December 9, 2013
Sternums up, everybody! Time to wrap up our visit to the mind of Great American Artist Of America Jon McNaughton, as revealed in his teen novel Knight of the Superstitions. It’s a stirring tale of a young Mary Sue named Josh Knight, who with the help of his guardian angel Nathaniel becomes adept at seeing [...]
America’s three stupidest congresscritters, Michele Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, and Steve King (the cantaloupe guy, not the IRA guy), held a press conference Saturday to praise the Egyptian military for overthrowing the elected government and for its recent attempt to eliminate the Muslim Brotherhood; they also expressed their support for continued arms sales to the military [...]
You might think that our Christianist textbooks would have the decency to mention this true historical event where Jesus handed the Constitution to America’s children while Washington, Lincoln, Adams and Hamilton sang show tunes, but this basic fact is strangely absent from the two textbooks we’ve been reviewing. They don’t even argue that the Constitution [...]
Fresh on the heels of America’s Bestest Holiday, it’s time for another delightful visit to the world of Christianist textbooks, and as it turns out, they’re talkin’ about a Revolution, too. As we’ve noted in some of our earlier visits to wingnut history books, the editors of these books tend to be fairly straightforward when it [...]
Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First Niñas on a ski adventure in Aspen, Colorado, providing the American people with a sixteenth(!!!!) occasion [...]
You probably can’t quite get yourself worked up enough over the new Air Jordans to join the bloodthirsty mobs across the nation tearing each other’s limbs off under rainstorms of police pepper-spray in order to get hold of some ugly sneakers down at the mall, because that is awful. But did you know that Americans [...]
Will this be the last President’s Day/George Washington/Sorta Lincoln holiday in America? Depends how the violent insurrections and crushing poverty and societal collapse go, over these next 12 months! So let’s remember our nation’s “First Dude” by compiling a listicle of 10 Sexy Tips To Drive George Washington Wild In Bed (“3: Somehow make him [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonThe Wonkette empire was of course built on ass-fucking, but the prudes of American journalism have a problem with depicting anal sex in mainstream political cartoons. This despite the fact that it’s an act perfectly suited for modern-day politics’ crude discourse. (“Boy, that federal government sure is fucking us in the ass, [...]
According to Wonkette operative “Stan J.,” this horrifying billboard is gracing the skies of Spokane, Washington. There are just so many catchphrases here! Of course the best and most important one is “Constitution means freedom,” a definition from a sign creator who obviously does not own a dictionary. But why are these seemingly unrelated things [...]
Remember when Chrysler was America’s #3 car company, run by the can-do fraudery of Lee Iacocca, and not some terrible money pit owned in equal parts by Barack Obama and the Italians? Now it is exactly the sort of communist foreign enterprise that the “Tea Party,” the most important movement in American politics, is most [...]
That guy who sees Dead Presidents whenever the veins in his forehead reach double the “safe size,” Rick Barber? He’s got a new insane campaign commercial. This time, he argues with his ever-present special friend hallucination (the ghost of George Washington) about all the bloggers making fun of Rick Barber being an idiot — you’ll [...]
Meet Rick Barber, your patriotic candidate for Congress from Alabama’s (we don’t know) district. He closed down the honky tonk again, and now he’s yelling at the demons of his imagination: Brewer-Patriot Sam Adams, socialist Parisian Benjamin Franklin and liberty-crushing whiskey-taxer George Washington. And he irritated these ghosts so much that Washington’s gonna crawl out [...]
The Coward-King of Virginia, Wingnut George Washington, has returned to his computer, for warfare. He is taking our attack seriously, at his own peril: Dear Jim Newell, As to your second comment, neither George Washington nor I murdered King George III. Please check your history.
Any Commander of the Continental Army worth his salt should know that you can’t go about Warring if one side moderates all Blogspot comments, on the Internet, approving nothing. Each side must stand in a line and shoot at the other line — with Dignity — until enough people are dead.
How lovely: we have received an (indirect!) warblogging challenge from none other than America’s greatest warlord, George Washington. He was so furious about how you people treated him in the comments of that Mount Vernon Statement post that he actually went into the comments, picked fights — and again we’re talking about the first United [...]