Tag: gifts

All the lies, none of the energy.

Donald Trump Gives Low-Energy Teleprompter Speech And Nobody Cares. Sad!

Donald Trump gave a speech about Hillary Clinton, and thanks to the miracle of Twitter, it was fact-checked to pieces while in progress.
You're fooling yourself. Equestria is a dictatorship

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Uh-Oh, Wonkette’s Killing White Folks Again!

Happy "Big Game Sunday" -- as all the ads which haven't paid the necessary licensing fee must call it -- O ye Wonkers! Are you rooting for the one team of giant men who will suffer permanent brain damage...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: The Greatest Gift Of All

This week, Sarah Palin pumped out a lot of Christmas-themed content, showing us that it is truly better to give than to receive, so long as you're giving to the Sarah Palin Channel. On closer inspection, all her Christmas...

Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life

Greetings, godless liberals! Since you don't celebrate Christmas in your heathen belief system, you might not realize that the more upright members of society are using one of their "holy days" as a reason to spend the next two weeks exchanging...

Sometimes Your 17-Year-Old Suggests The Best Gift Idea Ever

My son, Kid Zoom, turned 17 yesterday. I'd had no idea what to get him for his birthday, so last weekend I asked him what he'd like. His answer kind of blew me away, because what 17-year-old would ever...

My Gun-y Valentine, Sweet Semiautomatic Valentine

You know what says love? A gun says love. Just ask anyone who's in love with guns, like maybe Kathy Kieffer at TownHall: Forget roses. This Valentine’s Day, give her a gift that shows you love her whole body and...

Ayn Rand Institute Head Yaron Brook Just Loves How Commercial Christmas Has Gotten

As a special War On Boxing Day gift, we bring you this Canadian Broadcasting Corp. interview with Yaron Brook, the president and executive director of the Ayn Rand Institute. He was delighted to clear up a few things about...

Instapundit Wants GOP To Be Hep And Groovy Like Now And Happening 30-Year-Old Flick ‘Footloose’

Glenn Reynolds, last seen in these pages wondering why bitches be fucking boys’ shit up, yo, has noticed that Barack Stalin Obama won the youth vote in the 2012 election by a nearly 2-to-1 margin. Luckily Glenn’s day job...

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the...

Barack Obama Would Like Anyone With A Gift Registry To Just Give To Him Instead

President Obama, that is his name, has come up with a brilliant new way to try to beat his opponent Mitt Romney at money-making, despite the fact that they seem to have more money than anyone would need to...

A Children’s Treasury of Last-Minute Father’s Day Gifts

Father’s Day is this Sunday -- how can you make sure that your gift to Dad wins the morning? As luck would have it, many legal Creative-Americans have beautiful shirts, stickers, and other items that will totally please your...

‘Freedom Tray’ Is Perfect Xmas Gift For Every Single Person In America

Do you have a hard time balancing a lap-full of bacon burgers and grease tacos while you drive around slurping caramel-coffee ice cream shakes and 172-oz. buckets of Mr. Pibb? Did foreigners steal your job? Wondering why your teen-aged...

Wonkette Gift Guide Preview: Obama Dildo!

Unlike our amoral right-wing friends, here at Wonkette we don't start the War on Xmas until after Thanksgiving (Cyber-Sex Thursday). But here's a special preview of the kind of trash you can expect to find in our annual War...

Barack Obama Sucks At Giving Presents

This is sort of shocking, honestly -- who would have thought that a guy who's so great at throwing fancy dinner parties and entertaining guests would be such a shitty gift-giver? President Obama gave British Prime Minister Gordon Brown...

Canadian Natives Greet Visitor From South With Ritual Portraiture

Faithful commenter "Norbert" sends us this touching image from Canuckistan. President Obama will be visiting in a few days, and the Canadians are quite excited! "Here is a kind of lousy photo of a great restaurant window in my...

Big $ale On Truck Nutz At McCain-Palin HQ!

Yo bitches check out the details about this FIRESALE at McCain-Palin headquarters, according to a report from an anonymous operative in Virginia: "I just came back from the McCain-Palin regional headquarters in Arlington, VA. They are selling all...