Wonkette

Happy Almost Fourth of July, Patriots! Here is your president George W. Bush mumbling about how the Supreme Court’s ruling on Guantanamo is now the Law of the Land, so he’ll follow it. Clearly, the terrorists have taken the real George Bush and hidden him under the White House bowling alley, leaving this suspicious clone to run out the clock on his presidency. Either that or George Bush is high. WHATEVERS MAN IT IS ALMOST VACATION TIME SO WATCH THIS OR DON’T. [RedLasso]

Want to freak yourself out? Watch this nice video with Uncle Sy Hersh, where he gives the condensed run-down on his latest terrifying New Yorker article. The best part is right at the end, where Hersh sort of smiles and shrugs and says, Yeah, if Obama’s elected Bush will bomb Iran before he’s out of office; if McCain’s elected Bush will let the new president bomb Iran whenever he feels like it. Jesus. [YouTube via Informed Comment]

The Los Angeles Times reports that Oliver Stone is still working on his terrible W biopic, which will include his signature “twist ending” in which the hero is assassinated by the CIA. This movie is a guaranteed epic tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, with Elizabeth Banks as Queen Gertrude.

One of the more awful aspects of this $30 million dollar abortion is that it features a “baseball-oriented fantasy framing device.” Also, Oliver Stone says, “We are trying to walk in the footsteps of W and try to feel like he does, to try to get inside his head.” So we are forced to conclude this movie will basically be like Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl, except on a baseball field. [LAT]

Everyone knows that John McCain hates his wife and calls her a “cunt” almost all the time. Everyone also knows that John McCain is a famous comedian, which is why his best friend is Jon Stewart, from television. And that’s why he made a “wisecrack” yesterday about beating up his wife in Las Vegas. Ha ha, because if he actually did beat up his wife, his chances of becoming president would be limited! MORE »

An email has been circulating from the RNC asking you to celebrate President George W. Bush’s 62nd birthday, which is happening very soon. You can send him an e-Card with your personal greetings and pictures of your genitals, and maybe he’ll respond this time and finally leave his wife, like he promised you in 1989! THIS YEAR IT WILL HAPPEN, RIGHT? Of course, you are required to donate to the RNC to send your card. A small price to pay! [GOP.com via Washington Whispers]

President George W. Bush today played White House host to Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, the most powerful woman in American history. He used the occasion to congratulate Filipinos everywhere for their remarkable contributions to the world. He did this, of course, by singling out his Filipino cook. ‘Cause that dame churns out one helluva steak ‘n’ baked. MORE »

George W. Bush, that guy who dances sometimes and gave up golf for the troops, is spending the waning days of his presidency touring the world and bumming out millions of foreigners every day. About a week and a half ago, it was Great Britain’s turn to be wildly inconvenienced by the American President. MORE »

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan testified in Congress today about his terrible book, What Happened When I Did Yo Mama, and told them that President Bush may have vaguely possibly ordered former chief of staff Andy Card to order McClellan to deny I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby XVII’s involvement in leaking Valerie Plame’s name, to the press. At least there is “suspicion” Bush and Cheney were involved, somehow, McClellan thinks. Scott McClellan is very Important for this. [AP]