and show some moral courage, to say that some things are right and some are wrong. Usually we’re all like “Oh, there’s context” or “It’s society’s fault” or “Who are we to judge” or whatever. But sometimes, even the most consensus-addicted hippie has to take a stand. Today, your faithful Comics Curmudgeon will identify five cartoons that are simply incorrect. Read more on WRONG WRONG WRONG…
  everything is fixed!

HOORAY! Says the CEO of the now-bankrupt General Motors: “The GM you knew, the GM that let so many of you down, is history.” Stocks are just cold going nuts, Dow up 215+ at the moment. [Marketwatch] Read more on …
  general motors fail

Liveblogging Obama Creating ‘Government Motors’

Wow it’s morning so that means Barack Obama is giving televised remarks about the latest failed giant business he’s buying us for Ramadan. General Motors! “The collapse of these companies would’ve been devastating to America,” etc., yes we know, “and it would be good for American workers and American manufacturing and good for America’s economy” if, heh heh, GM didn’t have to pay all its debts. Let’s live-blog this by liveblogging, now! Read more on Liveblogging Obama Creating ‘Government Motors’…
  microtrends

PUMAs Loose On Streets

It’s the post you’ve been waiting for, the one where we point out that the acronym for a certain fanciful robot-car for lazy urban dorks is the same as the acronym for bitterly disenfranchised Hillary Clinton voters, har! Mark Penn is obviously behind this microtrend, called “Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility,” or “Party Unity My Ass,” for short. Read more on PUMAs Loose On Streets…
  cartoon violence

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Cartoons About the Auto Industry

By the Comics CurmudgeonIf you asked the average American in olden times (1960) what glories would await them, auto-wise, in the Mysterious Future Year of 2009, they would be all like “flying cars” and “nuclear-powered cars” and “cars operated by intelligent ro-bots.” They certainly would not say “cars made in Japan, because American automakers have entered creative, moral, and actual bankruptcy (in that order).” Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Cartoons About the Auto Industry…
  america's angry old people

Richard Cohen Simply Doesn’t Care For These Auto-Industry Bailouts

When Richard Cohen was a child — back in the good old days when people stoically died of everything, and our best days (The Beatles/Civil Rights) were still ahead, and there were bookstores filled not with these Blackberries, but real books, the kind a person could read without a telephone, or a pager, or such things — his psychotic father would push him outside in the middle of the night, on a primitive bicycle (no Prius for him!), its basket loaded with the printed, rubber-banded stacks of wood-pulp produced by our nation’s best newspaper publishers, a torrent of cold rain pounding upon the child’s prematurely white hair, a deadly pothole concealed by a puddle of dirty street water, and then BLAM!, the morning’s papers sinking to the bottom of the asphalt crater, the wood pulp thirstily soaking up the rain juice, the work of America’s better journalists blurring into inky clouds of failure. The elder Cohen, snarling with rage, grabs little Richard and begins lashing him with whatever’s at hand — a garden hose, a dog leash, and finally, savagely, the bicycle chain. This is why GM should fail. Read more on Richard Cohen Simply Doesn’t Care For These Auto-Industry Bailouts…
  prognostication

Obama Assures Anxious Public There Will Still Be Cars In Future

Hmm, so this auto bailout problem, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Good, because the government should continue to withhold money from GM and Chrysler until they get their acts together. Bad, because GM and Chrysler cannot get their acts together without money, plus the demise of the manufacturing sector etc. President Obama assures us, however, that no matter what happens “we will not let our auto industry simply vanish.” This is liberal socialist code for “we will raise taxes on the wealthy and give everyone a free Geo Metro.” [Washington Post] Read more on Obama Assures Anxious Public There Will Still Be Cars In Future…
  you're fired

GM Chief Rick Wagoner Fired, By Obama

Turns out there are some occasional consequences to keeping your failed industry afloat on a sea of free money from the government. General Motors’ CEO Richard Wagoner found out about that, today, when he was fired — excuse us, “resigned.” Barack Obama went on some teevee talky show this morning to complain about Detroit and the auto bailout, and by tonight Wagoner was out, the end. [Washington Post] Read more on GM Chief Rick Wagoner Fired, By Obama…
  our flourishing automotive industry

No ‘Car Czar,’ Just Minor Car Fiefdom Instead

Back when George Bush was the 36th best president of the United States, he suggested that the incoming administration appoint a Benevolent Despot Emperor of Automobiles, colloquially known as a “car czar,” to tend to the heaping pile of unsold inventory and feces that is the American automotive industry. And it seemed like Barack Obama would appoint this czar, in deference to tradition. Read more on No ‘Car Czar,’ Just Minor Car Fiefdom Instead…
  death

WE HEAR TACO BELL IS HIRING??: More lovely news from the American automotive industry, formerly a shining light of this rich nation’s manufacturing sector, and now simply a bunch of commies: “NEW YORK – General Motors Corp. will offer buyouts to all of its hourly employees, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday, as the troubled automaker continues to slash costs… A union official told The Associated Press then that GM would offer $20,000 in cash and a $25,000 car voucher for workers who retire early and those who simply leave the company.” Oooh, we’d take that. $25,000 cars! You can just drive around forever in one of those things. [AP] Read more on …
  mean snobs

‘NYT’ Scribe Pillories Detroit

Reporter David Leonhardt at your liberal elitist rag the New York Times has a little thingy today about how nobody wants to buy American cars these days, and this is why Detroit finds itself in such an awkward no-cash-havin’ situation. While it is true that nobody wants to buy American cars, it is also true that nobody wants to buy any cars, Japanese, Korean, German, whatever, and your editor, after doing a fair amount of crapping on Detroit lately, has begun to see the error of her ways. Read more on ‘NYT’ Scribe Pillories Detroit…
  cartoon violence

Love Is In The Air

By the Comics CurmudgeonAhh, what’s that smell? Now that the election is over and there’s a brief respite from the never-ending stream of bullshit, we can catch a whiff of sweet romance! They don’t call the period after a new president’s election a “honeymoon” for nothing. Let’s enjoy this brief window of love-addled happiness before the hellscape re-engulfs us with these fine romantic cartoons. Read more on Love Is In The Air…