Tag Archives: geraldo rivera

  So wasteful!

Fox News Jackass Greg Gutfeld Will Keep Fetuses In Wastebaskets Where They Belong

This is what Greg Gutfeld looks like when he thinks he just made a point.
This is what Greg Gutfeld looks like when he thinks he just made a point. Yr Wonkette, as you know, is a pro-life mommyblog. HEAR US OUT. We’re pro-life in the REAL, grown-up way, the one where abortion is legal, and women should have a right to do with their living bodies as they please, and we believe in doing all that we can to support living, breathing human beings. Also, fetal tissue research is VITAL to finding cures for cancer and developing vaccines and all sorts of other things. Heck, it’s so great that wingnut presidential candidate Ben Carson used to do it all the time! So, considering these facts, it’s very PRO-LIFE to support women in their choices to donate fetal tissue after abortions, so that tissue can be used to SAVE THE WORLD! Read more on Fox News Jackass Greg Gutfeld Will Keep Fetuses In Wastebaskets Where They Belong…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  Geraldo too!

Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly

Kinda!
It’s a common trope, if you are a right-wing bigot: Racism doesn’t hurt black people, hippity-hop rap music hurts black people, what with its jiving and twerking and PULL THOSE PANTS UP, and BACK IN MY DAY! In recent months, Fox News white geniuses Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Geraldo Rivera and so many others have all done their own cover versions of the same song. If rap music wasn’t oppressing our innocent black children, racism would be over and “reverse racism” would DEFINITELY be over. Read more on Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly…
  Let's not think about the children

Won’t Someone PLEASE Think Of Poor Blackmailed Maybe Child Molester Denny Hastert?

Shed a tear for Denny
We had to know this was coming. Because indicted former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert is not merely accused of illegally withdrawing $1.7 million in hush money cash, and lying to the FBI about it, all to keep secret his “prior misconduct” of sexually abusing a former student known only as Individual A. But Hastert is also a family values conservative Republican. Thus, it’s time to queue up the conservative sympathy machine for the other victim in this story, and we’re not talking about potential Individuals B through Z. (According to a report by BuzzFeed, investigators spoke with “a second alleged Hastert victim,” but chose not to include that victim in the indictment.) Read more on Won’t Someone PLEASE Think Of Poor Blackmailed Maybe Child Molester Denny Hastert?…
  Fashion Police

Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk

Image via KOTV video Oklahoma state Sen. Don Barrington has decided to use the power of his office to take a bold stand against depraved criminals menacing the public. He’s apparently taken inspiration from noted crime experts like Geraldo Rivera and  an Oklahoma City liquor store manager, taking aim at the greatest threat imaginable to the safety of his constituents: outerwear garments with attached head coverings. Read more on Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk…
  I Am Also #MadAboutAThing

Geraldo Rivera Can Suck My 41-Year-Old Dick

Let’s watch Geraldo Rivera open his big, lechy, fleshy mouth, and say some words with it. Some words that may inspire us to a nice soothing morning SHIT-FLIPPING. Did you watch? Of course you didn’t, you are not stupid. Well, the gist of it was a “cute” news hook about some study of Millennials — MILLENNIALLLLLLLLSSSSS!!!1! — and how they all would totes like some “beta” marriages, where they can dip their adorable little pinky toes in the water of commitment and then run back crying to their mommies for a juice box and a diaper change. (Just kidding THIS TIME, Millennials. The only problem we really have with a two-year marriage trial is the stupid Silicon Valley name “beta marriage.” YOU ARE NOT A NEW IPHONE. YOU ARE A PERSON.) Read more on Geraldo Rivera Can Suck My 41-Year-Old Dick…
  fire up your conspiracy theories

Saddam Hussein Shoots Down Malaysian Airliner; Time To Invade Cuba

A Malaysia Air 777 has crashed, probably shot down by a ground-to-air missile, over eastern Ukraine today. We are still in the early “very little is confirmed” stages of this story, so get ready for all sorts of maybe-facts that are likely to become fodder for suspicion and conspiracy theories. At this point, it appears that Flight MH-17 from Amsterdam, headed for Kuala Lumpur, was downed by separatist militants using a truck-mounted missile which struck it at its cruising altitude of approximately 33,000 feet, and the crash site is about 25 miles to the west of the Russia-Ukraine border. 280 passengers and 15 crew were aboard. After the jump, we’ll have video and some idiocy from the web. Read more on Saddam Hussein Shoots Down Malaysian Airliner; Time To Invade Cuba…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge…
 

New York City, We Will Be Marching On Your ‘Drinking Liberally’ Tonight

Ok, fellas, here is what we’re gonna do. The Drinking Liberally squadron will be massing in Hell’s Kitchen tonight, Thursday, at 7:30 p.m. They’ll be fortifying their supply lines at Rudy’s on 9th Avenue between 44th and 45th. That’s when we come in all kamikaze on their asses, really get up in there, really meet a stranger in the Alps. Read more on New York City, We Will Be Marching On Your ‘Drinking Liberally’ Tonight…
  at long last sir have you left no sense of decency?

Lookin’ Good, Geraldo Selfie

If Geraldo Rivera wants to post towel selfies, we say fuck yeah, Geraldo Rivera, post you some towel selfies! We are not doing this newfangled “sarcasm” thing when we say this country and its people should have less shame. Read more on Lookin’ Good, Geraldo Selfie…
  on fox news set no one can hear you disagree

Roger Ailes Shuts Geraldo Rivera’s Mouth For Him

Hey, remember that fun video (above) of Geraldo Rivera laying down a righteous hissy over the LIES and PRIMROSE PATHS paved by his buddies, the Fox & Friends? It was from two days before the election, and Geraldo was in his finest mettle, like, waving a baby at a Katrina bridge INSANITY. He was yelling about Benghazi, and how Fox News was a LIAR (without ever saying the name Fox News) and on and on. It was fun! Hey Mikey, we liked it! But do you know who didn’t like it? Fox News chief Roger Ailes, who reportedly called down to the control room to cut Gerry’s mic like he was a hapless Bill O’Reilly guest. Uh oh! Read more on Roger Ailes Shuts Geraldo Rivera’s Mouth For Him…
  race to the bottom

Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate

Ohmygod psychiatrist Keith Ablow. We LOVE this guy. He does for psychiatry what Orly Taitz does for the law. Also, too, we get to write about him all the time. Quick overview if you’re not feeling all clicky-clicky: Obama was abandoned as a child and will always have a vacant gaping hole because of it and that gaping hole makes him not love guns, boys are not nearly manly enough and ladiez are always trying to emasculate them, Joe Biden probably has dementia, etc. etc. (Do not fucking libel Old Handsome Joe, Keith Ablow. We will cut you. CUT. YOU.). What is Fox psychiatrist Keith Ablow blathering on about now? Oh, just how he’d be generous enough to run for Senate if the GOP asks him really really nice-like: Read more on Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate…
  at long last sirs have you left no sense of decency?

Despite Best Effort, Geraldo Rivera Unable To Convince Fox & Friends Barack Obama Did Not Personally Murder Amb. Christopher Stevens

Well this is very interesting/terrifying/depressing/thrilling/outrageous! (And it’s from Media Matters, obvs, we will just hang out all day on their site, clicking refresh, apparently.) What you have above is Geraldo Rivera being righteously, Jesus-in-the-temple-with-the-moneychangers PISSED about how Fox News is leading Americans “down the primrose path” and “OBSCENELY LYING” regarding Barack Obama pretty much personally giving the Libyan militias orders to kill our ambassador Christopher Stevens. (Interestingly, we also agree with him on his two points regarding on which avenues of inquiry we’d like to get fuller administration answers.) Disregard Geraldo’s self-congratulations on having the wit and insight to have been the one to come up with the name “Benghazigate,” and let yourself drift until he starts yelling. Because YELL HE DOES. Read more on Despite Best Effort, Geraldo Rivera Unable To Convince Fox & Friends Barack Obama Did Not Personally Murder Amb. Christopher Stevens…
  investigative political reporting

‘Fox & Friends’ Investigates the ‘Lesbian Cabal’ Running DHS

Pretty light day on Fox News’ illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends; the muppet crew, plus Geraldo, only entertained questions about one federal department being run by a “lesbian cabal.” Let’s up the game a bit for Monday, Fox & Friends? Read more on ‘Fox & Friends’ Investigates the ‘Lesbian Cabal’ Running DHS…
  fluffers

Hilariously Delusional Geraldo Rivera Thinks TSA Agent Wanted To Sex Him

So, what’s today’s latest comically over-the-top story from a libertarian/Republican who pretends to care about TSA on righteous civil liberties grounds but mostly wants it privatized and deunionized? Oooh, Geraldo, on Fox & Friends. Well yeah? These always involve the grossest old men suggesting, oddly, that some employee who’s just trying to get through the day wanted to fuck them. Rivera actually helps us out, by saying, “I think there is a lot of merit in people who say it should be re-privatized.” Oh, do you? “I don’t necessarily endorse that” — of course not! — “…but I tell you the last time I flew to Afghanistan I got manually raped by a guy who – the scanner wasn’t working…” He means at the airport; but we can only hope that he got manually raped by a guy while in Afghanistan, too. Read more on Hilariously Delusional Geraldo Rivera Thinks TSA Agent Wanted To Sex Him…
  fashion news

Geraldo Rivera: Trayvon Martin’s Hoodie ‘Is Responsible’ For His Death

Geraldo Rivera, the Fox News fool who bops around America pretending he is “out in the field” delving into stories that no one else does (in quite such a spectacularly ignorant way), has decided that there is a very good explanation for why Trayvon Martin was shot by a bored and racist man on a power trip: HIS SWEATSHIRT. HIS SWEATSHIRT WITH THE HOOD. In fact, any young person in America wearing a hoodie should be prepared that he may, at any time, be shot to death, according to Geraldo, because what are you hiding under there? A weapon? The weapon that is your face? The thoughts inside your shrouded brain? Read more on Geraldo Rivera: Trayvon Martin’s Hoodie ‘Is Responsible’ For His Death…