germany
Every year about this time, the nation opens the “advent calendars” of its secret CIA prisons all over the world to say “hi” to the people always plotting against us by waging a War on Christmas. But did you know that the War On Christmas did not start in CIA murder-torture prisons, but actually in [...]
If you could dig up German cutie Eva Braun and somehow make her alive again, like she was in the glamorous 1940s when she did blackface show tunes for boyfriend Adolf Hitler, then America might just have the one woman who could finally become president of America. Sorry Sarah, but you’re not sexy enough! Also, [...]
Doctors in Germany believe they have cured a 42-year-old man of HIV after giving him a stem cell transplant three years ago, apparent Halloween-novelty medical journal Blood reports. Well isn’t this just great news for the Gay Agenda. Germany, as we all know, is where the Nazis came from, so it should come as no [...]
That “dry-run” terrorist bomb that put Europe on high alert the past week? It was made by your grandma: A dummy bomb that sparked an international terror alert was made by an 80-year-old woman in California and ended up discarded in a Namibia airport because of “a boo-boo,” NBC News reported Friday. [...] It remains [...]
Oh, this is a sad day for psychic sea creatures: Paul the Octopus, who accurately predicted the result of every German soccer match as well as the final in this year’s World Cup in South Africa, has died. The mollusk-turned-sage passed away naturally in his aquarium in the western German city of Oberhausen overnight, Sealife [...]
Germany is finally paying off the last of its reparations for World War I, so we can now close that chapter of world history with a bitchin’ victory party. Yes! We did it! Those Krauts paid out! The principal representative of the British Treasury at the Paris Peace Conference, John Maynard Keynes, resigned in June [...]
The paranoid-chalkboard set of America just can’t get enough gold bars because of the looming installation of the Amero. Luckily some enterprising German capitalists are installing gold vending machines all over our great nation for teabaggers to drool all over as they spend all their investment capital (lottery tickets) on beautiful hunks of financial security. [...]
“The business of America is business” said Calvin Coolidge, America’s greatest president; the obvious implication is that the business of America’s enemies, the Foreigns, is using their eight weeks of vacation to sit around in romantic cafes, smoking and discussing their latest extramarital affairs with rueful detachment. That’s why it’s particularly disheartening to learn that [...]
America’s bravest Fighter of Mexicans, Arizona governor Jan Brewer, just can’t stop talking about all the good reasons to round up brown people and kill them. After all, didn’t the Nazis round up all the Jews and Catholics and Queers and Other Minorities and kill them? Exactly. Oh wait, but the Nazis were the Bad [...]
Just as Stephen Hawking’s dire warning about the Space Aliens made the news three weeks ago, engineers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory discovered a puzzling development in the datastream sent by Voyager 2, the space probe launched in 1977 that is currently 8.5 billion miles from Earth and 5 billion miles beyond the orbit of [...]
Alternately, this gestures means “POLITICO” in American sign language. [Nein Glied!]
By the Comics CurmudgeonHappy Friday, liberal weenies! Or should I say “suicidally depressing Friday,” because all of you are almost certainly suicidally depressed, what with the naked Republican Ted Kennedies and the coming corporate control of all elections and the bankruptcy of your precious liberal radio station! Anyway, like your liberal weenie foreparents, you will [...]
Obama, to prove he does not hate New Orleans and has zero plans to willfully destroy it—as per the tradition of his predecessor—will visit this afternoon. [Los Angeles Times] Over 30 people were killed in a series of coordinated terrorist goings-on in Islamabad. [New York Times] The Arctic’s ice will be completely gone in 20 [...]
