Tag Archives: george w. bush

  Him smart

Jeb Bush No Like Big Words

He's just a simple caveman candidate
At long last we have an explanation for why Jeb! Bush fucks it up so bad every time he’s asked to answer a question. BECAUSE WORDS IS HARD AND TOUGH. Big words with syllables are for ineffective fancypants elitists like Barack Obama and John Kerry and Hillary Clinton, whereas little words, like the kinds Jeb! and his brother use, are good. He explained this in the same interview in which he said Americans wouldn’t be so poor if we just worked a million more hours per day: Read more on Jeb Bush No Like Big Words…
  pull youselves up by your bootstraps (if you still have legs)

George W. Bush: Sorry About All The Maiming. That Will Be $100,000, Please.

We would suggest an art auction but your average veteran deserves more than $1.25.
George W. Bush sure figured out a nice scam to earn himself some income in his post-presidency retirement. First, as president, he sent thousands of Americans off to get maimed in war. Then, when they came back, he could charge charities trying to help those maimed soldiers a cool $100,000 to come shower them with bullshit platitudes at gala dinners. Whee! Read more on George W. Bush: Sorry About All The Maiming. That Will Be $100,000, Please….
  He made it the old fashioned way

Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich

Only in America
There’s one thing Jeb Bush learned real good from Mitt Romney, besides how to flip flop around like a dying fish on even the simplest of questions, and that is: don’t try to hide how rich you are. You are rich, and everyone knows it, so don’t be all mysterious and defensive because you’ll be asked about it for the rest of your life. (We’re still waiting for Mitt to let us see his tax returns so we can calculate approximately how much of his cash is stashed in the Cayman Islands.) Read more on Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich…
  Show us on the doll where Obama touched Lady Liberty

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Are your kids safer with Josh Duggar or with THIS GUY?
Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked to find out that a full 67% of folks who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 still like the Duggars better than Obama, whereas 87% of Obama voters think Obama is better than kid-touchers and the people who cover for them. THERE’S YOUR PARTISAN DIVIDE, AMERICA. Read more on Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse…
  Wonkette Music Hour

Here’s A Few More Lefty Neil Young Songs For Donald Trump To F*ck Right Off To

Not pictured: Neil Young flipping Donald Trump off behind his back.
It’s the same old story. Asshole wingnut decides to run for president, decides that the song he’s ALWAYS wanted to use is this lefty liberal anthem written by a lefty liberal rock star, and the lefty liberal rock star is like, “Fuck off, I did NOT say you could use my music, and also I hate you.” This time, it’s Neil Young, and he’s real pissed that Donald Trump decided to play “Rockin’ In The Free World” as he waddled onstage to announce that he’s pretending to run for president again. Young’s manager released a statement saying that “Donald Trump’s use of ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ was not authorized,” and also, “Mr. Young is a longtime supporter of Bernie Sanders.” Read more on Here’s A Few More Lefty Neil Young Songs For Donald Trump To F*ck Right Off To…
  Also Kept Us Safe From Terrorism Mostly

George W. Bush Real Glad He Won Iraq War, Misses Commander Guy Cosplay

Ah the good ol' days
Look at this fuckin’ guy: A fair number of people in our country were saying that it was impossible to defeat al-Qaida — which is ISIS as far as I am concerned. They said I must get out of Iraq. But I chose the opposite — I sent 30,000 more troops as opposed to 30,000 fewer. I think history will show that al-Qaida in Iraq was defeated. Believe it or not, that’s George Dubya, still swaggering around and acting all proud of that time he beat the terrorists in Iraq, who weren’t there until he invaded the place because he sucks at geography, and also Daddy Issues. Good thing he took care of that so we never need to have “boots on the ground” in Iraq again, huh? Read more on George W. Bush Real Glad He Won Iraq War, Misses Commander Guy Cosplay…
  Back in my day!

Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public

Baby did a bad bad thing.
Try to contain all your surprise, but Jeb Bush has been A Idiot for a LONG TIME. We know about his recent string of fuckups — “Knowing what we know of knowing about Iraq and stuff and things, it was not a mistake to invade Iraq, except totally was, QED!” — but today we present to you a Jeb Bush fuckup from 20 years ago, in his 1995 book Profiles In Character. How do we get unwed pregnant ladies and welfare queens and other miscreants to stop being all pregnant and moochy? By bringing back public shaming, of course! Here is your pull quote from the book: Read more on Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public…
  Here have some news n stuff

People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason

Him?
The new rule is that making money is bad (if you’re a Clinton). And making money by charging speaking fees is bad (if you’re a Clinton). And being able to charge a TON of money because people really want to hear you say words is REALLY BAD (if you’re a Clinton). But the jury is still out if your name is George W. Bush: Read more on People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason…
  that's not the only reason Rudy

Rudy Giuliani Could Be President Of 9/11 If He Wasn’t Gay Married To Immigrant Abortions

Hey. Remember 9/11?
Rudy Giuliani stopped by the Fox News derp emporium to talk about 9/11 violence in Baltimore, and host Neil Cavuto just wanted to know “Why not you?” for president of America, instead of all these other rinky dink has-beens? Well, the answer is simple: Rudy Giuliani WOULD be a great Republican president, except for how he loves gays, abortion and foreigns so much, which won’t fly with the wingnut GOP base: Read more on Rudy Giuliani Could Be President Of 9/11 If He Wasn’t Gay Married To Immigrant Abortions…
  This Is What Happens When You Find A Danger In The Alps

Politico: Look At That Stuck-Up Elitist John Kerry With His Fancy Bicycle!

Eat my Lycra bike shorts...which I have the sense not to wear near a photographer
As you may have heard, Secretary of State John Kerry broke his right femur in a bicycle accident Sunday, and had to stay in a hospital overnight. Ah, but that accident happened in the snotty French country of France, while Kerry was riding a portion of the fancy la-dee-dah French Tour de France route in the Alps, where only rich snobs ride bikes. And it wasn’t just any hospital, it was a hospital in Geneva, Switzerland, which is where rich Eurotrash go when they fall off their elitist skis, too. This is obviously worth some bigtime Think Piecing, which is why Politico treated us Monday to a whole long analysis piece of how John Kerry’s career has been “marked by physical and political mishaps.” Or, in tl;dr form: Guy crashes bike, what a snob! Still, Politico sure has some damning evidence that John Kerry is America’s Greatest Wealthy Fuckup: Read more on Politico: Look At That Stuck-Up Elitist John Kerry With His Fancy Bicycle!…
  Is our Bushes learning?

Jeb Bush Loves His Brother, Swears He Will Be Nothing Like That Idiot

Don’t misunderestimate how hard it is to run for president when you are the baby brother of the worst president U.S. America has ever had judicial activist-ly crammed down its throat. It can be very a lot hard! Like answering yes or no questions, but more harder than that, even. Which has not stopped Jeb Bush from saying he’s still “thinking” about running for president, though he hasn’t “made the decision” yet. Suuuure, OK, buddy.   Jeb was on “Face the Nation” Sunday, tripping on his own dick again because he still hasn’t figured out how to say “Vote for me, I am a Bush” while simultaneously saying “Please forget that I am a Bush, PLEASE.” (Spoiler: It cannot be done, which is one of about a thousand reasons Jeb is never gonna get to disrespect the office of the presidency by putting his feet on the desk.) Let’s watch Jeb fail another time, some more, together: Read more on Jeb Bush Loves His Brother, Swears He Will Be Nothing Like That Idiot…
  Too Hot For Trenchcoats

CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies

Guys, if we can get this black igloo open we'll eat like KINGS!
Polar bears check out the USS Honolulu near the North Pole In what may be yet another victory for the Republican War on Science, the CIA is shutting down a climate research project that shared classified data with scientists with the goal of studying links between climate change and national security. The move came shortly after President Obama devoted his commencement address at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy to arguing that climate change presents serious threats to U.S. security, what with population shifts, coastal flooding, disruptions to agriculture, and the like. You know, a lot of arrogant stuff about science having effects in the real world. Read more on CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies…
  leave the former presidents aloooooooooone!

Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys

Oh, they look happy NOW.
Hey there, former presidents of the US and A — that would be Clinton, Carter and those two Bush brats — thanks for serving your country and all by BEING PRESIDENT OF IT, but Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Pig Spaying), and her Republican friends Marco Rubio and Mark Kirk, want to take away all the fun moneys you get for being Former Presidents. This is very mean, and you should all, in a bipartisan way, get together to tell them exactly where they ought to get fucked with whatever pig genitals Ernst removed most recently: Read more on Mean Sen. Joni Ernst Takes Castratin’ Knife To Former Presidents’ Allowance Moneys…
  conquered by the gay agenda

George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now

He would have done the wedding but he was washing his hair.
Oh no, even former President George W. Bush has been conquered by the Gay Mafia! Way back in 2013, we reported that other former President George H.W. Bush had been an official witness for the lesbian nuptials of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen, in Kennebunkport, Maine. At the time, we were like “Nice Time!” and also “Wow, those establishment Republicans really do not care about this issue, when they’re not having to pander to Stupids for votes.” Well NOW we find out that even George Bush The Younger was supportive of these lesbian brides, so much that he actually wanted to perform the wedding: Read more on George W. Bush Wanted To Gay Marry Some Ladies, Because He Is A Filthy Liberal Now…