* Bill Clinton might have called hookers “just to talk,” but he never inhaled, or finished himself off, or, whatever. [Shenanigans]
* Joe Biden tells a gym full of high school kids about all the countries he can’t wait to start bombing. [PrezVid]
* Bill Kristol does a blawg about how HuffPo commenters hate America because they wish Dick Cheney was dead. Great start, Bill! [Worldwide Standard]
* George Pataki considers whether to waste his time running for president. [Hotline on Call]
* Kos nerds spend most of their time talking about Bush and Lieberman — glad we stopped reading that site two years ago. [MyDD]
* He’s not in office anymore, but we know you still hate him — Rick Santorum goes journo. [TAPPED]
* Bill O’Reilly: “the clown that no one laughs at, they all just wish he’d die.” [ePluribus]

George Pataki was running for President, once. We’re serious, stop laughing. He set up a PAC in New Hampshire last fall, matching Joe “I Will Announce My Candidacy At Your School Dance if the Price is Right” Biden for delusional presumptuousness. MORE »

• Reliable Source: Camille Paglia on Condoleezza Rice: “She has advanced the persona of the first woman president way beyond any other woman in my lifetime.”… Kenny Chesney will perform at White House dinner for Australian Prime Minister John Howard… D.C.’s Sara Albert, of “America’s Next Top Model,” is leaving her think tank job to pursue modeling. [WP]

• Inside the Beltway: Tucker Carlson is looking at homes in Old Town Alexandria. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Pataki knows his ethanol… Lewis Black: “For those of you who are Democrats and those of you who are Republicans, in 2008, please, don’t do anything!… If you’re for Hillary, stuff it! No! Not eight more years with them.” [NYDN]

• Heard on the Hill: Claire Shipman gave 16 House Members a pop quiz on the lyrics of the national anthem for tonight’s Nightline. . . Rep. Patrick Kennedy’s office has been fielding funny messages from constituents following last week’s incident. “Oh yeah, right, Ambien my butt,” said one caller. [Roll Call]
• Cindy Adams: The ousting of Porter Goss was an “emergency decision”. . . Rep. Patrick Kennedy knows “he couldn’t cut it” as president or senator. [NYP]
• Page Six: Pataki, Romney, and Frist court big donors at the Kentucky Derby. . . Clinton and Vernon Jordan receive a standing ovation for eating “mountains” of food at a Harlem restaurant. . . Sen. Kennedy seen on the Acela with George Clooney and Ron Silver. [NYP]
• Names & Faces: Sen. Obama, despite plea from Neil Young, has no plans to run in ‘08. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: James Carville reportedly likes Cosmo magazine. . . Wolf Blitzer’s daughter likes his beard. [WT]

* Reliable Source: Henry Hager slips a note to Jenna Bush at Asia Nora. Her response: “I thought you were proposing! I nearly [soiled] my pants!” [WP]
* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Mary Bono (R-Calif.) contends her $165,200 salary isn’t enough to send her son to college. . . Rep. Bart Gordon (D-Tenn.) was the Fastest Member of Congress in the Capital Challenge 5K. . . Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) spotted at New Jersey Turnpike rest stop with “younger-looking woman.” [Roll Call]
* Page Six: Senior advisor to McCain joins forces with two former aides to Pataki. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Al Gore would rather teach than be president. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Maureen Dowd complains about weight gained on her book tour. [NYDN]

* Names & Faces: Barbara Bush skipped the WHCA dinner. [WP]
* Page Six: Harvey Weinstein, MTV exec John Sykes, and Madisan Square Garden owner Jim Dolan are collaborating on Clinton’s 60th birthday party. . . Al Gore: “If I had half the communications skills of Karenna, I’d be halfway through my second term right now.” [NYP]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Ludacris chilled with Antonin Scalia. [NYDN]
* Fox 411: Jason Binn threw a Capitol File party opposite the Bloomberg bash; Clooney, Rove, Albright made appearances. [Fox News]
* Heard on the Hill: Rep. John Sweeney (R-N.Y.) defends his participation in a frat party. . . Julia Thorne, first wife of John Kerry, dies of cancer. [Roll Call]
* Rush & Molloy: Pataki will launch his presidential campaign this week. [NYDN]
* Inside Politics: Powell asked for more troops to be sent to Iraq. [WT]

As you might have expected, we are all over the story of Brian J. Doyle, the DHS official who was arrested last night on charges of using the internet to seduce a 14-year-old girl (who turned out to be an undercover agent). Now we’d like some help from you, our readers — specifically, those of you who know or have worked with Brian Doyle. MORE »

* Reliable Source: Fox News will not stage a party after the Radio & Television Correspondents Association Dinner. . . White House to host small “social dinner” tomorrow night to celebrate Ben Franklin’s 300th birthday. [WP]
* Under the Dome: “Law & Order” plot line strikes the GOP the wrong way. . . Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) and Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.) seek temporary memorial in the Capitol Rotunda for soldiers killed in Iraq. [The Hill]
* Page Six: New book claims that Laura Bush took “hormone adjustment” to conceive twins. . . Blind item asks, “Which political reporter attends so-called ‘circuit parties’ while flying high on ecstasy?” [NYP]
* Inside the Beltway: Ben Bradlee is visiting the South Pacific for The New Yorker. . . PETA wants Antonin Scalia to stop killing fish. [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Giuliani hits the ground in Iowa. . . Photos of Pataki’s daughter downing tequila land on the Internet. [NYDN]

* Names & Faces: Ana Marie Cox becomes a regular contributor to Time magazine. [WP]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Margaret Cho says Bush is too lazy to “be Hitler” and Laura Bush may be trying to kill her husband with second-hand smoke: “She seems like she hates him

* Only 1.4m of the 8m low-income Americans eligible for special Medicare benefits have made shift to new plan; “the government is on track to spend about $250 for each person it enrolls.” [WP]
* Bush presses for energy innovation: “We have a chance to transform the way we power our economy, and the way we lead our lives.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Some State Department officials complain that a recent reorganization was politically motivated and “reduced the influence of employees who were viewed by some political appointees as disloyal to the administration’s policies.” [WP]
* Sen. Specter (R-Pa.) hopes to propose limits on NSA eavesdropping within the next few weeks. [WT]

MORE »

* Reliable Source: Bush holds public reenactment of Alito’s private swearing in. . . Rep. Jim Moran’s (D-Va.) cell phone rang during the State of the Union. . . Hastert, Specter, Harman had dinner at the Charlie Palmer Steakhouse before the SOTU. . . Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine appears with Sam Donaldson. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. McCain (R-Ariz.) has a cameo in “24″ on Monday night. . . Sens. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) and Reps. Eric Cantor (R-Va.) and George Miller (D-Calif.) viewed the State of the Union from “undisclosed locations” for security reasons. . . Home of Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-Ga.) was vandalized with video tape while she was away at Sundance celebrating the release of a film about her life. . . Linda Douglass of ABC News is joining NYU as a senior fellow. . . Rep. John Kline (R-Minn.) has had enough with Democratic opponent Colleen Rowley. [The Hill]
* Inside the Beltway: Joint Chiefs of Staff complains to the Washington Post about cartoonist Tom Toles‘ depiction of wounded troops. [WT]
* Liz Smith: Bush jokes about seeing “Brokeback Mountain” with Cheney. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Web of Jack Abramoff’s influence may only reach the wives and grown children of implicated lawmakers. . . George Pataki makes his fifth trip to Iowa next month. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep are losing faith in Democrats. [NYDN]