Tag Archives: george zimmerman

  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
It’s been a quiet week in the old deleted comments queue; we somehow managed not to trigger any long manifestos from wingnuts about sovereignty or the UN Agenda 21 plot to pollute and impurify our precious bodily fluids. We’ll try harder. We did get one notable tsk-tsk about our terrible conduct from “TheLongVersion,” who was not at all pleased with all the cruelty directed toward poor innocent George Zimmerman, who once again found himself in trouble last week: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth…
  the new york times has noticed florida man

Let’s Shoot Up A School Bus On Our Way To The Gun Show: Your Florida Roundup

Remember, kids, guns don’t kill people, people kill people (with guns)
  Is there an image that better sums up Florida? No, there is not. The story behind this is quite sad — two young girls were shot on a school bus; their injuries are thankfully not life-threatening — and not really the Times-Union’s fault, even though its editorial page is a cauldron of right-wing nonsense much of the time. Perhaps someone on the production end should have seen this and thought something amiss. But this is Florida, so that didn’t happen. Read more on Let’s Shoot Up A School Bus On Our Way To The Gun Show: Your Florida Roundup…
  Department Of Predictable Outcomes

Somebody Shot George Zimmerman, Let’s Speculate Why

Was Zimmerman targeted for Loving Freedom Too Much?
In breaking “Everyone saw This Coming” news, we learn that Second Amendment Hero George Zimmerman suffered minor injuries in a shooting incident Monday afternoon in Lake Mary, Florida. Lake Mary Police Chief Steve Bracknell said that Zimmerman was not badly hurt in the incident, which apparently involved Zimmerman and one other man. News video shot from a helicopter showed a bullet hole in the passenger-side window of Zimmerman’s pickup. Read more on Somebody Shot George Zimmerman, Let’s Speculate Why…
  Florida's own human crime spree strikes again

George Zimmerman Goes With Wine Jug For Lady-Beating, For Variety

here I am in court again!
Do you wish you could read more words about George Zimmerman, Florida’s own human crime spree and killer of unarmed black teenager Trayvon Martin? Has it been too long since you read one month ago about how Zimmerman thinks it would be a good idea for people like him (aka people who like to violence other people on the reg) to buy “self-defense” insurance? You are possibly thinking, “I wonder what George Zimmerman is up to these days, and if has stood his ground at anyone lately,” and if you are thinking that, then today is your lucky day. Read more on George Zimmerman Goes With Wine Jug For Lady-Beating, For Variety…
  Gun Radio: A Radio Show For Guns

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

Ready for all comers
George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at night for security told him to stop it already. Plus there’s that price on his head. Read more on George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!…
  Fuck This Shit

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.
You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday, justice was finally served. Unfortunately, as the piping-hot bowl of justice was being served, it was spilled in Marissa Alexander’s lap, and because this is Florida, she still has to pay for her meal. Read more on Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida…
  nope no war on women here

South Carolina: Sorry Your Partner Beats You, Too Bad You Can’t Stand Your Ground

Put down that knife, little lady.
Hey there, South Carolina! How are you making life in your state feel like a Beckett play today? South Carolina is one of more than 20 states that has passed an expansive Stand Your Ground law authorizing individuals to use deadly force in self-defense […] Read more on South Carolina: Sorry Your Partner Beats You, Too Bad You Can’t Stand Your Ground…
  It's Hard Out There For A Sociopath

George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet

Ready for all comers
It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in on the escapades of Completely Innocent Teen-Killer George Zimmerman, at least not since he got fired from his pretend duties as a night watchman at a gun shop that hadn’t invited him to watch it anyway, followed about five seconds later by an alleged incident of gun-waving road rage. Read more on George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet…
  Here have some news n stuff

We’re Not Even Sure Where Mexico Is, But We Can Probably Still Invade It

By the dawn of the twentieth century, the river’s recurring spring floods had dug a completely new bed for it farther south. About seven hundred acres of land that had once formed part of Mexico—the Chamizal, named for a scrubby plant that grew there—were now connected to the United States. Whether the border had shifted with the river, rounding out the war’s annexationist work, nobody knew.
Yeah, yeah, we know the cantaloupe-shaped drug mule baby migrants hopped up on birth control are invading our country (or they’re already here!) to infect us with ebola or murder our pretty white co-eds, but before House Republicans and Rick Perry send Sean Hannity down to the border to go swamp sailing, maybe we should figure out where exactly the border is: Read more on We’re Not Even Sure Where Mexico Is, But We Can Probably Still Invade It…
  Fingering the Perp

George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day

Don't make George Zimmerman ask you twice.
Well well well, look who else is hoppin’ aboard the “Do You Know Who I Am?” Express! First it was Sarah Palin, and now it’s Neighborhood Watch aspirant George Zimmerman. What do you s’pose Georgy Porgy is up to these days? Guarding more gun stores? Tweeting out Anne Frank quotes? Trying and failing to muzzle the free press? Nope, none of those things! Instead, Zimmerman is asking “Do you know who I am?” in connection to a road rage incident that was reported to 911. Josh ‘n the Gang at TPM have the deets. Read more on George Zimmerman Waving His Penis Substitute Around Again, Because It Is A Day…
  Things Were Really Looking Up For Ol' Zimm

George Zimmerman Goes On Patrol Again, ‘Guards’ Gun Store For Free, Gets Canned

Guns! Guns! Guns!
So here’s the latest in the epic wanderings of George “Killer But Not A Murderer” Zimmerman: He got a great gig playing Night Watchman for “Pompano Pat’s,” a motorcycle-and-guns shop in DeLand, Florida, the very same gun shop that made some headlines last year when owner Pat Johnson offered Zimmerman a free gun just days after he was acquitted of killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. And just to make things interesting, it’s not an actual job, but more of a hobby or something — Pat’s was robbed earlier this month, and then Zimmerman just sort of showed up to sit around outside the store at night, keeping an eye on the place. Read more on George Zimmerman Goes On Patrol Again, ‘Guards’ Gun Store For Free, Gets Canned…
  who mourns for a dimwit?

Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman

Poor George Zimmerman just can’t seem to catch a break. Despite his best efforts, there are still people who don’t see him as a hero. Worse, his fledgling career as an artist seems to have stalled out, and while plenty of people might want to punch him right in the nose, he can’t do it for money. And now, he can’t even look forward to taking the LIEberal Media to the cleaners for unfairly editing his 911 call, because his lawsuit against NBC has been tossed. Poor guy. It’s as if the only thing that went well for him was getting away with shooting a black kid to death. As the song asks, is that all there is? Read more on Stupid Constitution Won’t Let George Zimmerman Sue NBC For Being Mean To George Zimmerman…
  white man's burden

What Is The World Coming To When This Nice Klansman Can’t Stay In His Neighborhood Watch Group?

We used to think that neighborhood watch groups were nothing but those busybody ladies that twitch the curtain aside to snoop on neighbors and call the cops 25 times per night on the 4th of July to complain about fireworks. Then, of course, we met George Zimmerman and realized that neighborhood watch people can also be creepy racist vigilantes. Yay? Continuing in that not-actually-grand tradition, we have Mr. William Walters, Grand Dragon of the East Coast Knights of the True Invisible Empire, which the rest of us know as the Ku Klux Klan. Mr. Walters is very sad because he was informed his services would no longer be required in his local neighborhood watch group, mainly because he had a pesky habit of using his participation in the group to try to recruit new Klansmen. Read more on What Is The World Coming To When This Nice Klansman Can’t Stay In His Neighborhood Watch Group?…
  suffer little children

Unsurprisingly, David Brat’s Primary Campaign Was Run By A Smug Baby

We knew that David Brat, the literal David to Eric Cantor’s figurative Goliath, would be a source of endless joy and terror for us, but even we didn’t think it would happen so soon. But the very morning after the amazing, stunning upset, one Zachary Werrell, Mr. Brat’s 23-year-old campaign manager and angry toddler, had to do some serious downsizing of his social media presence because of how his Facebook account was pretty much nothing but a cesspool of contrarian bullshit. Read more on Unsurprisingly, David Brat’s Primary Campaign Was Run By A Smug Baby…
  child killer available for your next event -- call now

Crowd Of Almost 20 Lines Up To Meet George Zimmerman At Florida Gun Show

Poor George Zimmerman is a victim once more, this time of a callous public that failed to turn out at a gun show to meet him and get his autograph. Don’t people understand that if George Zimmerman isn’t constantly applauded for his brave ground-standing, the spark of freedom will be extinguished and he might have to get a job? Read more on Crowd Of Almost 20 Lines Up To Meet George Zimmerman At Florida Gun Show…
  now how much would you pay?

The Cooch Will Sell You Shooting-An-Unarmed-Black-Boy Insurance In Case You Shoot An Unarmed Black Boy

It is pretty hard for a Second Amendment Patriot to live in this nation of jackbooted thugs grabbin’ our guns every time we accidentally shoot our drinking buddy to death, after already having domestic violenced our girlfriend, and shot at another drinking buddy but without accidentally killing him, oh and also we are blind. Oh wait, we forgot: in that case we get to keep our guns. But even so, that guy, who — we repeat — killed one man, beat the shit out of his girlfriend, shot 15 rounds at another dude, and GOT TO KEEP HIS GUNS, had to spend a lot of money on lawyers and stuff, and how is that even fair? Well Ken Cuccinelli, former Virginia attorney general and a gubernatorial candidate so bad he lost to Terry McAuliffe, has got himself an awesome little small business now, doin’ small business, creatin’ some jerbs (for Ken Cuccinelli), and that small business is being a lawyer who helps you get out of all your terrible gun-related crimes, that you did, with a gun. And he’s got a pretty sweet little way to help you plan ahead, for when you figure you might, accidentally, through no fault of your own, shoot and kill another human being, at a later date. It is so terribly important, like the queers in the Boy Scouts say, to Be Prepared. Read more on The Cooch Will Sell You Shooting-An-Unarmed-Black-Boy Insurance In Case You Shoot An Unarmed Black Boy…
  you get a racist! and you get a racist!

Zimmerman Bestie Shockingly Uses Racist Slurs On Oprah, Like WTF-Level Racist

George Zimmerman Fan Club President Frank Taaffe, HLN’s go-to source for commentary on the joys of killing black children armed self defense against thugs, sometimes is accused of racism. As open- and fair-minded lieburals, we are careful about throwing that sort of terminology around, because the TRUE danger to American society, the REAL racism, is…hang on a sec. This just in. Frank Taaffe called TV’s Oprah Winfrey that n-word. Repeatedly. OK, never mind, let’s strap into this shitbird. Read more on Zimmerman Bestie Shockingly Uses Racist Slurs On Oprah, Like WTF-Level Racist…
  i'm a pasty!

Poor George Zimmerman Just Can’t Catch A Break, Except For That Getting Away With Murder Thing

George Zimmerman is BACK y’all! He is back to whine soulfully at you about how hard it is to be George Zimmerman. Why, people are vocal to him! Him! George Zimmerman! Who is a real swell guy! George Zimmerman would like to further his education and become a lawyer, so he can do good in the universe like not let other people get “scapegoated” by Obama for reasons unknown. But while he may not know why “Obama” scapegoated him, he does know this: Read more on Poor George Zimmerman Just Can’t Catch A Break, Except For That Getting Away With Murder Thing…
  race 'bating

HLN Welcomes George Zimmerman’s White Supremacist Bestie For Insights On Shooting Black Children

So first off, let’s get the sorta-apology out of the way. Yesterday, in our story on the murder of 17-year-old Jordan Davis for being black and in a car with loud music, we said that one of the few good things to note about the media coverage of the murder is that “outside of white supremacist sites, Michael Dunn doesn’t have a lot of support among the Armed Patriot crowd,” and we noted that a number of rightwing websites with a stiffy for George Zimmerman were not presenting Davis’s killer, Michael Dunn, as a Second Amendment hero. And that’s all true, as far as it goes, What we hadn’t been aware of is that HLN, CNN’s screamy little sibling, has provided a regular platform for George Zimmerman’s pal Frank Taaffe, who not only thinks Dunn was justified in shooting Davis for being black, but is also an unapologetic white supremacist. So while rightwing sites haven’t embraced Dunn, basic cable is happy to give a microphone to a bigot who suggests being afraid of black teenagers is a perfectly valid reason to kill the little thugs. Wonkette regrets the oversight. We just didn’t expect Dunn to have such mainstream defenders. Read more on HLN Welcomes George Zimmerman’s White Supremacist Bestie For Insights On Shooting Black Children…