Tag Archives: girl scouts

  How was YOUR dumb week?

Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week

Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.
Oh look at the White House all BRAGGIN’ and shit. That Nice Time video above was provided to yr Wonkette (and by “provided,” we mean we went to the White House website and copied the embed code) as a way of illustrating how Barack Obama just had one of the most badass weeks of his entire presidency, a week bigger than the best weeks of Sarah Palin’s, Ronald Reagan’s, your mom’s, and Jesus’s presidencies COMBINED. Read more on Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week…
  Paramilitary Feminists Invade White House

Girl Scouts Sneak Past Secret Service, Camp Out On White House Lawn

Ok, this is just all kinds of cute — to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the National Parks system and Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move!” healthy-stuff initiative, and also because there’s just never a bad time to have photos of smiley kids with the POTUS and the FLOTUS, the Obamas hosted a whole gaggle of Girl Scouts from all over the country for a campout on the south lawn of the White House. It was almost as cute as that time Obama wore a tiara or the other time he met the little scouts at the White House science fair. Read more on Girl Scouts Sneak Past Secret Service, Camp Out On White House Lawn…
  please send money

Girl Scouts Will Get Along Just Fine Without Transgender-Hating Bigot Bucks, Thank You

Even ones religious right assholes don't like.
As you are all aware, the Girl Scouts is a super badass organization. Its leadership is SO liberal, the Scouts are turning all of America’s girls into militant man-hating lesbian vegans with bitchin’ abortion skills. And it costs money to indoctrinate all those young ladies! The Girl Scouts of Western Washington was very excited to get a $100,000 donation recently, to fund things like financial assistance for little girls whose families can’t afford to send them to camp. Stuff like that. But then the donor woke up one day with a spiked dildo up his/her ass and sent another note to the group specifying that this money was under no circumstances to be used to help any gross transgenders: Read more on Girl Scouts Will Get Along Just Fine Without Transgender-Hating Bigot Bucks, Thank You…
  Political Basics: Yelling At Kids Never Helps

Maryland Girl Scouts Too Black To Have Opinions On Animal Abuse, We Guess

They look pretty dangerous. Probably sell those abortion cookies, too.
Somebody needs to let the people of Cecil County, Maryland, know how the plot of an uplifting Capraesque movie is supposed to go: An intrepid local journalist uncovers a scandalous bad thing, the Powers that Be don’t do much of anything about it, and then when little kids take up the cause, everything gets fixed, and maybe even the bad guys are so moved by the kids’ innocent idealism that they vow to turn from evil and do good things, and then a lesbian gets her wings. But that’s not what happened this time at all! Instead, Girl Scouts testifying against awful conditions at a local animal shelter were rewarded by shelter supporters yelling racial insults at the girls, which would really make a lousy ending to a movie. We’re still hoping there’s another reel to run where the plucky girls triumph after all. This story’s not as bad as that Idaho guy who non-racistly slapped a baby on a plane a couple years back, but it’s pretty damn bad. Read more on Maryland Girl Scouts Too Black To Have Opinions On Animal Abuse, We Guess…
  Here have some news n stuff

Girl Scouts Show Obama Science Projects He Did Not Build

Hide the kids, President Obama is trying to make them care about science again, what a jerk. And worse, he wants to spend YOUR MONEY to do it: As part of the Fair, President Obama will announce over $240 million in new private sector commitments to get more girls and boys, especially those that are under-represented, inspired, and prepared to excel in the STEM fields. With the commitments being made today, the President’s “Educate to Innovate” campaign has resulted in over $1 billion in financial and in-kind support for STEM programs. The president welcomed these young scientists who should be at homeschool reading the Bible instead by bossing them around with a bunch of rules, according to his remarks released via email by the White House on Monday, like “no taking your robots or electric go-karts for a spin on the South Lawn,” and “if you’re going to explode something, you have to warn us first. …Actually, just don’t explode anything.” No explosions at the White House? Unfair! Read more on Girl Scouts Show Obama Science Projects He Did Not Build…
 

Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns About Girl Scout Lesbians, Because He Is A Weirdo

So arrogant!
If you read Wonk on the regular, you will recognize Kevin Swanson as the wingnut homeschool advocate Dok did a nice series of book reports on in his always lovely feature Sundays With The Christianists. Swanson is also pretty sure that the Disney feature film “Frozen” will turn your child into a gay witch. Know what else will turn your daughter into a gay witch, or at least a lesbian something or other? Thin mints and samoas, and all the other various Girl Scout cookies, your precious is going to be on an express train to Muff Town if you let her be a Girl Scout. Yes, this long, stupid segment, which echoes many of Kevin’s earlier segments, is predicated on “the Girl Scout issue”: Read more on Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns About Girl Scout Lesbians, Because He Is A Weirdo…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad

Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...
Beyond all the half-priced candy, one thing we like about going to the store after Christmas is the sudden arrival of pallets of storage supplies — it holds out the hope that if you just buy the right plastic bins, you’ll be free of all the clutter that’s built up during the year. And so we bring you our own efforts at cleaning out the muck: A bunch of detritus from the comments queue, which we now won’t have to think about any more. Let’s start with some people we have upset with our unwarranted cruelty. For some reason, our piece on Barack Obama wearing a tiara while taking a photo with some girl scouts rubbed a few people the wrong way, perhaps because we said wearing a tiara betrayed Barack Hussein Obama’s desire for absolute power. “Thea” took us to task for being so mean to a decent, honorable man: Read more on Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad…
  Pretty Princess Or Petty Tyrant?

Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America

So arrogant!
In case you have any doubts that Barack Obama believes himself to be not merely an employee of the People of the United States, but rather an emperor or a czar or a pretty pony princess, look no further than this June 2014 photo of him succumbing to the temptation to wear a crown. Politico attempts to spin it as a cute end-of-year story in which the would-be monarch is merely goofing around with some girl scouts: Read more on Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America…
  Adding Fabrics And Baking Would Not Help

‘Science’ Center Teaches Boys Rocketry, Girls Makeup. Internet Certain To Be Pleased. (Updated)

UPDATE: Carnegie Science Center has responded; see end of post. You know what kids love? Kids love science! Science is exciting, and it builds critical thinking skills, and it’s actually more than just a little bit fun if you have an engaging teacher and cool things to do! And if you’re a girl in Pittsburgh, you can actually get your Girl Scouts science badge at the one solitary science workshop that the Carnegie Science Center offers, which is available on just one day, which… hey, what’s the freaking deal here, Carnegie Science Center? Looks like you have loads of science workshops for Boy Scouts at different levels of scouting, and one lousy workshop for girls? Read more on ‘Science’ Center Teaches Boys Rocketry, Girls Makeup. Internet Certain To Be Pleased. (Updated)…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Gala Of Goofs And Gomers

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape our browser tabs for the stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite worth a full post, stir in some weapons-grade snark, and serve it up to you. We recommend you add your own mental lubricant, but not right before you get interviewed by Bob Costas. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Gala Of Goofs And Gomers…
  would you like a badge little one?

Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

It is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do. However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was a part of the Girl Scouts, and he’s heterosexually harassing women, so he’s got a future career ahead of him once he’s finished his sex offender registry. Robert White, a former member of the board of directors for Girl Scouts of Connecticut, was arrested this week amidst allegations he exposed himself to two female employees while at work, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president. Thankfully, though, he did not expose himself to male co-workers. That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult. Read more on Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model…
  burn the witch!

Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts

We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should … well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the quarter of scouts who are Catholic to jump in a lake … of fire? All of those things, probably, and then some. But the US Conference of Catholic Bishops is very serious about this, like Joe McCarthy-heart-attack serious! Not just because they had that Planned Parenthood brochure that everybody fainted about, nope! Or because they let a little transgender girl join a troop because they are disgusting perverts! Sorry, but it is something WAY WORSE. Critics contend that Girl Scouts materials shouldn’t contain links to groups such as Doctors without Borders, the Sierra Club and Oxfam because they support family planning or emergency contraception. Read more on Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts…
  we prefer 'pre-womyn'

Wasilla Idiot Holding Up ‘Year Of The Girl’ Proclamation: Girl Scouts Equal Abortion

Let this delightful tale to see you through your cold and lonely Passover. In Alaska, some senator (not Murkowski) wanted a proclamation from the state of a ‘year of the girl,’ that would also honor the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. The senator asked her student intern to present the measure. Read more on Wasilla Idiot Holding Up ‘Year Of The Girl’ Proclamation: Girl Scouts Equal Abortion…
  just another day in the indiana legislature

Indiana GOP Rep: Girl Scouts Are Bunch of Gay Communist Abortionists

Remember a few decades ago when conservative parents used to keep themselves awake at night worrying about the music of Judas Priest or Kiss shooting mind control rays full of Satanism into their children’s brains? Those would be today’s “center-left” voters. To be a true conservative American Jesus warrior these days, you must move past these obvious entrapments and master the skill of identifying the hidden agents of Lucifer that lurk among us. Take, for instance, that group of sixth-grade girls over there in the Girl Scout club. What are they doing over there, standing around with their vaginas attached to them and not yet pregnant? Well that should be obvious enough, but just in case, Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris will spell it out for you: they are communist lesbian witch-abortionists. Rep. Bob Morris is therefore unable to support his legislature’s resolution honoring the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts, so that he can still go to Heaven and stand next to Jesus and they can laugh together at all the little Girl Scouts burning in hell. Read more on Indiana GOP Rep: Girl Scouts Are Bunch of Gay Communist Abortionists…
  the epic war of homosexuality and our baked goods

House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists

Despite the encouraging fact that your President Obama hates the Girl Scouts, Real AmeriKKKA knows that this lady-driven NGO is just a haven for rug-munching, carpet-licking, hole-fisting feminazis! Or at least that’s what Republican Hans Zeiger, House candidate from Washington, wrote once, on these very Internets! Yes, it seems this handsome twentysomething gent with the Palinesque spectacles (who serves as an Assistant Scoutmaster in the totally non-rapey Boy Scouts of America!) hates little girls and their dreams. And man, is he pissed that the bitches get all the good press! Here’s a gem from a few years ago: Read more on House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists…
  rumors on the internets

RedState Recalls Obama’s Best-Seller, ‘Mein Kampf,’ Which Was Ghostwritten By Bill Ayers

Check out the latest hot erotica, Townhalls Gone Wild. Have your FEMA debit card ready! [DailyKos] R.I.P., Rupert Murdoch. We hardly knew ye. [Market Watch/Something Awful] The doorbell rings. Who could that be? you say to yourself. Oh, it’s a little Girl Scout, selling cookies. “Get lost kid. Already bought 10 boxes of them Thin Mints, from Walmart. And they were hella cheap too, because Walmart isn’t unionized.” The little girl starts to cry. Typical union guilt-trip trickery, you think to yourself. [Jeffrey Goldberg] Read more on RedState Recalls Obama’s Best-Seller, ‘Mein Kampf,’ Which Was Ghostwritten By Bill Ayers…
  cookie monster

Why Does Barack Obama Hate Girl Scouts?

A Girl Scout troop in a Chicago-area suburb asked both Barack Obama and John McCain for some campaign schwag so they could get their “Ms. President” badges, and the McCain campaign was like, “OK yes here you go cute Girl Scouts, here is a huge box of crap for you, someday you will remember this and vote Republican!!” while the jagoffs at Obama HQ hemmed and hawed. Jesus, how bad are they at training their staff that two separate people say, “Sorry adorable young symbols of all that is right and good with America, we don’t give away valuable pins for free”? Read more on Why Does Barack Obama Hate Girl Scouts?…