Wonkette

Last week was fun for Condi fans, but not so much fun for Condoleezza herself. She got dragged around by Bush on his farewell lap around NATO, and she had some laffs with George, but mostly was kind of a fifth wheel. Back home, the rest of us got to enjoy hot new Condicising photos and we finally learned who’s playing Madame Secretary in Oliver Stone’s Bush movie. Find out who the lucky actress is after the jump!

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While America steeps in a cauldron of racial tension and John McCain terrorizes the nation’s youth, George Bush is frolicking around the Ukraine and other far-flung parts of that land mass that sits between Germany and the Bering Strait. We refer, of course to the future member nations of NATO, a Cold War era organization formed in order to compete with an increasingly powerful OPEC. Join us on George Bush’s whirlwind tour of poisoned world leaders! MORE »

America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!

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Mark your calendars, ladies and gentlemen: on April 10, First Daughter Jenna Bush will deliver some sort of a speech to a shadowy women’s organization called “Wisconsin Women in Government.” Miss Bush is taking a break from her arduous schedule of merriment to bring to a select group of government ladies her tale of hope regarding the bright futures of Panamanian teenage mothers with HIV. MORE »

Tipster “Patrick” informs us that the foreign press is spreading nutty rumors about a drunken President Bush making an ass out of himself in front of Israeli leaders. As if! The translation after the jump. MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi got to go back to the rumored land of her ancestors. No, not Russia, Africa! Her last trip there was a royal dud, but this time she brought along friends: the boss, his wife, Josh Bolten, etc., and she got to see the boss dance! She got a pretty sash! She got molested by scary natives! And then she got back and nobody cared. Relive the magic, after the jump…

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Thousands of sad Texans will be sleeping in the streets of Waco in mid-May while fat cats carouse at the wedding of Jenna Bush and her first husband, wealthy former Rove staffer Henry Hager. Even though the wedding date hasn’t been officially confirmed (it’s May 10!), all the hotels are already full with reservations from media, paparazzi, and deposed Latin American dictators. Beleaguered attendees of the Texas Technology Students Association conference, unfortunately scheduled for the same weekend, will be left out in the cold. And that is just the start of the madness. MORE »

On Monday, I directed you to an ultra-glamorous velvet painting of the secretary of state as an example of the wonderful world of Condi-inspired art. Since I was in a Condicentric mood (as usual), I never thought to see what else this gifted painter had to offer. Well, let me tell you, the Condi painting on black velvet was only the tip of a fabulous iceberg! Join me after the jump to marvel over Velvet Rove, Velvet Cheney, Velvet Ashcroft and… Velvet Lynndie England? Are these the most superfantastic portraits of our time? Probably!

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Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi was back in Foggy Bottom 24/7 last week, and you know what that means: photo-ops, photo-ops, photo-ops! Indeed, the State Department’s reception room was a revolving door to all kinds of diplobots from strategically unchallenging countries. And somebody had the nerve to call Our Heroine incompetent. Why do they keep doing that? So mean! Join me after the jump for a Condiological safari through the last seven days…

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Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

It was a superfun Condiweek, starting off with festive drinks in Dubai and ending with an apparently drunken farewell to an old friend. In between was another OMG SURPRISE! trip to Iraq and a frightening encounter with a dangerous bird. Relive the magic after the jump!

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Hillary Clinton added to the humiliation of Bush’s recent unsuccessful attempt to get the Saudis to give us more oil during the debate last night, telling the 5 people watching “President Bush is over in the Gulf now begging the Saudis and others to drop the price of oil. How pathetic.” Her plans, by contrast, would be to reform the American economy to be more green; get workers into “green collar jobs,” by which she probably doesn’t mean landscaping; and to move us “towards energy independence” which would do absolutely nothing about oil prices in the short- to medium-term but sounds really good at the debate. And, naturally, she’ll never go make nice with the Saudis when she’s President, because that’s just pathetic. [AFP via Breitbart]

One short day after George Bush made official his intention to sell $123 million worth of precision-guided bombs to the Saudis and Congress all but said it didn’t care, the Saudis have announced that, unsurprisingly, they don’t really care if our gas prices are a little bit high. MORE »

Peacemaker in Chief President George W. Bush got all introspective at a sword party in Saudi Arabia today, having some things he just needed to get off his chest. “I’m sure people view me as a warmonger, and I view myself as a peacemaker,” George told a friendly crowd of feudal Arab lords, astutely identifying the difference of opinion that exists on this issue. MORE »