Tag Archives: gilf

  Wonkette hearts Sarah -- a retrospective

Today We Celebrate Five Years Of Laughing Our Asses Off At Sarah Palin, But We Will Probably Quit By Noon Also

Happy anniversary, America! Light your Jahrzeit candle, because today is the five-year anniversary of the day John McCain got all mavericky and picked Sarah Palin’s well-jogged ass off a Google image page of lady GOPers to be his co-loser in the 2008 presidential election! We sure have had a lot of laughs since then, haven’t we, America? Mostly at Sarah’s expense, but occasionally at the expense of her terrible potty-mouthed gay-slurring children and even conceived-in-sin gay-slurring grandchildren too! Let us take a trip (the travel kind, not the stupid name of Bristol’s little baby) down memory lane but probably quit midway because that is what mavericky mavericks do, you betcha also too also, as well! Read more on Today We Celebrate Five Years Of Laughing Our Asses Off At Sarah Palin, But We Will Probably Quit By Noon Also…
  Remembrance of Veepstakes Past

Time Travel With Wonkette To The Marvelous Day When John McCain Picked Sarah Palin, America’s GILF

Following Willard Mittsworth Moneybaggs Romney IV’s introduction of his exciting Veep pick, Paul Ryan, Your Wonkette presents a look back at the heady days of 2008, when enfeebled man-who-would-be-king John McCain invigorated his moribund campaign by choosing as his running mate an exciting fresh face with impeccable conservative credentials, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. While news outlets around the nation asked themselves, “wait, WHO?” Wonkette readers were already well aware of who she was: Alaska’s GILF, the hottest Maverick ever depicted in LEGO (which, as nerds, we know is a singular mass noun; the individual little pieces are not “Legos,” but “bricks” … which is what most of us also shat at the thought of the empty-headed moose-shooter being a heartbeat away from the Presidency). So join us on a trip down memory lane as we present the blogging equivalent of a clip show. Hey, remember the time we went to Alaska and became frenemies with a crazy lady? Read more on Time Travel With Wonkette To The Marvelous Day When John McCain Picked Sarah Palin, America’s GILF…
  milf & gilf & etc.

These Sarah Palin Fans Just Want To Hump Her

Before you dismiss this video as another “cute red-state gal is going to cum again remembering how the beautiful Sarah Palin touched her,” please just duct-tape yourself to the office chair and watch the WHOLE THING because, good god, PALIN MAN! [YouTube video-documentary by Wonkette commenter PabaBritanica.] Read more on These Sarah Palin Fans Just Want To Hump Her…
  occasions for solemn reflection

It’s Sarah Palin’s Last Weekday In Office

Hey YOU GUYS why is this day different from all other days? Because it is the very last weekday in the history of Man in which Sarah Palin will serve the great state of Alaska as its mascot. On Saturday she will rest. And on Sunday she will turn over the reins of power to somebody who won’t be harassed to death by frivolous libtards. Read more on It’s Sarah Palin’s Last Weekday In Office…
  farewell anger bear

Sarah Palin Returns To Alaska

Just a few short months ago, your Wonkette loved the snow dwarf Sarah Palin and all the adorable scrapes she got into — for example, being sexily “rear-ended” by a complete stranger outside Anchorage. But then one fateful day in late August, cruel John McCain had to nominate Sarah Palin for vice president, and overnight the charming and harmless governor of a charming and harmless state transformed into a snarling, sneering peddler of ignorant racist garbage, and we were sad. Read more on Sarah Palin Returns To Alaska…
  complete agony

The Couric/Palin Sexterview: It Just Gets Worse

OK Sarah LOOK: no one has any fun mocking you anymore. Just please go back to Alaska and continue firing your ex-brother’s sister’s aunt’s abusive husband’s police dog’s baby’s commissioner again, as you were until this dumb butt, McCain, put you on his ticket. Go back to being a GILF. You were so lovely, then. [Gawker] Read more on The Couric/Palin Sexterview: It Just Gets Worse…
  lifestyles of the rich and famous

As America Burned, Sarah Palin Tanned, In A Tanning Bed, In The Governor’s Mansion

Alaskan dingbat Sarah Palin did something very important when she became governor of Alaska just 19 months ago: She had a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion — the one she refuses to live in, so she could charge Alaskan taxpayers $17,000 to sleep in her other tanning bed, at home in Wasilla. Now we breathlessly await confirmation that she also had a tattoo parlor set up in the executive office. [The Field/Narco News] Read more on As America Burned, Sarah Palin Tanned, In A Tanning Bed, In The Governor’s Mansion…
  spycam

Wonkette Exclusive: Photos From Sarah Palin’s Rally In Fairbanks!

Last night Sarah Palin flew back to her ice cave and gave a rousing address to her people on the snowy tundra. An Undercover Moosketeer Obamatard kindly snapped a few candid photos from the rally and sent them along. Here we have the vice-president-to-be in literally the only unflattering photograph we have ever seen of her. And yet! Even here she is not looking crazy-eyed or duck-faced, just vaguely reptilian. Sarah Palin, we salute you. Read more on Wonkette Exclusive: Photos From Sarah Palin’s Rally In Fairbanks!…
  convicted criminals

Sarah Palin Always Breaking the Law In Typical Snowbilly Fashion

If only John McCain had learned about the Internet before he chose Sarah Palin — so much “cyber vetting” could’ve happened. Instead, a bunch of hungover libtard bloggers are using their favorite friend (the Internet) to dig up all kinds of half-ass semi-comical crimes committed by that beloved Alaskan anger-bear, Sarah Palin. Read more on Sarah Palin Always Breaking the Law In Typical Snowbilly Fashion…
  Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?

Ben Stein Repulsed By Sarah Palin, Thinks Henry Kissinger Should ‘Babysit’ Her

Here’s teevee’s Ben Stein, the funny conservative author and Nixon/Ford speechwriter best known for that game show and yelling at Matthew Broderick in the 1980s. He is not impressed with Sarah Palin. No matter what weird causes Ben Stein supports, he has never been very forgiving of total idiots. Read more on Ben Stein Repulsed By Sarah Palin, Thinks Henry Kissinger Should ‘Babysit’ Her…
  jesus christ has returned to earth

Liveblogging Famous Historical War Leader Sarah Palin at the RNC

Guess who hasn’t been mentioned at all tonight? America’s favorite president, George W. Bush Junior! It’s as if Republicans haven’t held the White House for the past eight years. Who can remember that far back? So let’s welcome the new Geraldine Ferraro, “Barracuda Sarah” Palin — her own sister just called her that, on CNN — as she squeaks through a speech destined to give John McCain the SURGE he needs to finish this campaign as a complete sell-out loser who stands for nothing. Go Sarah! Read more on Liveblogging Famous Historical War Leader Sarah Palin at the RNC…
  internet scams

McCAIN TRYING TO STEAL WONKETTE’S PAGE VIEWS: As your Wonkette staggers under the heavy load of a trillion people trying to find Sarah Palin pictures online, the evil anti-capitalist McCain Campaign is attempting to steal our precious web traffic with this Google Ad: “Sarah Palin Photos: Get Official Campaign Photos of Governor Sarah Palin Today! JohnMcCain.com/Palin.” Read more on …
  vpilf

Fun Comedy, About Sarah Palin, and John McCain!

NOT SAFE FOR WORK, whatever, dumb, vulgar, ha ha, kind of funny, the Palin actress is pretty great with the nose and lipstick, whatever, good night, enjoy the deal, okay, good night forever. Read more on Fun Comedy, About Sarah Palin, and John McCain!…
  snowbilly meltdown

Sarah Sinking So Fast That RNC Co-Chair Just Called Her ‘Sarah Pawlenty’

Besides her sudden disappearance from tonight’s RNC lineup, there are many other signs that Sarah Palin will be the first major-party veep nominee to drop off the ticket since George McGovern dumped Thomas Eagleton for being crazy, way back in 1972. What are the other chilling new signs of Snowbilly Loserdom? Read more on Sarah Sinking So Fast That RNC Co-Chair Just Called Her ‘Sarah Pawlenty’…
  grumpy old men

McCain Wanted Vinegar Joe Lieberman For Veep

Here is the story of how John McCain picked his running mate: after Barack Obama selected Joe Biden instead of Hillary Clinton, McCain went on a six-day Nyquil bender and at the end of it slurred, “Get me one of them wimmins.” He had always had his heart set on another salty warmonger like himself: Joe Lieberman. But conservatives hated Joe Lieberman for being an abortionist, and there just wasn’t enough room on one ticket for such a terrifying abundance of old man cheeks. Read more on McCain Wanted Vinegar Joe Lieberman For Veep…
  gone by friday?

Tuesday Morning Sarah Palin Premature Withdrawal Watch

Why did mean old John McCain ruin our favorite Klondike Snow Bunny’s happy life? It’s another day, which means it’s another day of embarrassing revelations about Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin — last week she was America’s Hottest Governor, and this week she’s a disaster! Read more on Tuesday Morning Sarah Palin Premature Withdrawal Watch…
  fun new feature!

Sarah Palin Premature Withdrawal Watch!

Poor Sarah Palin! We mean, “Sarah Palin lies everyday about everything!” In any case, our beloved junior governor from Alaska is now embroiled in so many snowbilly scandals that she’s probably not going to last through the week. Let’s start this fun new feature, about all the ways poor Sarah is about to be tossed off the ticket, maybe. Read more on Sarah Palin Premature Withdrawal Watch!…
  vpilf

WHY IS McCAIN RUINING THIS LADY’S LIFE? “As a cheap political stunt, McCain dragged this nice lady he doesn’t even know into his doomed campaign, and already the TV commentators and op-ed writers are calling her a dimwit, an amateur, a hapless tool. McCain is such a cruel creep that he’s making Sarah Palin debate Joe Biden.” [Political Machine] Read more on …
  what we know

SARAH PALIN’S EXTENSIVE MILITARY EXPERIENCE: From a McCain statement about Sarah Palin: “As the head of Alaska’s National Guard and as the mother of a soldier herself, Gov. Palin understands what it takes to lead our nation and she understands the importance of supporting our troops.” And under Palin’s leadership, the Alaskan National Guard has pummeled northeastern Russia (our new Death Enemy) with some NUCLEAR WARBOMBS FROM SPACE, so we’re all set. [AP] Read more on …
  not as hot as cheney

Sarah Palin’s Unknown Quality Sparks Tragic Internet Meme

John McCain made a vice presidential choice, but no one knows her? Time to establish a complete waste-of-time TWITTER MEME in which one may use other INTERNET MEME JOKES to describe her. This is the most important Internet development since TUMBLR. Oh who are we kidding. We’re still getting over the lack of Mittens on this ticket, and it’ll take some time. [Twitter] Read more on Sarah Palin’s Unknown Quality Sparks Tragic Internet Meme…
  vpilf

Did John McCain Know That Sarah Palin Is In The Middle Of A SCANDAL?

Wonkette’s favorite GILF has now graduated to a losing ticket for vice president. Hooray for Sarah Palin, the new fake Hillary Clinton! And like the Clintons, Palin and her husband, “Todd,” are involved in a horrible scandal in their corrupt nothing state, and it’s about troopers. So let’s offer a brief background about this epic scandal which has ruined her reputation in Alaska, where she used to have 90% approval ratings. And then you will realize exactly how creepy Alaska is where they would care about such a thing. Read more on Did John McCain Know That Sarah Palin Is In The Middle Of A SCANDAL?…
  liveblogging

Liveblogging VPILF Sarah Palin Greeting America!

Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we’re liveblogging it. She’s a pretty girl, so we guess she’s qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice. Read more on Liveblogging VPILF Sarah Palin Greeting America!…