Tag Archives: georgetown

  nice time!

Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen.

Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be as slutty as you wanna be! But maybe you whoring whoremonsters need some representation at the highest level of government, to make sure that your silly little “rights” are protected from Neanderthals who view modern women as ‘sluts’ and ‘prostitutes.’ Where, oh where, will we find a heroine who will be able to articulate the need for women’s equal access to healthcare, perhaps one who has already faced about as much criticism from the batshit crazy right as would be possible? Well, wonkeroos, open your legs wallets for Sandra Fluke, who has officially filed to run for Congress in California!  Read more on Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen….
  but we hope that vineyard vines bum can float. he can right?

Benevolent God Floods Georgetown

Storms this weekend raged through the mid-Atlantic, and the Act of God (like another Act of God, the U.S. Constitution) left dozens dead. Still, there was a reason the Lord did this: to rid the world of Georgetown once and for all. Read more on Benevolent God Floods Georgetown…
  please media! tell everyone our school is stupid and racist!

Georgetown U. Finds Piece Of Rope, Assumes Lynching Racist Is On Loose

Georgetown University employees found a piece of rope in the utility tunnels under campus this week, and everyone knows what you think when you see a piece of rope: Somebody must have been using it as a noose to string up people, racistly! At least that was the verdict reached by the administration of Georgetown, a supposed local “smart people” school. But somehow it turns out the rope wasn’t used as a noose, but rather for drunk students to climb down into these grimy old tunnels, a campus tradition for dumb secret societies and such. How will Georgetown ever recover from such an offensive activity? Read more on Georgetown U. Finds Piece Of Rope, Assumes Lynching Racist Is On Loose…
  food/booze news!

Get Your 9/11 On, DC Style!

Thursday, September 9: To all our Jewish Friends, a Happy New Year (or “Rosh Hashanah”)!  One celebrates by eating apples and honey, but for a more new traditional new years-y celebration, why not drink vodka? From 6-7PM on Thursday, The Reserve will be giving out vodka for FREE, and from 7PM-close rail drinks, including margaritas and mojitos, will be just $5. [What’s The Deal Happy Hour] Read more on Get Your 9/11 On, DC Style!…
  Ayn Rand's Adventures In Wonderland

The Headfountain: Ayn Rand In the 21st Century

The third installment of Wonkette’s Ayn Rand journalism comic is here! Vomit along with Ayn, by catching up with our first and second installments … only then will you be prepared for Chapter III. Read more on The Headfountain: Ayn Rand In the 21st Century…
  important announcements regarding your wonkette

New Wonkette Writer Jack Stuef And Senator-Elect-to-Be Alvin Greene: Hopey Change You Can Believe In

If you have been checking the authors of posts on your Wonkette this week — and you have, because writers know that everybody pays a lot of attention to bylines — you will have noticed there is a new guy. Yes! The time has come! The torch has passed, etc.! Read more on New Wonkette Writer Jack Stuef And Senator-Elect-to-Be Alvin Greene: Hopey Change You Can Believe In…
  fail

Forgotten DC Frat-Bar Group Posts Failed Reality Show To Website

It is impossible to remember this now, but a couple of years ago DC was full of douche Republican youngsters with popped collars and confederate-flag bras who congregated at a Georgetown bar to tell jokes about coloreds. And, for many years, the biggest aspiration of these dildos/dildettes was to have a teevee Reality Show about their lives, which consisted of spending their parents’ money, getting abortions, “up skirt finger banging,” and either a) finding a six-figure job as a lobbyist for baby poison or napalm, or b) marrying a guy who gets such a job, and moving to Vienna or Reston and never having to see public transportation or a negro or a cute hipster girl ever again. What ever happened to that reality show, anyways? Read more on Forgotten DC Frat-Bar Group Posts Failed Reality Show To Website…
  hahaha so that's how law school works?

Georgetown Law Students Confused By Thought Experiment, Report Pretend John Roberts’ Retirement To Hollywood Gossip Website

So why did that dopey “Radar Online” website claim for a half-hour today that John Roberts was quitting the Supreme Court? Some first-year law student half heard the professor say something about John Roberts retiring for “health reasons,” didn’t realize it was part of a class exercise “on the validity of informants not explaining their sources,” and emailed the HAWT GOSSIP to the first thing that came to mind, a shitty Hollywood gossip site. And you wonder why lawyers are so fucking stupid. Read more on Georgetown Law Students Confused By Thought Experiment, Report Pretend John Roberts’ Retirement To Hollywood Gossip Website…
  taking action

Will Anyone Help These Poor Georgetown Students Celebrate Our Founding Fathers?

The young princes of George Town College are furious that the school has decided to cancel their upcoming Presidents’ Day holiday, to make up some of the nine-years-worth of snow days they’ve had recently. Thousands of members have signed up! It will be a Revolution! No longer will George Washington’s legacy (/luxury skiing vacations) be tarnished under their watch! [Facebook via NBC Washington] Read more on Will Anyone Help These Poor Georgetown Students Celebrate Our Founding Fathers?…
  wonkette jobs

GEORGETOWN SOPHOMORE LOOKING FOR ASSISTANT: This sophomore also works in the financial services industry! So of course: “PA example tasks -Organize closet -make bed -Drop off / pick up dry cleaning -Drop me off / pick me up from work -Do laundry -Fill up gas tank -bring car for servicing -schedule appointment for haircut -Pay parking tickets -manage electronic accounts -shopping and running errands -other random tasks. …laundry will be counted for half an hour even though a laundry cycle takes 1.5 hrs to complete.” The Great Recession changed everything. [Georgetown Voice] Read more on …
  because he loves infanticide

Barack Obama Systematically Working To Destroy Catholicism, At Colleges

It was pretty useless and unnecessary for Barack Obama to go out of his way to give a major economics speech at one of Georgetown’s most haunting, gilded Jesus chambers on Tuesday and request that all symbols there be boarded up; because except for a few libtards, who cares if the three letters, “IHS,” are written on some wall. THEN AGAIN maybe he had those letters covered for the express purpose of watching National Review‘s Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez flip out, which she did, providing ample entertainment for the American Internet during these tough economic times. So thank you for that, President Abortionist! Read more on Barack Obama Systematically Working To Destroy Catholicism, At Colleges…
  reviews

OMFG Le Pain Quotidien Is So Effing Good

Never has plain old bread and a cup of joe tasted so good. No wonder Le Pain Quotidien is so popular — the food is simple and delicious enough to stand on its own. And usually, your Wonkette doesn’t buy the whole organic hoo-ha, but LPQ really makes it work. [This is the last review from our Malaka Gharib! Wish her luck with her new “real” job. — Ed.] Read more on OMFG Le Pain Quotidien Is So Effing Good…
  the long knives are out

Teevee Show About The D.C. Ladies To Air This Summer!!!

The “much hyped” television show Blonde Charity Mafia, which will be like The Hills but about rich Georgetown socialites on Late Night Shots, will air this summer on the CW network. This needs to be liveblogged every week as part of Wonkette Summer Sweeps. Specifically we need to get Editor Ken in one of his “moods” and have him liveblog it. [WP/Reliable Source] Read more on Teevee Show About The D.C. Ladies To Air This Summer!!!…
  the horror you've witnessed

And Furries Shall Walk the Streets

In a startling case of life imitating Blingee, several characters marched straight out of Wonkette’s most recent photo contest and onto the streets of Georgetown last night. The fully furred Chewbacca and, uh, we actually aren’t sure what that other one is, explained to your intern that they were dressed up for a birthday party. Read more on And Furries Shall Walk the Streets…
  knowing your demographic

‘Late Night Shots’ Founder To Open Frightening New Thing

Late Night Shots, the exclusive invitation-only social networking club for young Confederate boys and the girls they photograph urinating, in Georgetown, will now expand. In Georgetown. LNS founder Reed Landry is pairing up with some law school student named “Fritz Brogan” (who is rich and friends with Jeb Bush) to launch a new alcohol establishment at 3277 M Street. It will literally be called “The Country Club,” according to this pink blog. “Country Club will not have a sign on the door. While Landry handled the interior design, Brogan insists it will have his signature ‘sweaty dance floor.'” [Ask Miss A] Read more on ‘Late Night Shots’ Founder To Open Frightening New Thing…
  ...why?

Terrifying Teevee Fireball Confuses City

Here is an image of the much-anticipated explosion on the Potomac River today that was filmed for some new teevee pilot. It was still confusing to D.C. residents even though they had been alerted beforehand, because why the fuck is a rowboat being blown up? Should be a real winner of a show, although Obama will probably just preempt it every night to read more lies off of his Tellyprompter. [Flickr] Read more on Terrifying Teevee Fireball Confuses City…