Wonkette

• SARAH PALIN’S EXTENSIVE MILITARY EXPERIENCE: From a McCain statement about Sarah Palin: “As the head of Alaska’s National Guard and as the mother of a soldier herself, Gov. Palin understands what it takes to lead our nation and she understands the importance of supporting our troops.” And under Palin’s leadership, the Alaskan National Guard has pummeled northeastern Russia (our new Death Enemy) with some NUCLEAR WARBOMBS FROM SPACE, so we’re all set. [AP]

John McCain made a vice presidential choice, but no one knows her? Time to establish a complete waste-of-time TWITTER MEME in which one may use other INTERNET MEME JOKES to describe her. This is the most important Internet development since TUMBLR. Oh who are we kidding. We’re still getting over the lack of Mittens on this ticket, and it’ll take some time. [Twitter]

Wonkette’s favorite GILF has now graduated to a losing ticket for vice president. Hooray for Sarah Palin, the new fake Hillary Clinton! And like the Clintons, Palin and her husband, “Todd,” are involved in a horrible scandal in their corrupt nothing state, and it’s about troopers. So let’s offer a brief background about this epic scandal which has ruined her reputation in Alaska, where she used to have 90% approval ratings. And then you will realize exactly how creepy Alaska is where they would care about such a thing. MORE »

Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we’re liveblogging it. She’s a pretty girl, so we guess she’s qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice. MORE »

Enough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half an hour ago that his pal on the Romney campaign declares it isn’t Mitt, either. So it’s either Lieberman or the humble roasted chicken to your left. [Political Ticker]

Wonkette GILF Operative SloppyCronkite sends us this hot tip: “I’m pleased to announced that a possible GILF is running for the governor’s office in Missouri. Her name is Sarah Steelman, so if elected we’d have a glorious two Sarahs as hot governors. Imagine that.” This current state treasurer, like Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, is a Republican. [Riverfront Times] MORE »

Ding ding ding, the bun’s out of the oven! “America’s Hottest Governor” and the one and only GILF of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has delivered her fifth child and second son! Here is the statement from the Governor’s office about their new boy, which they have awkwardly named Trig Paxson Van Palin. “Trig is beautiful and already adored by us. We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives. We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed.” Congrats to Sarah, her husband, and Trigger Von Bill Paxton Palin. Enjoy making No. 6, Mr. Palin! [Alaska Report]

Beloved Alaskan Governor and hot maverick Sarah Palin is seven months pregnant with her fifth kid! She just announced the happy news, and now John McCain’s latest hope for a popular female maverick Republican governor on the GOP ticket is gone forever. People will really do just about anything to avoid being John McCain’s lady vice presidential candidate who will lose with him in November. MORE »

Way back in December 2006, we awarded Alaska’s Sarah Palin the coveted Wonkette title of “America’s Hottest Governor.” Now it’s a year later and Alaska Magazine agrees that Governor Palin is truly our nation’s hottest gubernatorial offering. If you’re in Alaska anytime soon, grab a copy and tell us what the story’s about! [Alaska Magazine]

New quarter design blah blah blah Alaska blah blah blah OMG Sarah Palin continues to be the hottest governor ever. MORE »