girl scouts

WOULD YOU LIKE A BADGE LITTLE ONE?  10:50 am October 8, 2012

Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

by Jesse Taylor

It is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do. However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was [...]

BURN THE WITCH!  1:50 pm May 11, 2012

Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should … well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the [...]

WE PREFER 'PRE-WOMYN'  8:40 pm April 6, 2012

Wasilla Idiot Holding Up ‘Year Of The Girl’ Proclamation: Girl Scouts Equal Abortion

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Let this delightful tale to see you through your cold and lonely Passover. In Alaska, some senator (not Murkowski) wanted a proclamation from the state of a ‘year of the girl,’ that would also honor the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. The senator asked her student intern to present the measure. Then came Rep. [...]

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE INDIANA LEGISLATURE  2:10 pm February 21, 2012

Indiana GOP Rep: Girl Scouts Are Bunch of Gay Communist Abortionists

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Remember a few decades ago when conservative parents used to keep themselves awake at night worrying about the music of Judas Priest or Kiss shooting mind control rays full of Satanism into their children’s brains? Those would be today’s “center-left” voters. To be a true conservative American Jesus warrior these days, you must move past [...]

THE EPIC WAR OF HOMOSEXUALITY AND OUR BAKED GOODS  5:23 pm September 8, 2010

House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists

by Sara Benincasa

Despite the encouraging fact that your President Obama hates the Girl Scouts, Real AmeriKKKA knows that this lady-driven NGO is just a haven for rug-munching, carpet-licking, hole-fisting feminazis! Or at least that’s what Republican Hans Zeiger, House candidate from Washington, wrote once, on these very Internets! Yes, it seems this handsome twentysomething gent with the [...]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  6:15 pm August 6, 2009

RedState Recalls Obama’s Best-Seller, ‘Mein Kampf,’ Which Was Ghostwritten By Bill Ayers

by Riley Waggaman

Check out the latest hot erotica, Townhalls Gone Wild. Have your FEMA debit card ready! [DailyKos] R.I.P., Rupert Murdoch. We hardly knew ye. [Market Watch/Something Awful] The doorbell rings. Who could that be? you say to yourself. Oh, it’s a little Girl Scout, selling cookies. “Get lost kid. Already bought 10 boxes of them Thin [...]

COOKIE MONSTER  11:29 am September 12, 2008

Why Does Barack Obama Hate Girl Scouts?

by Sara K. Smith

A Girl Scout troop in a Chicago-area suburb asked both Barack Obama and John McCain for some campaign schwag so they could get their “Ms. President” badges, and the McCain campaign was like, “OK yes here you go cute Girl Scouts, here is a huge box of crap for you, someday you will remember this [...]


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