Tag Archives: geraldo rivera

  Fashion Police

Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk

Image via KOTV video Oklahoma state Sen. Don Barrington has decided to use the power of his office to take a bold stand against depraved criminals menacing the public. He’s apparently taken inspiration from noted crime experts like Geraldo Rivera and  an Oklahoma City liquor store manager, taking aim at the greatest threat imaginable to the safety of his constituents: outerwear garments with attached head coverings. Read more on Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk…
  I Am Also #MadAboutAThing

Geraldo Rivera Can Suck My 41-Year-Old Dick

Let’s watch Geraldo Rivera open his big, lechy, fleshy mouth, and say some words with it. Some words that may inspire us to a nice soothing morning SHIT-FLIPPING. Did you watch? Of course you didn’t, you are not stupid. Well, the gist of it was a “cute” news hook about some study of Millennials — MILLENNIALLLLLLLLSSSSS!!!1! — and how they all would totes like some “beta” marriages, where they can dip their adorable little pinky toes in the water of commitment and then run back crying to their mommies for a juice box and a diaper change. (Just kidding THIS TIME, Millennials. The only problem we really have with a two-year marriage trial is the stupid Silicon Valley name “beta marriage.” YOU ARE NOT A NEW IPHONE. YOU ARE A PERSON.) Read more on Geraldo Rivera Can Suck My 41-Year-Old Dick…
  fire up your conspiracy theories

Saddam Hussein Shoots Down Malaysian Airliner; Time To Invade Cuba

A Malaysia Air 777 has crashed, probably shot down by a ground-to-air missile, over eastern Ukraine today. We are still in the early “very little is confirmed” stages of this story, so get ready for all sorts of maybe-facts that are likely to become fodder for suspicion and conspiracy theories. At this point, it appears that Flight MH-17 from Amsterdam, headed for Kuala Lumpur, was downed by separatist militants using a truck-mounted missile which struck it at its cruising altitude of approximately 33,000 feet, and the crash site is about 25 miles to the west of the Russia-Ukraine border. 280 passengers and 15 crew were aboard. After the jump, we’ll have video and some idiocy from the web. Read more on Saddam Hussein Shoots Down Malaysian Airliner; Time To Invade Cuba…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge…
 

New York City, We Will Be Marching On Your ‘Drinking Liberally’ Tonight

Ok, fellas, here is what we’re gonna do. The Drinking Liberally squadron will be massing in Hell’s Kitchen tonight, Thursday, at 7:30 p.m. They’ll be fortifying their supply lines at Rudy’s on 9th Avenue between 44th and 45th. That’s when we come in all kamikaze on their asses, really get up in there, really meet a stranger in the Alps. Read more on New York City, We Will Be Marching On Your ‘Drinking Liberally’ Tonight…
  at long last sir have you left no sense of decency?

Lookin’ Good, Geraldo Selfie

If Geraldo Rivera wants to post towel selfies, we say fuck yeah, Geraldo Rivera, post you some towel selfies! We are not doing this newfangled “sarcasm” thing when we say this country and its people should have less shame. Read more on Lookin’ Good, Geraldo Selfie…
  on fox news set no one can hear you disagree

Roger Ailes Shuts Geraldo Rivera’s Mouth For Him

Hey, remember that fun video (above) of Geraldo Rivera laying down a righteous hissy over the LIES and PRIMROSE PATHS paved by his buddies, the Fox & Friends? It was from two days before the election, and Geraldo was in his finest mettle, like, waving a baby at a Katrina bridge INSANITY. He was yelling about Benghazi, and how Fox News was a LIAR (without ever saying the name Fox News) and on and on. It was fun! Hey Mikey, we liked it! But do you know who didn’t like it? Fox News chief Roger Ailes, who reportedly called down to the control room to cut Gerry’s mic like he was a hapless Bill O’Reilly guest. Uh oh! Read more on Roger Ailes Shuts Geraldo Rivera’s Mouth For Him…
  race to the bottom

Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate

Ohmygod psychiatrist Keith Ablow. We LOVE this guy. He does for psychiatry what Orly Taitz does for the law. Also, too, we get to write about him all the time. Quick overview if you’re not feeling all clicky-clicky: Obama was abandoned as a child and will always have a vacant gaping hole because of it and that gaping hole makes him not love guns, boys are not nearly manly enough and ladiez are always trying to emasculate them, Joe Biden probably has dementia, etc. etc. (Do not fucking libel Old Handsome Joe, Keith Ablow. We will cut you. CUT. YOU.). What is Fox psychiatrist Keith Ablow blathering on about now? Oh, just how he’d be generous enough to run for Senate if the GOP asks him really really nice-like: Read more on Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate…
  at long last sirs have you left no sense of decency?

Despite Best Effort, Geraldo Rivera Unable To Convince Fox & Friends Barack Obama Did Not Personally Murder Amb. Christopher Stevens

Well this is very interesting/terrifying/depressing/thrilling/outrageous! (And it’s from Media Matters, obvs, we will just hang out all day on their site, clicking refresh, apparently.) What you have above is Geraldo Rivera being righteously, Jesus-in-the-temple-with-the-moneychangers PISSED about how Fox News is leading Americans “down the primrose path” and “OBSCENELY LYING” regarding Barack Obama pretty much personally giving the Libyan militias orders to kill our ambassador Christopher Stevens. (Interestingly, we also agree with him on his two points regarding on which avenues of inquiry we’d like to get fuller administration answers.) Disregard Geraldo’s self-congratulations on having the wit and insight to have been the one to come up with the name “Benghazigate,” and let yourself drift until he starts yelling. Because YELL HE DOES. Read more on Despite Best Effort, Geraldo Rivera Unable To Convince Fox & Friends Barack Obama Did Not Personally Murder Amb. Christopher Stevens…
  investigative political reporting

‘Fox & Friends’ Investigates the ‘Lesbian Cabal’ Running DHS

Pretty light day on Fox News’ illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends; the muppet crew, plus Geraldo, only entertained questions about one federal department being run by a “lesbian cabal.” Let’s up the game a bit for Monday, Fox & Friends? Read more on ‘Fox & Friends’ Investigates the ‘Lesbian Cabal’ Running DHS…
  fluffers

Hilariously Delusional Geraldo Rivera Thinks TSA Agent Wanted To Sex Him

So, what’s today’s latest comically over-the-top story from a libertarian/Republican who pretends to care about TSA on righteous civil liberties grounds but mostly wants it privatized and deunionized? Oooh, Geraldo, on Fox & Friends. Well yeah? These always involve the grossest old men suggesting, oddly, that some employee who’s just trying to get through the day wanted to fuck them. Rivera actually helps us out, by saying, “I think there is a lot of merit in people who say it should be re-privatized.” Oh, do you? “I don’t necessarily endorse that” — of course not! — “…but I tell you the last time I flew to Afghanistan I got manually raped by a guy who – the scanner wasn’t working…” He means at the airport; but we can only hope that he got manually raped by a guy while in Afghanistan, too. Read more on Hilariously Delusional Geraldo Rivera Thinks TSA Agent Wanted To Sex Him…
  fashion news

Geraldo Rivera: Trayvon Martin’s Hoodie ‘Is Responsible’ For His Death

Geraldo Rivera, the Fox News fool who bops around America pretending he is “out in the field” delving into stories that no one else does (in quite such a spectacularly ignorant way), has decided that there is a very good explanation for why Trayvon Martin was shot by a bored and racist man on a power trip: HIS SWEATSHIRT. HIS SWEATSHIRT WITH THE HOOD. In fact, any young person in America wearing a hoodie should be prepared that he may, at any time, be shot to death, according to Geraldo, because what are you hiding under there? A weapon? The weapon that is your face? The thoughts inside your shrouded brain? Read more on Geraldo Rivera: Trayvon Martin’s Hoodie ‘Is Responsible’ For His Death…
  he looked better fat

Watch These Terrible People Yapping At Each Other

It’s a bit early in the day, but if you can stomach it here is a short clip featuring three (3) of our favorite charlatans: Ann Coulter, Geraldo Rivera, and Al Sharpton. Apparently Geraldo calls Coulter an “opportunist” toward the end of this thing, but we were distracted by our own speculation about what happened to the old Al Sharpton, the one who would have eaten this shrunken new morsel of an Al Sharpton for breakfast along with some grits and white gravy. [The YouTubes] Read more on Watch These Terrible People Yapping At Each Other…
 

Michelle Malkin Too Hot for O’Reilly Factor

The triangular parry-thrust between conservative commentator Michelle Malkin, Geraldo Rivera and Bill O’Reilly — who for the first time in his stupid life has come across as the least douchey in a group setting– has resulted in Malkin quitting her frequent side gig as an O’Reilly Factor co-host. Rivera hurt Malkin’s feelings (she sometimes has them!) when he told the Boston Globe recently that Malkin was “the most vile, hateful commentator I’ve ever met…. It’s good she’s in D.C. and I’m in N.Y. I’d spit on her if I saw her.” Rivera sort of apologized later during an appearance on the Factor, but the publicity has led Malkin to the conclusion that being an interviewer-subject on teevee offers much less self-satisfaction than viciously attacking people online (agreed). This is no conjecture on our part, either: Michelle Malkin sent out a heartfelt e-mail explaining her quitting! Read more on Michelle Malkin Too Hot for O’Reilly Factor…
 

Remainders: Mouth Wide Open Edition

Yet another reminder of why we liked Clinton so much. Here according to President Bush, is Ronald Reagan’s version of cutting loose: “One of [Reagan’s] favorite pastimes on board Air Force One was prowling the staff cabin with a White House photographer in tow looking for somebody who was asleep…One day, Secretary of State George Schultz received a photo of himself asleep with his mouth wide open…” [ White House] Read more on Remainders: Mouth Wide Open Edition…
 

Inside the Bubble: Conspiracies Among Us

• “Silver Spring, Md.: What happened to rumors that Jake Tapper would take over Nightline? He’s young and hip and can bring them a more diverse audience. His new ABC blog, for instance, demonstrates his array of talents.” Did Jake move? [WP] • “I find it disturbing that any Times editor would come so close to implying – almost in a tit-for-tat sense – that Mr. Rivera’s bad behavior essentially entitles the paper to rely on assumptions and refuse to correct an unsupported fact.” [NYT] • Could dreamy Chief Justice Roberts preside over getting cameras into the courts? [OrderintheCourt] • “A Pocatello weatherman who gained attention for an unusual theory that Hurricane Katrina was caused by the Japanese mafia using a Russian electromagnetic generator has quit the television station.” [AP] Read more on Inside the Bubble: Conspiracies Among Us…
 

When Fox News Attacks

Jack Shafer, now using meth instead of writing about it, files on how TV correspondents went from wet, whipped thrill seekers to Murrow-style advocates over the course of week. We noticed, too; such evolution happens when you’re reporting on a situation that you’re living. The government counted on that response when it embedded reporters in Afghanistan and Iraq. Not so sure anyone saw it coming this time. Sean Hannity sure didn’t. Last night, interviewing Geraldo Rivera and Shepard Smith in New Orleans from the comfort and safety of his studio, he responded to their descriptions of the still very desperate situation with a call for “perspective.” Replied Smith: “This is perspective!” Read more on When Fox News Attacks…