Tag Archives: george h. w. bush

  Here have some news n stuff

Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist

But it says so in the Bible!
Best newspaper correction ever or BEST EVER?Here’s the original letter. It’s quite something: Who and what is Barack Obama? Obama claims nobody can stop him or change anything he’s done. This evil must come to pass before the Lord’s return and the rise of the Antichrist, but you better know what evil you’re dealing with. Nobody is promised another minute of life upon this earth, and judgment comes at the time of your death. Read more on Correction: Barack Obama Is Not In Fact The Antichrist…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)

Oh, those fabulous Bushes
Rachel Maddow loves the Bush family almost as much as we do. Especially their talent for putting their foot in it, as President George H.W. Bush did when he seemed amazed by a supermarket scanner during his 1992 reelection campaign. Supposedly, he was amazed not by the scanner itself, but by its advanced features, like being able to read torn labels, but mostly, she says, it just looked like he was unfamiliar with the “fundamental basics of peasant life, like how you pay for stuff at the store.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)…
  Thanks Texas

Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change

Behold! He stands before us!
2014 was the year when Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) officially renounced his Canadian citizenship and became a true American. It was also the year when Cruz made his first successful title defense of Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award (National Division). How else did Ted save the soul of America this year? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change…
  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Looks To The Future, Thinks It Over, Sells Reagan/Bush T-Shirts Instead

So fashion forward!
Republicans are SO going to take back the White House in 2016 from those evil Democrats who’ve been in control of everything for the last 30 years, THANKS OBAMA. And they’ll do it with cutting-edge technology and 21st century ideas. What, why are you laughing? Read more on GOP Looks To The Future, Thinks It Over, Sells Reagan/Bush T-Shirts Instead…
  conservachristmas

Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life

Greetings, godless liberals! Since you don’t celebrate Christmas in your heathen belief system, you might not realize that the more upright members of society are using one of their “holy days” as a reason to spend the next two weeks exchanging bobbles and trinkets to signal fellowship and lord their financial prosperity over each other. Read more on Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Remember How St. Reagan Got Impeached For Executive Order On Immigration? (Video)

The fax pun isn't integral to the story. But if Rachel were a wizard, her horse would be named Maddowfax.
Monday’s Rachel Maddow Show kicked off with one of those “where’s she going?” bits, about the odd technologically outmoded conversations between Pope Francis and his best American bud, Cardinal Seán O’Malley — they fax each other all the time, as a 60 Minutes profile detailed this week. Turns out, one of the things O’Malley is big on is immigration reform, and there’s the hook for the real focus of this segment: The Catholic Church didn’t like several provisions of Ronald Reagan’s 1986 immigration reform act, and when Congress couldn’t get the votes together to fix them, Reagan issued an executive order to change how the immigration laws were enforced. George H.W. Bush also issued executive orders to exempt some categories of people from deportation. In total, the tweaks allowed some 1.5 million people to stay in the country, without any approval from Congress. Read more on Morning Maddow: Remember How St. Reagan Got Impeached For Executive Order On Immigration? (Video)…
  It’s only nepotism when Democrats do it

Spawn Of Irving Kristol Sick Of Democrats Who Pretend To Make It On Their Own

Who you callin' stupid?
Mouth-breathing uber-moron Bill Kristol came from nothing, absolutely nothing, to pull himself up by his own diapers and build his illustrious career as one of the most prominent Being Wrong About Everything Ever Always columnists in history. Which is why he feels completely vindicated in mocking those dumb Democrats who are always using their family connections to advance their careers, which is something no conservative, and certainly not Kristol, has ever done. Read more on Spawn Of Irving Kristol Sick Of Democrats Who Pretend To Make It On Their Own…
  potholes in memory lane

Just A Reminder That George H.W. Bush Tossed Word Salad Before Word Salad Was Cool

Just a quick reminder that no matter how incoherent you may be feeling on any given day, you’d have to travel pretty darn far to match this classic from candidate George Herbert Walker Bush, kicking off a 1992 campaign swing through New Hampshire with a speech to employees of an insurance company: Read more on Just A Reminder That George H.W. Bush Tossed Word Salad Before Word Salad Was Cool…
  america's nightmare of peace and prosperity

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Feel Your Pain

Pop quiz time! (If you need to review last week’s lesson, you may.) Here is an actual review question from our 8th-grade American History textbook from Christian publisher A Beka, America: Land I Love (2006): “What Communist leader toured America in 1990?” Now, you filthy liberals may think the correct answer would be Mikhail Gorbachev, or possibly if you’re a big trivia buff, Jiang Zemin, but you would be wrong. Obviously, the huge commie they’re talking about is Nelson Mandela. And that’s why we love these textbooks. Their idea of what needs to be emphasized always manages to surprise us. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Feel Your Pain…
  this digression will not stand man

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Do Not Like Broccoli

After a million weeks on Ronald Reagan, the Greatest President Ever, our survey of a couple of rightwing Christian textbooks will devote about 1500 words to his successor, George Herbert Walker Kennebunkport Milli Vanilli Bush, the 41st President and only the second-worst President named “George Bush.” And Happy Father’s Day to a very middling president whose son managed to make him look like a freakin’ statesman. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks That Do Not Like Broccoli…
  bang-banghazi

Allen West Explains How Crimea Made Obama Do The Fort Hood Shootings

See if you can follow the logic on this one, kids: On Fox’s Hannity Wednesday night, automated mobile grievance unit Allen West suggested that the Fort Hood shootings were the inevitable result of Barack Obama’s failure to recognize that America has international enemies. Now, by the time the program aired, it was pretty clear that Ivan Lopez wasn’t connected to any terrorist group, but why not drag terrorism into the equation anyway? “If your only tool is a hammer,” and you’re a tool yourself, etc. Hannity asked the disgraced former torturer if Fort Hood resulted from forgetting that there’s evil in this bad old world: Let me go to the big picture about combatting evil in our time and this goes back to “man-caused disasters, overseas contingency operations,” that Major Hasan was “workplace violence.” Have we gotten too far away from 9/11 that we don’t remember the impact of that day? We’re frankly rather surprised he didn’t shoehorn Benghazi in there, too. Read more on Allen West Explains How Crimea Made Obama Do The Fort Hood Shootings…
  A Year Of Gay Nice Times

2013: America’s Most Fabulously Gay Year Ever

While there are still a few (like, five) Real Mericans (and most of them are on some stupid teevee show about making duck-sex sounds) who are unaware that is the year 2013 for a few more hours (then it will be 2014, for those of you who have trouble counting, you’re welcome), and they think The Gay AgendaTM is ruining our freedoms and our childrens and making Jesus cry — like, for example, this one lady idiot in San Diego who is warring on the Rose Parade because FOR THE CHILDREN — it turns out that America went totally full-on gay homosexxxxxxican gay this year, and it is FABULOUS. How fabulous? A whole bunch of states legalized gay marriage aka marriage (or had it crammed down their throats by dirty hippie liberal activist judges like Justice Anthony Kennedy): Maryland, California, Delaware, Rhode Island, Minnesota, New Jersey, Hawaii, Illinois, New Mexico, and Utah. Yeah, that’s right. Motherfucking Utah. Yeah. UTAH. And sure, the governor and attorney general of Utah are still scratching their heads — to the tune of $2 million, which broke-ass Utah cannot exactly afford — on how to STOP THE GAY, but so far, they got nothin’. They say they are planning to beg the Supreme Court to save them from the gay, and we are planning to laugh very hard when the Supreme Court tells them no. So welcome aboard the gay train, Utah. In Illinois, the gay marriage aka marriage law does not actually go into effect until June 2014. But a very nice judge who is An Ally ordered the immediate issuance of a marriage license to a lovely couple, one half of which has terminal cancer (sad) and may not have enough time to make it the June 2014 date (still sad), so the judge was all, “Here, you can get gay married RIGHT NOW and mazel tov!” Awwwww (but sad because cancer) but awwwwwww. And speaking of judges … Read more on 2013: America’s Most Fabulously Gay Year Ever…
  the power of positive drinking

Peggy Noonan Says Swear Word, Tells Obama How To Be Reagan, Skips Dessert

On a clear, sunny October day, Peggy Noonan ventured out of the rarefied confines of Manhattan and into the fetid lowland swamp of Washington, District of Columbia, to give a keynote luncheon address at the Chamber of Commerce’s 14th Annual Legal Reform Summit, titled “Healing the U.S. Lawsuit System.” Lady Nooningham’s applicability to this particular subject was not immediately apparent, but we were not about to pass up what promised to be a riveting speech, not to mention a Noonan-caliber luncheon. Read more on Peggy Noonan Says Swear Word, Tells Obama How To Be Reagan, Skips Dessert…
  not quite ready for same-socks unions however

Nice Time! George HW And Barbara Bush Attend Same-Sex Wedding In Maine

Here’s some genuine Nice Time for your Thursday — George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush served as witnesses at the wedding of Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen on Saturday. The couple co-own a general store in Kennebunk, Maine. Thorgalsen posted the photo above on Facebook with the note “Getting our marriage license witnessed!” Sorry to see that Mr. Bush had to use a wheelchair, but those are some spiffy, festive star-spangled socks. Read more on Nice Time! George HW And Barbara Bush Attend Same-Sex Wedding In Maine…
  first thing we do let's kill all the joggers

What Are The Christianists Saying About Getting Kidnapped By Satanists Today?

From the people who brought you unrefudiated proof that George Bush Sr. was a Nazi infiltrator and traitor to the Republic who was always stone cold drinkin’ tea with Mengele comes this timely reminder not to let yourself get kidnapped by Satanists. Well? You heard her! STOP GETTING KIDNAPPED BY SATANISTS, YOU GUYS. Read more on What Are The Christianists Saying About Getting Kidnapped By Satanists Today?…
  she also never silenced her cell phone

Mean Old Bat Barbara Bush Cries At Civil Rights Movie, Suggesting Deep Empathy For Fictionalized Black People

Director Lee Daniels has a new movie coming out in a couple weeks, and in addition to the excellent news that it will have a considerably shorter title than his last one, we also learn from Politico today that it had the power to make Barbara Bush cry. After getting a fan email from the former First Lady telling him that she was a huge fan of Precious, Based on the Novel Push By Sapphire and Screened On Our Blu-Ray Player in Kennebunkport By That Nice Young Man What Was His Name Again? Daniels brought a copy of his new film, The Butler, to screen for the Bushes in Maine a few months ago. They liked it, he says. But he would say that, wouldn’t he? Read more on Mean Old Bat Barbara Bush Cries At Civil Rights Movie, Suggesting Deep Empathy For Fictionalized Black People…
  hot pixxx

Bipartisan Nice Time: Here Is Bald George H.W. Bush, Holding This Bad-Ass Baby With Cancer

George H.W. Bush and his entire security detail shaved their heads in solidarity with Patrick, the two-year-old son of another Secret Service dude. That is silly! The baby does not know he is bald! He was probably bald until quite recently anyway! But it is still Nice Time, so cool it, us. Read more on Bipartisan Nice Time: Here Is Bald George H.W. Bush, Holding This Bad-Ass Baby With Cancer…
  haw haw he's so dum

Obama Briefly Perplexed By Unfamiliar Phone, Tech Stocks Tumble

In what is surely the most scandalous case of presidential technology bafflement since that one time when George HW Bush asked some polite questions about a UPC scanner at a trade show, the leader of the Free World was “befuddled” when trying to dial a number on a phone handed to him by a campaign aide in Port St. Lucie, Florida. The Moonie Times’ Dave Boyer has the shocking details: Read more on Obama Briefly Perplexed By Unfamiliar Phone, Tech Stocks Tumble…
  parting is such sweet sorrow

RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers

Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you won’t get delegates ever again! But here, would you like a gauzy, high-production-values video tribute? Would that placate you and your angry, weirdo followers? Probably not, but we’ll show the video anyway after the jump, what harm could it do. Read more on RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers…
  poop deck

Toilets Fail On Fancy New George H.W. Bush Aircraft Carrier

America’s greatest president was George H.W. Bush (the old one), because he bombed a lot of Mexicans somewhere, Panama maybe? Oh and one time he had a war in Iraq, but that was lame because it only lasted a few days and didn’t kill a million people and there was no Abu Ghraib torture pornography. Also, he said “read my lips,” which is gross, and then he raised taxes a little teeny tiny bit on the billionaires even though mostly they had their taxes cut. So, in many ways, George H.W. Bush was a dismal failure, just like the new U.S. Navy Aircraft Carrier George H.W. Bush, which has no working toilets for like 5,000 dudes and some ladies too, who are holding it in so long they’re having “health problems.” Read more on Toilets Fail On Fancy New George H.W. Bush Aircraft Carrier…
  death comes to those who raise taxes

George H.W. Bush a Scooter Person Now

George W. Bush’s father: I have a form of Parkinson’s disease, which I don’t like. My legs don’t move when my brain tells them to. It’s very frustrating. But I am in no pain, and I have discovered the amazing scooters, which Barbara accuses me of driving like I drive my boat. But they help me get around. I’m not sure about jumping. I announced I was going to jump when I turned 90. I have three more years to decide. My legs’ not working properly might be a deterrent. Read more on George H.W. Bush a Scooter Person Now…
  it's morning in america

Sarah Palin Demands Gazillion-Billion Dollar Cuts To Everything

Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is embarrassed for Republicans — embarrassed! — because they are so squeamish about cutting the budget. What a bunch of faeries! “We need much greater cuts,” said Sarah, in the most unspecific and worthless way possible. “Republicans need to be bold and strong and they need those steel spines.” (Does this lady know that when words come out of your mouth, they are actually supposed to mean something? Is she aware that this is the original purpose of words, before they became meaningless Twitter #hashtags?) “Cuts Sean, we need much greater cuts! Is that your dried-up, withering umbilical cord sticking out of your pants? Here, let me cut that for you.” Snip snip. [The Hill] Read more on Sarah Palin Demands Gazillion-Billion Dollar Cuts To Everything… Read more on Sarah Palin Demands Gazillion-Billion Dollar Cuts To Everything…