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Posts Tagged ‘george h. w. bush’

DESPERATE ACTS

Poppy Bush Jumps Out Of Plane To ‘Celebrate’ Birthday

Friday, June 12th, 2009

Sorry for everything!George H.W. Bush periodically flings himself out of planes to mark the passing of another depressing half-decade in the twilight years of a disappointed old man whose presidency fell squarely into the “unimpressive” column until his son’s presidency showed us what unimpressive was really all about. What this troubled senior needs is not a squad of toothsome paratroopers to strap on his back, but instead a sympathetic ear to listen — truly listen — to his long litany of regrets, starting with how he should have had George W. Bush excised from his nethers before the unwanted growth had a chance to ruin America. [CNN]


THAT'S NOT HIS WIFE!

Hey Look, It’s George Bush Senior Bangin’ Some Lady

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Eh, no Jennifer FitzgeraldHMM. And what is with the clown socks? [TMZ]


GEORGE W. BUSH

Friday, February 15th, 2008

*OLD BUSH TO ENDORSE SIMILARLY OLD MCCAIN:* President George Herbert Walker Bush will endorse John McCain Monday, the Politicos report. George H.W. Bush may be the only American older than John McCain, so this adds some elder credibility to the warmonger’s candidacy. But in John McCain’s native country, Mexico, there are still many people older than him. [Politico]


TOP

Lecondel! Lecondel! To Life!

Monday, November 19th, 2007

She's a Wonder!What has Condoleezza Rice accomplished in the past week? The answer is always the same: nothing! What has she been doing, where has she been going? Well, that’s a more complicated question. Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomatâ„¢! This past week was really fun in Condiland! Like her illustrious mentor, G. H. W. Bush, she inspired a new foreign language insult! It was her birthday! Something about laser helmets! And at the end of the week? OMG, new hairdo. Did you hear me? NEW HAIRDO.

MORE »


FUNNY PICTURES

FORMER PRES. BUSH CONTEMPLATES SUICIDE

Thursday, July 19th, 2007

GEORGE W. BUSH

President Probably the Type Who Gives Gift Cirtificates For Birthdays

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

Vladimir Putin’s Kennebunkport visit ended with a surprising shared defense proposal that both sides will debate for a while before ultimately shelving until both presidents are replaced by overwhelmed successors. Also, G. H. W. Bush gave Vlad a present! MORE »


WASHINGTON TIMES

Bush I, King of Peace to Reunite for One Last Show

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Former President George H. W. Bush will deliver the keynote address at a ceremony honoring the Washington Times’ 25th birthday this May. Also appearing: Times founder the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, who, you might remember, is the Messiah. And the King of the Ocean, but it’s in his role as the Messiah that he goes around demanding churches throw out their crosses and start worshipping him instead. MORE »


CRIME

Former, Smarter President Bush Uses “The Email”

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006


Former Prez George H. W. Bush uses “the email,” according to an exciting deathbed interview with him and his strangely unchanged-since-1988 wife Barbara on Fox last night. MORE »


CONGRESS

Daily Briefing: Dust to Stop a Bunghole

Monday, November 13th, 2006

* Republican controlled lame duck final session of the 109th Congress begins today. Only innocuous, non-controversial legislation expected to go through — but the White House is still hoping to push for the authorization of domestic wiretapping and the confirmation of John “Mustache of Fury” Bolton as ambassador to the UN. [NYT, WP]
* Nancy Pelosi supports John Murtha for House majority leader citing his early support for withdrawal from Iraq. [WP, NYT]
* Incoming Senate leadership also beating their out-of-Iraq drums, “We need to begin a phased redeployment of forces from Iraq in four to six months.” [NYT, LAT]
* Newly independent Joe Lieberman, establishing himself as the generic brand alternative on Iraq, says the Democrats’ plan “to pick up an leave” is wrong. [WP]
* California and Nancy Pelosi are all about the pork. [NYT, LAT]
* Everything you never wanted to know about Jon Tester. [NYT]
* George H. W. Bush: “I have some rights of memory in this kingdom, which now to claim my vantage doth invite me.” [Newsweek]


GEORGE W. BUSH

Daily Briefing: The Bradley Effect

Monday, October 23rd, 2006
  • Illionois Senator and Democratic Dreamboat Barack Obama all-but-announced his candidacy for President this weekend, by not not announcing it. [WP, NYT]

  • In Tennessee, former Democratic Dreamboat Harold Ford is running for Senate like a Republican. His opponent is escaping charges of secret Democratic tendencies. [Newsweek, Newsweek]
  • President Bush seems convinced that the Republicans are a lock to win it all this election year. Washington asks, is he high or does he know something? President’s dad: Less optimistic. [NYT, WP]
  • The Virginia Senate Race may depend on women. Which is a problem for both Democrat Jim Webb and Republican George Allen. [WP]
  • The United States will be in Iraq forever. [WP, WT]
  • “Polls of white evangelical Protestants show that their support for the Republican Party grew substantially from 1999 to 2004, then began a steady decline.” [Time]