Wonkette

Here’s your Barack Obama, exiting his limo at Dulles today, and looking a little too sharp and stylish for a president. Who does he think he is, George Clooney? Everybody knows that presidents need to be very decrepit and scary, or dumb clowns, or fat embarrassments, or bitter old ladies. [AP Photo]

St. Barack of Obama spoke to trashy supermarket tabloid US Weekly! They asked him a bunch of dumb questions — the stuff of interest to, we imagine, US Weekly readers — and he sort of held his nose and half-answered them. But what kind of underwear does our handsomest president prefer? MORE »

United Nation Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has named famous starlet George Clooney as the social club’s ninth Messenger of Peace, because of his work doing something vaguely good for planet earth. Early reports indicate it was his phenomenal work in the film Ocean’s Thirteen that sealed the deal for Secretary-General Bat Shit-moon. MORE »

It’s been only two days since George Clooney was offered the lead in the film adaptation of GI Joe, and it’s already mired on controversy. Variety’s Wilshire & Washington blogger Ted Johnson reports: “I love it when controversies erupt over movies still in production or pre-production. You can almost always guarantee that those outraged haven’t seen the script, an outline, or even know any of those involved. And you can almost always be sure that the furor is much ado about nothing. Example: “The Da Vinci Code. MORE »

George Clooney, the Farsi-speaking rogue federal agent who killed a Saudi prince in either real life or the movie Syriana (forget which), came to our Washingtons over the weekend to film his new movie, Burn After Reading. It’s so fun when a famous person comes to DC! All we have here usually are Joe Schmoes like the President and Congress. MORE »

There is a war on — a war for the hearts and minds of Americans. Newsweek is constantly protecting innocent Americans from the stories they can’t handle. Is the world melting? Did the White House betray a deal with North Korea? Did we lose that war in Afghanistan, too? That’s for Newsweek’s international readers to know and for you to not find out. Sorry, dummies! MORE »

Kim Eisler, one-time friend of imprisoned lobbyist Jack Abramoff, has a pretty good piece on the disgraced former power player in this month’s Washingtonian. As everything collapsed around him, Jack basically became a Scorcese character.

“We were a band of killers,” he said of his lobbying practice. “We did a lot of bad things.” He was proud of the fact that if someone got between him and the interests of his clients, he would do everything possible to destroy them.

It’s good to know that, at heart, Jack is still the guy who produced and co-wrote Red Scorpion. The guy’s got an ear for dialogue.

More fun with Jack, after the jump.

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“Batman” star George Clooney will be previewing his new hit comedy at some video screening place between the Hill and the White House today. Exhausted from their first several hours of 110th fun, many senators are expected to join the actor for a screening of “Ishtar” a new movie about all the terrible things happening in Darfur. MORE »

Was the vodka-soaked actor supposed to run for office? MORE »

• Yesterday was godless Hollywood elite day on cable, as Clooney and Penn battled each other in depth of sincerity contest. [Think Progress; Newbusters]

• The Nancy Grace award for “savage sadism” still searching for a recipient as vicious as the woman herself. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Angelina Jolie’s time is up and the UN needs a new pair of spokestitties for its High Council on Refugees. [Impeccableliberalcredentials]
• Chuck Colson, as clueless about gays as he is about breaking into office buildings. [Good As You]
• Meeting of the Non-Aligned Nations in Cuba this week bears no resemblance to the final scene of Team America: World Police, really. All photos courtesy of the CIA. [LGF]
• Mayor of Gallatin, TN rents city hall out for porno film shoot that’s not really porno, more like late night Spike TV. [Tennessean]
• Unsurprisingly, the new “Night of Bush Capturing” terrorism simulation video game is pretty fun. [The Jawa Report]

• Heard on the Hill: Let’s start with the best gossip first: “81-year-old father of Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) was cited for lewd and disorderly conduct after police arrested him allegedly having sex with a 38-year-old woman in a car outside a pizza joint.” [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Giants slugger Barry Bonds was at Kelly’s Cajun Grill at the Pentagon City food court Tuesday, American Idol is coming to Capitol Hill in September for some kind of something involving America’s favorite couple, Mary Bono and Steny Hoyer. [WP]
• Fox 411: George Clooney breaks up with Steven Soderbergh to start a new production company with Good Night, and Good Luck co-creator Grant Heslov. [FOXNews]
• Page Six: Lindsay Lohan falls down again. [NYP]

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• Heard on the Hill: Claire Shipman gave 16 House Members a pop quiz on the lyrics of the national anthem for tonight’s Nightline. . . Rep. Patrick Kennedy’s office has been fielding funny messages from constituents following last week’s incident. “Oh yeah, right, Ambien my butt,” said one caller. [Roll Call]
• Cindy Adams: The ousting of Porter Goss was an “emergency decision”. . . Rep. Patrick Kennedy knows “he couldn’t cut it” as president or senator. [NYP]
• Page Six: Pataki, Romney, and Frist court big donors at the Kentucky Derby. . . Clinton and Vernon Jordan receive a standing ovation for eating “mountains” of food at a Harlem restaurant. . . Sen. Kennedy seen on the Acela with George Clooney and Ron Silver. [NYP]
• Names & Faces: Sen. Obama, despite plea from Neil Young, has no plans to run in ‘08. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: James Carville reportedly likes Cosmo magazine. . . Wolf Blitzer’s daughter likes his beard. [WT]

* Under the Dome: Justice Antonin Scalia drunk Corona and mingled with actress Doris Roberts at the Bloomberg party before looking “uncomfortable” with Ludacris. . . Meanwhile, Ludacris doesn’t care about Steve Scully. . . Anna Kournikova and Drew Lachey were among the no-shows. [The Hill]
* Heard on the Hill: “A longtime aide to a senior Democratic Senator” stole George Clooney’s place card. . . Cartoonist/author Anthony Haden-Guest fell asleep during Stephen Colbert’s routine. . . Court TV is opening a D.C. bureau. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Bush’s low approval rating equal good business for impersonator Steve Bridges: “If they’re too high, people get nervous: ‘Is it okay to make fun of the president?’”. . . Bloomberg reporter Janine Zacharia scores a private lunch with Condoleezza Rice and Tiki Barber at the State Department. [WP]
* Page Six: Blind item asks, “Which Democratic party moneybags is getting divorced because he diddled with a candidate’s daughter? To cap it off, his wife, the mother of his children then had a go with her personal trainer (a woman).” [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Ken Mehlman: “I’m not gay. But those stories did a number on my dating life for six months.” [NYDN]

Because it was nice out, because we had made the decision while drunk the night before, because Liz has a thing for Clooney, and because we care about the people of Darfur, we stopped by the rally yesterday on the Mall. Lesson learned: It’s extremely easy to get into the press tent.

Not a whole lotta text this time, because we’ve written a books’ worth on that damn party by now. So enjoy the pictures, courtesy Liz Gorman, after the jump.

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