In an effort to reduce its carbon footprint, the REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE has pledged to recycle smear campaigns and political spin! Yes, MICHAEL STEELE has finally done it! He’s bringing back all your favorites: “flip-flopper” … WILLIE HORTON … “cut and run” … “Why did the Democrats flip-flop and let Willie Horton cut and run?” This is an important question Michael Steele will inevitably ask in the days to come. MORE »

• Whether he was clearing brush at his ranch or choking on a pretzel, George Bush was known to sport his silkiest ascot, his most posh plaid cummerbund. Say what you will, but the man was a snappy dresser. And Barack Obama? He prefers “Islamo-fascist business casual.” [Think Progress]
• This is a story about compassion, a story about reaching out, and helping a stranger in need. This is a story about a Californian squirrel, who received the best neurosurgery Californian IOUs could buy. [True/Slant: Matthew Fleischer]
• David Sedaris recalls all the delicious opiate cocktails he was given, for free (!), when he lived in Paris. [AMERICAblog]
• Mr. President: Coddling NASCAR drivers won’t change the fact that you are Adolf Hitler. [The Caucus]
• Your average Scotsman clocks in at about 6′9, weighs 350 pounds, has a beard on every part of his body, carries a fucking dagger in his sock — a “dirk” — and basically doesn’t take shit, from anybody. After all, Scotland’s national sport is “Who can throw this log the farthest?” (In the winter it’s “Who can push this rock real good, with a broom?”) But the real magic of Scotland is that it’s also a sensitive, tender country. And the Weekly Standard just can’t handle that. [Weekly Standard]

• Your name is John Ashcroft, and you are in the hospital recovering from life-saving surgery that replaced your gallbladder with a pig’s heart. It’s a good thing you have so many caring friends! Tom Ridge sent you a bald eagle named Freedom, and Karl Rove gave you a beautiful bouquet of fired US attorneys — put those in a vase! And George Bush, well, he personally delivered something very special to your bedside, while you were napping. [TPM]
• Bill Clinton is pledging a fraternity! But what will his frat name be? Chuckles? William Whitebread? Broseph Bill? Spectacular men need spectacular names. Phi Beta Sigma needs your help! [HuffPost]
• Eric Holder says he might consider shaving his mustache off. And Dick Cheney’s secret CIA human organ black market might be investigated. Listen closely, Christian Soldier: the liberals are trying to distract us. The Attorney General ain’t shavin’ nothing, and don’t even worry about Cheney, we’ll find him a new heart. These are just distractions! [RedState]
• America’s leading Orwell scholar Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA) has declared, “Quality health care at an affordable price is gonna kill people.” Yes yes, and 2 + 2 = 5. Stop boring us with the obvious, Broun! You and thousands of other Americans passed 7th grade pre-algebra. [Think Progress]

You may have read on the Internet that this week’s big movie release is the “new” original Star Trek movie, and it is going to make millions of dollars. It is the latest manifestation of Hollywood studios’ race to abandon all creativity: after a popular movie series like Batman or Superman has run its course, just start over and make the first one again. Critics then praise the director’s “new vision,” and political writers note that all of the characters are famous politicians, secretly, in real life. Everyone remembers last year’s important Wall Street Journal column, “George Bush Jr. Is The Bat Man.” This year’s version? “Barack Obama is the Spock.” Steady yourself… MORE »

• Ooh, big day for George Bush today, when he will be informed that despite whenever epigram he was forced to write out 100 times in Dick Cheney’s Schoolmaster Assistant Spellings & Geographies Primer, there is a difference between “authoritative” and “authoritarian.” [Daily Intel]
• Nancy Pelosi is upsetting the entire world by posting YouTubes of her boring cat dressed up like a demon hybrid of James Joyce and a leprechaun. In other words, Nancy Pelosi is the only person in the history of recorded time to put cat-related content on the Internet and have it be met with disdain and not a book deal and a Bloggie. [Gawker]
• Mickey Kaus is still mad about that JournoList thing! Why is objectivist robber-baron Ezra Klein “privatizing” the Internet by emailing his friends??? [Kausfiles]
• Barack Obama does this quaint populist ritual in which he reads exactly 10 letters from the pile of 40,000 that are mailed to him everyday. Barack Obama is impossibly weird. [Top of the Ticket]
• AIG has a new friend in Rush Limbaugh, who will defend the company from Obama’s “lynch mob” by unwisely conflating Barack Obama the leader of an activisty band of racist vigilantes. [HuffPost]

Ha ha ha, so incredibly stupid, but here we are, LAUGHING. If you’d like to know the context of this amazing still — and we certainly don’t — you can read more here. Something about a brawl at “Cheyney” University. Really. [Philadelphia Will Do, ABC 6 Philadelphia]

Ughh… people have asked for a drinking game for George W. Bush’s farewell address, which this liveblog will “cover” (as in, “maybe watch.”) Well here’s your game. Drink. Drink constantly. Locate alcohol and imbibe as rapidly as possible. YOU MUST DRINK, IT IS GEORGE BUSH JUNIOR COMMANDING RESPECT. SAVE YOURSELF. DRINK SOME ALCOHOL YOU IDIOT. DRINK VINEGAR AT THE VERY LEAST. MORE »

• Some states, including some you might actually live in like New York, are trying to introduce an online sales tax to things like iTunes, Amazon, and pornography sites like “XX Factor” etc. [AMERICAblog]
• Obama will select a Columbia/Harvard pal of his, “Orange” Julius “Caesar” “Salad” Genachowski, to be the new chairman of the FCC. [The Caucus]
• George Bush is the most popular human of all time in Sudan, Israel, Georgia (the Georgia that did not actually elect him) and some other places. [Daily Beast]
• Dick Cheney will maybe write a book! One that will settle “a few scores.” What “scores” did he possibly leave unsettled, or alive? [Top of the Ticket]
• Mitt Romney would still like to be considered for the position of John McCain’s losing Vice President. [CNN Political Ticker]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Remember a couple of months ago, when everything was all Hope this and Change that and Yes We Can whatever, and you thought that everything was going to be all sweetness and light from here on in? FOOLS! Little did you know that the nightmare would just go on, forever and ever, like a never-ending mescaline trip. Brace yourselves for the horror show that launches 2009, with waves of human-animal hybrids and Dick Cheney’s bosoms! MORE »

Politico, everyone — the Politico has a scoop! MORE »

• Instead of fixing Florida’s terrible economy, Charlie Crist spent a quarter of a million dollars in sunny Madrid, including $1,300 on a minibar tab, presumably immediately preceding sex with his fiance, a known woman. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Mark Begich, who is from Alaska and is neither Trig nor Ted Stevens so why would you know who this is?, doesn’t want to send Stevens, whom he beat in last month’s Senate race, to jail. [TPMMuckraker]
• President Bush is thinkin all profound-like. “I’m just a simple President,” he tells Cynthia McFadden. [ABC News]
• The mystery of “Senate Candidate #5″ is like that of “Client-9″ but with fewer whore diamonds (because of the recession.) [Marc Ambinder]
• Fran Drescher, whom you might remember hating on teevee programs like The Nanny, would like Hillary Clinton’s old gig as a Senator. [CNN Political Ticker]