George H.W. Bush—an equal parts obscure and hated American president whose only historical significance is being half responsible for George W. Bush—didn’t care for Ronald Reagan! Mikhail Gorbachev told the Nation in a recent interview: “In 1987, after my first visit to the United States, Vice President Bush accompanied me to the airport, and told me: ‘Reagan is a conservative. An extreme conservative. All the blockheads and dummies are for him, and when he says that something is necessary, they trust him. But if some Democrat had proposed what Reagan did, with you, they might not have trusted him.” Is it too late to give George H.W. Bush’s stupid one term to Reagan, where it belongs? [Raw Story]

Insanely old oil monster George H.W. Bush has “pulled a Notre Dame” and invited the terrible President to come speak at Texas A&M University on Friday about the importance of Community Service, gay. George H.W. Bush is allowed to do this because (a) his Presidential Library is on the A&M campus and (b) he owns Texas. But could this be a catastrophe, now that it is controversial for presidents to talk to people in America? “Poppy” understands, though, that a few hundred racists will probably get drunk and protest for “states’ rights” or whatever, and has written an open letter to the students of A&M subtly begging them not to be complete and total assholes. MORE »

• GEORGE BUSH SR. SIMPLY WILL NOT ATTEND THIS FUNERAL: George H.W. Bush, an evil oil baron and son to a Nazi financier, will not make it to Ted Kennedy’s funeral in Boston Saturday, even though every other living president will be there. A spokesperson says that the old coot “feels his son’s presence would ‘amply and well represent’ the family Saturday.” COLD. [AP/Raw Story]

Oh noes this is almost a diplomatic incident or something! Here is Barack Obama leaning ominously over the lap of Japanese Premier Taro Aso during a fancy G-8 summit dinner. White House photographer Pete Souza has surely been around long enough to remember the horrifying incident of 1992 when President George H.W. Bush vomited in the lap of Japanese premier Miyazawa Kiichi — after all, Souza was the White House photographer way back when Reagan was president. What, you don’t remember Bush 41 throwing up in his buddy’s lap? Well come on and look at the video! MORE »

One-man circus Michael Jackson has officially died, and somebody is very, very happy about this news. (That “somebody” is Mark Sanford. Adios, Mark! Enjoy the rest of your life.) We, of course, could give a hoot about Michael Jackson, although your editor once free-lanced a “concert review” of Wacko Jacko’s post-pedophile (?) 1996 performance in Prague, and the National Enquirer paid something like $500, enough for a plane ticket back to America. So, thanks, Michael! Thanks for the good times, and thanks to Vladan for getting us the Ecstasy so we could tolerate that awful spectacle. Also, Michael, you sure did get yourself photographed with a lot of 1980s and ’90s presidents! You were truly the Barack Obama of that particular era. MORE »

GAHH, here’s an insane joke from ancient oil baron George H.W. Bush about how he ran into “one of the ugliest, angriest women I’ve ever seen,” some lady who loved abortion, the punchline being that he would never in a million years have fucked her. Then Bill Clinton speaks — they were doing one of their little field trips together? — in awe of Bush’s ability to get away with that kind of humor, because, uh, George Bush Sr. never cheated on his wife (heheheheh). [YouTube]

From yesterday’s Power Lunch of the Living (?) Presidents, here’s an official White House photograph of George H.W. Bush Sr. “41″ and George W. Bush Jr. “43″ protecting the elitist patriot Barack Obama from these two scary old white-headed Democrats. Notice which two dudes aren’t wearing flag pins. [White House]

Here’s old “Poppy” Bush talking to the teevee about how he will order America to make his son Jeb be “elected” President, sooner or later, dead or alive. Obviously this will happen, because we forget everything terrible about this shady oil corporation of a family every eight years and just assume that one of them should run the country. And, well, if you look at the other clowns the GOP has in its stable, Jeb’s good enough, or at least predictable and has a modest record of competency. Sure. [YouTube]

America never really had an occasion to think about Michael Dukakis for about oh TWENTY YEARS until he showed up in a nice NYT graphic yesterday proving, conclusively, that he could never have defeated George H.W. Bush in an election because he was half a foot shorter. Dukakis was a hilarious failure of a candidate, and now he says the Obama campaign is doing better than his did, which is a true and obvious statement. MORE »

Here is old former president George (H.W.) Bush Senior, enjoying a gay game of Yale Tennis with this young thing (Communist Soviet sex spy Anna Kournikova) who is also not his scary old crone wife. They are giving each other a sexy Terrorist Fist Jab, like all the Bushes do with all their girlfriends and boyfriends. Oh and that dipshit lady at Fox News got fired, haw haw.

Huzzah, the merciful Angel Maroni has spoken to Mitt Romney and instructed him to lobby hard for the Vice Presidential nod, making a comical jackass of himself as he attempts to become the running mate of the man who despises him above all others. And now two Republican party elders have joined Romney in this embarrassing quest: Karl Rove and former President George Bush. MORE »