Tag: george bush

Sure, Barack, Your Dream Job Is To Host ‘SportsCenter,’ You Regular Guy, You

Oh, golly Barack, we get it, underneath all the policy wonkiness and stiffness and discomfort, you are just a regular guy, aren't you? Which is why you're always soundin' so perfectly natural when you're droppin' your g's. But sure,...

How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)

Happy World AIDS Day (a day late, because drunk)!! Have you celebrated? How, exactly, does one celebrate the 25th annual World AIDS Day? We bought our Editrix a 10-pack of female condoms, because safe sexytimes are good sexytimes. The United...

Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff

With so much Nice TimeTM happening in the U.S. recently (Texas badass womyns & mandatory gay marriages) we thought this would be a good time to talk about some Global Nice Time. As President Obama travels to Africa to...

Circuit Court Judge Edith Jones: How Can I Be Impartial When Everybody Knows Blahs And Browns Are Violent Thugs?

You guys, have we ever turned you on to Fifth Circuit Judge Edith Jones? We mean, have you ever really listened to her, man? She's a trip. Such big hits like "Scream At Fellow Judges During Oral Arguments,"  the...

George W. Bush Will Paint You Like One Of His French Girls

Less than ten years ago, President George W. "W." Bush was pulling down Saddam Hussein statues and landing Mission Accomplished jets on things. Now, according to a new profile, he spends his time painting pictures of puppies. Alas, poor Yorick! Many...

Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet...

Saddam Hussein Donates Handgun To George Bush Museum Exhibit

What has George Bush been doing lately, besides saying stupid things for lots of money, and trying his hardest not to choke on a pretzel stick? He has been working hard on a museum exhibit, which will feature Saddam...

Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir

Donald Rumsfeld's memoir will be published in January. Don't read it: "Known and Unknown," being published by Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin), refers to Rumsfeld's explanation in 2002 for the lack of evidence that Iraq was supplying terrorists with weapons...

BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation

An internal investigation conducted by BP has concluded that it can start drilling again immediately, hooray! Oh and also "Team BP" did nothing wrong, at all, and so if you Americans still need someone or something to pay for...

George Bush Is Not Muslin, Therefore, ‘Vindicated’

RedState is spanking itself gleefully with a cinnamon-scented paddle because George Bush has been vindicated, and also everyone wants to know what he thinks about the atrocious Ground Zero Mosque. Oh look: George Bush has commented on the 9/11...

George W. Bush Volunteers For Another Icky Hand Job

We are fairly certain that George W. Bush is currently touching stuff in Haiti, but new photos have surfaced that suggest maybe he is also still in Texas shaking hands with troops returning from war, via CNN Hologram. Isn't...

George Bush Back In Haiti, And This Time He’s Wearing Gloves!

Matt Yglesias illustrates the ironic nature of our permanent occupation of Iraq with a special Alanis Morissette song! Remember Dan Maes, the Colorado Tea Party man who exposed the U.N. conspiracy that would have forced the entire city of...

George Bush Would Drink Another O’Douls If He Really Had To

The Ohio Senate has had it up to here with all the humanoid-animal demon beasts manufactured almost every day in Toledo petri dishes. George Bush loved waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. It was his favorite thing to do with Khalid,...

Help Rush Limbaugh Flee the Country?

Watch closely as RedState concludes what health care reform is really about (Hint: commie mind control!). John Boehner is featured in a hot new will.i.am remix by DJ Librul, and Boenher's melodic screaming doesn't even require "the auto-tune!"...

Marco Rubio Downloads Sarah Palin’s Brain Torrent, And The RNC Goes Green

In an effort to reduce its carbon footprint, the REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE has pledged to recycle smear campaigns and political spin! Yes, MICHAEL STEELE has finally done it! He's bringing back all your favorites: "flip-flopper" ... WILLIE HORTON ......

William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Will Eat Your Intestines, For Daring To Criticize Scotland

Whether he was clearing brush at his ranch or choking on a pretzel, George Bush was known to sport his silkiest ascot, his most posh plaid cummerbund. Say what you will, but the man was a snappy dresser. And...