If there’s two things our president loves, it’s detention camps and torture. So, obviously, he just used the whole “I will shut down that terrible den of Cuban shame” line to get into office, knowing that once he got in he would stop at nothing to open a thousand Guantanamos all over the Atlantic. We hear this speech he’s about to give, allegedly “explaining” his recent “decisions,” is really going to be one of these namby-pamby “on the one hand, but on the other hand” type deals that he loves so much. Let’s WATCH and LEARN. MORE »

Hmm, don’t recall many Democratic Leaders complaining during the 2008 campaign about Barack Obama’s explicit plan to shut down Guantanamo Bay, the obvious implication being that those with viable charges would be transferred to American (and a few European) prisons to face trial, while others with no charges would be released (and tracked!) in order to restore Law, which no one ever said would be easy but hey, free society, deal with it. We even recall these Democratic Leaders clapping and agreeing! They clapped and agreed again on Obama’s second day in office, too, when he signed an executive order to shut it down! So why did the Senate vote 90-6 today “to prohibit funding to transfer, release, or incarcerate detainees detained at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to or within the United States,” like a bunch of sallies? MORE »

Remember Guantanamo Bay, that rascally little island paradise which sorta robbed America of any remaining moral superiority it had been frittering away since World War II? Well, Obama FAILED in his promise to personally release and hump every prisoner within, so it’s still housing terrible foreigners. But after seven years, National Geographic somehow managed to sneak in and make a documentary about it, and your Wonkette was invited to preview the horror. MORE »

Now that Obama has closed down the evil Gitmo prison camp, he’s left with 250 detainees that need to either be released or criminally prosecuted – of course, there’s that tiny little problem of Where, How and Why. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Remember back in the good old days, when our leaders were generally believed to walk on two legs, to not be covered with viscous mucus, and to have been born from human women in the normal way? Now, of course, we are less naive, and know that our entire political class is composed entirely of the worst kind of soul-dead devils from below Hell. The shock of this revelation has long worn off, though, and now the most awful sort of flesh-eating monster completely fails to faze your average American, so long as it’s in elected office. Let’s go on a tour of the boring bestiary, shall we? MORE »

Gah — a witch! She makes the same hilariously dumb argument that Sarah Palin would make about Gitmo, but unlike Palin, she speaks in something resembling coherent sentences! Subject, predicate, period; subject, predicate, period… just practice that sequence, lady, and you could be the next Republican loser nominee! [iReport via Balloon Juice]

Because Barack Obama wants YOU to get bombed by random eastern Europeans of brown descent picked up on the street by clandestine American military agents for no reason in 2002, he’s now going on about how “one of his first duties in office will be to order the closing of the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay,” probably within the first week of his illegitimate presidency. His order “will direct his administration to figure out what to do with the estimated 250 al-Qaida and Taliban suspects and potential witnesses who are being held at Guantanamo.” Eventually Obama will form a new Economic Recovery Council Organization thing to oversee them, under the reign of Leon Panetta and Bono. And Paul Volcker. No, but really Dick Cheney will just keep them in his basement, as mousers. [AP]

???: “Bush should consider pardoning–and should at least be vociferously praising–everyone who served in good faith in the war on terror, but whose deeds may now be susceptible to demagogic or politically inspired prosecution by some seeking to score political points. The lawyers can work out if such general or specific preemptive pardons are possible; it may be that the best Bush can or should do is to warn publicly against any such harassment or prosecution. But the idea is this: The CIA agents who waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and the NSA officials who listened in on phone calls from Pakistan, should not have to worry about legal bills or public defamation. In fact, Bush might want to give some of these public servants the Medal of Freedom at the same time he bestows the honor on Generals Petraeus and Odierno. They deserve it.” [Bolding of incredible statement is ours.] The people who gathered reliable intelligence without breaking domestic/international law, however, should be sent to Gitmo for being such pussies. [Weekly Standard via Andrew Sullivan]

Former undersecretary of defense for policy Douglas Feith — the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth — is prominently featured in a new Vanity Fair feature about all the lying he, Donald Rumsfeld, John Yoo, David Addington, and Jim Haynes translated into sketchy (at best) legalese in order to torture other humans. In reference to the administration’s decision to disregard the Geneva Conventions for prisoners of Guantanamo Bay, Ol’ Dougy clearly has mixed feelings about it! And by mixed we mean not that at all: “‘This was something I played a major role in,’ he began, in a tone of evident pride.” It gets… it just gets so much worse. Guy’s a real hoot. MORE »

Mike Huckabee continued to spread his subliminal floating Christmas cheer in Iowa today by telling supporters that Guantanamo Bay is one helluva good time. Specifically, it’s “too nice”! And he would know because he’s been there and is now a goddamn expert. Thanks for the news, motherfuckabee! We wouldn’t know, because all of the tapes have been destroyed. MORE »

Are you the sort of “can do” person who will show up to work every day? Do you like to “hang out on the beach” and corporate benefits. Can you read, or operate a telephone? Then you’re totally qualified for a great new summer job at Cuba’s beautiful Guantanamo Bay resort and Muslim-torturing camp. MORE »