Tag: george washington

I guess I put my foot in my mouth. Bummer you can't do that!

Sen. Mark Kirk ‘Jokes’ About Tammy Duckworth’s Ethnicity, Military Service. How Can He Lose Now?

What is it about Tammy Duckworth that makes her opponents so stupid?

Wonkagenda: Friday, October 28, 2016

The Bundy Bunch gets off, K Street revs up, and a Sportsball update! Here's your morning news brief!

Second Amendment Nuts So Mad Bill O’Reilly Doesn’t Want Them To Overthrow The Government

Yes, apparently Bill O'Reilly is far too liberal now!
Cowboy Bebop at his computer

At Least Nevada Wingnut Sharron Angle Didn’t Say She Is Nelson Mandela

Perennial Nevada looniebird Sharron Angle, who's pursuing another hilarious run for the U.S. Senate, would like us all to think about the coming metaphorical war for the soul of these United States, and whether we are prepared to fight...
And remember, sweetie, the termites go in after we bake it.

You Know Who Had It Pretty Good? George Washington’s Slaves

For inclusion in your "How did anyone think THAT was a good idea?" files (Martin Luther King Holiday edition): Scholastic Books has recalled a children's book depicting happy slaves joyfully preparing a cake for their owner's birthday. Apparently some...
How dare he raise money to run against a Republican!

Wisconsin’s Russ Feingold Will Buy Old Senate Seat With Hollywood Jew Moneys

Former Wisconsin Sen. Russ Feingold is running to win back the seat he lost in 2010, and online rightwing rag Washington Free Beacon would just like you to know that he's getting a lot of money from Jews, Hollywood,...
Seems appropriate for this post.

Alabama Secessionist Rally Was Hilarious Failure. Please Point And Laugh

If you woke up this morning thinking, "Golly gee, I sure do hope Alabama's secessionist movement is going well, because fuck them is why," BAD NEWS. There was a rally in the state capital of Montgomery, and NOBODY SHOWED...
Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.

Wingnuts Win! AP History Exam Will Only Pass Patriot Kids Who Know America Is Perfect

We're not sure it's as huge a capitulation as Barack Obama's complete surrender to Iran, but it looks like there may be Peace In Our Time in at least one theater of the Culture Wars. After a year of...
Fer one thing, its eyes are just teensy li'l things, and it don't have a hat.

Deleted Comments: Democrats Did The KKK, So Wonkette’s The REAL Racist

We sure did get a Passel o' Stupid in reply to our piece suggesting that Memphis should get rid of its big Nathan Bedford Forrest statue (the public one, not the crazy-ass Nashville abomination above, which is on private...
Is this mean? It might be a little mean. Then again, John Boehner is mean.

Who Will Be New House Speaker When GOP Murders John Boehner With Fire?

Every two years, all the wild-and-crazy Tea Party guys in the House GOP put on their togas and have a big awesome food fight and promise this time they're really, really gonna get Dean Wormer, or at least INPEACH...
Is the guy on the right also the guy in the middle, or do all gun-humpers look the same to Yr Wonket?

Florida Makes It Even Easier To Live Out Your Family-Friendly Gun-Humping Fantasies

Orlando has long been a destination for theme-park enthusiasts, so if you're planning to bring the kids to see Mickey and Minnie, be sure to swing by Machine Gun America, a brand-spankin'-new theme park that opens Saturday, Dec. 20. If...
Why so much negativity? There were probably slaves who were glad not to have the burden of children, too.

Ben Carson Pretty Sure AP U.S. History Will Make Your Kid A Terrorist

Ben Carson has given us yet another reason to hope that he's going to run for president: this dopey video of his appearance Monday at the Center for Security Policy’s National Security Action Summit, in which he speaks very...

Drinky-Drivey Supreme Court Candidate Will Bible You So Hard, Minnesota

Hey, remember Michelle MacDonald, the completely sober lady who's running for Minnesota Supreme Court and insists that DUI charges against her are a political frame-up, even though she refused a breathalyzer test and was charged with resisting arrest, too?...

Allen West’s New Book-Shaped Object Full Of Slavery And Fake Founding Fathers Quotes

Allen West's terrible new book is finally out, although the cover photo has been kicking around since November. Frankly, when we saw articles about West's "new book" we thought maybe this was a rushed sequel. But no, it just...

Wonkette After Dark: Which President Most Resembles A Penis? And More!

Dwight D. Eisenower is the president who most resembles a penis. Just kidding, it's George Washington. Barack Obama looks kind of like a penis if you blur your eyes. Maybe he is the third or fourth most penis-looking president. Oh hello!...

You Can Have This Lady’s Version Of The First Amendment When You Pry It From Her Cold Dumb Hands

We're always surprised to find out that there are still government bodies all over America that still think it is a dandy idea to start their meetings with a prayer, but only a prayer to Jeebus, of course, because...