Wonkette

*BURBANK TO BE NUKED, THEN BOMBED:* John McCain will appear on the Jay Leno show tonight alongside the loser who endorsed him, Rudy Giuliani. Will Jay Leno keep a gun under his desk, just in case these two declare a War on Jay Leno for being an Islamic Muslim? [CNN]

• The caucuses are almost here, which means they’re almost over. [Washington Post]
• Crackdowns are hard in an election year. [New York Times]
• Will anyone actually vote for Barry Obama? We find out today! [Washington Post]
• Giuliani’s in New Hampshire, fighting terror. [New York Times]

Pakistanis are actually fleeing to Afghanistan because that’s how fucked up things are. [Washington Times]

• Fred Thompson’s inspired, passionate campaign may be coming to a close. [Politico]
• Mittens loves President Bush, but not in a gay way. [The Hill]
• Huck continues to have a little bit of not-knowing-what-the-fuck-is-going-on problem. [Los Angeles Times]

Bernie “Bulldog” Kerik and News Corp. execs are outed as evil fed-lying Rudy lovers in the court docs attorneys for Judith Regan filed in New York Supreme Court yesterday. Here they are!
Judith Regan Sues Murdoch Empire [TSG]

Thanks to a kind tipster, we spent part of yesterday perusing the anagrams of our presidential candiates, which included Hillary Rodham Clinton (Damn Chilly Iron Harlot), Rudy Giuliani (I Rig Dolphin Luau), John Edwards (D’oh! Jaws Nerd) and Joe Biden (I Need Job). Strange, right? After the jump, The Dimmer Switch sheds some light. MORE »

Most of our presidential candidates have law degrees. All of them, except Mitt Romney, have practiced law. The New York Times recently examined the young legal careers of our presidential candidates. In Sen. Hillary Clinton’s early days, she represented a cannery that produced pork and beans, and in one case, a can which contained the ass of a rat. She argued that there was no real harm, and besides “the rodent parts which had been sterilized were considered edible in parts of the world.” MORE »

Sen. Hillary Clinton almost made it through last night’s debate without a scrape. She came out crisp, assertive and confident. She held her annoying smirks to a minimum and seemed to respectful to other candidates, attentive even. But did anyone notice she looked weird? It was horrible! Her eyes were dead and her face appeared waxy and paralyzed. When she spoke, her words and mouth movements never quite linked up with her eyes. And that seems, shall we say, a little unnatural. MORE »

The New York Times has a delightful round-up of all the godawful campaign merchandise offered by all the leading presidential candidates… and Ron Paul, too! Soon all the kids will be wearing McCain hoodies, Obama baby-doll tees and Giuliani baseball jerseys. Our favorites by far are the extensive wares offered by Mike Huckabee’s shop, a dizzying array of merchandise featuring superb graphics meant to appeal to his followers’ lack of grammar skills (”a.Huck.i.be”) and love of flop existential Hollywood comedies (”I [Heart] Huckabee”). MORE »

Hillary Clinton is not only kicking Barack Obama’s ass in the polls, she’s giving him a sound trouncing when it comes to staff numbers. AND she’s doing it with less money. According to reports, Clinton has around 700 on the payroll, while Obama has 631. In the last quarter, Clinton coughed up a mere $3.8 million to Obama’s $12.6 million. Meanwhile, Republican frontrunner Rudy Giuliani is far behind in staff numbers, weighing in at 189. [New York Post]

Dana Carvey gave away some trade secrets on Leno last week and tells how he arrived at his Giuliani impression: start with Leno, add some Brooklyn thug, a dash of stutter and just a hint of spit. Yes, spit! And it’s really weird because Giuliani does spit. Or does he froth? Anyway, once while complimenting me on my tie, he spit on me (Oh, it’s a Ferragamo–Hey! What the hell?!). It was like shaking my hand and tripping me at the same time. Strange. Seriously, though, has he spit on anyone else, or is it just me? MORE »

David All notices that Rudy Giuliani’s MySpace page, uniquely among the 2008 candidates, is friends only. Rudy needs to check his e-mail, make sure you’re not his son Andrew, and then approve you in order for you to check out the limitless sweetness of JoinRudy2008.

And another thing. The last time “Rudy” signed in to myspace was on April 9. Think about all of the friend requests that are just sitting there, lonely in the cue. MORE »

• Names & Faces: Art Buchwald takes a break … Dallas Austin pardoned in Dubai. [WP]
• Page Six: Rudy Giuliani shares campaign ambitions with some party-goers, snubs others. [NYP]
• Daily Dish: Andrew Cuomo gets campaign support from the guy who allegedly ruined his marriage. [NYDN]
• Under the Dome: Presumed Bill Frist replacement works for the NASCAR vote. [The Hill]