Wonkette

A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. MORE »

This week, George Will is sure going to be bummed when Borders shuts down for good, and one of you recognized a fireman or something. You people are not really being very good spies and operatives, are you? We realize nobody cares about anything but Barack Obama these days and all the famous-for-D.C. people are either recuperating at home or out on somebody’s campaign trail, but Jesus Christ, how about a few sightings? MORE »

This week, George Will, Howard Dean, Fred Barnes and James Carville were all spotted being various degrees of “famous for D.C.” at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »

The poor super-rich. While America’s richest 1% still rule the country, controlling more wealth than the entire bottom 90%, it’s become much harder for them to prove how wealthy they are through ostentatious consumption. Because everyone in America owns two homes and a yacht now, haven’t you heard? George Will has, and his column — filed directly from the Bizarro Planet — urges you, the little guy, to take pity on the plutocracy. MORE »

Hey everybody, have you heard of the hot new gadget called the “fax machine”? Apparently you can somehow send pieces of paper through the telephone wires, but you’ve got to really roll the paper up tight so it can fit! That’s what Jonah Goldberg thinks, anyway. MORE »

George Will, the original bowtied conservative prick, uses his column today to predict that David Petraeus’ forthcoming report on the state of the Iraq War will lead to something he calls “a Weimar moment.” He refers to Germany between World Wars I and II, when the freewheelin’ liberal democratic government was undermined by the feelings of the people that the nation had been betrayed by their leaders. The Germans knew they were just one Surge away from winning The Great War, and to prove it they elected Hitler to kill all the gays and Jews and win them a second, Greater War. Will is pretty sure this will happen once General Petraeus tells Congress that we are kind of winning in Iraq next month. MORE »

Famous DC types, they’re just like you: they are sweaty, they’re “turds,” they drink Mexican beer, and they do yardwork. In this week’s Wonk’d, David Gregory walks in a circle, George Will bugs the people immediately surrounding him, Steny Hoyer violates the law, Bill Delahunt works on Miller’s farm, Tom Davis hangs out in the sixth borough, some dude from The OC does something or other, and we all continue to laugh at Jim Moran’s name. It’s all after the jump.

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* Lovers Happy Hour II tonight, hosted by DC Bachelor (Roosh) and Circle V. [Roosh V]
* Let’s talk about meth, baby. Let’s talk about you and me, and your wet Chiclet teeth. [Fight HIV in DC]
* “Has Mr Will forgotten that the ever civil Vice President told a Democratic Senator to ‘go fuck himself’ on the Senate floor.” [alternative hippopotamus]
* …and “Here we have an absentee President who through gross negligence and foolish hubris has brought death to untold thousands of Iraqis and to 2,888+ U.S. troops, and Will is worried about ‘calculated rudeness.’” [Countersignature]
* …and “George Will needs to shut up.” [Angry Pregnant Lawyer]
* Hard Rock Cafe, Urban Outfitters and ESPN Zone welcome House of Blues to the neighborhood. [Gallery Place Living]
* El Paso Café in Ballston serves beer in a boot-shaped glass, and if it fits, you become a princess. [DCFUD]

George Will, bastion of moral rectitude and civility, finally weighs in on the Jim Webb/George Bush fracas. His verdict? MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Informal poll asks whose job is hardest — George Allen’s or John Kerry’s flacks. “You expect Allen to surround himself with thugs, and you expect Kerry to trip over his own words”… Blogger Allen’s thugs beat up will be an Air America reporter… Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) sent out “300 packages of GooGoo Cluster candies across the country to Republican incumbents and candidates.” [Roll Call]

• Reliable Source: Gretchen Mol to star in DC-based political intrigue flick… Trick-or-treating at John McLaughlin’s house sucks. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: NRSC leading the “funny websites” campaign., Dems play catch-up… George Will’s son is interviewing with the Nats. [Examiner]