• GLOBAL WARMING CONSIDERED A PROBLEM: Oh look, Al Gore wrote an AP article about the so-called “climate” under the pseudonym “Seth Borenstein.” Apparently Obama should fix the Earth, but “complicating everything is the worldwide financial meltdown.” The choice of “meltdown” in that sentence was not an accident, you see. [AP]

Gas will soon cost less than a buck a gallon, as nobody has a dollar, and nobody has a job to drive to anyway. Even Wal-Marts are closing down. And now Knut the cute polar bear, who was photographed topless by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair just last year, is an unwanted and unloved victim of the global economic meltdown. MORE »

• This global warming has gotten so bad that ships can now pass through the “Northwest Passage,” which didn’t even previously exist except on advanced levels of the Oregon Trail. [Matthew Yglesias]
• Stately, plump Bill Richardson will be Obama’s new Commerce Secretary! [Politico]
• Joe Biden complains to Sarah Palin that no one pays attention to him anymore. It is literally impossible to overstate how much she empathizes with him. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Nota Bene: Recovering British person Christopher Hitchens prefers the name “Bombay” to “Mumbai.” [The Corner]
• Al Franken has won his latest battle with Minnesota, as more absentee ballots are going to be counted and there’s nothing Norm Coleman can do about it. Except counter-sue. [HuffPost]
  

The McCain campaign’s angry tone this week has produced frightening anecdotes from every McCain/Palin rally about murdering the treasonous terrorist Barack Obama. Wingnuts are seeing Obama solidify his leads and are genuinely frightened that this Muslim might actually do it! And what does that make them do? Be even “wingnuttier,” of course, and that means that the mob rallies are getting more primitive and violent by the day. Today’s rally — “the angriest McPalin rally ever” — was in Wisconsin, a “swing state” where Obama is leading by 10 points. MORE »

• Meet Huck, a Maverick golden retriever who discovered turpentine in a Rock Creek Park stream. He played in that stream for 5 1/2 years. [City Desk]
• Maryland will eventually be as hot as the desert city of Phoenix, but at least it will be more humid! [DCist]
• Mayor Fenty is anti-union, according to unions, who printed out fliers in color saying as much. [DC Examiner]
• The only things still in DC are orphaned BlackBerrys, some losers who are embarrassed to even be there, and of course President Bush and his friend the president of Tanzania. [Washington Post]
• Some Metro cars received bouncy handles of the future, which are prejudiced towards both short and tall people. [NBC 4]
• The Washington Times cafeteria remains tragically barren, as diplomatic ties with the caterer are crumbling. [Fishbowl DC]

So what’s been going on with our greatest Vice President, Richard “Dick” Cheney, since we last spoke? Nothing much, just some new revelations about Cheney bein’ Cheney, hatin’ on the environment and such. In this latest news cycle, we have the tale of that time Cheney’s office once edited out six pages of the CDC director’s testimony to Congress regarding this: “CDC considers climate change a serious public health concern.” Silly egotistical CDC director. She’s obviously one of those people who gets pissed when her editors shake things up a bit — cutting commas, switching grafs, deleting major theses about climate change killing everyone, correcting split infinitives even if they do “sound” better. Any editor has dealt with these twits. We sympathize, Dick. [Washington Post]

Aside from John McCain, no person or organization cares as much about global warming as the fine folks operating Washington D.C.’s Metro system, which is doing heavy business this time of year shuttling fannypacked tourist families to historical locations that promise to disappoint. That’s on top of the many “Regulars” who take the Metro to work and back daily — not because they want to avoid traffic, but because they want to reduce carbon emissions! According to this new Metro ad, the “average Regular” of this sort is a fat, stomping black lady with a truck who leaves Bigfoot-sized tar footprints all over her ghetto except when she’s sitting on a Metro train, serenaded by birds. [YouTube]

With Hillary Clinton gone and the media finally paying some attention to John McCain’s campaign, WALNUTS! knows that he’ll have to put in a few minutes with his reporter friends to sustain his Maverick image. That’s why he’s making such a grand spectacle of his “independent” thinking on the environment and global warming. John McCain will certainly make Saving Our Planet the trademark issue of his campaign, because he cares about Earth. Yesterday, for example, John McCain cared about Earth a lot. Here is his new ad, in which he cares about Earth yet again. [YouTube]

When Bill Richardson, John Edwards, Bob Casey, Sam Nunn, and all those other nuts gave their various flavors of “endorsement” to Barack Obama, the chatter immediately switched to why each of them was the only possible choice to be Barack Obama’s black vice president. And then Hillary Clinton said something phunny, and people forgot about the endorsements entirely. This will somehow happen again. For now, let’s explore why Al Gore must be Obama’s black vice president if he wants any shot at this thing, and why it would be a great achievement for humble ol’ Albert Gore Jr. MORE »

Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne announced on Wednesday that the Polar Bear would be put on the Threatened Species list, because all the ice has melted and that’s where the Polar Bear lives, on a piece of ice. Also, these comical Polar Bears actually attended Kempthorne’s press conference in Washington. See, they really have no place to go now! [AP Photo]

Rejoice, polar bears! The United States Department of the Interior just announced that the number one source of cute white bears in the world — arctic polar bears — will be designated a threatened species because of the Global Warming, which the Republicans are going to fix because John McCain remembers how tough things were during the last Ice Age. MORE »