Tag Archives: global warming

  Take A Cruz On Denial

Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church

Get your denier bingo cards out!
In a bravura performance Tuesday, Ted Cruz crammed an astonishing number of lies about global warming into four minutes of a longer interview with Texas Tribune reporter Jay Root. It was really pretty impressive! Cruz asserted that “we should follow the science and follow the evidence” on climate change, and then proceeded to reel off a whole catalogue of distortions, half-truths, and outright lies that have been refuted again and again. He hit just about every space on the Climate Denial Bingo card; for the sake of our sanity, we won’t refute everything he said, just some of our favorite stretchers. Read more on Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church…
  Rick Management

Florida State Senators Taunt Emergency Chief: You Ain’t Allowed To Say ‘Climate Change’!

love the audience reaction here
Florida’s Senate had entirely too much fun taunting Gov. Rick Scott’s head of emergency management last week, trying to get Bryan Koon to say the words “climate change,” which, as we all know, is a Banned Word of Power in Florida’s executive branch these days. And who can blame them? Who wouldn’t love the chance to make the guy squirm, knowing that he has orders — even though of course Scott says there’s no ban on the words. Really? Then why won’t you say those words, Mr. Koon? You know the words. SAY THE WORDS. Read more on Florida State Senators Taunt Emergency Chief: You Ain’t Allowed To Say ‘Climate Change’!…
  Instead Of 'Floodng' Let's Just Say 'Boatable Streets'

Florida Employee Says ‘Climate Change,’ Has To Write ‘Science Is A Lie’ 10,000 Times

So it's a little water. Big deal.
So there’s this “Florida” place that’s gradually being swallowed by the ocean, what with rising sea levels. But Gov. Rick Scott is quite sure that isn’t really happening, because he is pretty much the mayor of Amity Island in Jaws.* If nobody in Florida government says “climate change” or “global warming,” the problem will just go away. Actually, what problem? There is no shark sea level rise problem. Plenty of land still above water, please come to Florida and build some more condos, won’t you? Read more on Florida Employee Says ‘Climate Change,’ Has To Write ‘Science Is A Lie’ 10,000 Times…
  Revenge Of The Sea Level

FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!

No Disaster Preparedness Funds for you!
In an elegant reply to politicians who aren’t scientists but don’t mind ignoring experts who are, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has come up with a simple solution: States whose governors decide there’s no need to plan for the consequences of a changing climate will no longer qualify for federal grants for emergency preparedness. For climate deniers like Louisiana’s Bobby Jindal, Florida’s Rick Scott, or Texas’s Greg Abbott, it’s a pretty clear opportunity for them to put their coastlines and their populations where their mouths are. Governors who refuse to consider climate in their states’ hazard mitigation plans could lose hundreds of millions of dollars in FEMA money. Read more on FEMA To States: You Want Cash? Say Climate Change Is Real. SAY IT!…
  Ground Control To Major Ted

Hero Ted Cruz Will Save Us All From NASA Studying Our Climate

JPL'S Orbiting Carbon Observatory 2
Ted Cruz is pretty darn annoyed with NASA these days, seeing as how it’s just been wasting a lot of taxpayer money studying the climate and foolishness like that. For heaven’s sake, everyone knows that NASA is supposed to be about space, and there is no climate in space. And that’s why he was ready to give a good talking-to to NASA Administrator Charles Bolden about all these stupid satellites that NASA has looking down at boring old Earth and its atmosphere and oceans, instead of looking out at other, more interesting things that are far away. So Cruz, who chairs the subcommittee that oversees NASA, kicked off a hearing last Thursday by asking Bolden just why NASA is ignoring its key mission of doing science to things that won’t cause problems for the fossil fuel industry. Read more on Hero Ted Cruz Will Save Us All From NASA Studying Our Climate…
  Here have some news n stuff

Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually

He laughs at their pain
It sure sucks having to hear about how President Obama’s dumb health care reform is doing swell, actually, huh? It’s covering more people than expected, it’s cheaper than expected, it’s saving the country more money than expected — and as long as you don’t tell people what it is (it is health care reform brought to you by a black president, shhhhhhhhhh), people actually quite like it! But don’t say that to Wyoming Sen. John Barrasso, because he doesn’t want to hear another word about it: Read more on Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually…
  Have A Koch And A Smile

Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers

We built this!
The recent revelation that Wei-Hock Soon, one of the top “respectable” climate change deniers out there, gets most of his funding from the coal and oil industry has led Congressional Democrats to attempt to Follow The Money in the climate denial business. Well! Charles and David Koch will have you climate busybodies know that it is none of your damn business how they spend their money, which is a form of speech, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for even asking. Read more on Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers…
  fiddling while miami drowns

Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea

Oh HAI impending doom.
Perhaps you’ve heard that, thanks to [redacted] and its associated rising sea levels, Miami is very soon likely going to underwater. Tampa, too. And you would think that, were you the governor of the state that includes those two rather large cities, you might want to do something about it, or at least have your scientists talk about doing something about it. Read more on Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea…
  Science Is Hard So Don't Believe It

Scientists Directly Observe Greenhouse Effect, Like That Proves Anything

Atmospheric Emitted Radiance Interferometer near Barrow, Alaska. Note that there's still snow. SO FAKE.
In some pretty cool science that won’t change the mind of a single climate denier, climate scientists have observed carbon dioxide trapping heat in the atmosphere, which you’d think would be enormously important evidence that would put an end to the “debate” over global warming. We’re going to have to call Salon’s headline about the news just a tad optimistic, though: “Scientists stick it to climate deniers: Study provides direct evidence that human activity is causing global warming.” Read more on Scientists Directly Observe Greenhouse Effect, Like That Proves Anything…
  Case settled then

Sen. Inhofe: If Global Warming Is Real, Where Did I Get This Snowball?

He's got your 'global warming' right here!
Oklahoma Republican Sen. James (“Jim” to his friends, “Dickface” to most of America) Inhofe knows global warming is a hoax, as he has proven repeatedly, why won’t you dumb people listen to him instead of all those “scientists” who say otherwise? (No, not the scientists paid by the oil and gas industry to deny climate change is real; the other 99 percent of scientists who say yes it is TOO real.) Read more on Sen. Inhofe: If Global Warming Is Real, Where Did I Get This Snowball?…
  Butt I can't even see race!

Tennessee Lawmaker Lady Named Butt Not Racist, Just Loves White People

Gather round, little children, your Tennessee Wonkette has a nice story for you! It is about one of our august state representatives, a gentlelady by the name of Sheila Butt, who once said there would be no global warming if we used more hairspray, but this is not about that. This is about the fact that Sheila is Not Racist. Everybody is being mean to her and saying she is racist, though, because she went on the Facebook recently to comment on a nice note from the Council on American-Islamic Relations encouraging Republicans to stop hating Muslims so much. Butt said what we REALLY NEED is a “Council on Christian Relations” and a “NAAWP,” which some dumb liberal media types are dumbly and liberally assuming might stand for National Association For The Advancement Of White People, but they are wrong. Read more on Tennessee Lawmaker Lady Named Butt Not Racist, Just Loves White People…
  Numbers don't lie

SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots

At least he spells good
Brace yourselves for some stunning, shocking, jaw-dropping, too-amazing-to-believe-yet-totally-believable news! According to a new poll from PPP, the Republican Party is overflowing with morons. It’s true. In fact, it’s SCIENCE! Or MATH! Or some kind of liberal hoax thing! Read more on SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
Oh, it has been a busy week in Deleted Comments land! Thanks to our switchover to Disqus, the comments are a bit more Wild West-y than they had been — in Olden times, new commenters had to be approved, but now, Yr Moderators have to patrol the dusty streets and clear them of miscreants who shamble into view. Happily, you Wonkers are all deputized to help us keep our comments section a happy Radical Liberal Secularist Leftist Libunatic playground as well, via the “flag” option that appears when you move your mouse over any comment, like so: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral…
  location location causation

Pricey New York Real Estate Proves Global Warming Is A Hoax, Obviously

parking not included
Were you concerned conservatives would never locate the real “smoking gun” that proves the Great Global Warming Hoax? Well, hold on to your coal, Holy Rollers, because Breitbart LLC finally unearthed definitive proof of the Greenstapo’s climate conspiracy: New York City real estate is really fucking expensive! Read more on Pricey New York Real Estate Proves Global Warming Is A Hoax, Obviously…
  Think Global Act Loco

Resigning Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber Gonna Go To So Much Jail Maybe (Because He’s A Democrat)

He still looks nice on Facebook, though
Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber may be resigning effective Wednesday, unless he changes his mind again, but he and his fiancée, Cylvia Hayes, still have a big ol’ pile of legal problems. Both the state and now a federal grand jury are investigating the two for all sorts of possible corruption, ranging from the state’s clean energy policies to a proposal for a new coal terminal at a port. For one thing, maybe they’ll figure out how those things go together. The feds subpoenaed a broad range of state records from the state on Friday, not long after Kitzhaber announced his resignation. Read more on Resigning Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber Gonna Go To So Much Jail Maybe (Because He’s A Democrat)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which The League Of The South Weeps And Whines

Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!
Gosh golly, Wonkers, have we got a fine load of Dumbth for you this week! We heard from global warming deniers, a creationist, an anti-vaxxer, and a genuine neo-Confederate Southern Patriot who apparently does not actually realize which side lost the War of Southern Treason. Obviously, we need to start with that special snowflake first. Our Friday story about the League of the South’s Lincoln’s-Birthday commemoration of John Wilkes Booth drew a comment from one “Pat Hines,” who has featured in previous Dear Shitferbrains columns. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: In Which The League Of The South Weeps And Whines…
  Sounds Like Heresy To Us

Shell Oil CEO Believes In Global Warming Because He Is A Dirty Hippie Obviously

He's secretly sick of that shade of yellow
This should be fun for Fox News to explain away: The CEO of Royal Dutch Shell, Ben van Beurden, said at an energy industry conference in London that climate change is real and that a system of pricing carbon would be the best way to start reducing CO2 emissions. It’s almost as if the guy were some kind of radical leftist who hates prosperity! Read more on Shell Oil CEO Believes In Global Warming Because He Is A Dirty Hippie Obviously…
  Warmed-Over Science Denial

Fox News: Science Is A Hoax That Steals Our Freedom And Driving Privileges

God, that's just so dumb. Doesn't Obama even care that Americans are DYING?
Fox News found yet another reason to declare President Barack Obama totally DUMM Wednesday, because the stupidhead president made a factual statement that is also totally outrageous and stupid. In his recent interview with Vox, Obama said that yes, terrorism is bad and serious, but the media also exaggerates the threat of terrorism to the average American because it makes for good television, while threats like climate change, which will affect everyone on the planet, don’t get as much coverage because they don’t make for exciting TV. Read more on Fox News: Science Is A Hoax That Steals Our Freedom And Driving Privileges…
  Is ISIS Attacking Our Weather? We're Just Asking!

Climate Scientists Do Normal Science Thing, Proving Global Warming A Total Hoax

Among climate deniers, these are usually in a twist.
Well, here’s a hell of a surprise. Fox News has presented a misleading story bout climate science! Yes, you may want to sit down before reading any further! Media Matters does the heavy lifting on this one, tracing how one seriously misleading op-ed column by Christopher Booker in the right-leaning London Telegraph on Jan. 7 has spread throughout the Right-o-sphere. And Booker makes it sound like one hell of a scandal all right: Climate scientists have been systematically adjusting temperature readings from weather stations all over the world! Booker called it a “wholesale manipulation of the official temperature record” and “one of the greatest scientific scandals of all time.” And by golly, he sure did prove that a blogger looked at many temperature readings and found the original records were indeed adjusted in later publications, which is all the proof you need to know that the scientists are just making things up to scare people. In particular, daily temperature readings from stations in Paraguay had been adjusted to show higher temperatures than the original readings. Fraud! Fraud! Read more on Climate Scientists Do Normal Science Thing, Proving Global Warming A Total Hoax…
  Science: Don't Let It Happen To Your Kids!

Utah Puts Science Standards On Hold, Demands More Local Control Of Reality

Republican science standards adopted
Congratulations go out to the great state of Utah, which is in the process of revising its state science education standards for the first time in nearly 20 years. The new proposed standards will be phased in, starting with grades six, seven, and eight, and will emphasize more direct, hands-on experimentation along with classroom lectures and labs, to encourage scientific thinking. But this being a Wonkette story that doesn’t have “Nice Time” in the headline, you already know, Dear Reader, what’s coming next: there’s just one or two teensy-tiny problems that some people are having with bringing Utah’s science education into the 21st century, and they have to do with the fact that the proposed science standards include too much darned science for some people’s tastes. Because of complaints from parents, the Utah Board of Education has put on hold plans to move the new standards to their next stage, a public-comment period. Read more on Utah Puts Science Standards On Hold, Demands More Local Control Of Reality…
  The Sun's Just The Right Height

Mitt Romney’s Climate Change Flip Flops Accelerating At Alarming Rate

2014 was the planet’s hottest year since our species learned how to transcribe temperatures onto paper. While much of the globe wilted like Rick Perry under stage lights (hey-o!), our Congress ho-hummed as Republicans continued to dismiss “science” as mere propaganda from nefarious, agenda-driven “scientists” all over the globe.  And there’s someone who’s not happy about this at all. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Climate Change Flip Flops Accelerating At Alarming Rate…