Tag Archives: george bush

  it's morning in america

Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet DVD exchange rates?) Usually these economic summits are “trade this” and “currency that” and “blah blah blah,” but Obama spiced up the proceedings and humiliated the Free World when he abruptly got down on his hands and knees and begged the South Korean delegates to buy more delicious American beef. But why should we share our cow anuses with these foreigners? (Did American farmers harvest enough beef this meat season, or was there an early frost?) Oh, there’s plenty of meat, and now we will have to hoard it all in our National Meat Vault, because America and South Korea “failed to reach an agreement on a new trade pact.” Darn it! In a few years we will have to drain the Atlantic Ocean and then fill it with all the surplus cow innards we have. This must be the One World Nation Barack Obama dreams about every night. [CNN/BBC] Read more on Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit… Read more on Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit…
  gun shows

Saddam Hussein Donates Handgun To George Bush Museum Exhibit

What has George Bush been doing lately, besides saying stupid things for lots of money, and trying his hardest not to choke on a pretzel stick? He has been working hard on a museum exhibit, which will feature Saddam Hussein’s gat. When did George Bush decide he was going to get all artsy-fartsy and start curating gun exhibits? This exhibit is also about 9/11 bullhorns: Read more on Saddam Hussein Donates Handgun To George Bush Museum Exhibit…
  international burn a memoir day

Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir

Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir will be published in January. Don’t read it: “Known and Unknown,” being published by Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin), refers to Rumsfeld’s explanation in 2002 for the lack of evidence that Iraq was supplying terrorists with weapons of mass destruction. Read more on Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir…
  it's morning in america

BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation

An internal investigation conducted by BP has concluded that it can start drilling again immediately, hooray! Oh and also “Team BP” did nothing wrong, at all, and so if you Americans still need someone or something to pay for the stuff in the ocean, sue the oil rig owner Transocean or the chavs at Halliburton, because you can always blame Halliburton. But yes, this investigation exonerates BP, which did nothing wrong and was probably just enjoying a nice cup of tea while Transocean and Halliburton took turns throwing depth charges down Deepwater Horizon’s oil well to “see what would happen.” Whatever. At least Tony Hayward has his life back, sitting on his yacht in Siberia. [CNN] Read more on BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation… Read more on BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation…
  rumors on the internets

George Bush Is Not Muslin, Therefore, ‘Vindicated’

RedState is spanking itself gleefully with a cinnamon-scented paddle because George Bush has been vindicated, and also everyone wants to know what he thinks about the atrocious Ground Zero Mosque. [RedState] Read more on George Bush Is Not Muslin, Therefore, ‘Vindicated’…
  Profiles in Courage

George W. Bush Volunteers For Another Icky Hand Job

We are fairly certain that George W. Bush is currently touching stuff in Haiti, but new photos have surfaced that suggest maybe he is also still in Texas shaking hands with troops returning from war, via CNN Hologram. Isn’t it special that George Bush is willing to touch other people, even though he hates it so much? Read more on George W. Bush Volunteers For Another Icky Hand Job…
  rumors on the internets

George Bush Back In Haiti, And This Time He’s Wearing Gloves!

Matt Yglesias illustrates the ironic nature of our permanent occupation of Iraq with a special Alanis Morissette song! [Matt Yglesias] Remember Dan Maes, the Colorado Tea Party man who exposed the U.N. conspiracy that would have forced the entire city of Denver to ride around on an enormous Tandem bicycle? Dan Maes’ comments were taken out of context, actually. But Dan Maes is still concerned that bicycles are unconstitutional, because let’s face it, they probably are. [Think Progress] Read more on George Bush Back In Haiti, And This Time He’s Wearing Gloves!…
  rumors on the internets

George Bush Would Drink Another O’Douls If He Really Had To

The Ohio Senate has had it up to here with all the humanoid-animal demon beasts manufactured almost every day in Toledo petri dishes. [Hit & Run] George Bush loved waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. It was his favorite thing to do with Khalid, although they also had a lot of fun clearing brush together. [Think Progress] Read more on George Bush Would Drink Another O’Douls If He Really Had To…
  rumors on the internets

Help Rush Limbaugh Flee the Country?

Watch closely as RedState concludes what health care reform is really about (Hint: commie mind control!). [RedState] John Boehner is featured in a hot new will.i.am remix by DJ Librul, and Boenher’s melodic screaming doesn’t even require “the auto-tune!” [AMERICAblog] Read more on Help Rush Limbaugh Flee the Country?…
  wagg the bog

Marco Rubio Downloads Sarah Palin’s Brain Torrent, And The RNC Goes Green

In an effort to reduce its carbon footprint, the REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE has pledged to recycle smear campaigns and political spin! Yes, MICHAEL STEELE has finally done it! He’s bringing back all your favorites: “flip-flopper” … WILLIE HORTON … “cut and run” … “Why did the Democrats flip-flop and let Willie Horton cut and run?” This is an important question Michael Steele will inevitably ask in the days to come. Read more on Marco Rubio Downloads Sarah Palin’s Brain Torrent, And The RNC Goes Green…
  rumors on the internets

William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Will Eat Your Intestines, For Daring To Criticize Scotland

Whether he was clearing brush at his ranch or choking on a pretzel, George Bush was known to sport his silkiest ascot, his most posh plaid cummerbund. Say what you will, but the man was a snappy dresser. And Barack Obama? He prefers “Islamo-fascist business casual.” [Think Progress] Read more on William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Will Eat Your Intestines, For Daring To Criticize Scotland…
  rumors on the internets

Health Care? Don’t You Mean DEATH CARE?

Your name is John Ashcroft, and you are in the hospital recovering from life-saving surgery that replaced your gallbladder with a pig’s heart. It’s a good thing you have so many caring friends! Tom Ridge sent you a bald eagle named Freedom, and Karl Rove gave you a beautiful bouquet of fired US attorneys — put those in a vase! And George Bush, well, he personally delivered something very special to your bedside, while you were napping. [TPM] Read more on Health Care? Don’t You Mean DEATH CARE?…
  things people will regret writing

‘Star Trek’ Movie Sparks Massive Nerd War On Political Internet

You may have read on the Internet that this week’s big movie release is the “new” original Star Trek movie, and it is going to make millions of dollars. It is the latest manifestation of Hollywood studios’ race to abandon all creativity: after a popular movie series like Batman or Superman has run its course, just start over and make the first one again. Critics then praise the director’s “new vision,” and political writers note that all of the characters are famous politicians, secretly, in real life. Everyone remembers last year’s important Wall Street Journal column, “George Bush Jr. Is The Bat Man.” This year’s version? “Barack Obama is the Spock.” Steady yourself… Read more on ‘Star Trek’ Movie Sparks Massive Nerd War On Political Internet…
  rumors on the internets

Nancy Pelosi’s Sinister Hell-Cat Is Trying To Start Something With The British

Ooh, big day for George Bush today, when he will be informed that despite whenever epigram he was forced to write out 100 times in Dick Cheney’s Schoolmaster Assistant Spellings & Geographies Primer, there is a difference between “authoritative” and “authoritarian.” [Daily Intel] Read more on Nancy Pelosi’s Sinister Hell-Cat Is Trying To Start Something With The British…
  where are they now?

George Bush Is President Of College

Ha ha ha, so incredibly stupid, but here we are, LAUGHING. If you’d like to know the context of this amazing still — and we certainly don’t — you can read more here. Something about a brawl at “Cheyney” University. Really. [Philadelphia Will Do, ABC 6 Philadelphia] Read more on George Bush Is President Of College…
  what do you want now

Liveblogging George Bush Junior’s Victory Lap To America

Ughh… people have asked for a drinking game for George W. Bush’s farewell address, which this liveblog will “cover” (as in, “maybe watch.”) Well here’s your game. Drink. Drink constantly. Locate alcohol and imbibe as rapidly as possible. YOU MUST DRINK, IT IS GEORGE BUSH JUNIOR COMMANDING RESPECT. SAVE YOURSELF. DRINK SOME ALCOHOL YOU IDIOT. DRINK VINEGAR AT THE VERY LEAST. Read more on Liveblogging George Bush Junior’s Victory Lap To America…