Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be as slutty as you wanna be! But maybe you whoring whoremonsters need some representation at the […]

Storms this weekend raged through the mid-Atlantic, and the Act of God (like another Act of God, the U.S. Constitution) left dozens dead. Still, there was a reason the Lord did this: to rid the world of Georgetown once and for all. Laura Keivel, who passed along the images from the Harbour this morning, tells […]

Georgetown University employees found a piece of rope in the utility tunnels under campus this week, and everyone knows what you think when you see a piece of rope: Somebody must have been using it as a noose to string up people, racistly! At least that was the verdict reached by the administration of Georgetown, […]

Thursday, September 9: To all our Jewish Friends, a Happy New Year (or “Rosh Hashanah”)!  One celebrates by eating apples and honey, but for a more new traditional new years-y celebration, why not drink vodka? From 6-7PM on Thursday, The Reserve will be giving out vodka for FREE, and from 7PM-close rail drinks, including margaritas […]

The third installment of Wonkette’s Ayn Rand journalism comic is here! Vomit along with Ayn, by catching up with our first and second installments … only then will you be prepared for Chapter III.

If you have been checking the authors of posts on your Wonkette this week — and you have, because writers know that everybody pays a lot of attention to bylines — you will have noticed there is a new guy. Yes! The time has come! The torch has passed, etc.!

It is impossible to remember this now, but a couple of years ago DC was full of douche Republican youngsters with popped collars and confederate-flag bras who congregated at a Georgetown bar to tell jokes about coloreds. And, for many years, the biggest aspiration of these dildos/dildettes was to have a teevee Reality Show about […]

So why did that dopey “Radar Online” website claim for a half-hour today that John Roberts was quitting the Supreme Court? Some first-year law student half heard the professor say something about John Roberts retiring for “health reasons,” didn’t realize it was part of a class exercise “on the validity of informants not explaining their […]

The young princes of George Town College are furious that the school has decided to cancel their upcoming Presidents’ Day holiday, to make up some of the nine-years-worth of snow days they’ve had recently. Thousands of members have signed up! It will be a Revolution! No longer will George Washington’s legacy (/luxury skiing vacations) be […]

WONKETTE JOBS  1:50 pm October 19, 2009

by Jim Newell

GEORGETOWN SOPHOMORE LOOKING FOR ASSISTANT: This sophomore also works in the financial services industry! So of course: “PA example tasks -Organize closet -make bed -Drop off / pick up dry cleaning -Drop me off / pick me up from work -Do laundry -Fill up gas tank -bring car for servicing -schedule appointment for haircut -Pay […]

It was pretty useless and unnecessary for Barack Obama to go out of his way to give a major economics speech at one of Georgetown’s most haunting, gilded Jesus chambers on Tuesday and request that all symbols there be boarded up; because except for a few libtards, who cares if the three letters, “IHS,” are […]

Never has plain old bread and a cup of joe tasted so good. No wonder Le Pain Quotidien is so popular — the food is simple and delicious enough to stand on its own. And usually, your Wonkette doesn’t buy the whole organic hoo-ha, but LPQ really makes it work. [This is the last review […]

The “much hyped” television show Blonde Charity Mafia, which will be like The Hills but about rich Georgetown socialites on Late Night Shots, will air this summer on the CW network. This needs to be liveblogged every week as part of Wonkette Summer Sweeps. Specifically we need to get Editor Ken in one of his […]

In a startling case of life imitating Blingee, several characters marched straight out of Wonkette’s most recent photo contest and onto the streets of Georgetown last night. The fully furred Chewbacca and, uh, we actually aren’t sure what that other one is, explained to your intern that they were dressed up for a birthday party.

Late Night Shots, the exclusive invitation-only social networking club for young Confederate boys and the girls they photograph urinating, in Georgetown, will now expand. In Georgetown. LNS founder Reed Landry is pairing up with some law school student named “Fritz Brogan” (who is rich and friends with Jeb Bush) to launch a new alcohol establishment […]