Hey Columbus Dispatch, you have a Moral Obligation to release audio of this interview with Sen. George Voinovich! All Americans must hear this terrifyingly transcribed hell-screech of the Southern Republicans: “We got too many Jim DeMints and Tom Coburns. It’s the southerners. They get on TV and go ‘errrr, errrrr.’ People hear them and say, ‘These people, they’re southerners. The party’s being taken over by southerners. What the hell they got to do with Ohio?’” So next time you and a sexytime friend are on the sidewalk and hear some nearby people saying “errrr, errrrr” to each other, you can turn to your sexytime friend and whisper, “These people, they’re southerners,” and sound cool and smart and learned in tongues, and then you can bone, hooray. [Columbus Dispatch]

VOINOVICH WON’T RUN AGAIN: Wasn’t he one of those “vulnerable Republicans” anyhow? The senator from Ohio announced he won’t be running for re-election in 2010. Instead, he will be replaced by a waxen replica of Joe the Plumber, which will shoot fire out of its anus every 15 seconds. [The Fix]

• Reliable Source: Herbert Haft’s mansion sells for a record $20 million. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Bush roots for Florida in NCAA game. . . Bush: “I kinda like being on the same platform as Senator Burns because he makes me sound like Shakespeare.” [WT]
• Inside Politics: Sen. George Voinovich believes John Bolton is “a changed man”. . . GOP congressmen call for House vote on RU-486. [WT]