DIRT CROSS COLLAPSE: “The White House’s response to the Russia/Georgia war gets a smirking ‘whatever’ from Moscow. Who are we to be telling anyone not to invade little countries? We’ve been doing it with great fanfare and steady failure since Vietnam, and we’re bogged down in so many doomed occupations today that Robot Troops are the only hope. Maybe we can buy some from Japan, on credit. Or that famous swimmer Michael Phelps can save the country by, uh, swimming very fast to various problem zones, like Aquaman.” [Political Machine]

“Neoconservatism’s problem, and electoral advantage, is one and the same: By escalating international problems into monumental crises and impending threats, interventionists such as John McCain have been able to appear knowledgeable, ’serious,’ and presidentially tough, all at once. Any competitor preaching policy restraint and rhetorical prudence looks like a wuss in comparison.” This is why John McCain will win the presidency and we will be plunged into another decade of war and bankruptcy, concurrent with a precipitous decline into global irrelevance, loss of empire, roving zombie hordes, etc. [Reason]

Oh, this is just delightful. [BBC World News via Live Leak]

DUH: “Russians were told over breakfast yesterday what really happened in Georgia: the conflict in South Ossetia was part of a plot by Dick Cheney, the vice president, to stop Barack Obama being elected president of the United States.” [Times of London]

Be warned: America’s class of neoconservatives have suddenly grown a POWERFUL NEW BONER. Russia and Georgia’s conflict 20 billion miles away has opened the door for the New Cold World War III, this time with SURROUND SOUND AND TEMPERATURE CONTROLLING CUP HOLDERS AND DIGITAL FIRE STEAMFUCK LIBERTY NUKES. Have no fear, because whenever a former Commie aggressor threatens God’s Democracy somewhere in the world, there’ll always be a Kagan somewhere just stone cold writin’ killer op-eds denouncing those fuckers. MORE »

Some dudes say they’ve found a dead Bigfoot, in Georgia! It is being revealed to The Media in Palo Alto, which is on the other side of the country, in California. We are pretty sure it’s just a dead stoner-hillbilly, maybe from Lynerd Skinerd or something, but what the hell, maybe eight-foot-tall hair-apes really do wander our nation, voting for Hillary. Why won’t Barack Obama stop his Indonesian Sex Tourism and protect America from Dead Georgian Hair-Apes? [Inquisitr/CryptoMundo]

You know how World War III (the real one) is pretty much starting, between Russia and the ex-Soviet country of Georgia, because the pro U.S. regime in Georgia thought, “Oh hey we are allies of the United States and we like NATO, so we will just go kick a little bit of ass over in this breakaway chunk that wants to be with their pals in Russia across the border,” and then Russia was all, “YOU FAIL WE KILL YOU ALL,” and Bush was playing grab-ass in China at the Olympics, and this is probably going to get uglier. But did you know George W. did his famous dancing in Tbilisi, the Georgian capital, just last year? MORE »

Liberals are very upset with John McCain, again, because it appears he has PLAGIARIZED the famous website Wikipedia in his speech about Georgia and Russia. John McCain is using Wikipedia! That’s all we care about and are very happy to learn that he’s discovered this completely awesome and accurate website. But as some of those rascally bloggers have discovered, McCain used such words and dates as “in,” “of,” “economic,” and “1922″ in much the same sequence that Wikipedia used them in a historical laundry list of facts! It’s like he’s writing a college history paper’s “background” section in the post-2005 era — by copy-pasting it from any damn website, because who cares. MORE »

“The United States urged Russia on Friday to halt aircraft and missile attacks in Georgia’s breakaway region of South Ossetia and withdraw its combat forces from Georgian territory as the situation in the former Soviet state verged on full-scale war. …Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called the parties involved in hopes of ending the fighting, and made plans to send a U.S. envoy to the region.” Many in the comments of this website have mentioned what a travesty it is that people aren’t talking about this due to the start of the Olympics. Well, no one cares about the Olympics. It’s more like: this is a problem between two countries far far away, not the United States’ problem at all, except for oil implications, so let’s stop pretending it is. Surely the folks in Georgia and Russia are caring about this plenty enough. Meanwhile, read this hilarious thread. [AP]

Georgia state legislators are taking serious measures to curtail the dangerous sale of pot-flavored candy, saying it promotes use of the Devil Weed marijuana. And because this is the South, where every person’s name is a punch line, one of the prononents of the bill signed into law Wednesday was Senator Doug Stoner. MORE »

It was a pretty bad Condiweek! She went all the way to the Middle East and accomplished little more than photo-ops with the morbidly obese; she bickered with kindly old man Jimmy Carter; and then she came home and participated in one of the most gruesomely cynical Bush Administration publicity stunts EVER. Catch up with America’s Princess Diplomat after the jump!

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