Tag Archives: george w. bush

  burn him

RINO Jeb Bush Thinks Poverty Might Be Part Of Baltimore’s Problem, As If

As this emotionally fraught week draws to a close in Baltimore, we must come together as a nation, as Americans, to honor the true victims of the unrest that has rattled the city. Along with the National Guardsmen who could have gotten tennis elbow from carrying all their free food and the politicians who were briefly alarmed while passing through on the train, we should bow our heads to honor the memory of Jeb Bush’s dearly departed Republicanism. Read more on RINO Jeb Bush Thinks Poverty Might Be Part Of Baltimore’s Problem, As If…
  maybe the demon sheep did it

Did Carly Fiorina Run Hewlett-Packard Into The Ground, Or Did SEXISM Do It?

Maybe the demon sheep ruined HP.
Carly Fiorina has had a busy couple of decades! There was the 1990s, when she was so tied up she didn’t have a chance to vote, and there was the 2000s, when she thought a good way to get Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat might be to release a commercial full of demon sheep, in order to terrify children and grown-ups alike. And somewhere in there (1999-2005, to be exact) she found time to run Hewlett-Packard straight into the ground. OR DID SHE? (Yes.) BUT REALLY? (Yes.) BUT COULD IT HAVE BEEN SEXISM? Read more on Did Carly Fiorina Run Hewlett-Packard Into The Ground, Or Did SEXISM Do It?…
  Trigger warning for GWB

George W. Bush Emerges From Spider Hole To Trash-Talk Obama’s Middle East Strategy. Really.

Fuck this guy
Ever since leaving the White House, the worst president in America’s history has mostly kept his stumbling idiot wordhole shut, because he is a man of integrity, and he would never stoop so low as to criticize President Obama, as he explained in 2009: Read more on George W. Bush Emerges From Spider Hole To Trash-Talk Obama’s Middle East Strategy. Really….
  wtf?

Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths

Just plain sad
After all these years of hearing So. Much. BULLSHIT! about Barack Obama — he’s a secret Muslim, he’s a secret Kenyan, he’s a cokehead, he’s a gay, he’s the devil, he’s the anti-christ, he’s Hitler, he’s a this that the other thing ARGGGHHHH! — we have no right to be shocked anymore by anything any Republicans say or do to let us know just how much they hate the president. Read more on Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths…
  bless his heart

Mean Girl Lindsey Graham: Even Hillary Clinton Could Fix Iran Better Than Stupid Rand Paul

A little eye-cream could spruce up that side-eye, just saying.
The Confirmed Bachelor Prince Of The Low Country is throwing some MEAN shade at official 2016 presidential loser Rand Paul! Who’s smarter than Rand Paul when it comes to keeping Iran from getting nukes, according to Sen. Lindsey Graham? The answer is EVERYONE, including that liberal Hillary Clinton. Talking to the Face The Nation teevee program, Graham said that the only 2016 candidate who would do worse than tyrant Obama in negotiating with the Iranians is that loser Rand Paul, who hilariously announced his presidential run on Tuesday. Read more on Mean Girl Lindsey Graham: Even Hillary Clinton Could Fix Iran Better Than Stupid Rand Paul…
  Take A Cruz On Denial

Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church

Get your denier bingo cards out!
In a bravura performance Tuesday, Ted Cruz crammed an astonishing number of lies about global warming into four minutes of a longer interview with Texas Tribune reporter Jay Root. It was really pretty impressive! Cruz asserted that “we should follow the science and follow the evidence” on climate change, and then proceeded to reel off a whole catalogue of distortions, half-truths, and outright lies that have been refuted again and again. He hit just about every space on the Climate Denial Bingo card; for the sake of our sanity, we won’t refute everything he said, just some of our favorite stretchers. Read more on Now It Is Ted Cruz Who Is Poor Persecuted Galileo, And Climate Scientists Are The Church…
  Popping Black Heads

WND Thrilled To Bitses With Exploding Obama Head In Kingsman: Secret Service

Again, a little explosion would have made it OK
Remember how it was INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL when some British filmmakers made a movie that practically nobody saw, imagining the assassination of George W. Bush? Rush Limbaugh called the director of Death of a President a “sicko,” Congresscritic Peter King gave it two thumbs down, called it “absolutely disgraceful,” and warned “This is a dangerous world,” and fretted that the fake documentary “could incite real violence.” And liberals everywhere were shameful, just shameful, for their failure to condemn this atrocity. In fact, they supposedly loved it, although it managed to gross less than a million dollars worldwide. And then there was that INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL half-second shot of George W. Bush’s head on a pike in Game of Thrones, the result, the studio said, of using whatever prosthetic heads the studio had on hand for a shot of several heads on pikes. Fox News called it “Outrageous,” Freepers melted down over it, and probably somebody on Twitter complained that Bill Clinton’s head had been cropped out of the scene. HBO apologized profusely and edited the shot out of future DVD releases. Message is clear: it is incredibly rude and outrageous to depict the killing of a sitting (or former) President of the United States. Read more on WND Thrilled To Bitses With Exploding Obama Head In Kingsman: Secret Service…
  GOP and Iran sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink

Hey remember how I saved the country?
In an interesting maneuver of uber-patriotic diplomacy, Senate Republicans have decided to go rogue and educate Iran on how does the U.S. Constitution work, and how “President” Obama is, like, barely even the president: Read more on Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink…
  Eyes On the Prez

NYT Deletes America’s Real President, George W. Bush, From Selma Photo

Don't you see the outrage?
Some Conservatweeters are very, very upset with the New York Times for a cover photo of Barack Obama at Saturday’s 50th anniversary commemoration of the 1965 civil rights march in Selma, Alabama. You see, the Times photographer, Doug Mills, had “cropped” his photo by focusing on President Barack Obama and Rep. John Lewis, instead of being a completely different photographer standing somewhere else and taking a completely different photograph with a wider angle that included former President George W. Bush: Read more on NYT Deletes America’s Real President, George W. Bush, From Selma Photo…
  Did You Ever Notice Liberals Are Stupid? What's Up With That?

Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves

Suck it, Jon Stewart. Now THIS is comedy.
It turns out that CPAC 2015 was pretty much a Cavalcade of Conservative Comedy. In addition to the sly wit of Rick Santorum’s Birther joke, Sean Hannity did this hilarious routine about how Barack Obama keeps blaming Bush for everything! Talk about a fresh idea! Except it sort of went all cattywampus at the end: Read more on Ladies, Sean Hannity Can See Into Your Baby Caves…
  Numbers don't lie

SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots

At least he spells good
Brace yourselves for some stunning, shocking, jaw-dropping, too-amazing-to-believe-yet-totally-believable news! According to a new poll from PPP, the Republican Party is overflowing with morons. It’s true. In fact, it’s SCIENCE! Or MATH! Or some kind of liberal hoax thing! Read more on SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots…
  I done jitterbugged my way into a pile of Ay-rab men

America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact

Our bestest friend Saudi Arabia knows what is up. While the religious freedom American Jesus people are still stuck in the past, saying that your mother made you gay because she was too nice, or your father made you gay because he worked a lot, or your priest made you gay because obvious, the morality police of Saudi Arabia are fully aware that the Gateway Drug to the Gay is DANCING: Read more on America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact…
  This does NOT mean wingnuts are just like ISIS

ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!

Ha ha ha, sometimes there are Serious News Headlines that just make a person fall into fits of LOL-giggles, and Talking Points Memo has served one up! We were just clicking through our Facebook, or maybe our news reader, we cannot remember, we were drinking, and saw the news that “ISIS Bans Teaching Evolution In Schools.” Extremist terrorist Muslims and wingnut Christians, they are just like us each other! Read more on ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!…
  The Once And Future King Of Derp

Obama Will Force Priests To ‘Bortion Anchor Babies, Says Noted Idiot Jim Hoft

Jim Hoft
Last year, mop-topped pus bubble Jim Hoft lost his coveted Stupidest Man on the Internet title to alpha male newcomer Chuck Johnson. Yr Wonket is pleased to see that Hoft is mounting a determined campaign to regain his tin crown, and if he keeps churning out ledes like this one, he’ll be back on top in no time. True champions use adversity as motivation, and if the right-wing id has a true champion, it’s definitely Jim fuckin’ Hoft. Read more on Obama Will Force Priests To ‘Bortion Anchor Babies, Says Noted Idiot Jim Hoft…
  Here have some news n stuff

Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist

Manhater
Best newspaper correction ever or BEST EVER?Here’s the original letter. It’s quite something: Who and what is Barack Obama? Obama claims nobody can stop him or change anything he’s done. This evil must come to pass before the Lord’s return and the rise of the Antichrist, but you better know what evil you’re dealing with. Nobody is promised another minute of life upon this earth, and judgment comes at the time of your death. Read more on Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist…
  lies and the lying liars who tell them

BREAKING: George Bush Never Lied About WMDs, Was Gullible Idiot All Along

He looks a little like George Tenet.
Far be it from us to argue with one of the esteemed legal minds responsible for exonerating Oliver North, but this editorial by Judge Laurence Silberman arguing against the proposition that George W. Bush lied the country into war with Iraq is some rank garbage. Plus it puts us on the same side of an issue as human thumb Ron Fournier, which is not the way we want to begin our Monday. Read more on BREAKING: George Bush Never Lied About WMDs, Was Gullible Idiot All Along…
  Since You Went Away

Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela

News from Overseas! Or a really long drive South, at least. The White House is categorically denying that Old Handsome Joe Biden tried to overthrow the government of Venezuela, no matter how many sad breakup songs Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro requests the DJ to play. Read more on Joe Biden Pretty Sure He’s Not Trying To Become King Of Venezuela…
  build the dang fence around congress

Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans

He's in charge here
Some days we almost feel sorry for John Boehner, what with having to herd the feral cat farm that is the House Republican caucus while simultaneously convincing the Beltway’s Very Serious People that he, too, is a Very Serious Person who wants to Get Things Done and Has Ideas and Jobs, Jobs, Jobs. So when the feral cats are demanding that he Impeach!!!1! over the fake Benghazi scandal or the fake IRS scandal or Obamacare or not deporting all the Messicans or not having the proper amount of melanin for a POTUS, The Boehner has to find a way to mollify the raving, addled lunatics who would just as soon depose him and arrest the president for TREASON, without looking like a raving, addled lunatic himself, lest he lose the power and position he clearly holds so dear. Read more on Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans…
  If Only Obama Would Lead Part LXVIII

Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy

Our eyes will be on Old Handsome Joe. We hear Obama's going to talk, too.
Bland centrist Ron Fournier, who seems to aspire to be David Broder without all the edginess, has graced us with some standards for judging Barack Obama’s State of the Union address tonight. Needless to say, he thinks the Republican takeover of the Senate presents America with a beautiful opportunity for Democrats and Republicans to “begin governing together” like good boys and girls — if only Obama doesn’t poison everything by trying to enact his agenda. Fournier tut-tuts: Read more on Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy…
  mistakes were made

Jamie Dimon Crying Platinum Tears That Banks Have To Pay Money For Breaking Laws

Jamie Dimon, protector and defender of our financial system
Between 2013 and 2014, JPMorgan Chase, a shadowy banking cabal, paid some $14 billion with a b in legal costs stemming from various criminal enterprises the company willfully engaged in to make money. So of course the bank’s CEO, Jamie Dimon, took his lumps and was very humble and chastened, right? Wrong! Read more on Jamie Dimon Crying Platinum Tears That Banks Have To Pay Money For Breaking Laws…