george h. w. bush

Just a quick reminder that no matter how incoherent you may be feeling on any given day, you’d have to travel pretty darn far to match this classic from candidate George Herbert Walker Bush, kicking off a 1992 campaign swing through New Hampshire with a speech to employees of an insurance company: “You cannot be […]

Pop quiz time! (If you need to review last week’s lesson, you may.) Here is an actual review question from our 8th-grade American History textbook from Christian publisher A Beka, America: Land I Love (2006): “What Communist leader toured America in 1990?” Now, you filthy liberals may think the correct answer would be Mikhail Gorbachev, […]

After a million weeks on Ronald Reagan, the Greatest President Ever, our survey of a couple of rightwing Christian textbooks will devote about 1500 words to his successor, George Herbert Walker Kennebunkport Milli Vanilli Bush, the 41st President and only the second-worst President named “George Bush.” And Happy Father’s Day to a very middling president […]

See if you can follow the logic on this one, kids: On Fox’s Hannity Wednesday night, automated mobile grievance unit Allen West suggested that the Fort Hood shootings were the inevitable result of Barack Obama’s failure to recognize that America has international enemies. Now, by the time the program aired, it was pretty clear that […]

While there are still a few (like, five) Real Mericans (and most of them are on some stupid teevee show about making duck-sex sounds) who are unaware that is the year 2013 for a few more hours (then it will be 2014, for those of you who have trouble counting, you’re welcome), and they think […]

On a clear, sunny October day, Peggy Noonan ventured out of the rarefied confines of Manhattan and into the fetid lowland swamp of Washington, District of Columbia, to give a keynote luncheon address at the Chamber of Commerce’s 14th Annual Legal Reform Summit, titled “Healing the U.S. Lawsuit System.” Lady Nooningham’s applicability to this particular […]

Here’s some genuine Nice Time for your Thursday — George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush served as witnesses at the wedding of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen on Saturday. The couple co-own a general store in Kennebunk, Maine. Thorgalsen posted the photo above on Facebook with the note “Getting our marriage license witnessed!” Sorry to […]

From the people who brought you unrefudiated proof that George Bush Sr. was a Nazi infiltrator and traitor to the Republic who was always stone cold drinkin’ tea with Mengele comes this timely reminder not to let yourself get kidnapped by Satanists. Well? You heard her! STOP GETTING KIDNAPPED BY SATANISTS, YOU GUYS.

Director Lee Daniels has a new movie coming out in a couple weeks, and in addition to the excellent news that it will have a considerably shorter title than his last one, we also learn from Politico today that it had the power to make Barbara Bush cry. After getting a fan email from the […]

George H.W. Bush and his entire security detail shaved their heads in solidarity with Patrick, the two-year-old son of another Secret Service dude. That is silly! The baby does not know he is bald! He was probably bald until quite recently anyway! But it is still Nice Time, so cool it, us. When Mitt Romney […]

In what is surely the most scandalous case of presidential technology bafflement since that one time when George HW Bush asked some polite questions about a UPC scanner at a trade show, the leader of the Free World was “befuddled” when trying to dial a number on a phone handed to him by a campaign […]

Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you […]

America’s greatest president was George H.W. Bush (the old one), because he bombed a lot of Mexicans somewhere, Panama maybe? Oh and one time he had a war in Iraq, but that was lame because it only lasted a few days and didn’t kill a million people and there was no Abu Ghraib torture pornography. […]

George W. Bush’s father: I have a form of Parkinson’s disease, which I don’t like. My legs don’t move when my brain tells them to. It’s very frustrating. But I am in no pain, and I have discovered the amazing scooters, which Barbara accuses me of driving like I drive my boat. But they help […]

Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is embarrassed for Republicans — embarrassed! — because they are so squeamish about cutting the budget. What a bunch of faeries! “We need much greater cuts,” said Sarah, in the most unspecific and worthless way possible. “Republicans need to be bold and strong and they need those steel […]