Tag Archives: ghost andrew breitbart

  All Lorettas Look The Same To Us

Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure

This fuckin' guy.
Breitbart “reporter” Warner Todd Huston, who wrote the offending article. We have not Photoshopped this image. Mistakes — we all make ’em! Admitting when you’re wrong helps build credibility with your audience, and it is also too the Right Thing To Do. Read more on Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure…
  you can't handle the truth

Conservatives Launch New Website To Take Down Institutional Left, No Really For Serious This Time You Guys!

Well this will be fun! Noodle-brained jackanape Ben Shapiro is teaming up with crankypants David Horowitz to launch something called TruthRevolt.org, described as “the conservative counterpunch to Media Matters.” To which yr Wonkette can only say: THANK YOU! We are going to have so much fun wading through what is sure to be yet one more fever swamp of conservative lunacy and bullshit that we are not ashamed to say we peed in our sweatpants when we read about this. (Also we really need to get out more.) Media Matters has long been the Moby Dick to whichever conservative fancies himself as Ahab at any given moment, which has led to all sorts of awesome slurs directed against it: Soros-funded! Obama-linked! (MMFA was founded in 2004, well over two years before Obama announced he would seek the presidency – or so the Manchurian Kenyan’s handlers would have us believe!) It’s no surprise that the conservative leviathan would vomit up two of its more annoyingly loud and sneering acolytes to lead the latest whaling voyage. Shapiro’s announcement could not be more hilarious in its hyperbolic, unhinged ranting: Read more on Conservatives Launch New Website To Take Down Institutional Left, No Really For Serious This Time You Guys!…
  A Journey Into the Mind of Whats

EXCLUSIVELY YOURS, James O’Keefe’s 13 Most Delusional Passages From His Uncorrected Memoir Galleys

Today occasions the publication of James O’Keefe’s first foray into longform prose, with his semi-autobiographical fantasy novel Breakthrough: I Did Not Title This After Chapter 6 In Andrew Breitbart’s Memoir! Shut Up! Jesus! Shut the Hell Up! Even though Mary McCue — James’ publicist at Threshold Editions (an embarrassing division of Simon & Shuster) — mysteriously never sent us the advanced copy she promised, we still managed to secure one for ourselves after a quick undercover sting. Having now read the damn thing, we are here to spare you the $16-to-$26 you might have spent ironically purchasing this book. (But yes, that is a purchase link. Can’t say we didn’t warn you.) After the jump, prepare to enact O’Keefe’s “Veritas Rule” #24: Walk a mile in your enemy’s head. (Siqq, bro! These rules are INTENSE! We’re In Yo Heeeeeaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!) Read more on EXCLUSIVELY YOURS, James O’Keefe’s 13 Most Delusional Passages From His Uncorrected Memoir Galleys…
  bully for you

Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro Having Vapors Over Gay Sportsball Figure’s Private School Not Bullying Him Enough

Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s fuckmonkey medium, Ben Shapiro, is outraged again, you guys. Is it because handsome, popular people genuinely dislike him? Sure! But it is also because some people are intolerant of people who intolerant of homosexxxxiness. This week, a sportsball man said he was gay, and most people were like, “cool bro,” but some people were like, “not cool bro.” So the Los Angeles Times went to the sportsball man’s old high school, a fanceeeee private school called Harvard Westlake, and asked them about stuff. Well, Ben Shapiro does not care for the school’s bullying of people who want to bully the gays! Be ready for some FUCKED UP ANTI RELIGIOUS SHIT, yo! Read more on Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro Having Vapors Over Gay Sportsball Figure’s Private School Not Bullying Him Enough…
  best friends forever

A Children’s Treasury Of Captain America Chris Evans Giving Major Side-Eye To Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro

You guys, a terrible thing has happened. Chris Evans, who is a very handsome man who gets paid very much muneez to be handsome and for us all to look at him being handsome, apparently has some Thoughts about politics and journamalism, and those thoughts are: he does not like Virgin Ben Shapiro of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Bait Shop. “I genuinely dislike Ben Shapiro,” he tweeted, so Ben Shapiro tweeted back some arglebargle about how it’s cool, man, they can disagree on politics and still like each other, which is like the opposite of what Chris Evans said, Ben Shapiro. Way to read words! No, Ben, you guys are not going to “still like each other.” You are not going to braid each other’s hair and have pillow fights, and Chris Evans is not going to help you finally get some trim. Poor little duckling. ANYWAY, let’s look at some more pictures of Chris Evans being handsome and simultaneously looking totally disgusted with Poor Ben Shapiro, whom he genuinely dislikes. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Captain America Chris Evans Giving Major Side-Eye To Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro…
  shoddy journalism

Friends of Wonkette: Help Us Decide Which Of Our Epic Blunders To Submit To The Breitbart Awards

Awards season is upon us! Yes, the Grammys and the Oscars already happened and the Emmys won’t be announced until September, but those don’t count because our probation officer won’t let us anywhere near those giant open bar events. No, instead we are waiting for the announcement of journalism’s most prestigious awards gala. The Pulitzers? Fuck that shit, they allow any dumb kid with a laptop to nominate themselves. No, we are saving our monies to lobby for recognition from the true embodiment of journalistic standards, the Breitbart Awards: The Heritage Foundation and Franklin Center for Government & Public Integrity ask for your assistance in paying tribute to the monumental achievements of Andrew Breitbart’s work, and the recognition of those who continue his legacy by carrying the torch for freedom and truth. Read more on Friends of Wonkette: Help Us Decide Which Of Our Epic Blunders To Submit To The Breitbart Awards…
  a black eye and feather in his cap

Daily Caller’s Menendez Hooker: I Can’t Believe We Made Up The Whole Thing (Updated!)

Next-gen rightwing journamalism Great White Hope Matthew Boyle was pretty proud when the FBI did some boring raid on some shady eye doctor allegedly organizing underage sex-hookers for New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez. Boyle had been beating his horse for months over it, while no one respectable would touch it. (Your Wonkette, along with the rest of the civilized universe, does not consider itself “respectable.”) But now it is time for Boyle to figure out what his clever alibi will be as to why the woman who identified herself to Boyle’s readers as New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez’s prostitute now says she was paid money by some shady lawyer guy to read from a script when she said she did sex on New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez for money. Did Boyle get Burketted? Boyle probably did not get Burketted. (This is where Karl Rove false-flags you with memos that are identical to the memos the Army secretary remembers typing up, but MOAR PIXELZ!) At least, it seems improbable that Boyle got Burketted, since he was there for the videotaped “interview” with the lady, which he conducted himself, and in which the lady says she was reading from a script, and ALSO which does not seem to be in the story trumpeting the interview along with “VIDEO” any longer. Imagine that! Read more on Daily Caller’s Menendez Hooker: I Can’t Believe We Made Up The Whole Thing (Updated!)…
 

Genius Cultural Observer Thaddeus McCotter Believes Breitbart and Co. Exude The Punk Rock Aesthetic, Is Wrong

Yr wonket already took it upon itself to publish our own acknowledgment that obnoxious douchebag Andrew made himself judgement-proof by dying last year. Given that this anniversary is probably the most interesting news story of the day outside of Josh Trevino’s Malaysian slush fund, we had some free time to browse through the various remembrances over at Ghost Breitbart’s clubhouse of lost boys. As it turns out, former failed Congressman/Presidential Candidate and master forger Thaddeus McCotter had some time on his hands and decided to break away from his van down by the river long enough to write this masterpiece titled: Pop Cultural Conservatism Year One A.B. (After Breitbart). And if you think that the Jesus reference was blasphemous enough, McCotter also decided to test his “balding white guy with a guitar” street cred by trotting out cultural references concerning a belief system even more dogmatic and purity-obsessed than Christianity: Punk Rock. Read more on Genius Cultural Observer Thaddeus McCotter Believes Breitbart and Co. Exude The Punk Rock Aesthetic, Is Wrong…
  whistling past the graveyard

Daily Caller Dances On Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Grave

Yesterday the Internet had such fun with the piling-on of Poor Ben Shapiro’s “Friends of Hamas” journabacle, and his subsequent feverish quadrupling-down. It was such fun that even Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s goosesteppers-in-arms, Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller, got in on the action this morning. And — we shit you not — they were kind of FUNNY? Included in their list of 15 nefarious organizations from whom Sad Clown Chuck Hagel might have accepted money were “Friends of Pol Pot” and “Young Americans for Genocide” and (our favorite!) “St. Judes Hospital that Does Research on Children.” St. Jude’s Hospital That Does Research on Children! THAT IS ACTUALLY VERY GOOD! But oh, would you believe it? It seems some of their readers did not quite “get” the joke. Weird! Read more on Daily Caller Dances On Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Grave…
  no apologies

Contest! Can You Parse This Ghost Of Breitbart ‘Friends Of Hamas’ Non-Retraction?

We all had a good laugh this morning at pathetic bumbler Ben Shapiro, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Mausoleum, when it was revealed by some foxy Daily News reporter how Shapiro and The Ghost accidentally accused sad clown Chuck Hagel of being BFFs with a terror group that does not exist. And of course it was only a matter of time before Shapiro slunk off with a sad journamalism mea culpa, right? Who among us has not printed absolute balderdash made up by scoundrels? And we correct and move on! Yeah, no. Below the jump, we will reproduce the entirety ofShapiro’s explanation of why he was TOTALLY RIGHT about this terror group that does not exist, and how foxy NYDN reporter is committing crimes against journamalism. If you can understand what the FUCK he is saying, and are the first person to explain it to our satisfaction, we will give you a prize! Read more on Contest! Can You Parse This Ghost Of Breitbart ‘Friends Of Hamas’ Non-Retraction?…
  journalism means never having to say you're sorry

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Stands By His Story On Terror Group That Does Not Exist

Andrew Breitbart would be rolling over in his grave if he had ever given a good goddamn about things like “journalism” and “not making up terrorist groups that paid off Chuck Hagel.” Fortunately, those were not at the top or anywhere else on the list of things he cared about, so his corpse remains unmolested and spin-free. Apparently, so does the conscience of one Virgin Ben Shapiro, who is perfectly happy and totally content with having written the laughingstock story about Chuck Hagel taking donations from “Friends of Hamas,” which does not exist. Let’s see how he responds to this foxy NY Daily News reporter who — whoops! — accidentally made up the whole thing! Take it away, New York Daily News reporter! Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Stands By His Story On Terror Group That Does Not Exist…
  wankers

Matthew Boyle To Spend Valentine’s Day Alone, Cockblocking Bob Menendez

Hi single people! Sorry about the uber-commercialized “fuck you I’m getting laid tonight” holiday that coupled people foist on you every February. You really don’t deserve it. But take solace in at least one thing: you are not Matthew Boyle of Breitbart/Daily Tucker fame. Most normal Americans will spend the day avoiding their Facebook Feed and charging the batteries on their Hello Kitty masturbating wand for a night of tequila-fueled streaming 9 Songs on Netflix. Matthew on the other hand will be putting on his fancy “investigative journalist” fedora and spending the entirety of the night alternating between sobbing pitifully into his chalice of Mountain Dew Red Alert and furiously masturbating to the latest hot leads that he has on Senator Bob Menendez’s sex life. Read more on Matthew Boyle To Spend Valentine’s Day Alone, Cockblocking Bob Menendez…
  ghost breitbart wept

Wingnuts Furious About Three-Month-Old Veep Debate And Zzzzzzz

Bloated cub reporter Matthew Boyle is so mad you guys. Did you know that Martha Raddatz, who moderated the vice presidential debate, has close personal ties with a certain Kenyan Impostor? And that he came to her wedding to some guy she has since divorced? Because it was 400 years ago? And that neither she nor the presidential debate commission “disclosed” this to the public? Except for the 135,000 stories on Google about it, and the spokesman who addressed it? Wait, we are not in October 2012? We are in January 2013? THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE WE STILL WRITING ABOUT THIS??? BOYLE!!!! Read more on Wingnuts Furious About Three-Month-Old Veep Debate And Zzzzzzz…
  jive turkeys

Intrepid Reporter Matthew Boyle To Write About Thuggy Black People For Ghost Andrew Breitbart

The first time we came across the work of cub reporter Matthew Boyle, he was calling for Minority Report precogs to watch over the DC Metro (Tube?) and possibly secretly installing Nannycams in Foggy Bottom Starbucks restrooms. But our rising star went on to make quite a name for himself, reporting the shit out of stories like “Michelle Obama Was Black At Harvard,” “Barack Obama Is A New Black Panther,” “WHAT, The DNC Is Registering Black People To Vote???” and the unexpected twist in his oeuvre (because it was not about black people) “Hey Look, This Jew Is A Communist.” And now our little Matthew is all growed up and leaving Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller (did he get fired, or hired away? There is simply no way to ever know) for the big leagues of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Boo-Riffic Night-Time Halloween Haunt. Read more on Intrepid Reporter Matthew Boyle To Write About Thuggy Black People For Ghost Andrew Breitbart…
  fact-checkers gone wild

Breitbart Takes ‘Fact-Check’ Craze To Logical Conclusion: Bin Laden Is Alive, GM Is Dead

Everybody’s boo-hooing about the fact-check craze sweeping the nation, whether it’s sane, reasonable people laughing at AP’s ridiculose “fact check” that stated Bill Clinton was wrong to point out a Romney welfare ad lie, because Clinton once lied about all the intern snatch he was pulling, or the goons of Red State telling their minions that if they quote a fact checker, they will be banned. BANNED! And they don’t even have to threaten a skullfuck or call something tarded to earn that distinct honor! But someone has managed to scale the heights of fact-check crazy, and that person, obviously, is Ghost Andrew Breitbart, with his counterintuitive fact-check claiming that despite Joe Biden’s bumper sticker-ready slogan, and all evidence to the contrary, Osama Bin Laden is not in fact dead, and General Motors is not in fact alive! That, as someone recently lied because he got poontang once, takes some brass! Read more on Breitbart Takes ‘Fact-Check’ Craze To Logical Conclusion: Bin Laden Is Alive, GM Is Dead…
  Let the Vettening Commence!

Ghost of Andrew Breitbart Finds Negative Review Of 1989 Elizabeth Warren Book, Declares National Emergency

How frightening is Elizabeth Warren to wingnuts? Scary enough that Breitbart remnant Big Government is running a Very Important four-part series by Micheal Patrick Leahy about Warren’s scholarship. Four parts! Wow! That must really be some dynamite exposé they have, huh? Absolutely, if you consider repeating the same charges from a negative book review over four articles “dynamite.” Read more on Ghost of Andrew Breitbart Finds Negative Review Of 1989 Elizabeth Warren Book, Declares National Emergency…