Hey heads up: PETA is offering to take whatever prison that Obama decides not use for terrorist collecting—Guantánamo, or that maximum security job in Thomson, IL that might be New Guantánamo—and turn it into a “All Living Beings Empathy Center.” It’d be symbolic as shit, right, because the Guantánamo human torture can be sort of tenuously conflated to what it’s like to be a farm animal? This is the idea. MORE »

• A lot of gynecologists and other lady and/or oncological doctors disagree completely with yesterday’s new things about mammography announcement. [New York Times]
• Obama admitted that Gitmo is not going to close by January. This makes keeping his promise to close Gitmo by January a considerably tenuous one. [Washington Post]
• Between fraud and anything having to do with Recovery.gov and cleverer types of fraud, the federal government managed to accidentally overpay $98 billion dollars last fiscal year. [CNN]
• The Somali pirates are like obsessed with this one US-flagged cargo ship, which they just attacked for the second time in seven months. Creepy. [AP]
• Obama’s admiration of the Great Wall of China can be seen from space. [WSJ]
• Meet Vaira Vike-Freiberga. Alias: VVF. Pedigree: Twice former president of Latvia. She is this lady running for president of Europe and she is so dope—read all of this: [Times Online]

Don’t click the link. Don’t watch the video. Don’t listen to this shitbird. Okay maybe watch a little bit. [PJTV]

The worst bands on Earth are very offended that their music has been played at Gitmo as part of actual torture, which, legally-speaking, is somehow different than being playing in your stupid brother’s car like constantly. All your favorites—Trent Reznor, Billy Bragg, Tom Morello, etc. etc.—have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo, some sort of Traveling Wilburys-like superband. “Guantanamo may be Dick Cheney’s idea of America, but it’s not mine. The fact that music I helped create was used in crimes against humanity sickens me — we need to end torture and close Guantanamo now,” said Morello, he of Rage Against the Machine. Oh man, things are about to get so heavy and shit. MORE »

Twas only Monday when we even first met the Liz Monster, Dick Cheney’s spawn-object, and her feared Internet chimera KeepAmericaSafe.com. Well, now it is Wednesday and the Liz Monster must defend herself against a formidable enemy force composed of actual former generals in the US Army who will fight the Liz Monster until she glissades back into the mountains of Hell and stops frightening Earth’s creatures. Really. MORE »

A choice bit of news today for terrorists and people who just seem like terrorists: Obama and his legal pals have decided that they will not be giving themselves any more pretend legal authority in order to detain suspicious people indefinitely. It turns out Bush and Cheney did a pretty comprehensive job of back in 2001 rounding up all the authority on Earth and renditioning the shit out of it in Gitmo and Bagram. MORE »

ABOUT THAT TERRIBLE THING THAT OBAMA IS DOING: We’ve had this question for approximately six to eight months but keep forgetting to post about it, because more important things like teabaggers and birthers and deathers and Meghan McCain and Chuck Grassley’s Twitter must be attended to with haste, at all times. So. Question: Why is Obama maintaining a lawless secret detention center (Bagram) that’s potentially worse than Guantanamo Bay? WAIT — SECOND QUESTION: Why is Obama restarting a war in Afghanistan? Just those two things. Now, back to the usual smut. [ABC News]

Iowa Rep. Steve King, easily one of the top five House wingnuts and perhaps the most overtly evil and sneering one, has this to say about why we shouldn’t close Guantanamo Bay (where we could still keep the innocent Uighurs, whose imminent release was ordered by a federal court in 2008): MORE »

YOU MUST WATCH FOX & FRIENDS DISCUSS THE UIGHURS’ RELEASE TO VARIOUS ISLAND NATIONS: Thank you Gawker for having video interns to capture the marvelous nonsense from this morning’s edition of Fox & Friends, the topic being “these Uighur characters,” in the words of Steve Doocy. “Do you want to go to a place where that guy over there, in the sombrero, was actually trained in a terror camp in Afghanistan?” (Bermuda is one of the Mexicos now.) [Gawker]

Just in time for Video Friday comes the RNC’s latest Guantanamo Bay video, outlining the very serious position that all but six members of the United States Senate have taken with regard to prisoner detention. [Balloon Juice]

Well, this would certainly explain why Colorado is under constant assault from terrorist organizations seeking to free their own, and why the whole state has descended into a state of anarchy as Terrorist Cooties spread faster than the swine flu. “Thirty-three international terrorists, many with ties to al-Qaeda, reside in a single federal prison in Florence, Colo., with little public notice,” announces the Washington Post. THANKS DUDES YOU JUST TOLD AL QAEDA WHERE TO LOOK. [Washington Post]