Tag Archives: georgia

  dirty old men

Congrats GOP Septuagenarian, You Are In Jail For Trying To Rape A Lady On Skype!

Olds. They are always burning up your phone like “how do I get to the Wonkette.com?” and “what’s a url?” and “oh no I accidentally attempted to rape a young lady while the Skype was skypeing and the police saw the Skype and now I am IN JAIL!” Learn some computer stuff, olds! Don’t go to JAIL! Read more on Congrats GOP Septuagenarian, You Are In Jail For Trying To Rape A Lady On Skype!…
  'Invisible Man' Wasn't An Instruction Book

We Are Sure Georgia Has A Very Good Reason For Not Letting All Those Black People Vote

Or maybe you just don't exist. Can you prove it?
Nothing like a little week-before-the-election chaos. In Georgia, where activists say that some 40,000 newly registered voters’ names do not yet appear on the state’s database, a judge denied a petition Tuesday requesting that the secretary of state take immediate action to process those missing voters. Judge Christopher Brasher of the Fulton County Superior Court ruled against a claim by the Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights, which said that tens of thousands of properly submitted registrations had not been processed. Brasher’s reasoning appears to be that there simply aren’t any missing voters, because Georgia’s attorney general says that the state and counties have processed all the applications they received. Why should the state go out of its way for applications that it’s quite certain don’t exist anyway? Those tens of thousands of Georgians who say they submitted their paperwork but haven’t received registration cards are probably just attention-seekers, we bet. Here are some, seeking attention right now: Read more on We Are Sure Georgia Has A Very Good Reason For Not Letting All Those Black People Vote…
  Here have some news n stuff

Only Men Are Allowed To Use Daddy’s Name To Run For Office, Duh

He got there all on his own
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman. Actually, it’s hard most of the time — thanks, MEN — but it’s especially hard if you’re a woman running for office: Last week, a statewide official in Georgia accused Democratic Senate candidate Michelle Nunn of cashing in on her father’s reserve of political goodwill during her campaign. This is true, but she’s definitely not alone. Sen. Mark Pryor (D-Ark.), Sen. Mark Begich (D-Alaska) and Kentucky Senate candidate Alison Lundergan Grimes (D) also happen to have famous political dads and have run ads featuring their parents. They have mentioned their parents at events. In fact, no one voting this year could ever forget the connection. Read more on Only Men Are Allowed To Use Daddy’s Name To Run For Office, Duh…
  Just Look At All The Puppies He *Didn't* Kick

Only 2000 Women Sued Georgia GOP Senate Candidate For Discrimination. Seems Low.

Michelle Nunn has a pretty good 'You gotta be freakin kidding me' face
David Perdue would really like to be Georgia’s next U.S. Senator, but it seems he has a few problems with the ladies, as in he is polling really badly with them, compared to opponent Michelle Nunn. For a state with no Democrats in statewide offices, Georgia is very, very close to sending Nunn to the Senate, and Perdue didn’t exactly close the gender gap with his performance in Sunday’s debate with Nunn. You see, while Perdue was CEO of discount chain store Dollar General, the company was sued for discrimination by a couple thousand women who worked in management positions at the company. But come on, said Perdue at the debate, that’s all in the past, and besides, is “2000” really that many women suing for discrimination? Heck, just think of all the employees who weren’t managers or women, or women managers that didn’t sue! Read more on Only 2000 Women Sued Georgia GOP Senate Candidate For Discrimination. Seems Low….
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we use our powers of wishful thinking and nonsense to conjure an alternate reality in which they, too, will all prevail? We can! Read more on Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel’s Pantheon Of Heroes (Video)

maybe we do need another hero now and then
Rachel Maddow noted Thursday night, “Sometimes the news gods decide that today’s news will have a theme. And the news gods decided that for today, the theme is personal bravery.” So in two segments, she brings us stories of people who stick their necks out for the sake of doing the right thing. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel’s Pantheon Of Heroes (Video)…
  acceptable losses

Cops Won’t Be Charged For Grenading Baby’s Face Off Because Stuff Happens, You Know?

A bit of disfiguring trauma is the price of a free society
Back in May, we mentioned the Georgia case where cops serving a “no knock” warrant broke into a house and threw a stun grenade into the front room — and into a playpen where a 19-month-old baby was sleeping. The grenade severely burned the baby, detaching his nose from his face and leaving his mouth disfigured. The incident report from the Habersham Sheriff’s Office said that the SWAT team had been told to expect a whole bunch of weapons and drugs and armed resistance; instead, they found no guns or drugs in the home, just a family that had recently moved from Wisconsin and was all living in one room of a relative’s house. The suspect named in the warrant, Wanis Thonetheva, didn’t even live at the house the cops burst into; he was a nephew of the residents and “was arrested later that day without incident and charged only with possession of methamphetamine.” Read more on Cops Won’t Be Charged For Grenading Baby’s Face Off Because Stuff Happens, You Know?…
  don't call it a comeback

Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee

Scott Walker, locked in a tight race for his second term as governor of Wisconsin, wants his constituents to know he’s committed to their conservative Midwestern values. It’s all right there in his campaign’s new manifesto, “Continuing Wisconsin’s Comeback”: If you give him four more years, he promises to cut property taxes, celebrate deer hunting heritage, supervise manly red-hot iron pours, and relentlessly pursue the urine of the state’s unemployed. Read more on Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee…
  It's Definitely Not About Race

Georgia Republican Will Save Democracy From Black People

Frank Millar's nightmare
Republican Georgia state Sen. Fran Millar knows what elections are about. Elections are about winning. They are NOT, however, about letting just anybody vote, especially if they comprise the majority in a particular part of Atlanta, if you get his drift. Actually you don’t need to get his drift, because he just says it openly: Millar has vowed to end early voting at a DeKalb County polling place that simply has too many blacks in the neighborhood. Read more on Georgia Republican Will Save Democracy From Black People…
  Racism is over part eleventy billion

Georgia Republican Very Disappointed President Obama Has Not Ended Racism

Of all the embarrassing American totems we may have exported to Australia (Budweiser, country music, Keanu Reeves), could any of them be more embarrassing than an old white Republican from Georgia talking about the state of race relations in our country? And yet somehow we allowed this to happen just the other day. America! Not only have we failed black people in so many ways, we’ve even failed at sending out emissaries to talk about the plight of black people. Read more on Georgia Republican Very Disappointed President Obama Has Not Ended Racism…
  Stop Resisting! Stop Resisting!

Who Wants To Watch This Nice Journalist Lady ‘Resist Arrest,’ With Her Face?

It is a good thing the nice citizen journalist lady getting roughed up by this porcine sheriff fellow at a Gov. Nathan Deal event in Georgia is white, or we are guessing that the whole time she “resisted arrest” (asked for his name and to see his badge), she was probably actually going for his gun. Or maybe “charging like a bull.” It’s an epidemic these days! Read more on Who Wants To Watch This Nice Journalist Lady ‘Resist Arrest,’ With Her Face?…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, everything is terrible again. Hooray, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-His Butt) has a new book out, called How I Learned To Stop Caring What Jesus Actually Had To Say Because I Sure Do Hate The Poors, or whatever he’s calling it, who cares? Courtesy of The Agenda Project Action Fund, please enjoy the original book cover above. You’re welcome. Read more on Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Power walking for Jesus

Now You Can’t Even Hold A Prayer Circle In A Shopping Mall, Thanks Obama

Where would Jesus shop?
The war on Religious Freedoms & Liberty is getting bloodier every day. Homophobes can barely even homophobe in public anymore. Men who think women should just DON’T HAVE SEX (except with them, of course) have to exist in a universe in which women have sex anyway (except with them, of course). And now you cannot even get your prayer on in a shopping mall: Read more on Now You Can’t Even Hold A Prayer Circle In A Shopping Mall, Thanks Obama…
  Oy Gevalt

Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats

But milk the Jew before you throw him down the well
Oh, golly, did Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, ever get a scoop Wednesday! Well, not a scoop, exactly, but it’s plenty outrageous, as his screaming headline indicates: “Dem 2014 Campaign Strategy Released Online: Milk the Jews.” And mercy, his dudgeon is set at a high level indeed: Read more on Can You Even Milk A Jew? They Are Not Cats…
  our well regulated militia

Good Guy With Gun Goes To Jail Just For Holding Other Good Guy With Gun At Gunpoint :(

In a development that no one could have predicted, the first day of Georgia’s exciting new “Guns Everywhere” law was celebrated with an armed encounter between two open-carrying gentlemen in a convenience store. Happily, since An Armed Society Is A Polite Society, the incident didn’t actually escalate to gunplay, proving that there’s definitely nothing to worry about, ever. The Valdosta Daily Times explained it was all just a little “misunderstanding,” one of those things that just happens now and then, like accidentally reaching for the wrong shopping cart (which you can now shoot someone for if you believe he or she is going to attack you with your own shopping cart). What happened was that Responsible Gun Owner Ronald Williams, 62, was in the convenience store when a second Responsible Gun Owner, name not mentioned, came into the store. Both men had holstered shootin’ irons on their hips. Williams, perhaps itching to know whether he was facing a Responsible Gun Owner or a Bad Guy With a Gun, then unholstered his gun and demanded that the second gentleman show him some identification and a permit for that there gun. It should be noted that Williams did not point his gun at the second man, because Polite Society. Read more on Good Guy With Gun Goes To Jail Just For Holding Other Good Guy With Gun At Gunpoint :(…
  theocracy in action

Cool Georgia GOP Candidate Pretty Sure The First Amendment Doesn’t Cover Muslims

Let us tell you about how yr Wonkette accidentally made a monster years ago, and only now is that chicken coming home to roost. (Mixed metaphors, whatever, fuck off.) In 2010, we mock-endorsed some ridiculous wingnut nobody for a Georgia Congressional race, just because we could. Our endorsee, Jody Hice, ended up doing surprisingly well in that race, but did not ascend to a House throne. The confidence boost he got from our backing clearly never disappeared, however, as Hice has now flung himself at the GOP primary for the 10th district of Georgia seat. No less a luminary than Erick Erickson has endorsed Hice, so you know he’s a quality severe wingnut extraordinaire. He also is a super First Amendment defender, except for the part where he doesn’t believe that the First Amendment covers Muslims. Let’s check out Jody’s website for his stirring defense of religious liberty first, shall we? Read more on Cool Georgia GOP Candidate Pretty Sure The First Amendment Doesn’t Cover Muslims…
  two-way tie for worst

Georgia Hopes They Will Do A Better Job At Killing Someone Than Oklahoma Did

About six weeks ago, we wrote a completely unfunny post about a botched execution in Oklahoma in which Clayton Lockett died a lengthy and agonizing death because the whole affair was basically fueled by Mystery Death Drug. States have begun using versions of Mystery Death Drug because overseas manufacturers have refused to supply the key ingredient, basically saying “naw mang, we are not going to sell you that stuff, America, because you just keep killing people with it.” We should have known that little things like a horrible death and the lack of a medically sound method would not stand in the way of the state getting its kill on. Read more on Georgia Hopes They Will Do A Better Job At Killing Someone Than Oklahoma Did…
  well shit not again

Breaking: ‘Sovereign Citizen’ Thinks Georgia Courthouse Is Omaha Beach, Attacks Deputy, Dies

Looks like another Sovereign Citizen was trying to start a one-man revolution against the corrupt institutions of government (or, of course, it’s yet another false-flag scheme to take our Guns and Freedom). The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that a gentleman named Dennis Marx (so obviously another of the right’s “violent liberal Marxists”), who “identified himself as a sovereign citizen” and who had been scheduled to enter a plea on drug and weapons charges, drove his SUV up to the steps of the Forsyth County Courthouse in Cumming, Georgia, jumped out of the vehicle, and began firing a semiautomatic assault rifle at the courthouse. Sheriff’s deputies returned fire, killing Marx; one deputy, later identified as Daniel Rush, was wounded in the leg and is “expected to be OK,” according to a post on the Sheriff’s Office Facebook page. So let’s hear it for well-trained law enforcement officers, who actually are (a lot of the time!) good guys with guns. Read more on Breaking: ‘Sovereign Citizen’ Thinks Georgia Courthouse Is Omaha Beach, Attacks Deputy, Dies…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Fun Tips For Hiding Your Loaded Guns

Hurrah, Yr Derp Roundup is back after a brief hiatus, and we are delighted to bring you a premium selection of the gunk that was stuck to our browser tabs, stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but were too stupid to ignore altogether. We recommend adding the reality-dilution substances of your choice. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fun Tips For Hiding Your Loaded Guns…
  stupor tuesday

A Children’s Treasury Of Primary Election Results. Neither Crazy Idaho Guy Won :(

In the closest thing to a “Super Tuesday” in this off-year election, a whole bunch of Tea Party candidates did worse than expected against “mainstream” Republicans who had better funding and who all sound like teabaggers now anyway. The biggest win of the night was less of a surprise now than it might have been a couple months back: Senate Minority Leader Mitch “Lord Terrapin” McConnell easily won his Kentucky Senate primary against Louisville businessman and chicken-boxing enthusiast Matt “B’kaww!” Bevin. Looks like institutional money and power are everything they’re cracked up to be. McConnell will face Democrat Alison Lundergan Grimes in November, and in his victory speech charmingly suggested that she is not a real Kentucky candidate, but a big Fakey McFakerton who will cram Obamacare down your throat, warning, “The people who handpicked my opponent are not on your side.” And so the Charm Offensive begins. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Primary Election Results. Neither Crazy Idaho Guy Won :(…
  and barry goldwater thought 'au h2o' was clever

Georgia School Stops Being A Jerk About Young Nerd Lady’s Filthy Science Joke

Here’s your feel-good fun-time story of the day! Paris Gray, a painfully bright senior at Mundy’s Mill High School in Clayton County, Georgia, made a pretty cool science joke in her yearbook: When the going gets tough just remember to Barium, Carbon, Potassium, Thorium, Astatine, Arsenic, Sulfur, Uranium, Phosphorus. And just in case you don’t have your Periodic Table handy (what is WRONG with you?), that would be: Read more on Georgia School Stops Being A Jerk About Young Nerd Lady’s Filthy Science Joke…
  It does NOT please the court actually

Al Franken So Mean To Obama Nominee Michael Boggs, Just Because He Loves Confederate Flag, ‘Crisis Pregnancy’ Centers

Because he is the most lefty liberal commie Marxist something something who has ever usurped the White House, President Barack Obama nominated this one Georgia peach named Michael Boggs to the United States District Court for the Northern District of Georgia. Boggs, a former attorney and currently a judge on the Georgia Court of Appeals, is exactly the kind of gay-marriage throat-cramming abortions-for-everyone reincarnation of Saul Alinsky you’d expect Obama to nominate. After all, he was a DEMOCRAT in the state House of Representatives. Ipso facto, prima facie, et cetera. Except for, well, not really. [NARAL] is alarmed by votes that Boggs took — as a state legislator in the early 2000s — to “channel funds to anti-choice crisis pregnancy centers and make a parental consent law even more extreme[.] And lest you think it is only the baby-killing feminazis who find Boggs problematic, think again, sucka, because there are some blah people who are a tad concerned also too. Boggs has already come under fire from civil rights icons Joseph Lowery and Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.) — both of whom were awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Obama — for a vote Boggs took in opposition to removing the Confederate insignia from Georgia’s flag. Fortunately, Boggs had an opportunity to explain himself before the Senate Judiciary Committee today, and that went really well for people who are not Michael Boggs. Read more on Al Franken So Mean To Obama Nominee Michael Boggs, Just Because He Loves Confederate Flag, ‘Crisis Pregnancy’ Centers…