george washington
Michelle Obama Takes Millionth Vacation For Fake Holiday
Here we are again, trying to keep the rats from eating the last of our Ramen noodles while our FLOTUS wines and dines (in reasonable portions, of course) across the country. This past weekend, Michelle Obama took the First Niñas on a ski adventure in Aspen, Colorado, providing the American people with a sixteenth(!!!!) occasion [...]
This Holiday, Start Your Own Eggnog Riot With Our Handy Recipe!
You probably can’t quite get yourself worked up enough over the new Air Jordans to join the bloodthirsty mobs across the nation tearing each other’s limbs off under rainstorms of police pepper-spray in order to get hold of some ugly sneakers down at the mall, because that is awful. But did you know that Americans [...]
10 Fun (Untrue?) Things You Didn’t Know About George Washington
Will this be the last President’s Day/George Washington/Sorta Lincoln holiday in America? Depends how the violent insurrections and crushing poverty and societal collapse go, over these next 12 months! So let’s remember our nation’s “First Dude” by compiling a listicle of 10 Sexy Tips To Drive George Washington Wild In Bed (“3: Somehow make him [...]
George Washington, Scary Eyeliner Jesus Want You To Save Country
According to Wonkette operative “Stan J.,” this horrifying billboard is gracing the skies of Spokane, Washington. There are just so many catchphrases here! Of course the best and most important one is “Constitution means freedom,” a definition from a sign creator who obviously does not own a dictionary. But why are these seemingly unrelated things [...]
Chrysler Woos Tea Partiers With Awesome George Washington Fan Fiction
Remember when Chrysler was America’s #3 car company, run by the can-do fraudery of Lee Iacocca, and not some terrible money pit owned in equal parts by Barack Obama and the Italians? Now it is exactly the sort of communist foreign enterprise that the “Tea Party,” the most important movement in American politics, is most [...]
George Washington Will Warblog, Correct Liberal History
The Coward-King of Virginia, Wingnut George Washington, has returned to his computer, for warfare. He is taking our attack seriously, at his own peril: Dear Jim Newell, As to your second comment, neither George Washington nor I murdered King George III. Please check your history.
Wingnut George Washington Would Like To Go Warring
How lovely: we have received an (indirect!) warblogging challenge from none other than America’s greatest warlord, George Washington. He was so furious about how you people treated him in the comments of that Mount Vernon Statement post that he actually went into the comments, picked fights — and again we’re talking about the first United [...]
‘If he were here, Ronald Reagan would be among the first to sign the Mount Vernon statement’
Dave Weigel has a report from the Mount Vernon Establishment Parade, located a few miles from Mount Vernon, because George Washington didn’t allow obnoxious politicking at his house (HINT HINT): “Heritage Foundation president Ed Fuelner was given the task of reading out the statement, word for word. As he did so, Manship — the George [...]
Have You Signed America’s George Washington Petition Yet?
Fine, let’s try to tackle it. Every rich corporate D.C. conservative establishment liar is going to (went to?) Virginia’s most famous slave ranch, Mount Vernon, today, to sign some sort of Declaration thing, in this latest move in the evolution of the conservative astroturf movement. Two possible reactions: (a) What a bunch of cocksuckers! And [...]
Richmond Remainders: Washington’s Would-Be Tomb!
So no less than three (3) Richmond people told us that we just HAD to go visit the Hollywood Cemetery, where Jim Morrison is buried, because nowhere else will you see such an outstanding specimen of pastoral cemetery design. Of course we had no time to visit this ghoulish wasteland of cadavers, so we saw [...]
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George Washington Is A Terrible Coward
by Jim Newell
Any Commander of the Continental Army worth his salt should know that you can’t go about Warring if one side moderates all Blogspot comments, on the Internet, approving nothing. Each side must stand in a line and shoot at the other line — with Dignity — until enough people are dead.