Wonkette

If only John McCain had learned about the Internet before he chose Sarah Palin — so much “cyber vetting” could’ve happened. Instead, a bunch of hungover libtard bloggers are using their favorite friend (the Internet) to dig up all kinds of half-ass semi-comical crimes committed by that beloved Alaskan anger-bear, Sarah Palin. MORE »

Here’s teevee’s Ben Stein, the funny conservative author and Nixon/Ford speechwriter best known for that game show and yelling at Matthew Broderick in the 1980s. He is not impressed with Sarah Palin. No matter what weird causes Ben Stein supports, he has never been very forgiving of total idiots.

Guess who hasn’t been mentioned at all tonight? America’s favorite president, George W. Bush Junior! It’s as if Republicans haven’t held the White House for the past eight years. Who can remember that far back? So let’s welcome the new Geraldine Ferraro, “Barracuda Sarah” Palin — her own sister just called her that, on CNN — as she squeaks through a speech destined to give John McCain the SURGE he needs to finish this campaign as a complete sell-out loser who stands for nothing. Go Sarah! MORE »

McCAIN TRYING TO STEAL WONKETTE’S PAGE VIEWS: As your Wonkette staggers under the heavy load of a trillion people trying to find Sarah Palin pictures online, the evil anti-capitalist McCain Campaign is attempting to steal our precious web traffic with this Google Ad: “Sarah Palin Photos: Get Official Campaign Photos of Governor Sarah Palin Today! JohnMcCain.com/Palin.”

NOT SAFE FOR WORK, whatever, dumb, vulgar, ha ha, kind of funny, the Palin actress is pretty great with the nose and lipstick, whatever, good night, enjoy the deal, okay, good night forever.

Besides her sudden disappearance from tonight’s RNC lineup, there are many other signs that Sarah Palin will be the first major-party veep nominee to drop off the ticket since George McGovern dumped Thomas Eagleton for being crazy, way back in 1972. What are the other chilling new signs of Snowbilly Loserdom? MORE »

Here is the story of how John McCain picked his running mate: after Barack Obama selected Joe Biden instead of Hillary Clinton, McCain went on a six-day Nyquil bender and at the end of it slurred, “Get me one of them wimmins.” He had always had his heart set on another salty warmonger like himself: Joe Lieberman. But conservatives hated Joe Lieberman for being an abortionist, and there just wasn’t enough room on one ticket for such a terrifying abundance of old man cheeks. MORE »

Why did mean old John McCain ruin our favorite Klondike Snow Bunny’s happy life? It’s another day, which means it’s another day of embarrassing revelations about Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin — last week she was America’s Hottest Governor, and this week she’s a disaster! MORE »

Poor Sarah Palin! We mean, “Sarah Palin lies everyday about everything!” In any case, our beloved junior governor from Alaska is now embroiled in so many snowbilly scandals that she’s probably not going to last through the week. Let’s start this fun new feature, about all the ways poor Sarah is about to be tossed off the ticket, maybe. MORE »

WHY IS McCAIN RUINING THIS LADY’S LIFE? “As a cheap political stunt, McCain dragged this nice lady he doesn’t even know into his doomed campaign, and already the TV commentators and op-ed writers are calling her a dimwit, an amateur, a hapless tool. McCain is such a cruel creep that he’s making Sarah Palin debate Joe Biden.” [Political Machine]