Tag Archives: george bush

  Is our Bushes learning?

Jeb Bush Loves His Brother, Swears He Will Be Nothing Like That Idiot

Don’t misunderestimate how hard it is to run for president when you are the baby brother of the worst president U.S. America has ever had judicial activist-ly crammed down its throat. It can be very a lot hard! Like answering yes or no questions, but more harder than that, even. Which has not stopped Jeb Bush from saying he’s still “thinking” about running for president, though he hasn’t “made the decision” yet. Suuuure, OK, buddy.   Jeb was on “Face the Nation” Sunday, tripping on his own dick again because he still hasn’t figured out how to say “Vote for me, I am a Bush” while simultaneously saying “Please forget that I am a Bush, PLEASE.” (Spoiler: It cannot be done, which is one of about a thousand reasons Jeb is never gonna get to disrespect the office of the presidency by putting his feet on the desk.) Let’s watch Jeb fail another time, some more, together: Read more on Jeb Bush Loves His Brother, Swears He Will Be Nothing Like That Idiot…
  Here Is A Nice Thing For A Change

The Colbert Report Is No More. Long Live Stephen Colbert’s Best Moment Ever

As you probably noticed, The Colbert Report ran its final episode last night. It was a big sendoff for a beloved entertainment icon. But remember when he got just a little too real with George W. Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Dinner and people thought he’d gone too far? Read more on The Colbert Report Is No More. Long Live Stephen Colbert’s Best Moment Ever…
  It’s only nepotism when Democrats do it

Spawn Of Irving Kristol Sick Of Democrats Who Pretend To Make It On Their Own

Who you callin' stupid?
Mouth-breathing uber-moron Bill Kristol came from nothing, absolutely nothing, to pull himself up by his own diapers and build his illustrious career as one of the most prominent Being Wrong About Everything Ever Always columnists in history. Which is why he feels completely vindicated in mocking those dumb Democrats who are always using their family connections to advance their careers, which is something no conservative, and certainly not Kristol, has ever done. Read more on Spawn Of Irving Kristol Sick Of Democrats Who Pretend To Make It On Their Own…
  clipbait

Watch Jon Stewart Imagine The Possible Bush-Clinton 2016 Matchup You’ve All Been Waiting For (Video)

Jon Stewart spent some quality time mocking our collective fascination with discussing the 2016 presidential race, particularly as it is actually the 2014 mid-terms that are right around the corner. Never mind that! Let’s speculate about who could run! Stewart is laying even money on antibiotic resistant strep and the petrified exoskeleton of Donald Trump’s hair, which is seeming more and more like a decent possibility, but until then, endless speculation about Hillary and Jeb! Read more on Watch Jon Stewart Imagine The Possible Bush-Clinton 2016 Matchup You’ve All Been Waiting For (Video)…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments: No, Georgia Won’t Make You Vote For A Party You Don’t Like … Yet

This time out, Dear Shitferbrains is happy to bring you something of a public service announcement, based on a note we got from someone on our side of the political fence. And so we adjust our tone settings from “withering sarcasm” to “gently chiding correction” (the “nice” setting got fried years ago). Our piece endorsing craptacular North Carolina Senate candidate Gregg Bannon drew this comment from “Psychobroad,” who was concerned about the possible negative consequences of our suggestion that readers should vote for the crazypants wacko. Psychobroad warns, Wonketeers — if NC is like GA, whatever party you vote for in a primary is the party you have to vote for in the general! I tried to be clever a few years back and voted to get the terrible Republican on the ballot, and then was not allowed to vote against him in the general. In other words, don’t be telling people to register for one party in order to vote against that party later — it might blow up on you! We thought this sounded unlikely, because for one thing how would they even know who you were voting for in the general election? And so we did a little (very little) looking into Georgia’s election law, and found a little explainer on the subject. Turns out that psychobroad is wrong, but not as wrong as we would have thought — more explainering after the jump! Read more on Deleted Comments: No, Georgia Won’t Make You Vote For A Party You Don’t Like … Yet…
  he's tense and nervous and he can't relax

Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn’t Going To Make Sense Any More

We started to write about Erick Erickson, Anger Bear Ken Doll, yesterday, because he’d recently written an incoherent yet completely rage-fueled thing about how you can TOO discriminate against the gays because it is in both Leviticus AND the New Testament unlike the prohibitions on shrimp and clothing with mixed fibers, nyah nyah nyah. It’s an argument we’ve seen before, though usually in a way that doesn’t devolve into telling everyone that if they talk about the Old Testament prohibitions in a way that Erick Erickson thinks is wrong, they are probably going to hell. In fact, often times the person who throws out the shellfish and mixed fabric line claims to be a Christian — one of those Christians with a mind so open to everything it is full of nothing. Dear well meaning poseur, atheist, and other people hostile to Christianity — these are shibboleths of the damned. If you throw these out, it is an immediate signal you are more likely than not destined for hell fire. We are not really sure what he is on about there, but we assume that “shibboleths” was on his word of the day calendar and he got so excited he had to get in in somewhere. We should have known better than to sleep on Erick Erickson for a full day, though, because he upped his game like a fucking bawse and made the shibboleths thing look positively sane by comparison by writing a yellpost about how we should impeach the president or the media should want to impeach the president but are too busy gobbling president cock to report on Obamacare’s failures to do it or something something something “cocktails.” Read more on Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn’t Going To Make Sense Any More…
  you're not living up to your potential

Elizabeth Warren Is Gently But Firmly Disappointed In Your Judiciary Choices, Barack Obama

Yesterday we told you all about how one B. Barry Bamz was trying to cram a gay black judge down Florida’s throat and how that is too terrifyingly liberal for Marco Rubio, but hoo boy Rubio ain’t seen nothing yet, because here comes Elizabeth Warren to primly yet sternly lecture Obama on how he is not cramming enough liberal socialist public interest type judges in your mouth hole, America. Obama has been touting his acquisition of diversity cookies, with a whole website devoted to how many not-white-men he has nominated for the federal bench. That is a good thing, for reals! But your favorite law professor librarian lady Senator who seems like she would make the coolest spinster aunt ever is here to explain that you really need a federal bench that isn’t just a passel of corporate lawyers. Read more on Elizabeth Warren Is Gently But Firmly Disappointed In Your Judiciary Choices, Barack Obama…
  make it work

Laura Bush, Feminist Hero: When There Is A First Gentleman, We Should Fat-Shame Him And Laugh At His Clothes

We usually don’t get around to praising Laura Bush much in these parts. Our feelings on her tend to run the gamut from “meh” to “oh, do shut up.” But we are pretty into her latest interview, where she says that she would be totally down with scrutinizing a future First Gentleman the way we now dissect everything that FLOTUS wears, what makeup she rocks, and how she gets her hair did. Former first lady Laura Bush proposed that the future first gentleman should get the same scrutiny about his looks and style as first ladies have faced in recent decades. Asked in a recent C-SPAN interview whether the media focuses too much on the first lady’s hair, makeup and clothes, Bush said, “Yes. For sure.” “But I don’t think we can get around it. Maybe when we finally have a first gentleman,” she said. The interview was taped for C-SPAN’s continuing First Ladies series and airs Monday. “And maybe we should be that way about the first gentlemen, also, really critique the way they look all the time. Their choice of tie, or their hair style. Whatever. Or maybe their weight,” she said. Read more on Laura Bush, Feminist Hero: When There Is A First Gentleman, We Should Fat-Shame Him And Laugh At His Clothes…
  and osama bin laden is still dead

Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome

Good news, wonkeroos: Your U.S. American government no longer owns any stock in General Motors! So no more lame ‘government motors’ jokes by people who would have rather seen an entire industry and a million jobs move offshore! The headline in all the papers is all about how the government lost about $11 billion in the five-year-long program that brought GM back from bankruptcy, so that is not very good. But considering that the program was never intended to make money, not losing the entire $50 billion is not very bad. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome…
  Annals of Journamalism

Dan Rather Still Thinks It Matters That His Bush Story Was True

Hey, remember how Dan Rather slandered President George W. Bush by saying that back in 1968, he got into a “champagne unit” of the Texas Air National Guard thanks to special favors, and then he got away with not showing up for training and physicals and stuff? He basically took a year off from even showing up, and decided on his own that he didn’t need to actually fly jets. But then a bunch of rightwing blogs “proved” that the typeface of several documents in the report was UNPOSSIBLE for typewriters in the early ’70s, and Rather had to resign (except that some typewriters actually could use those fonts, but that came out later so it doesn’t count). It was a huge win for the rightwing blogosphere, and gave Free Republic several minutes of credibility for having proven Dan Rather’s entire report fake. Read more on Dan Rather Still Thinks It Matters That His Bush Story Was True…
  just call him sporty obama spice please

Sure, Barack, Your Dream Job Is To Host ‘SportsCenter,’ You Regular Guy, You

Oh, golly Barack, we get it, underneath all the policy wonkiness and stiffness and discomfort, you are just a regular guy, aren’t you? Which is why you’re always soundin’ so perfectly natural when you’re droppin’ your g’s. But sure, when you’re fund-raisin’ in Hollywood and sharing the stage with Disney head Robert Iger, why not throw in a “quip” about your everyday ordinary-guy aspirations? “At least I know what I want to do when I retire … host ESPN SportsCenter’s Top 10 list,” Obama quipped as he turned to Disney’s Robert Iger, whose empire includes ESPN. The highlights countdown can feature everything from major sports to bull fighting to high school basketball. Other than having a good laugh, Iger apparently didn’t respond. “Everyone had a good giggle,” says one person who attended. Read more on Sure, Barack, Your Dream Job Is To Host ‘SportsCenter,’ You Regular Guy, You…
  everyone has aids aids aids

How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)

Happy World AIDS Day (a day late, because drunk)!! Have you celebrated? How, exactly, does one celebrate the 25th annual World AIDS Day? We bought our Editrix a 10-pack of female condoms, because safe sexytimes are good sexytimes. The United States, on the other hand, celebrates by spending billions each year around the globe fighting AIDS. Hooray us, because fighting AIDS is a good thing. The fight against global AIDS started in earnest with President GWB, with a generous assist from President Carter, when he set up the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, or PEPFAR. Back in 2003, Congress was willing to fund the hell out of it because that was when the GOP was spending money like a drunken sailor Rick Santorum in a whorehouse petting zoo, because Republican President. Now that the GOP is all focused on debt & deficit (i.e., Dem Prezzy), monies are tight for foreign aid. What’s a President to do? Let’s safe-sexplore.  Read more on How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)…
  global nice time

Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff

With so much Nice TimeTM happening in the U.S. recently (Texas badass womyns & mandatory gay marriages) we thought this would be a good time to talk about some Global Nice Time. As President Obama travels to Africa to retrieve his actual birth certificate, there is good news coming from several African countries: Seven countries in sub-Saharan Africa, the world’s worst-hit region in the global AIDS epidemic, have cut the number of new HIV infections in children by 50 percent since 2009, the United Nations AIDS programme said on Tuesday. The dramatic reductions – in Botswana, Ethiopia, Ghana, Malawi, Namibia, South Africa and Zambia – mean tens of thousands more babies are now being born free of HIV, UNAIDS said in a report on its Global Plan to tackle the disease in around 20 of the worst affected countries. Holy shit – 50% reductions in 4 years is REALLY good, people. As the Our Glorious Leader and North Star of Socialism begins his trip through Senegal, Tanzania and South Africa, let’s learn more about how he is personally curing AIDS, making blind men see, and walking across rivers all over that continent! Read more on Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff…
  any day now you shall not be released

Circuit Court Judge Edith Jones: How Can I Be Impartial When Everybody Knows Blahs And Browns Are Violent Thugs?

You guys, have we ever turned you on to Fifth Circuit Judge Edith Jones? We mean, have you ever really listened to her, man? She’s a trip. Such big hits like “Scream At Fellow Judges During Oral Arguments,”  the evocative “Supreme Court is the Source of Moral Decay,” the ear-worm “If You’re Not Actually Raped No Way is it Sexual Harassment,” and her biggest number to date: “It’s Cool if Your Attorney Sleeps Through Your Trial Because Fuck You.”  All of these really pale in comparison to her latest work, though, which we’re calling “Blacks and Hispanics, You So Criminal!” Read more on Circuit Court Judge Edith Jones: How Can I Be Impartial When Everybody Knows Blahs And Browns Are Violent Thugs?…
  schlock and awe

George W. Bush Will Paint You Like One Of His French Girls

Less than ten years ago, President George W. “W.” Bush was pulling down Saddam Hussein statues and landing Mission Accomplished jets on things. Now, according to a new profile, he spends his time painting pictures of puppies. Alas, poor Yorick! Many former presidents, isolated by their notoriety, have famously taken up solitary hobbies: Thomas Jefferson invented chemotherapy, Andrew Jackson made quilts of human flesh. Dubya, now, watches Bob Ross videos and puts up introspective away messages on AOL Instant Messenger (“Message me :-/”). Read more on George W. Bush Will Paint You Like One Of His French Girls…
  it's morning in america

Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet DVD exchange rates?) Usually these economic summits are “trade this” and “currency that” and “blah blah blah,” but Obama spiced up the proceedings and humiliated the Free World when he abruptly got down on his hands and knees and begged the South Korean delegates to buy more delicious American beef. But why should we share our cow anuses with these foreigners? (Did American farmers harvest enough beef this meat season, or was there an early frost?) Oh, there’s plenty of meat, and now we will have to hoard it all in our National Meat Vault, because America and South Korea “failed to reach an agreement on a new trade pact.” Darn it! In a few years we will have to drain the Atlantic Ocean and then fill it with all the surplus cow innards we have. This must be the One World Nation Barack Obama dreams about every night. [CNN/BBC] Read more on Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit… Read more on Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit…
  gun shows

Saddam Hussein Donates Handgun To George Bush Museum Exhibit

What has George Bush been doing lately, besides saying stupid things for lots of money, and trying his hardest not to choke on a pretzel stick? He has been working hard on a museum exhibit, which will feature Saddam Hussein’s gat. When did George Bush decide he was going to get all artsy-fartsy and start curating gun exhibits? This exhibit is also about 9/11 bullhorns: Read more on Saddam Hussein Donates Handgun To George Bush Museum Exhibit…
  international burn a memoir day

Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir

Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir will be published in January. Don’t read it: “Known and Unknown,” being published by Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin), refers to Rumsfeld’s explanation in 2002 for the lack of evidence that Iraq was supplying terrorists with weapons of mass destruction. Read more on Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir…
  it's morning in america

BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation

An internal investigation conducted by BP has concluded that it can start drilling again immediately, hooray! Oh and also “Team BP” did nothing wrong, at all, and so if you Americans still need someone or something to pay for the stuff in the ocean, sue the oil rig owner Transocean or the chavs at Halliburton, because you can always blame Halliburton. But yes, this investigation exonerates BP, which did nothing wrong and was probably just enjoying a nice cup of tea while Transocean and Halliburton took turns throwing depth charges down Deepwater Horizon’s oil well to “see what would happen.” Whatever. At least Tony Hayward has his life back, sitting on his yacht in Siberia. [CNN] Read more on BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation… Read more on BP Blameless, According To BP Internal Investigation…
  rumors on the internets

George Bush Is Not Muslin, Therefore, ‘Vindicated’

RedState is spanking itself gleefully with a cinnamon-scented paddle because George Bush has been vindicated, and also everyone wants to know what he thinks about the atrocious Ground Zero Mosque. [RedState] Read more on George Bush Is Not Muslin, Therefore, ‘Vindicated’…
  Profiles in Courage

George W. Bush Volunteers For Another Icky Hand Job

We are fairly certain that George W. Bush is currently touching stuff in Haiti, but new photos have surfaced that suggest maybe he is also still in Texas shaking hands with troops returning from war, via CNN Hologram. Isn’t it special that George Bush is willing to touch other people, even though he hates it so much? Read more on George W. Bush Volunteers For Another Icky Hand Job…