Here’s your “Friday Fun Link,” courtesy of BBC News and the Journal of Ethology. It is a King Penguin being sexually assaulted by an Antarctic Fur Seal. South African scientists photographed the freakish 45-minute sex crime, which only ended when the hundred-kilogram rapist seal couldn’t figure out how to actually copulate with the 15-kilogram ice bird, who was reportedly unharmed but deeply ashamed. [BBC News]

BUSH BUCKLES TO GREENS! Extremely thoughtful President Bush today will set goals for the control of so-called “Greenhouse Gases” by the United States of America. According to a White House press secretary, Bush does “not intend to lay out a specific plan for achieving the reductions.” Barack Obama could not be reached for comment because the Greenpeace-loving candidate was crying at the seashore, petting a baby seal. [New York Times]

John McCain’s favorite friend-with-benefits, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, today brought to the world’s attention an interesting fact: WALNUTS! has done more for Global Warming Change than Al “Global Warming = Peace” Gore. MORE »

Which do you care about more: football, or global warming? Since both of these are liberal conspiracies, the common answer is usually “freedom.” Nevertheless, the Environment America organization issued a press release today trying to relate to the “average American,” who cannot understand the concept of “the temperatures are always going up and we will soon melt” and need to be patronized with football references. We’ve scanned this fucker up-and-down for red flags, but now we have stopped and assume it’s real. It is called: “Could Global Warming Threaten the Patriots’ and Giants’ Edge?: Rising Temperatures Could Lessen Home Field Advantage Over Warm Weather Rivals.” MORE »

It was announced today in an exciting ceremony that Texas is now far and away the country’s foremost producer of carbon emissions, emitting more than the states ranked two (California) and three (Pennsylvania) combined. And the plan the state has developed to deal with its massive output of pollution into the atmosphere is this: fuck you. MORE »

Recently, the EPA ruled that — despite Clean Air Act provisions that give California the right to have more stringent regulations than the federal government — California wouldn’t be permitted to regulate carbon dioxide emissions. The EPA said that the new CAFE standards in the energy bill were enough regulations for everyone. MORE »

So here’s a real throwback: Congress wants to know why the EPA won’t let California set its own emissions rules anymore and asked for all the documents and things relating to the decision from the EPA — and they’re actually fucking going to give Congress the documents. Whaa? What administration do you work for, EPA general counsel Roger Martella Jr., Jimmy Carter’s? Where’s the unyielding resistance to any kind of Congressional oversight and obsessive need for complete secrecy? How about you fucking grow a pair. MORE »

Recently, the EPA denied California’s request to regulate the emissions of carbon dioxide in the state and, unsurprisingly, critics are calling that move “politically motivated.” This, time, though, they might actually be able to prove it because EPA Administrator Stephen L. Johnson (don’t forget the L!) pissed enough EPA staff off that they’re talking to everyone

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A “smug cloud” weather advisory — which reigned terror in Tennessee recently — is in effect for upstate New York, specifically over the home of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and his asshole friends. It was first noticed yesterday in RFK Jr.’s painfully glib e-mail from the DSCC. MORE »

The National Weather Service is reporting that a dense smug cloud has settled over Bell Meade, Tennessee this afternoon. Following reports of Gore’s own massive carbon footprint last winter, the Gores announced the completion of very expensive renovations to their multi-million dollar mansion to earn the house a gold status from the Green’ Building Council’s certification system. It’s the only house in Tennessee to have one and Gore told reporters “The only way to solve this crisis is for individuals to make changes in their own lives.” There whereabouts of George Clooney and his smug cloud are currently unknown, but scientists don’t expect any catastrophic formations at this time. [6ABC.com, Yahoo News]

Pope Benedict XVI has decided to stick his little Nazi head directly up Al Gore’s peaceful ass by calling global warming fears nothing but “scare-mongering.” He will make these completely unnecessary and regressive remarks, coincidentally, for World Peace Day on Jan. 1. That’s the same day when we’ll be wishing the Pope a jolly fuck-you. Actually, we have that day off, so whatevs. LOLpope. [Daily Mail]