glenn beck
If you haven’t heard the worst news of the week yet: Some Tennessee firemen sat around and watched as a family’s house burned to a crisp, because somebody forgot to pay their $75 Fireman Subscription! Glenn Beck knows that the real victim here is the fire department, which had to waste countless hours driving all [...]
For some reason (publisher needed to go bankrupt for tax reasons?), somebody gave Dana Milbank a book deal. It’s out today, and it’s about Glenn Beck and entitled Tears of a Clown: Glenn Beck and the Tea Bagging of America, because Dana Milbank must want to be the next Ed Schultz or something. To drum [...]
At one point in our nation’s history, popular political action was supposed to mean something. For example, the entire Vietnam War was fought because the Vietcong stole John Kerry’s windsurfing board, and all of America’s youth gathered in the streets to protest this by sticking flowers filled with explosives into the guns of the National [...]
America needs blue balls, not red balls, according to this new video the White House put up today featuring new Obama economic bro Austan Goolsbee. According to their blog, this whiteboard video approach is something they’re going to do from now on, because Americans are dumb and visual aids are the only thing they can [...]
The most important thing concerning liberals is no longer getting their party — which actually controls the legislative and executive branches — to pass liberal laws; it is to spend all their time criticizing teevee people who just want to make money off of the stupidity of conservatives. Thus, liberal groups are coming together this [...]
Real Americans know that they are living in the Greatest Country in the World, no matter how many hours they spend in the unemployment line, because that’s just how it is, forever. So why does Michelle Obama, the wife of our President and part-owner of First Dog, Bo, think that she is living in hell? [...]
Glenn Beck is going on his radio and teevee shows and asking Teabaggers to stop wearing dumb dead historical figures costumes at rallies, and Teabaggers are calling in very angry about this. “What’s more effective, you as Betsy Ross or you as somebody who looks just like their neighbor, not dressed as Betsy Ross?” he [...]
American honor-restorer Glenn Beck is so mad about obesity right now, because it costs taxpayers billions of dollars and that is wrong. On his teevee show, he complained about “those fat people that sit on their couch” — you know, the ones whose skin actually “grows into their couch,” until the fire department has to [...]
Bill Scannell has suffered many Alaskan indignities for Wonkette since the ridiculous rise of snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin, but Saturday night’s rip-off 9/11-palooza was, as he reports, a total fraud.
Our brave correspondent in Anchorage continues to send strange dispatches and stranger images to the Wonkette Newsroom, despite the fact that the Wonkette Newsroom is asleep because Alaska is apparently under Japanese Time. But what is the explanation for this picture, Bill Scannell? “The NineEleven Bunny made an appearance. The ground is thick with bitter [...]
Wonkette Northern Terrortories Warblogger Bill Scannell is with the Death/Christ Cult tonight, awaiting the biggest 9/11 pornography event ever to be held half a world away from either the NYC/Pentagon/Pennsylvania sites of the terrorism or the Middle Eastern homelands of the terrorists. Surely this will be the most irrelevant 9/11 Celebration ever!
What are Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin doing in Alaska on 9/11? Their relationship is just getting more and more weird. What is Sarah twisting into the skull of this old Trig in this video? A Pog, probably. So is this just a dumb random ploy for the continued affections of Beck viewers? No, says [...]
Here’s Glenn Beck performing a very simple addition problem out loud, like he is trying out for the part of “intervening best friend” in an ABC Afterschool Special. Beck is America’s best friend, pretty much, because he’s saving the truth one math problem at a time. Can you believe the passion this man puts into [...]
A very nerdy-voiced Marxist was savagely grabbed at by a crazed American flag fetishist last weekend because he KNOWINGLY trespassed on the Restoring Honor Rally’s sacred no-sign holy ground. This heroic rascal-less woman was clearly in the right, as these blatant Muslims flagrantly broke the First Commandment by putting the gods of Allah above his [...]
