We don’t know, maybe Sara actually IS going to kick coffee. She sure says she did it, so we will leave it to you to decide whether that is real or a Big Troll. We clutched our Old Handsome Joe Biden mug closer when we read it. There was also some kind of ultimate Sportsball […]

Yesterday the AP dispatched a telegram on the DARPA tubes to all the nation’s leading broadsheets: The National Labor Relations Board proposed rules Wednesday that would allow unions to hold workplace elections more quickly by simplifying procedures, setting shorter deadlines and requiring businesses to hand over lists of employee phone numbers and emails to union […]

As we’ve noted before, there’s one element of history where our textbooks aimed at the Christian homeschooling market actually manage to be fairly accurate: for some reason, they’re able to discuss wars without bringing very much Godstuff into the discussion. They’re happy to sermonize about the run-up to wars, the consequences of wars, and the […]

Hi-diddly-ho, Wonkerinos, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the feature where we scrape up a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. It’s like Thanksgiving leftovers that have sat out too long, except they were kind of rotten to begin […]

Pope Francis I has suspended Bishop Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst of Limburg for pimping out his official residence like some kind of Romish rap star, at a cost estimated to be as much as $55 million. The Vatican press office released a brief statement couching the suspension and investigation in the sort of bureaucratic language that […]

You know what’s hard? Being yelled at for being rich and kinda douchey. Sometimes, wittle fee-fees get boo-boos on them, ginormous egos might get an owwie, and the only thing to cushion the blow is millions of dollars to soak up the tears. For Robert Benmosche, the CEO who took over AIG in 2008 after […]

Germany is Europe’s Brooklyn’s Williamsburg before Williamsburg got too Williamsburg: good beer, they make cool stuff, not too expensive. So it’s not surprising that budget-conscious culture vulture Barack Obama wanted to pop in and thrill a few legs after another lame G8 summit in London where everybody was so “concerned” about everything and oh look […]

Having already made war on the First Amendment’s freedom of speech and the First Amendment’s freedom of the press, now it is time for Adolf Hitler Obama to fuck with the OTHER part of the First Amendment, the one that proclaims freedom of and from religion. How is he murdering Christians today? Is he putting […]

In yet another case of the Clash of Civilizations, members of Austria’s Turkish community are angrier than a Twi’lek having a bad lekku day at the makers of Lego building blocks because they believe that the Lego “Jabba The Hutt’s Palace” playset might spark Islamophobia and cause children to associate Islam with terrorism and violence. […]

(Rome) I just finished a perfectly-prepared sardine antipasti, caprese salad, and a plate of grilled calamari. The wine was a Pinot Grigio from the area. Nice. It’s hot as hell here, but a breeze is blowing off Palatine Hill, where Romulus and Remus suckled the she-wolf. When I close my eyes I can almost hear […]

The realpolitik wunderkinds in charge of Iran have been threatening for awhile now to respond to a Western boycott on their oil by cutting off access to ALL the oil, but now the loose-lipped traitors at Nobama’s Pentagon have let it slip that the U.S. Navy is globally forcing some good into what they call […]

Whatta we got in the local clip ‘n’ save today? “Mitt Romney’s campaign is considering a major foreign policy offensive at the end of the month that would take him to five countries over three continents…” HMMMMM. You have to wait until you *win* the presidential election to launch world war, dingus. And then it’s […]

ZOMG you guys, brutal dictator Barack Obama said in his usual sober and almost somnolent tones that he would advise Mitt Romney, whose “advisor” wrote some shirty thing for a German newspaper about how Obama is a big dummkopf who doesn’t understand the economic situation in Europe, and how Germany should never listen to Obama […]

Every year about this time, the nation opens the “advent calendars” of its secret CIA prisons all over the world to say “hi” to the people always plotting against us by waging a War on Christmas. But did you know that the War On Christmas did not start in CIA murder-torture prisons, but actually in […]

If you could dig up German cutie Eva Braun and somehow make her alive again, like she was in the glamorous 1940s when she did blackface show tunes for boyfriend Adolf Hitler, then America might just have the one woman who could finally become president of America. Sorry Sarah, but you’re not sexy enough! Also, […]