Tag Archives: george zimmerman

  Florida's own human crime spree strikes again

George Zimmerman Goes With Wine Jug For Lady-Beating, For Variety

here I am in court again!
Do you wish you could read more words about George Zimmerman, Florida’s own human crime spree and killer of unarmed black teenager Trayvon Martin? Has it been too long since you read one month ago about how Zimmerman thinks it would be a good idea for people like him (aka people who like to violence other people on the reg) to buy “self-defense” insurance? You are possibly thinking, “I wonder what George Zimmerman is up to these days, and if has stood his ground at anyone lately,” and if you are thinking that, then today is your lucky day. Read more on George Zimmerman Goes With Wine Jug For Lady-Beating, For Variety…
  Gun Radio: A Radio Show For Guns

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

Ready for all comers
George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at night for security told him to stop it already. Plus there’s that price on his head. Read more on George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!…
  Fuck This Shit

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.
You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday, justice was finally served. Unfortunately, as the piping-hot bowl of justice was being served, it was spilled in Marissa Alexander’s lap, and because this is Florida, she still has to pay for her meal. Read more on Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida…
  nope no war on women here

South Carolina: Sorry Your Partner Beats You, Too Bad You Can’t Stand Your Ground

Put down that knife, little lady.
Hey there, South Carolina! How are you making life in your state feel like a Beckett play today? South Carolina is one of more than 20 states that has passed an expansive Stand Your Ground law authorizing individuals to use deadly force in self-defense […] Read more on South Carolina: Sorry Your Partner Beats You, Too Bad You Can’t Stand Your Ground…
  It's Hard Out There For A Sociopath

George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet

Ready for all comers
It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in on the escapades of Completely Innocent Teen-Killer George Zimmerman, at least not since he got fired from his pretend duties as a night watchman at a gun shop that hadn’t invited him to watch it anyway, followed about five seconds later by an alleged incident of gun-waving road rage. Read more on George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet…
  Here have some news n stuff

We’re Not Even Sure Where Mexico Is, But We Can Probably Still Invade It

By the dawn of the twentieth century, the river’s recurring spring floods had dug a completely new bed for it farther south. About seven hundred acres of land that had once formed part of Mexico—the Chamizal, named for a scrubby plant that grew there—were now connected to the United States. Whether the border had shifted with the river, rounding out the war’s annexationist work, nobody knew.
Yeah, yeah, we know the cantaloupe-shaped drug mule baby migrants hopped up on birth control are invading our country (or they’re already here!) to infect us with ebola or murder our pretty white co-eds, but before House Republicans and Rick Perry send Sean Hannity down to the border to go swamp sailing, maybe we should figure out where exactly the border is: Read more on We’re Not Even Sure Where Mexico Is, But We Can Probably Still Invade It…
  Fingering the Perp

George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day

Don't make George Zimmerman ask you twice.
Well well well, look who else is hoppin’ aboard the “Do You Know Who I Am?” Express! First it was Sarah Palin, and now it’s Neighborhood Watch aspirant George Zimmerman. What do you s’pose Georgy Porgy is up to these days? Guarding more gun stores? Tweeting out Anne Frank quotes? Trying and failing to muzzle the free press? Nope, none of those things! Instead, Zimmerman is asking “Do you know who I am?” in connection to a road rage incident that was reported to 911. Josh ‘n the Gang at TPM have the deets. Read more on George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day…
  Things Were Really Looking Up For Ol' Zimm

George Zimmerman Goes On Patrol Again, ‘Guards’ Gun Store For Free, Gets Canned

Guns! Guns! Guns!
So here’s the latest in the epic wanderings of George “Killer But Not A Murderer” Zimmerman: He got a great gig playing Night Watchman for “Pompano Pat’s,” a motorcycle-and-guns shop in DeLand, Florida, the very same gun shop that made some headlines last year when owner Pat Johnson offered Zimmerman a free gun just days after he was acquitted of killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. And just to make things interesting, it’s not an actual job, but more of a hobby or something — Pat’s was robbed earlier this month, and then Zimmerman just sort of showed up to sit around outside the store at night, keeping an eye on the place. Read more on George Zimmerman Goes On Patrol Again, ‘Guards’ Gun Store For Free, Gets Canned…
  who mourns for a dimwit?

Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman

Poor George Zimmerman just can’t seem to catch a break. Despite his best efforts, there are still people who don’t see him as a hero. Worse, his fledgling career as an artist seems to have stalled out, and while plenty of people might want to punch him right in the nose, he can’t do it for money. And now, he can’t even look forward to taking the LIEberal Media to the cleaners for unfairly editing his 911 call, because his lawsuit against NBC has been tossed. Poor guy. It’s as if the only thing that went well for him was getting away with shooting a black kid to death. As the song asks, is that all there is? Read more on Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman…
  white man's burden

What Is The World Coming To When This Nice Klansman Can’t Stay In His Neighborhood Watch Group?

We used to think that neighborhood watch groups were nothing but those busybody ladies that twitch the curtain aside to snoop on neighbors and call the cops 25 times per night on the 4th of July to complain about fireworks. Then, of course, we met George Zimmerman and realized that neighborhood watch people can also be creepy racist vigilantes. Yay? Continuing in that not-actually-grand tradition, we have Mr. William Walters, Grand Dragon of the East Coast Knights of the True Invisible Empire, which the rest of us know as the Ku Klux Klan. Mr. Walters is very sad because he was informed his services would no longer be required in his local neighborhood watch group, mainly because he had a pesky habit of using his participation in the group to try to recruit new Klansmen. Read more on What Is The World Coming To When This Nice Klansman Can’t Stay In His Neighborhood Watch Group?…
  suffer little children

Unsurprisingly, David Brat’s Primary Campaign Was Run By A Smug Baby

We knew that David Brat, the literal David to Eric Cantor’s figurative Goliath, would be a source of endless joy and terror for us, but even we didn’t think it would happen so soon. But the very morning after the amazing, stunning upset, one Zachary Werrell, Mr. Brat’s 23-year-old campaign manager and angry toddler, had to do some serious downsizing of his social media presence because of how his Facebook account was pretty much nothing but a cesspool of contrarian bullshit. Read more on Unsurprisingly, David Brat’s Primary Campaign Was Run By A Smug Baby…
  child killer available for your next event -- call now

Crowd Of Almost 20 Lines Up To Meet George Zimmerman At Florida Gun Show

Poor George Zimmerman is a victim once more, this time of a callous public that failed to turn out at a gun show to meet him and get his autograph. Don’t people understand that if George Zimmerman isn’t constantly applauded for his brave ground-standing, the spark of freedom will be extinguished and he might have to get a job? Read more on Crowd Of Almost 20 Lines Up To Meet George Zimmerman At Florida Gun Show…
  now how much would you pay?

The Cooch Will Sell You Shooting-An-Unarmed-Black-Boy Insurance In Case You Shoot An Unarmed Black Boy

It is pretty hard for a Second Amendment Patriot to live in this nation of jackbooted thugs grabbin’ our guns every time we accidentally shoot our drinking buddy to death, after already having domestic violenced our girlfriend, and shot at another drinking buddy but without accidentally killing him, oh and also we are blind. Oh wait, we forgot: in that case we get to keep our guns. But even so, that guy, who — we repeat — killed one man, beat the shit out of his girlfriend, shot 15 rounds at another dude, and GOT TO KEEP HIS GUNS, had to spend a lot of money on lawyers and stuff, and how is that even fair? Well Ken Cuccinelli, former Virginia attorney general and a gubernatorial candidate so bad he lost to Terry McAuliffe, has got himself an awesome little small business now, doin’ small business, creatin’ some jerbs (for Ken Cuccinelli), and that small business is being a lawyer who helps you get out of all your terrible gun-related crimes, that you did, with a gun. And he’s got a pretty sweet little way to help you plan ahead, for when you figure you might, accidentally, through no fault of your own, shoot and kill another human being, at a later date. It is so terribly important, like the queers in the Boy Scouts say, to Be Prepared. Read more on The Cooch Will Sell You Shooting-An-Unarmed-Black-Boy Insurance In Case You Shoot An Unarmed Black Boy…
  you get a racist! and you get a racist!

Zimmerman Bestie Shockingly Uses Racist Slurs On Oprah, Like WTF-Level Racist

George Zimmerman Fan Club President Frank Taaffe, HLN’s go-to source for commentary on the joys of killing black children armed self defense against thugs, sometimes is accused of racism. As open- and fair-minded lieburals, we are careful about throwing that sort of terminology around, because the TRUE danger to American society, the REAL racism, is…hang on a sec. This just in. Frank Taaffe called TV’s Oprah Winfrey that n-word. Repeatedly. OK, never mind, let’s strap into this shitbird. Read more on Zimmerman Bestie Shockingly Uses Racist Slurs On Oprah, Like WTF-Level Racist…
  i'm a pasty!

Poor George Zimmerman Just Can’t Catch A Break, Except For That Getting Away With Murder Thing

George Zimmerman is BACK y’all! He is back to whine soulfully at you about how hard it is to be George Zimmerman. Why, people are vocal to him! Him! George Zimmerman! Who is a real swell guy! George Zimmerman would like to further his education and become a lawyer, so he can do good in the universe like not let other people get “scapegoated” by Obama for reasons unknown. But while he may not know why “Obama” scapegoated him, he does know this: Read more on Poor George Zimmerman Just Can’t Catch A Break, Except For That Getting Away With Murder Thing…
  race 'bating

HLN Welcomes George Zimmerman’s White Supremacist Bestie For Insights On Shooting Black Children

So first off, let’s get the sorta-apology out of the way. Yesterday, in our story on the murder of 17-year-old Jordan Davis for being black and in a car with loud music, we said that one of the few good things to note about the media coverage of the murder is that “outside of white supremacist sites, Michael Dunn doesn’t have a lot of support among the Armed Patriot crowd,” and we noted that a number of rightwing websites with a stiffy for George Zimmerman were not presenting Davis’s killer, Michael Dunn, as a Second Amendment hero. And that’s all true, as far as it goes, What we hadn’t been aware of is that HLN, CNN’s screamy little sibling, has provided a regular platform for George Zimmerman’s pal Frank Taaffe, who not only thinks Dunn was justified in shooting Davis for being black, but is also an unapologetic white supremacist. So while rightwing sites haven’t embraced Dunn, basic cable is happy to give a microphone to a bigot who suggests being afraid of black teenagers is a perfectly valid reason to kill the little thugs. Wonkette regrets the oversight. We just didn’t expect Dunn to have such mainstream defenders. Read more on HLN Welcomes George Zimmerman’s White Supremacist Bestie For Insights On Shooting Black Children…
  scam your ground

Elegance Maven Nancy Grace Finds These George Zimmerman / Rapper Person Fisticuffs Most Unseemly

Carrion-feeding HLN anchor Nancy Grace is not one bit happy about this upcoming pugilistic contest between acquitted teen-shooter George “Sweet Florida Justice” Zimmerman and rapper person “DMX,” who sounds like an additive you’d find in cough syrup. Grace, whose career consists of walking viewers through the sordid details of crimes — for educational purposes, of course — told CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin Wednesday that Zimmerman’s participation in the ostensible fundraiser for charity was nothing more than a tasteless attempt to gain publicity and money off of other people’s misery. We now pause for readers to take something for that irony-induced migraine that just hit. Read more on Elegance Maven Nancy Grace Finds These George Zimmerman / Rapper Person Fisticuffs Most Unseemly…
  just sing about jesus & drink wine all day

Gun Guy Larry Pratt Wonders Why Our Blacks Can’t Just Sing And Be Happy Like The African Ones

Larry Pratt, the descriptively named executive director of Gun Owners of America, has figured out how to improve The Blacks in America: In a recent radio interview, he explained that American blacks would have a much better time of it if they could just be more like “the African from Africa.” You know, that one guy. Pratt, who has previously warned about the private army of blacks that Obama is building to foment race war in the USA, spoke last month with Selwyn Duke on the “Gun Owners News Hour” — proving again that every rightwinger has a podcast — and they went over the usual news, like how Obama is converting the U.S. military into “a martial law ready” force by promoting minorities above whites, and then they got to the more arcane stuff about how American blacks could really learn a lot about good attitudes from Africans from the Africa: “Generally, the African from Africa is a very pro-American person, a very happy person,” Pratt said. “I know several, and they’re always happy with a joke, a pleasant smile on their face, and they clearly don’t identify with the surliness that’s all too frequently the attitude of their fellow African Americans here.” And Larry Pratt sure could learn a lot from trying to emulate human beings, now couldn’t he? Read more on Gun Guy Larry Pratt Wonders Why Our Blacks Can’t Just Sing And Be Happy Like The African Ones…
  bungle in the jungle

It’s Official: Rapper DMX Gets Chance To Go All Mike Tyson On George Zimmerman

We’ve been debating whether to avoid giving George Zimmerman additional oxygen for his crass fauxlebrity boxing event, but let’s face it: he’s a perpetual motion machine of terrible, and we’re duty-bound to write about it. His fight opponent will be rapper DMX, who already said he’ll piss on Zimmerman, so at least there’s that. Read more on It’s Official: Rapper DMX Gets Chance To Go All Mike Tyson On George Zimmerman…
  deleted comments

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Dusky-Hued Takers Will Sweep Wendy Davis Into Office

Our first submission in the pending comment queue, that purgatory where first-time comments wait to be approved or flushed, came in reply to the story about how Wendy Davis told filthy lies about being a “single mother” when she was in fact a “separated but living alone whilst not yet having filed for divorce” mother, and also she married a nice guy and accepted his offer to pay for some of her college, just like whores do. This provoked history buff “Antietam123″ to let some bull run: FOLKS, it doesn’t matter if Wendy Davis is a pathological liar. This is what you must understand. Liberal Progressives have absolutely zero concern about their candidate’s integrity as long as that candidate promises to deliver STUFF. “JUS GIMME MO GUBERMINT STUFF OFF DA BACKS UV DOZ DAMN TAXPAYERS!” He seems nice. Bet he really resented it when some dope at MSNBC suggested that the right wing was racist. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Dusky-Hued Takers Will Sweep Wendy Davis Into Office…
  oh please oh please oh please

We Will Pay All The Monies To See Kanye West Punch George Zimmerman

Last week George Zimmerman announced that he is giving some lucky bastard the chance to punch his grinning murder mug again and again. Rapper The Game, a giant slab of man meat, stepped up, but George Zimmerman would prefer Kanye West, because Kanye likes to attack defenseless people and apparently this causes George chagrin. Read more on We Will Pay All The Monies To See Kanye West Punch George Zimmerman…